


What It Takes

by Rohiblanka



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Writing & Publishing, Attempt at Humor, Background Relationships, Dead Parents, Eren is good at cooking, F/F, F/M, I don't know if I'm gonna attempt writing smut, I only mention them actually, Levi is Eren's boss btw, Levi is good at cleaning (ha), M/M, Mikasa is younger than Eren, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Poet! Eren, Sassy Levi, Side Connie/sasha, Side Mikasa/Annie, Side Reiner/Berthold, So is everyone from 104th squad, Swearing, Well Eren is not really a poet, Writing editor! Eren, Wrting editor! Levi, You'll have to read and find out, a lot of swearing, a wild ride of fluff, and Connie, and armin, background Hanji/Moblit, because what would Eren do without Armin, can i even say that?, except for Jean, familly issues, fluffy fluff, fuck this is hard, he just writes poetry, i think, if it can be called like that, just because, just so you know - i failed, kinda sad backsotries, lots of inner monologues, now with an attempt to write smut, or maybe not, self hate, sigh, slight angst, sorry - Freeform, well sort of, well they might be sad, yeah i spelled Hange as Hanji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 21:08:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 108,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3825127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rohiblanka/pseuds/Rohiblanka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is a broken, grumpy, little man (not old though, don't assume) with sleeping problems and a never-ending wish for his best friend, Hanji, to stop trying to set him up. He wasn't interested in dating. That's why he wasn't expecting the attraction that he felt for the boy who stepped into his private office that morning. He knew though, that this brat was something else and someone he wanted by his side for as long as humanly possible. Will it be hard for him and the bright-eyed man to push away their pasts in order to stay together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Daze

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! I am so nervous, you have no idea. This is my first fic and I am freaking afraid to post it, but I will go insane if I won't. Anyway, English is not my first language so if you find any mistakes (grammar, spelling, punctuation, wrong usage of a word) it would do me a great good if you could tell me about them so I could fix everything! Thank you and enjoy!

My hand searched for my vibrating phone in the darkness, and silkiness of the bedsheets. Having finally found it, I pressed the unlock button and was momentarily blinded by the light pouring from the screen. I had a new message. I could’ve guessed who it was right away because no one, I repeat, NO ONE else dares text me in the middle of the night. But of course, Hanji did.

**From Four-eyed-psycho:** _Guess who has got the grumpiest man alive a date!_ **– 04:47**

I didn’t bother replying and just threw the phone on the sheets again while rolling on my side to try and fall back to sleep again. But Hanji was not having that.

**From Four-eyed-psycho:** _Come on! I know you are awake and this date is really hot and you will not be disappointed like last time and he seems like a really nice guy. I mean he’s really, really, really cute and all. SO REPLY MY LITTLE FRIEND!_ **– 04:53**

I sighed typing out a reply:

**Me:** _Hanji if I won’t be able to fall asleep again after this I’ll fucking murder you at work._ **– 04:55**

This time I threw my phone on the ground. I thought I heard it vibrate again but didn’t pick it up this time. Damn that woman. We both had work early tomorrow and there was supposed to be a new employee in my section who _I_ will have to lead through everything concerning their work. Damn, being a head writing editor for the biggest publishing company in the area wasn’t an easy task. I had taken it upon myself to recruit and deem worthy every employee who tries to apply for the job of reading drafts and shit. So I was everything but excited for today to come. I hated training newbies. And it’s my own fault that I had to too. Erwin always said that he could make someone else to get new people through the training, but I was having none of it. If I will have to work with them, they had to be good or at least decent. Shit. If only I wasn’t such a sucker for perfection in the office (cleanness-wise and staff-wise).

I tried falling asleep and not to think about all the work I will have to do but my brain wasn’t listening to my wishes of course.  I sighed and cursed Hanji loudly. She had been trying to set me up with someone since my last relationship ended about ten years ago. Sometimes I would go for it just for fun, but usually she just annoyed me with texts at ungodly hours. Sleep doesn’t come easily for me so fuck her for waking me up when I finally managed to wander into the dreamland. Rolling off of the bed (and making it afterwards naturally) I stopped to pick a towel from the closet and entered my luxury bathroom. I always deemed it to be the best place in my house. I loved to be clean and always took my time in the bath or in the shower. This time I had even more time to scrub away any filth that might have gotten on me since my last time showering before work starts, seeing as it was only quarter to five in the morning. I let the water in the shower run until it got heated enough. I always liked to take my showers hot, not scorching, but warm enough to get my skin turn red and tingling. I allowed myself to relax, feeling water hitting my body from all directions. Damn it, I loved my Vichy shower.

I spent nearly an hour getting myself clean and went out to find an outfit for the morning. Checking my phone I found three texts from Hanji. The first one was mostly whining about me being rude while apologizing that she had woken me up, in the second she agreed to talk about it in the office and then in the third one she simply wished me a good day. Shit that crazy woman knew that I would not be able to sleep. And she had just earned a fucking kick for calling me short-stack. For a moment I wondered if she herself sleeps at all. But then I thought that she probably does. In her office. During work hours. Leaving all her work-load for her second in command of the cover design office – Moblit. She’s a lousy design director but gets the job done somehow (I could bet my wonderful shower that she works during the night).

Walking into my closet (yes, I have a walk-in closet, fuck you) I rummaged through it until I’ve found what I wanted to wear for today. My mother used to say that I had “une étincelle”, a spark, when it came to clothing and always encouraged me to merge with the fashion world. Too bad I liked literature more than anything.

Knowing that I will be introducing a new employee to my office floor, I decided to go for something fancy:  sleek black button down with one white stripe lining the buttoning section, black pants that slightly pegged as they went down and my shiny Armani dress shoes (they there more like loafers though, but had a feel of superiority in them) that I usually wore to work.

Sighing I laid the outfit out on my perfectly made bed – it would seem like no one slept in it at all. I don’t make much of a mess while sleeping. Walking into the kitchen I turned the TV on. This was my routine: wake up, shower, pick out an outfit, listen to the news on TV, make coffee and eat something. I was about to do the latter ones right now. While waiting for the coffee I fished some fruit and cold oatmeal from the fridge and ate a bit while listening to the news reporter talk about some guy that committed a suicide tonight and a simple housewife who shot her husband and ran away. I couldn’t care less really. Was it really such a big deal that there were less people in this world? Almost too many of them were better off dead than alive anyway. Downing my coffee I watched the weather forecast and groaned internally because it promised rain today.

Seeing as it was almost a quarter past seven, I went and got dressed also throwing on a jacket to keep me warm from the upcoming rain and wind. But not before washing my cup and making sure everything was spotless. Hanji said that she thought I had OCD when she first met me. I don’t have it of course, but I still like it better when my surroundings (and I myself) are clean. I swiftly drove myself to work and almost ran over some kid with a stupidly looking mop of hair which told me that he most likely doesn’t even know what a fucking comb is. Such a spectacular morning. First the fucking psycho wakes me up and now I almost got someone into a hospital. I couldn’t help but wonder what will happen next.

The walk to my office was no better. Everyone seemed like they wanted to piss me off: some stupid buzz-cut kid blocked my way to tell me that there are some samples of book covers that I should probably review, then a horse-faced jerk from printing floor collided with me (I yelled at him and he ran away like a pathetic little pony) and then, almost half-way to my office, fucking Hanji stepped into the elevator. She was wearing some eccentric red suit and black high-heels (as if she wasn’t tall enough) followed by her signature goggles which she usually put on at work only.

“Levi!” she squealed hugging me while I groaned loudly. ”It’s _so_ nice to see you! Oh and you look good in black honey! Ready to get that new employee of yours to work, huh? Hey, about that date I mentioned earlier. So yeah, he’s a really cute guy and I’m not regarding appearance only. But, oh, you should have _seen_ his smile. It’s almost blinding! Also, you haven’t been on a date for a long time and…”

I stopped listening to her as the doors of the elevator opened and I stepped outside not waiting for Hanji to follow. She tagged along of course and didn’t bother to shut up either. She never fucking does. I was met with a few soft ‘good mornings’ along the way and nodded in response. Hanji who was following me eagerly screamed ‘morning!’ at each of them. Entering my office I discarded my jacket and put it in the small closet that I had there. Hanji was _still_ rambling about the guy she met last night so I had to cut her off.

“Would you shut the fuck up four-eyes? I don’t need to go on a shitty date with anyone and I do not freaking want to alright? Get your head out of your obnoxious ass once in a while won’t you?” I knew I was being harsh but she was so used to it that she just outright laughed at me right then and there. I swear I could’ve punched her.

“Ah my dear Levi.” She managed to get out while wheezing after her laughing fit. “You look like some mad dwarf from The Hobbit!”  More giggling. “And you know my butt is cute! That’s why you agreed to mock-date me in college!” I clenched my teeth debating if I should hit her face or kick her stomach. “But it’s too bad that you’re not interested. I had fun talking with him yesterday. He said that today will be his first day at a new job and that he was really excited about it. He told me he had a boyfriend who liked to frickle frackle in public places! Too bad some girl dragged him away when he got to the best part about how he and that other guy got caught in a clothing store’s changing room!”

I sighed for what felt like the hundredth time today. I just tuned Hanji out and reviewed my work schedule for today. Nothing much was there so I guess I’ll have more time supervising the new employee. And just as I was thinking that it was about time for me to cut the crazy woman off and go to look for that person, someone knocked on my private office door. Hanji became silent as I encouraged whoever wanted to see me to come in.

The first thing I saw was a mop of brown messy hair I’ve already seen this morning and I immediately got annoyed. But there was a thing that stopped all the irritation that flowed into me and replaced it with awe. Utterly amazed was not enough of a word to describe what I felt the moment I saw the man’s face. No, not only his face – his eyes. Mesmerizing, indefinable and unutterably beautiful pair of vivid sea-green eyes set on his perfect, tanned face. Now, I’ve been out and about in this world for a long time and I’ve met beautiful people (thanks to my mother), but oh boy, I have never seen a man this… This _pretty_ before.

While I was – simply said – staring at him, Hanji got to her feet.

“Eren!” She screeched rushing to hug him. That surprised me somewhere in a deep part of my mind that wasn’t occupied with studying the man. “Hi! What are you doing here? No, wait I know! This is the place that you are supposed to start working in today right?”

I saw the man, Eren, let a little smile show and nod after pulling away from the woman’s embrace. Then he looked at me and blushed. I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t one of the most adorable sights I’ve ever seen.  Hanji released her grip on the man and stepped aside letting him walk forward. He had this nervous look on his face as if he wanted to run away, but it had determination seeping through it too and I instantly knew that he was going to be _fun_ to work with.

“Hello.” He greeted me nervously and I swear his voice sounded fucking alluring even when it slightly quivered at the end of his greeting. ”My name is Eren. Eren Jaeger, and I was told to come to your office to get a walk-through on my job here…” He hesitated a bit, squinting his eyes slightly before finishing “Sir.”

I cursed under my breath. My heart was doing laps in my chest – what the fuck –, but I kept my face stoic so as not to give away my amazement because shit, the closer he was the better view of his perfect face I got. From the corner of my eye I could see Hanji smiling behind Eren. And then it downed on me. The guy she tried to set me up with. The one date that I flat out refused. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck. I looked the man in the eye trying to keep my cool.

“Don’t call me ‘sir’ brat or I will gut you alive.” I spat and watched as shock flew past those captivating eyes and pretty face of his. ”I am Levi, head editor for every book that circulates through here, yes, but you don’t have to call me ‘sir’” I continued calmer this time while trying to settle my heartbeat pace. What the hell was wrong with me? “I will be the one to show you around and supervise your work today and for the rest of your time here. If you fuck up – you’re out. If you keep up with the work-load – you’re good to stay. No stupid questions, no loud music in the writing editors’ office floor and no littering or leaving filth understood?” He nodded eagerly so I continued glancing at Hanji, urging the grin that she was wearing away and the woman herself out of my office. She complied but only after winking at me once. That stupid smile never left her face in the end. I looked back at Eren and motioned for him to sit. To which he complied.

“Have you ever worked for other publishing companies Jeager?” Remembering his last name I was quick to use it because it seemed more appropriate that calling the kid by his first name right away.

                      “No, this is my first job after graduating from university. It was a stroke of luck that I actually managed to get it” he answered with a small smile on his face. And fuck didn’t it make him even more attractive.

I hummed in agreement and watched him for a few seconds before asking him a few more questions about his experience. He seemed like an easy going kid, every question I asked was answered without hesitation and without thinking it through most likely. Also, he had that small smile on his face the whole fucking time and I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

                      After questioning I stood up telling him that we should go and look around the building. He immediately mirrored my movements and I saw that he was wearing a simple long sleeved sandy sweater that hugged his figure a bit and dark jeans accompanied by a worn leather messenger bag and same color leather shoes. I noticed that he was taller than me too. Shocking.

Eren stepped towards me and I opened the door letting him exit my office first and catching a whiff of his, somewhat, intoxicating smell of cherry tabaco and leather. I closed the door behind me and lead him down the corridor and into the writers’ office. Briefly introducing Eren to everyone there, which wasn’t much, considering that the majority of the lower ranked manuscript editors who worked for our company stayed at home to do their job or lived in other cities (though there was only one man like that) only sending me the drafts they approved which I had to revise and transmit to our head publisher, Erwin Smith.

                      I led Eren through every floor telling him about the functioning and value of each and every one of them. He listened as if he was catching my every word and nodded when it was needed. I showed him to the cafeteria too, commenting that the food wasn’t half bad but if he wanted a really good meal he should go out to eat or bring something himself since we had an hour and fifteen minutes for lunch break. We were walking through the design office floor when I saw Erwin approaching us in all his suited-up glory with his assistant who was even taller than him and also wearing a suit (probably for some important meeting that both of them will be attending today).  
                      “Erwin, Mike.” I greeted when they were in hearing range.  
                      “Levi!” Erwin smiled glancing at Eren while Mike nodded. “Giving the newbie a briefing? It’s nice to meet you by the way…” He paused politely.

                      “Eren Jaeger, sir” said kid piped up immediately. He seemed nervous yet again but looked Erwin straight in the eye. That most likely surprised the blond bastard because I could have sworn I saw his blue eyes gleam for a moment. People were usually disturbed and intimidated by his calculating gaze.

                      “Eren” Smith continued. “How do you like our headquarters so far? And don’t hold back anything we always look forward to new opinions and… Suggestions” He finished and it seemed like he was implying something with the last word that made me want to shield the kid from him. Fucking perverted bastard hitting on people with every opportunity he got. I felt bad for Mike. He had to deal with this every day.

                      “Oh, no, everything is better than I imagined Mr. Smith and everyone is really nice and talkative. I think I’m going to like it here. And my boss seems like a really good guy too.” He said the latter line looking at me and smiling and I could only stare. Not only because his smile was fucking dazzling but because I had a hard time registering what he had just said. Good guy. Me? Levi Ackerman – a good person? No fucking way. Right?

                      Erwin actually laughed at that and even Mike chuckled. They both looked at me then at the kid again and Erwin smiled genuinely wishing us a good day and encouraging Eren to work hard before leaving, but only after patting the kid on the shoulder a few times. Now I felt bad for Eren as well. Poor little soul.

                      “Our head publisher seems like a nice guy” He smiled sweetly.

                      I gave him a _look_ and shook my head slightly in disbelief before walking ahead. Back on our floor I told Eren than he could go and get used to his new workplace a bit now. He was in charge of revising and sorting works worth publishing from trash just like many others on this floor. But this kid’s genre was poetry and occasional play if Erd claimed it to be too ‘rhymed’ for him to read. Eren was also on standby to go and gather the reviews that could be put on the back of the book and sometimes talking to the writers themselves. Nothing special. Many people on this floor did exactly that. It’s just that we needed many people because there were many writers who chose to send us their works (and also, because there was a shit ton of literature genres). Back in my office I tried concentrating on reading the newest rough draft from one of the older book series, but ended up thinking about Eren.

                      I was really surprised that he managed to occupy my mind not letting me do my job. I sighed and decided that I should take him out for lunch on his first day. To show him how nice of a man his boss was. It would be my first time having a meal with someone on my own free will too. Well unless it was that crazy four-eyed woman, the blond bastard or an occasional client. But I really wanted to talk to that kid, to know why he had chosen to work for a publishing company in the first place and what was his major in college. I really should invite him for lunch and ask. My eyes widened when I thought of that. Damn what was happening? I mean he is pretty for a man and all but people like that were usually just fuck-buddies whom I do not acquaintance myself with at all. And here I was thinking about a bright-eyed brat and what questions I should ask the next time I’ll be talking to him. That is not like me at all. Maybe lunch with him is a bad idea after all? And Hanji will without a doubt barge into my office to eat or drag me out anyway.

                      Sighing I got back to reading that stupid draft which wasn’t all that good in my opinion, but fuck teenagers loved this fantasy shit even though I didn’t. That’s how my day was going to be today and I realized that I couldn’t wait for it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks for reading. I'm eagerly waiting for your comments. They will all be appreciated!( Kudos would be appreciated even more hahaha). I will try updating every two or three weeks!


	2. Ice-drift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once more people! I'm here again with a new chapter a lot earlier than expected because I thought that the first one was a tinsy bit too short and wanted to add something... So read on and let me know about any kind of mistakes you find while at it. Oh! And thank you very much for the nice comments guys! You have no idea how much I appreciate them! Anyways, enjoy!

The next month was a fucking torture. Some of the books’ deadlines were approaching and everything had to be ready. I was fucking glad that Eren was there because if I wouldn’t have had someone who could interview people and catch on all the new shitty novels my writing office would be in ruins. He helped with fixing mistakes when he had time too. Though he was a stubborn little shit and sometimes he would go as far as pushing through a book that he deemed worthy of publishing after I had discarded it (I threatened to kick him out when that happened, but there was that one time when Erwin overheard us and laughed it off saying that Eren had far too good recommendations to be fired). Now the little shit feared nothing but my sudden and totally unexpected kicks.

 Therefore I got to know him a bit better during that time and I didn’t know if I liked it or not. I came to refer to him as ‘brat’ because he was really childish most of the time. Talking back, arguing with everyone, pouting – that was an adorable sight actually – or whining about little things and being ridiculously happy most of the time. He really reminded me of a little kid. Though it seemed like I couldn’t take my eyes off of him if we happened to be in the same room. God fucking damn it. The effect he had on me didn’t wear off the first week nor the second one. Eren was as captivating and distracting as the first day I saw him and even his somewhat childish behavior couldn’t ruin that.

Of course, there was also Hanji who kept pushing me to invite him for lunch or dinner, talking about how adorable, funny and nice he was. She always sat in my private office spouting nonsense about Eren becoming friends with everyone he met and making even our worst-person-in-the-office award winner, Auruo (that asshole loved Petra like no one else and was in charge of self-education, political, economic, and so on books), to be fond of him. I caught myself listening to her ramble more than once and shut her off immediately telling myself that I am not interested in that kid at all. But even at this moment Eren has somehow managed to break through my concentration and steal my thoughts to himself.

It was quite late by now, but here I was in my office, having finished almost half of the newest draft I received from Erwin himself (a work of some important author who I didn’t care about). I was hoping to finish it tomorrow by noon, so I could send that blond asshole an already fixed draft. I was interrupted by a silent knock on the door though.

“Come in.” I said softly, hoping that the person behind the door had heard me and I won’t have to repeat it again.

I felt grateful when the door opened silently and someone stepped inside. I didn’t lift my eyes from my work to see who it was, but from the lack of screaming I knew that it couldn’t be Hanji (that psycho has probably left to go home already or is asleep in her office with Moblit overlooking everything). The person didn’t start speaking as if waiting for me to say something else. Letting out a deep sigh I looked up and froze for a moment. Eren was standing there in all his bratty glory with his stupid shiny eyes and small smile that seemed to have become permanent on his face since the start of this week. He wore a nice grey button down and black jeans accompanied by his worn leather shoes which went with his signature messenger bag of course. I could never find flaws in his style. I slowly raised an eyebrow at the slight reddening of his cheeks when our gazes met.

“Um…” He stammered out. “I was wondering if you weren’t going home yet because it’s quite late sir.” Even after all the scolding I did this past month, he still called me that. Damn if it didn’t make me feel fucking old. “Oh and also, I brought you the draft of the romantic novel, which Erd accepted because it wasn’t as sappy as others, by that nameless writer. I read through the poems in it and didn’t have to fix anything, so here it is.” He smiled at me putting the draft down on the desk and I swear I felt my heart beat pick up its pace. I looked  at the title of the novel: “Love will unite us”… Original as always. I think I understood why ‘not as sappy as others’ was a good thing now…

“Thanks, brat” I said and smirked when the pet name immediately sparked annoyance in his eyes. “I’ll look through it, you can go home now.”

I turned my eyes to the computer screen again but he didn’t move from his spot. I allowed Eren to stand there for a few seconds longer before sighing and turning to look at him again.

“Is there anything else you wanted?” I said leaning back on my chair as if putting my body on display. I didn’t think whether I was implying anything in that sentence or not but by his reaction (his cheeks became even redder) I could judge that he assumed that I did and the idea almost made me smirk.

“N…No sir” he managed. “I just thought that you should go home too since it’s so late.” Eren fell silent after that and as if proving his point he looked out the window where the city lights could be clearly seen because of the darkening skies that were brought by the lateness of the evening.

“I have the privilege of staying late at work brat, which cannot be said for you. Why are you still here?”

I was surprised to see him blush harder because it was a simple question. He seemed to be bothered by it though and I just had to wonder why. I took off my reading glasses and leaned my head down to rest my chin against the palm of my hand so I could look at him better. Eren was watching me too and I wondered briefly what could have gotten into him.

“I was finishing reading the draft, sir. It took more time than I anticipated, so I stayed longer than usual. I am aware that you can stay after working hours but why do you do it? Because as far as I know you always work your ass off and no one really says anything about it.”

I was momentarily surprised by his boldness, but regained my composure quickly. Really this brat knew how to unsettle me. And what’s more, Eren always found a way to surprise me. I looked at his blushing face for a few seconds before answering.

“I do it because I have to and I like my job, brat. I guess it is hard to understand when you are so young and all…” I threw a glance at my wrist watch which showed that it was exactly eight thirty seven in the evening and it made me sigh. Oh fuck this job. “Alright kid, let’s go home” I saw surprise cross his features. “Go gather your stuff and wait for me by the elevator.” I continued, turning to my computer to save my work and put it to sleep so I could bring the damn thing home.

“I beg your pardon, sir, but I don’t understand.” He sounded confused too.

“I am taking you home, wherever you live, so go get ready, brat.” I explained calmly looking him dead in the eye and watched his sea-like orbs widen for a second before he walked out of my office.

 I chuckled silently and closed my computer. Walking to the closet I took out and put on my jacket. While it was mid-spring it was still relatively cold outside. Walking out of the office I picked up my laptop and car keys. I saw Eren standing by the elevator and patiently waiting for me. I noticed his eyes watching my form as I approached – his face a mixture of confusion and nervousness. That almost made me chuckle. We stepped in the elevator together and didn’t talk on our way down. Only stealing glances at each other. Or rather he was stealing glances since I was not hiding the fact that I was looking at him from time to time. Really, the brat was as pretty as they get.

I wished our security guard, Samuel, a good night and heard Eren do the same. It appears that those two had already met before judging by the friendly smiles they sent at each other. I quickly walked through the parking lot unlocking my car some ways before I even reached it. I saw Eren stop in his tracks when he saw which vehicle he will be riding. I turned my head in his direction and chuckled at the sight that I was met with. Eren’s mouth was wide open and his eyes were like saucers with a sort of astonished look in them.

“Y..You drive _that?_ ” He asked after a few seconds.

I chuckled again and went to sit in the driver’s side of my car. I knew that it was a nice vehicle; truthfully I wouldn’t have bought it if it wasn’t. I was damn proud of my shiny black 1967 Ford Mustang Fastback. And it looked brand new too. A perfect car. I was more than happy to give the brunet that was still looking at the automobile like a dumbfounded cat that just got castrated a ride . I turned the key in the ignition and started the car. The loud purring that followed must have called Eren out of his daze as he swiftly walked around and got in on the passenger’s side. He looked around the leather salon, his already big eyes even wider than before. I chuckled again.

“Buckle up brat. It wouldn’t be nice if you flew out the front window if anything were to happen. I don’t want to see my windscreen shattered or with your face print on it.”

He just looked at me for a few seconds before turning away to putting his seatbelt on. I heard him murmuring:

“Really now, the windscreen is worth more than a person’s life huh, little jerk?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle agian at that. That brat dared to make fun of his boss while sitting in the said man’s car. Not bad. Now I really wasn't in the mood to let him go that easily.

“Hey, brat, mind your mouth or you won’t get dinner” I teased. Pulling out of the parking lot I saw him looking at me from the corner of my eye.

“Dinner?” He repeated. And I glanced at him briefly before chuckling again.

“Yes brat, dinner. You know what that is right?” I teased.

“Of… Of course I do!” he yelled all flustered. “I just… Why are you taking me out for dinner?” he asked blushing and looking out the window at the city.

“I just feel like it.” I answered and drove us to my favorite little restaurant that was located on the roof of some old apartament complex. It was small and not very popular but I enjoyed the food there. Eren didin't talk, he was simply staring at the car interior or through the window. And even though the whole car ride was silent, I still managed to enjoy it.

The waitress took us to my favorite table which was pretty much hidden from other people but gave us the view of the city. I ordered us some cold tea that I knew was really good here and two plates of my favorite spaghetti that they served. While waiting for our meals to be brought we talked about unimportant things relating to our jobs: yeah there was that one good novel and that other one was horrible as fuck. I caught myself enjoying my time with the brat and that left me with a strange feeling in my belly, but I ignored it.

“So brat, do you still live with your mother like I think you are or are you actually trying to act as an adult?” I asked and watched his expression stiffen for a moment.

“No” he answered with some sort of grieving look on his face which quickly turned into a small, sad smile. “I live with my younger sister, but she can be motherly if she wants to, even going to the lengths of calling me her ‘little brother’ when she is actually six years younger than me.” He was smiling while talking about his sister and I felt affection coming off of him like waves. “And what about you? How many cats did you say you have back at home, sir?”

That shitty brat. He was fucking making fun of me. I glared at him for a moment despising the kid for being so attractive and preventing me from punching his pretty face. He probably noticed my menacing look and flinched in his seat a bit (though his smile remained intact). That made me proud of myself for a moment.

“Cheeky brat. I don’t own a single cat you little fucker. But I might as well get a guard dog and tie him by the gate of my house to scare off annoying kids, don’t you think?” I asked, sending a pointed look Eren’s way.

The brat had the decency to laugh. And shit even his laugh was beautiful. Such a shitty brat with his pretty face, and stupid gorgeous eyes, and beautiful voice, and enchanting laugh. Fuck you brat. He continued laughing silently even after our food was brought and that silly smile didn’t leave his face while he ate too. Seems like he found my threat amusing. When I couldn’t take his snickering anymore I took a bread stick from the basket on the table and threw it at him hitting his nose. For a moment I saw only surprised look on the brat’s face but soon it was replaced by a challenging one. I swore to myself that if he will even try to throw anything at me I will manhandle him into the trunk of my car and drop him off in the nearest forest.

He probably anticipated that, so instead settled with kicking my shin. I glared at him before kicking him back. He yelped and I let a satisfied smirk appear on my face. It vanished when the brat kicked me again, harder this time. I gave him the best glare I could but he didn’t waver nor did he look away. He took the challenge head on. And I would be a fucking liar if I said that I didn’t like it. So I simply kicked him so hard that it made him cry out in pain. I could’ve sworn that I saw tears forming in his eyes before anger replaced them. I saw him optioning to kick me back and deciding that it was not worth it.

“How come you decided to be a writing editor in a publishing company?” He asked after awhile (probably after the pain in his leg subdued).

“Tsk… I just studied comparative and world literature with a side of English language in university. I stared working for Survey Publishing when Erwin’s father engaged me in the post office because I needed to earn money and after I graduated he offered me a job at the company to do simple readings and I advanced higher during the years.” I said curtly not really wanting to remember the past.

“Oh…” The kid fell silent and ate without saying a word for a few minutes. “I studied English literature and language.” Eren said suddenly. “You know I considered taking up art too but I guess it wouldn’t have been the best thing considering that my lectures already were long and the assignments were hard.”

I listened to him talk not wanting to interrupt because he was nice to listen to and I was really glad that he filled the silence with his recollections of  more memorable childhood stories. I didn’t say as much but answered any question that he sent my way.

Soon after, we finished our meals and the waitress brought our cheque. The kid protested when I said that I was going to pay but one angry look and a promise of getting kicked again shut him up. After that we found ourselves back in my car – I was driving him home. We stopped in front of a small brick house and it seemed damn cozy even from afar.

“Thank you for the ride and the dinner, sir.” Eren gave me a smile and I tsked.

“Stop calling me ‘sir’ kid or I am seriously going to kick your sorry ass. My fucking name is Levi and everyone calls me that and not some stuck ass title.” I retorted.

The kid blushed a bit and nodded once smiling even wider and I almost thought that I was seeing a fucking lamp being turned on.

“Alright then, Levi.” Fuck,I loved the sound of my name rolling off his tongue. “Thank you for a nice evening I really appreciate it.” He said before leaning over the control-gear to hug me.

I was surprised by it but didn’t really have time to register what had happened before Eren got out of the car. But instead of closing the door he leaned down and looked me dead in the eye.

“Next time I will be the one taking you out to eat.” he said sounding determined and that smile plastered on his face. “And don’t forget that you have a kick or a bread stick coming your way in the near future.” Winking at me, he quickly closed the door and all but ran to his house.

I watched him unlock the door and wave at me before closing it behind his back. Only then I noticed that my face felt kind of hot. Damn that shitty brat, he actually made me fucking blush like a freaking school girl. I tsked again and turned the ignition before speeding away in the direction of my house. Before I could get inside though, I saw that the light was on inside my living room. Opening the door silently I walked forward in the direction of the said room without making a sound. What I wasn’t expecting to see there at all was Hanji lounging on my sofa, wearing a fucking snuggy and watching some shitty Mexican drama while eating chips. _On my couch._

“What the fuck are you doing here goggles?” I sneered.

She jumped a little and turned to face me. She broke out a shit eating grin from ear to ear and ran up to me to steal a hug. I managed to doge it and tripped her.

“Oh shit!” She screeched before falling face-flat on the ground and I had to smile for myself. “You should learn how to accept a hug Levi! How will you embrace your boyfriend then?”

“What boyfriend?” I asked turning to glare at her.

“Eren of course! I know you took him out for dinner! I saw you two leave and headed to your house to wait for you to come back and tell me EVERYTHING!” She was sitting on the floor smiling and I had the biggest urge to kick a few of her teeth out. “Did you two kiss? What did you talk about? I told you he was a cutie Levi! Oh, I can’t believe that you took him out on your own! I almost thought that I will have try setting you up again or something with the way you ogled that hot ass of his!” Hanji continued talking but I just ignored her and headed straight for the shower. I felt filthy.

The other reason for doing that was that I definitely would have done something to her if I were to continue listening to that nonsense. Stupid woman reminding me of Eren when I actually thought that I could finally concentrate on my work after spending some time with that brat and satisfying my need of getting to know him. You know, getting it out of my system and all that jazz. Thinking back on it, I really had a nice time dining with him. Damn that brat and his stupid smile. I sighed but felt a bit better knowing all too well that Hanji had brought some of her best wines with her. Maybe that will help me forget.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************** 

                      The next morning was awful. I hate getting drunk on a work-day but with Hanji it’s impossible not to: you’re either stuck with listening to her babbling or drinking until you don’t really care about your surroundings. Of course, being wise and all I chose the second option. Smooth move Levi. A fucking hangover is what you need for your day to be exactly as shitty as you wanted it to be. Congratulations.

                      Sitting in my fucking office and reading someone’s shitty draft wasn’t so bad until lunch came. That’s when Hanji stormed in – no headaches or any other pains to stain her morning. I will never understand how she does that – drinking more than anyone and not having any kind of hardships the next day. I bet she has some secret, super helpful medicine that she’s hiding from others.

                      “Oh, Levi, my little baby! Let’s go out to eat lunch somewhere together! I feel like Japanese cuisine. What about you? Any requests? Maybe we should better hit some Mexican restaurant?” She talked and talked and suggested more places to eat lunch at until I felt my sanity slip away.

                      “Shut the fuck up shitty-glasses!” I snapped (yelled was more like it). “Get the fuck out of my office! Do something productive, take a shit, put a stick up your ass – just stop bothering me!” I heaved for air.

                      Hanji stopped talking (finally) and watched me with mild amusement for a few seconds before snickering and turning on her heel to walk away. But she would probably be constipated for the rest of the day if she wouldn’t have said anything before leaving. “I guess I’ll invite Eren then. I know he will come even though I saw that he has packed lunch for himself. What a good guy… Oh, and I have to hand it to you, since you can’t really reach it yourself, this was some impressive yelling coming from your mouth. I’ll consider it a win-win situation since I’m leaving, but only after managing to tick you off shorty!” With that she had quickly closed the door and the pen I was holding hit it instead of the woman’s face.

                      I let out a deep sigh and slumped in my chair, wishing for the day to end sooner… some silence wouldn’t have been bad and also, if I was going to be totally honest with myself, some Chinese noodles.  Sadly, I can never get anything I wish for.  Or so I thought until Eren strolled into my office just before the end of the lunch break. He was holding a plastic bag that seemed to have a single container in it in one hand and something I couldn’t make out in the palm of the other. Apparently he did go out with Hanji. But he came back with food for me. And with a bottle of pain killers. This brat brought me fucking medicine for my hangover.

                      “Uh… Hanji told me that you got it pretty bad after last night and I thought that you might need it. And you should eat too. I mean, you’re really pale, even more than usual…” Eren’s concerned voice somehow didn’t make my headache worse like Hanji’s but the fact that he was playing ‘mom’ with me was unnerving.

                      I felt my eyebrow twitch a few times. I really shouldn’t be annoyed at the kid for caring enough, but I just can’t handle people being nice to me for no reason.

                      “I’m not hungry so get the food out of here. Leave the medicine though. It might come in handy.” I deadpanned without looking up.

                      Eren refused to leave though. I should’ve known better than to agitate him.

                      “Well I’m not leaving until you’ve eaten. You will be allowed to drink the pills only after you have some food in your belly so dig in. It’s chicken noodles. It tastes pretty good.” He replied sitting down in one of the chairs across from me.

                      “You’re not my fucking mother, Jaeger. Now leave before I kick your sorry ass!” I snapped, but the brat didn’t seem fazed at all, maybe only even more determined to stay than before.

                      “No.” he said while making himself comfortable in one of the chairs meant for clients.

                      We glared at each other for what felt like hours until I sighed and decided to play the grown up in this situation. I ate some noodles, downed my pills all the while looking at Eren. He was watching me too. I could see that he was satisfied with himself. That little shit.

                      “Why the hell did you go out to eat with that idiotic woman if you pack lunch for yourself every day?” I decided to ask.

                      “Oh…Um…” He seemed to be a bit put off by the question. “She said that you were being an asshole and didn’t agree to go with her and she didn’t know anyone better to invite. I couldn’t let her eat alone.” Eren finally replied. “And besides, Erd was very thankful for my lunch. He had a lot of work today and didn’t have time to leave the office so I just kinda gave him the food I made for myself. He would’ve been left with nothing but the stupid crackers from the vending machine and trust me when I say that they are no good. ” He frowned. “Oh, and Hanji told me that you like skipping meals so I’m gonna bring you lunch from now on. And I will stay until you eat enough to last until dinner” Eren beamed.

                      I looked at his smiling face for a few moments before huffing and turning to my laptop again. He understood this sign of mine as the end of the conversation and quickly exited. Damn this stupid kid. On top of being cute and gorgeous he just had to be fucking nice and play the hero of the group too didn’t he? Stupid brat with his stupid grin.

                      My life was fucked up enough. I didn’t need a cute kid haunting my thoughts too. Well, at least my headache was going away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, maybe the dinner came a bit quickly, but i like jumping ahead a month or three so that could happen with a person you have known for that long right? Well anyway, thank you for reading and your comments and kudos are a great stimulation! See you next time!


	3. Knee-deep in The Lake of Forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again fellas! I'm here again with a new chapter (still a bit sooner than anticipated). There's not much in it and I'm not the best at writing dialogues, but I expect you'll find it enjoyable. Oh, and about the poems, it was my first attempt writing something like that in English, but I just hope that they're somewhat alright. Anyway, if you find mistakes - let me know, but otherwise read on and leave me some comments! (Thank you so much for the ones I already got by the way! They make me smile like a fucking idiot when I read them)

Three months passed by quicker than I thought was possible. It was warm outside, and accordingly now I usually left my jacket at home without worrying about getting cold. I could start wearing lighter shirts that I liked more (especially the slightly see-through ones if the light hit me from the right direction). And it would only get warmer and warmer seeing as summer had already started. Work was still a shit-hole with those big-ass assignments and new fucking books that needed to be published. Although, I caught myself not minding the big workload for once. The reason for that was simple – a certain brat kept me company diminishing any irritation within me with a simple smile or a little joke. I was actually surprised when he suddenly barged into my office carrying lunch for two that he claimed having made himself.  I didn’t expect Eren to hold onto his promise to bring me lunch. And the brat’s cooking was impressive too, but I didn’t dare to say anything as we ate. Instead, his cheerful voice was filling the silence of the room those times.

Truth be told, we went out to eat together a lot after that one dinner. We would go to a place I chose one time and eat at a restaurant he picked out the other. Sometimes we would just eat the food he prepared in my office for dinner too. The kid seemed enjoying himself and I was scared to admit that I felt the same way. His manner of speech and talks were refreshing and alluring and we actually grew somewhat comfortable with each other as I didn’t mind telling stuff about myself too. It was almost surprising how lighthearted I felt around him. I couldn’t get enough of his voice, laugh, smile, face. His presence alone made me warm inside and it was becoming an issue. I didn’t approve of this buzzy feeling in my stomach that lurched a little whenever I was around the kid. I also didn’t like the slight anger I felt upon seeing Erwin trying to court the brat. Captain Eyebrows has asked Eren to go out for lunch with him about four times until the message ‘no’ got through his thick skull. Seriously, the kid seemed confused, uncomfortable and intimidated by that fucking blond bastard. And even though Eren did refuse him, it was still annoying, but as I had already said – seeing the brat smile banished any irritation away from my mind.

I’ve probably heard more childhood and ‘I remember that one time’ stories that I could count from the brat by now. I learned that his sister’s name was Mikasa, his best friend’s – Armin. I knew that he worked his ass off so he could save up enough money for his sister to attend the best college there is. He still hasn’t told me about where his parents were though, but their absence was obvious in his stories from up about maybe his first year of high school. I could only guess that they were deceased. Eren also told me all of the embarrassing stuff that happened to him in his teen-years and how he used to protect his best friend from bullies (I also heard that he was good at fighting because he attended some courses on his mother’s whim, and promised I’d take him to my gym and test his strength myself). Daily I heard about any little incident that might have happened to him in the company during the time he was working here. It usually involved mixing up drafts, getting to know his colleagues better or some funny argument with that Jean guy who he came to refer to as ‘horseface’. I would sometimes help him think of new horse-implied insults for that guy sometimes.

That same thing was happening right now. We were eating lunch in my office again and Eren was giggling when I told him that he could try calling Jean a nag the next time they argued. This brat had some anger management issues I think, but everyone in the office came to like him despite that and I couldn’t care less either. He put up with my shit jokes and irritation at everything, so I wouldn’t dare push him away for being brash and outrageous. He made my days bearable I think, even though he still somewhat irritated me. It was rather strange how no one commented on the kid and I spending time together though. Maybe people in this office finally learnt to mind their own business?

“Hey Levi” Eren started. Damn, I will never get used to the sound of my name on his lips. “Um… This next time is my turn to choose the place right?” I nodded not knowing where this was heading since the brat was blushing slightly and it confused me. “Shit this is really embarrassing, but maybe you would consider coming to my place and I would cook something for us to eat? Would that be alright?”

I looked at him for a few moments before looking back down at my lunch, shrugging and nodding while keeping up my normal cold facade. Truthfully my mind was going three hundred miles per second and my heart was racing. Going to Eren’s house. Eren cooking for me. Possibly in an apron all cute and homey. Could I get through it? Well I didn’t know for sure but like hell I was missing a chance like that.

“That sounds good, brat.” I said and heard him huff in annoyance at the sound of his nickname. I had to hide a small smile tugging at my lips just then.

It was so easy to forget everything around the kid. Any walls I had built around me were shattered by his presence. He was like a ray of hope in a doomed situation, which in this case was my life. I lost too many people during the years and I was starting to feel the fear of losing the kid creep up my spine little by little. I haven’t told him many things about my past. Only the ones that weren’t depressing and didn’t touch the hurtful subjects. I felt kind of bad for keeping everything away from Eren. I mean, he told me a lot more than I told him. I was only free to talk about my time of working in the company and studying in the university. But I ran out of those stories too soon and I could only tell him about my daily activities which weren’t that interesting. But he listened to them nonetheless and asked simple questions only. It was as if he knew something was up and didn’t want to push me which I was damn glad for. But I had a feeling nagging at the end of my brain that he didn’t push me because Eren had something to hide as well. Or am I thinking too deep into this? Having almost finished my lunch I picked up my plate and went into my personal little bathroom to wash it.

“How about you come by on Saturday? Mikasa will be on soccer practice so you will have time to get used to being there.” Eren said suddenly pulling my attention to him. He was smiling an easy smile. I wasn’t sure anymore whether I liked it or if it annoyed me.

“Yeah, sure. Should I bring anything besides wine?” I asked looking down at the plate I was washing again.

“Nope.” Eren said and his voice was closer to me now.

Eren’s hand slipped into view, putting another plate into the sink for me to wash. I didn’t have time to get annoyed because his chest pressed into my shoulder for that moment and his unique scent overwhelmed my senses. My heart started beating faster again and I almost flinched from him, but as quickly as it appeared, the pressure was gone. Although, Eren’s scent was still in the air and I could only see the brat going back to his place on the little sofa in my office from the corner of my eye. Shit. That was a bit too strong of a reaction to some shitty brat – who I knew for, what, four months now? – being close to me. What the fuck, Levi?

Eren was gathering his stuff, getting ready to leave my office in favor of being back to harness.

“You don’t have to bring anything actually, but you know how to choose good wine so I’m not gonna’ complain.” He said chuckling. “And I suggest you coming around by two pm or something. Maybe I will even allow you to help me cook although I can’t promise anything” smiling he left me alone in my office disappearing behind the door.

I was left to think about the upcoming Saturday. I had two days until then but I felt myself getting nervous. The thought itself made irritation and anger surf up inside of me. What am I a fucking high-schooler? But I couldn’t help thinking about it. Shit, I hope his sister isn’t some little bitch or anything. What the hell should I even wear? Maybe it will be awkward as hell? Shit. Shit. Shit. Wait, what the _fuck_ Levi?

I didn’t have time to answer that question when the door opened and Hanji barged in shining in all her eccentric glory. Wearing a one-piece black jumpsuit with a deep neck-line and cropped sleeves. Her favorite goggles and high-heels on as usual and hair in her signature pony-tail.

“Leeeeviiii, my short, glorious baby! You are finally moving on, making friends to lovers relationships possible!” She yelled and I held myself down repeating words ‘must not hit women’ in my mind like a mantra. “I am so proud of you! I didn’t think you would go through with that date idea! I am so glad that it worked though! What are you going to wear? What will you be bringing as a gift? You could get him flowers!”

I swear this woman. How does she always know what to say to get me annoyed and how the hell did she obtain those fucking psychic abilities? Like hell will I believe that Eren told her about me coming over. She must’ve been eavesdropping that bitch.

“Shut your trap four-eyes, I’m working here.” I said trying to keep my cool without launching myself at her. “I am not fucking discussing anything concerning Eren with you.”

She pouted and looked hurt for a moment but then a smile returned to her face. I would be fucking lying if I said that it didn’t scare the shit out of me.

“Fine. I will come by on Friday after work. Drinks are on me so just make sure that your bed sheets aren’t dirty with your dreams of bright eyes and that there are enough snacks for the whole evening!” After saying that she stood up quickly and left before I could protest. That fucker. My bed sheets are never dirty ( and what the fuck did she say about my dreams? What the hell four-eyes?). Nor is my house. I clean it more often than needed. That woman really unnerved me. I realized that the quiet Friday evening that I had been anticipating was ruined and groaned out loud. And I had no idea what Hanji could think of for Friday. I just hoped that I won’t puke.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************** 

The evening I dreaded came all too quickly. The day was quite good. I went to eat lunch with Erwin and some ‘important’ writer who was considering the continuation of his work being published by our company. It was pretty boring and I realized that I was only missing the brat that was left back in the building, eating lunch with his new-made friends probably. I told him that we won’t be able to eat at my office today (I had gotten too used to doing so), and I could see that the news didn’t make him very excited or happy. I still had trouble understanding what kind of interesting stuff did the kid find in me but I wasn’t about to complain.

I couldn’t fully concentrate on the conversation and Erwin, the smart bastard that he is, noticed. I bet he will try questioning me about it. That wasn’t a problem. I will just tell Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows that I was bored and that I really didn’t see anything good in that writer’s books or something like that. Easy as taking a dump. What surprised me though, was that Erwin didn’t even try talking about it after the lunch ended and we were heading back in his sleek grey car driven by his oh-ever-so-loyal Mike. He stayed silent not even looking at me. It was sort of worrisome. This wasn’t like Erwin at all and all the conclusions of his behavior led me to believing that he already knew what was on my mind. That would’ve made me panic if I was a normal person. It’s good that I was the exact opposite then.

Parting with the tall-blond-and-handsome duo I went to my office. I glanced at Eren hunched on the chair at his desk by the window. He looked almost comical sitting cross legged on the too small seat with his headphones on his head and his hand beating some kind of rhythm on his thigh as he read some draft, but the brat managed to pull of the cute appearance somehow... Wait what? Oh, whatever. I already admitted that he is handsome as fuck so cute will have to do too.   Entering my office I was met with a little plastic box on my table. There was a little note on it written in a not-too-graceful writing.

 

I figured you might want something sweet to eat :)

This is some leftover chocolate cake that

will most likely cause you hyperglycemia seeing as you eat sweets rarely.

Enjoy anyway!

                                                      Eren

                             I chuckled silently at the note and sat on my chair still looking at it. The cake looked really good and I decided to take it home and share with that obnoxious woman. Yes, I am going to fucking share with Hanji. Big deal. As unnerving as she was, that woman was still my best friend and I appreciated her trying to talk to me even though I acted like a jerk most of the time. Okay I acted like that all the time, but that’s not the point. The most important thing was that she didn’t leave me alone and I held her kind of dear because of that, I guess. Same with Erwin, but he was such a big busy business-man all the time that I nearly forgot the last time we had a heart-to-heart.

                      When six rolled around I reluctantly left my office heading for my car. My floor was empty and I was alone since I couldn’t go to eat with the brat today. Although while walking through the half-cubicles in which my staff worked I noticed that Eren forgot to turn off his computer. Typical brat. I went to turn it off and was actually surprised to notice that he had many sticky notes placed everywhere, but what astonished me was not the abundance of the papers or the  stuffy letters but what was written _on_ them. Poems. The brat was writing poetry. And I actually liked it too. One certain little quatrain caught my eye immediately.

If this life is a sin, then death is my salvation

 They say my love is sick and there is nothing that can save me from the dark.

 Though, that fondness really is my heart’s creation,

 And I will treasure it and keep igniting it as if it was a dying spark.

 

I looked at it for a while before taking out my phone at taking a picture as a reminder. I never knew that the kid was interested in poetry or writing in general. There was also a longer poem taking up four pieces of paper. It sounded pretty good so I snapped that one too. I liked that it was something about the storm and the ocean. Truth be told, I still wouldn’t believe that the brat wrote these himself if I wouldn’t have felt something that was so… _Eren._ emitting from them. It felt like I was reading into his soul and for a moment I appreciated the thought of me being the only one who has done so.

After quickly reading through all the sticky notes, I turned off Eren’s computer and swore to myself that I will lecture him about it tomorrow. I headed home thinking whether I should or shouldn’t stop by some store to buy snacks. I decided against it. I can always make something quickly if Hanji was really hungry and she will probably bring some food herself. My decision was impelled by my need of a shower too. I always felt filthy after a day at work. And four-eyes said that she’ll be at my place by seven or something, so it left me plenty of time to shower and clean up. I was glad that Hanji told me that she was coming this time instead of just breaking in and letting herself feel as if it was her own place. I liked solitude and hated when she just barged in, but sometimes even I could appreciate company. Not that it hasn’t happened more often recently. I had to admit that I would gradually sacrifice most of my private time to be alone if it meant that I could spend time with Eren. Simply listening to him talk.

Luckily, Hanji did as she had told me and came after I had my shower as well as tidied up (oh sue me, I fucking loved keeping my house spotless). She brought four bottles of wine and I just knew that I will have a hangover tomorrow.  Stupid four-eyes. To my surprise, Hanji drank most of the wine herself and by the second bottle she was already laughing her ass off while watching a scary movie. It made me smile a bit, but any kind of happy face I could have worn was blown away when the movie ended and that crazy woman turned to me demanding to know what is happening between me and Eren.

“Nothing.” I answered truthfully.

“Oh don’t lie to me, Levi baby! I see how you look at him. You like him don’t you?” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

“No.” I answered. “He is a brat and he annoys the shit out of me most of the time.”

“Aw but Levi you still eat lunch with him almost every day, and you never spend time with people who actually annoy you so don’t you dare lie to me. You like Eren, I just know it! It would be nice for you to start dating ya know! You would make a cute couple with you all grouchy and stiffly and him all smiles and laughter!” She fucking squealed at the end of her rant. What the fuck? “And Eren is really good looking. I mean, maybe you haven’t heard but many women in the office talk about him a lot. They say that he has been seen going to the gym near our office building after work.”

“And your point is?” I inquire.

“Oh, he must be so hot underneath those clothes of his! He hides a lot! I can only imagine that his abs are probably defined as hell and I saw him bend over a few times in the office and just so you kno-“

 “I don’t understand what you are trying to do here Hanji” I cut her off mid-sentence (I was not ready to talk about Eren’s body). “You come to my house, ask me stupid questions that do not concern you. What the fuck are you implying here? That I should try dating him? You think that that’s a good idea? Because it fucking isn’t! I really don’t feel like jumping in that train again after my last break up. Those things aren’t nice Hanji. At all. I hated having my feelings turned sour after the bastard cheated on me! I don’t want a new relationship because they all are short and end in both parties being unhappy! I don’t know how to love people I only know how to break them! I can’t even fucking remember how to love or feel affection. And that’s why I don’t want to date anyone and especially not a snotty nosed kid, who will cry after he understands what an asshole I really am!” Even to myself I sounded quite drunk and angry, but that was acceptable knowing that I was on my fourth glass of wine.

“I just want you to admit that you actually _like_ someone after all those years of solitude, Levi!” she yelled with tears in her eyes. Hanji tended to get emotional after drinking too much. ”It has been three years since you last let anyone be a bit closer to you than a friend could be. I was getting worried! You can’t blame me for that! I don’t want to be the one who has to sit by your deathbed!” She shouted the last word as if she thought that my death was the most outrageous thing.

“Well, maybe I like being alone?” I asked her silently.

She looked at me strangely before shaking her head and sighing.

“Whatever, Levi. You’re impossible. Let’s watch another movie shall we?” I nodded curtly and put on some other shitty horror shit-flick for us to watch. I swear those were the only ones that we could spectate together without raging and rambling too much.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I had fun with Hanji (besides us yelling at each other before). And I was glad that she didn’t try to wander into the lands-of-feels again. I fucking hated talking about that stuff and I was bad at it. I wouldn’t know how to tell people that I loved them even if someone wrote it down for me on a sheet of paper. That was my problem and the main problem so as to why I could never maintain a normal relationship with people who expected me to be affectionate towards them. I wouldn’t even know how to describe my feelings on paper if anyone asked despite having studied literature in university.

 Thinking about writing brought me back to Eren’s poems and I found myself reading them again on my phone while lying on a mattress on the floor in my living-room with Hanji. She was already asleep, but my mind kept drifting to the rhymes of that shitty brat. I had been looking at one in particular for a long time and before I knew it – I fell asleep, dropping my phone somewhere in between the covers. I dreamt of a calm lake (although, it seemed as shoreless as a sea or an ocean) with almost specular surface. And I was wading in it carelessly, water riffling around my knees. What a beautiful dream that was.

 

Wandering the ocean in search of lands I’ve never seen before,

I encountered a fearful storm.

It seemed so dark and vicious, but what’s more

It looked as if it was undoubtedly… warm.

 

And then I gave myself an oath:

I promised my uneasy mind that I will tame the storm,

That I will make it mine for both –

The calmness of the ocean and my stricken form.

 

 

But therefore, I found myself in loss of actions –

In haste to catch it, I forgot how scary it could be

Alas, there are not enough distractions

That could be provided by the likes of me.

 

The ocean’s vast and fearful and no less,

But even more so are the darkened skies.

If only lighting was mine to possess,

I would undoubtedly pierce your cloudy eyes.

 

I want to see them lighting up

I want to see not only warmness, but also fire

Burning there, within their depths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really appreciate that you take time with my story and leave nice comments and even kudos! See you next time guys!


	4. Heavenly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I'm back with a new chapter and it's a bit longer than others, but thats how they're gonna be from now on (I hope). Thank you very much for the nice comments and kudos that were really helpfull to relieve the stress of messing everything up. Oh, and sorry for the mistakes (I know I make a lot!). Yeah, so Levi goes to Eren's house! I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as he liked the visit.

I had no idea why I was so fucking nervous **.** Hanji helped me get ready this morning, despite the fact that she kept grinning like mad all the time. We both woke up hungover and sporting huge headaches. Hanji should’ve been worse than me considering that she drank more, but seemed unaffected. What the hell psycho? That woman kissed me on the cheek for good luck and sent me away waving and yelling not to bail out when I’m at the door (I don't even know why I allowed her to stay there without me, so don't ask). It seemed easy when I was driving to Eren’s house. I go there, I knock, he lets me in, we do something, I leave. The end. I can’t even imagine why I was hesitating to knock or ring the doorbell now that I was actually standing in front of the door of the brat’s home. Heck I didn’t even know why the fuck was I debating which way would be better to announce my arrival to the inhabitant of the house. I cursed under my breath and connected my fist with the door. I heard a soft ‘Coming!’ from the other side of it and waited. Rushed footsteps could be heard faintly from behind the wood. The door swung open and I was lost in the waters of my dream.

                      “Hello.” Eren smiled and I huffed in response not trusting my voice yet. I might snap at him badly in this situation (as I was nearvous for an unknown shitty reason) and fuck everything up.

                      He stepped aside to let me in and I did just that. The inside of Eren’s house was just as homey as the outside of it looked. The walls of the entryway in which I stood right now were wooden and it gave the small space a feeling of warmth. There was a wardrobe to hang coats in, I guessed. There also was a separate place to leave shoes on. So I had to take mine off too. I was okay with it since it made me feel more like at home. I also noticed a narrow stairwell heading upwards. The house seemed like it had two storeys so I wasn’t surprised. But the most important thing about the place was that it even smelled like home. The scent got me thinking about staying here with Eren forever. It smacked of freshly-baked biscuits, cherry Tabaco, some kind of crispiness and, surprisingly, books too.

                      I removed my shoes and going further inside, I entered a cozy looking small living room. The walls were green here and they along with two bigass windows were accompanied by light brown curtains tied nicely through the middle. The furnishing of the room consisted of a small sofa and two armchairs with an old looking coffee table in the middle of them. There was also a television (it seemed like it was one of those smart Tv's) stationed on another old looking TV table and on both sides of it stood two big shelves filled with books and some photos. I wondered if I could go and look at them more closely. I was about to ask but Eren beat me to it.  
                      “Um… You can look around if you want. I don’t mind. You’ll find me in the kitchen right down the corridor when you’re done. I’m baking cookies.” He smiled brightly and left in the direction of the kitchen I assumed.

                      I wanted to follow him but stayed and went to see the pictures. I saw Eren in a group of people who seemed to be his friends. There was also some of him with some dark-haired Asian looking girl who I assumed was Mikasa. He looked happy in each picture, but the brightest smile on his face was plastered in a picture where he was standing with two older people and his sister. He couldn’t have been older than seventeen in that picture and his grin was radiating happiness. Eren was holding some sort of diploma in his hands and people who were in the picture with him looked somewhat proud. I could only guess that the older ones were his parents. However, I couldn’t even start guessing so as to where they could be. I noticed that Eren resembled the older woman a lot, but got almost nothing from the man regarding his appearance. Well maybe height. No, _definitely_ height. And eyes. It was obvious even from the small picture that the green I came to admire so much was shining from behind the man’s small, round glasses.

                      After that I briefly looked through the book covers wondering if Eren had read all of them. Then I went to look for the said brat himself and found him in the kitchen fucking _humming_ some light melody while splitting what I assumed was the dough for the biscuits. He raised his head and smiled at me warmly. I almost smiled back but caught myself and just went to stand by his side. He was indeed wearing an apron as I had imagined. A linen one. It looked rather old and worn. Beneath the apron he had a simple band T-shirt and tight jeans on. Oh fuck, he had a nice butt.

                      “What kind of cookies are these?” I asked to distract myself.

                      “Vanilla wafers. They’re Mikasa’s favorite so I figured that I’d make them since she’s having a sleepover today.” He answered the smile still intact.

                      I hummed and went on to ask about his Friday night. He said he had a movie marathon with his sister and then went to sleep. Pretty simple. No parties with friends or anything, huh? That felt kind of odd for a kid his age.

                      “Doesn’t seem like a task that you should rush home to do and forget to turn off your computer to me.” I said matter-of-factly.

                      Eren tensed beside me and turned to look me in the eye.

                      “Sorry, I totally forgot.” He said.

                      “It’s alright. I turned it off for you” I huffed.

                      “Thank you, Levi.” The brat smiled and then suddenly stiffened. “Umm… did you-” He stared asking, but I interrupted.

                      “Yeah. Those are some pretty good poems of yours brat.” I stated my opinion and watched as his face bloomed with a blush after hearing the words leave my mouth. He wanted to ask me something but I answered before he could. “I know it was you brat. They screamed your name at me. Not to mention your lanky writing.”

                      Eren gulped and turned his head away and even his ears were red now. Cute. Wait what? Shut the fuck up, you stupid mind!

                      “I hope you’re not mad I had read them.” I added. “I just couldn’t help myself. Curiosity got the better of me.”

                      He still avoided looking at me. His face redder and redder by the second. He stuttered out that it was alright but he just didn’t really think people would ever see them. But then again, I could bet that his co-workers had seen and read them. I mean, it’s impossible not to notice all those sticky notes. It was as if he was extremely embarrassed that it was _me_ who had read them. Like he wanted to hide them specifically from me. And suddenly his poems got a deeper meaning than they had before. It made my heart clench painfully for a moment before it started racing three hundred miles per minute. I had to do it now…  
                      “Eren…” I leaned into him and whispered. He whipped his head in my direction and froze realizing how close our faces were. “Those poems were really good. I liked them.” I murmured softly. “Especially the one where the lyrical subject was determined to tame the storm.”

                      Eren blushed even harder if that was possible and gasped silently. I leaned in even more so the tips of our noses were touching. I really didn’t know what was making me act this way but I couldn’t bring myself to care right now.

                      “And here I am, still thinking that it’s not the storm that has to be tamed, but the ocean itself.” It came out as a soft whisper from my mouth.

                      I saw Eren’s eyes widen before I couldn’t see them anymore. He had turned away from me and looked down. We stood like that for a moment before he swore and rushed in the direction of the oven. Taking out a tray of cookies Eren sighed in relief at the sight as they were not burnt. He then proceeded to take them out and put into a basket that was already halfway full. After that he turned to me and smiled again. Like my comment meant nothing at all. Like I didn’t even say it.

                      “Wanna’ help me make some of these?” I swear he sounded hopeful and it seemed as if the tense – then turned awkward – moment that just occurred did nothing to him.

                      I just simply nodded and for the next hour we made biscuits talking about unimportant stuff. Didn’t he find my words odd? And what the hell was I trying to do? Kiss the kid? Fuck, maybe the alcohol form yesterday is still affecting me. Pushing the thoughts away, I concentrated on the task beforehand. I noticed that Eren stood closer to me for whatever purpose he thought he had, our shoulders and hands brushing more than once. He was chatting happily with a seemingly permanent smile on his face. Seemingly giddy with excitement for whatever reason.What the hell, brat? Though it actually made me smile and when Eren saw it he just stood there staring at me while I put the last tray in the oven.

                      After that we made some cupcakes, that Eren swore to be the best I will ever eat, and drank some tea with the biscuits we have baked earlier. I felt at ease. I felt happy. I felt light. It didn’t seem like there was anything that could bring me down. And there really wasn’t. We were both just enjoying each other’s company and the newfound bond (I don’t really understand it, but it seems like the fact that I accepted his poems as good ones and understood the deeper meaning was some sort of happy sign for him). We went back to talk about Eren’s poetry and it wasn’t awkward this time. I discovered that he actually had a diploma that he got for writing poems in some competition at school. That was when he decided to study literature. I also allowed him to ask me whatever he wanted to know and answered everything without holding too much back. Shit, I even told him about the time in university when Hanji and I had mock-dated for a week (which he just laughed off). 

                      “I’m gonna’ cook some German dishes for dinner today. Any requests?” Eren asked after we finished with the cupcakes and some other dishes that were simple to heat when in a hurry (he said that it’s easier this way because he doesn’t have to cook everyday then).

                      “Why German?” I answered his question with one of my own.

                      “Oh.. Um.." He glnaced to the callendar on the wall for a second. "It’s the seventeenth. I always cook something that resembles my homeland on this day.” He explained averting his eyes for some reason.

                      I sighed and leaned on the counter before fixing him with my best are-you-shitting-me-right-now look.

                      “Listen, Eren.” I saw him stiffen a little at the sound of his name. “I know that something happened to you when you were younger and I fucking see that it still bothers you. I’m not going to make you tell me anything now, don’t worry, but I would really like to hear it someday. What I’m saying, is that you should know that I am always there and I _will_ hear you out, alright? I am aware that it’s hard when you have no one to talk to, but I also recognize that it’s easier when you talk to someone about it. No one is pushing you to say anything though. And no one ever will. If you’ll allow, I’ll make sure of that myself. But for the record – it’s easier to become one with your past when you hear someone else stating their opinion about it.”

                      Well that was a long speech for me. And too few cuss words for my liking. But it was worth it seeing as Eren’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up so high that they were almost cowered by his fringe. And then he was hugging me so tight that I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to ask him to stop squeezing the life out of me, but held myself back when I heard him whispering ‘thank you’ like a mantra into my ear. So I just hugged him back while letting the brat think that I was some sort of doll meant for tight embraces only. What surprised me the most was the slight wetness of my shoulder. Only then I understood that Eren was silently crying. I became numb at the thought, but got back on track quickly and started soothing him. We stayed like that for a few minutes before he pulled away sniffing.

                      “I… I’ll tell you someday, I promise. B-but I can’t right now. I don’t think I’m ready yet.” The brat said still brushing the tears away from his face.

                      “It’s fine brat. I don’t think I could take any more emotional conversations today anyway.” I said and heard him chuckle. Though I really meant it. That’s about my limit on dealing with emotional stuff while I don’t have alcohol in my system. “So, what are you going to make?” I inquired trying to change the mood in the stuffy kitchen.

                      “Oh! I think I will make schnitzel. I haven’t cooked it in a while and Mikasa likes it a lot. Her friends love it too. My mom had a special recipe for this dish too. She used to call it ‘The Jaeger Schnitzel’.” He laughed softly at that and I let myself smile a little.” She just changed the spices and added some tasty sauce to accompany it. I used to think that it was really hard to make since it was _the schnitzel,_ but I learnt how to do it eventually.”

                      He was chatting happily and I allowed myself to listen to him wearing a small smile. He looked like some kind of weight has been lifted off of his shoulders and I hoped that it happened because of my words. We proceeded to make ‘The Jaeger Schnitzel’ then. Well, Eren did most of the work and I was allowed to choose and cut some stuff up (like the ingredients for the salad). He had a small green-house and a garden in the backyard and told me to go there for fresh ingredients. Really, was there anything Eren couldn't fucking do? I noticed that the brat made a lot of food and for a moment I wondered why, but then remembered the sleepover he had mentioned earlier. I was starting to wonder if I should leave before dinner when we both heard the front door open followed by some words said with a semi-loud and very monotonous voice.

                      “I’m home, little brother.” I heard it say. “Something smells good. Where are you?”

                      “In the kitchen!” Eren yelled back after angrily snorting at the nick-name.

                      “We have guests?” Came back the voice this time nearer and then it downed on me that I was about to meet Eren’s sister.

                      “Yeah. I invited a friend for dinner since you’re having a sleepover. You know I hate being alone on Saturday evenings.”

                      And then the girl entered the room. She was tallish and had shoulder-lengtht - at least I think so - raven hair, which was pulled into a pony tail at the moment. I could already see that her body was hardened by sports. Even now she stood before me wearing her soccer attire completed with a red scarf which was tied around her neck. I think I heard Eren mentioning that it was his gift to her and the girl loved it so much that she almost never took it off. The brat’s sister had a deadpan expression on her face, but I think I saw it melt and soften when she looked at Eren, before turning her attention to me doing the same observation I just did. All in all she seemed protective and standoffish, but I instantly knew that she wasn’t a bad person. Knowing that Eren had raised her for most of the girls life, she just couldn’t be.

                      “Hello. Mikasa, I assume?” She nodded curtly and I continued. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Levi.” I didn’t extend a hand for her to shake though (she had just fucking come back from soccer practice all filthy and sweaty, like hell was I going to touch her skin).

                      “I know.” She said before turning to Eren who seemed like he was having a little panic attack. “You didn’t tell me he was a midget.”

                      I stiffened at that and saw all the blood leave Eren’s face as he glanced at me.

                      “Mikasa! That’s rude!” He yelled at her, eyes alight with anger.

                      “Well it’s true.” She countered turning to me again. “You also look fishy. I don’t like it. Are you some kind of drug dealer in disguise?”

                      Deciding to let go of the ‘midget’ part this once as it was our first meeting (still waiting for a 'hello' by the way you bitchy, bratty girl) I almost smirked at her question. Oh, this one’s going to be a challenge. I was willing to take it for the brat’s sake. I was going to win it for him too.

                      “Oh yes. Why would you ask? Want to buy some?” I could have smiled at the way her eyes narrowed and the girl sent a hard glare my way.

                      “I wouldn’t ever do that.” She almost growled before turning to Eren again. “You didn’t tell me he was a son of a bitch too.”

                      I thought Eren was going to pass out. I really did, but instead of that he just screamed the girls name saying something about being absolutely unreasonable and impolite. She just huffed, threw another glare my way and went away. We could hear her stomping up the stairs. Eren started apologizing almost desperately and I spent good three minutes assuring him that everything was fine and I didn’t mind it. He calmed down a bit but still looked edgy. We finished cooking and went to set the table for nine while the meat was roasting (we had to add some chairs too). After that Mikasa came back to the kitchen and talked with Eren about her day. Apparently soccer practice was good and her team was sure to win the upcoming game. I talked when the brat asked me something, but throughout the majority of the conversation I stayed silent, simply staring at Eren’s lip… FACE. I was either looking at his face while he talked or exchanging glares with Mikasa. The one we were holding each other in right now was pretty intense and everyone was silent, so I decided to break the silence.

                      “You know,” I started not breaking the eye-contact, “your brother never told me which witch crafting school you attended. I mean, unless you studied independently on your own, you must have gone to a good one, considering how big of a witch you are.”

                      Eren gasped, her glare intensified and at that moment I understood the true meaning of the saying ‘if looks could kill’ because I definitely would’ve been dead right then and there. But I also saw amusement in those dark eyes of hers and I just hoped that I wasn’t lost on the girl. Maybe this will be our way of communicating. I would be alright with that actually. I really liked a good challenge. Even though, this one was provided by a teenage girl. When had my standards dropped so low? Oh what-fucking-ever…

                      Mikasa was about to answer when the doorbell rang and she went to answer it.  

                      “What, are you trying to make her dislike you even more?” Eren hissed when he was sure she couldn’t hear him. I turned to look at him and allowed myself to show a smirk.

                      “Maybe. That’s my way of finding a way to communicate with her, brat. It will either make her hate me or we will find an understanding. I’m willing to take the risk.”

                      Eren sighed and didn’t answer since some teenagers entered the kitchen and went to say their greetings and hug the brat. He was smiling warmly at them the whole time and introduced me also. It was a total of six people just like Eren anticipated while setting the table. I learned that three of girls were on Mikasa’s soccer team and the remaining one, along with two boys, was simply her classmate. They all seemed confused and sent questioning looks Eren and Mikasa’s way, but didn’t say anything instead introducing themselves politely. I learned that their names were Ymir, Historia, Annie, Sasha, Berthold and Reiner.

                      Ymir was the tallest of the girls. Tanned skin, brown hair, toned body, freckles, blunt and fierce. My kind of person. Historia seemed to never leave her side. The girl was petite, blond and seemed to be an angel incarnated. Unique name, nice personality, small build – all in all a pretty interesting person. Also she was the one who was not in the soccer team.

                      Sasha was the second tallest. Also a tanned brunet like Ymir but no freckles. She looked as if chewing something and her eyes seemed to shine brighter at the sight of food being placed on the table. Apparently she was dating someone who worked in our publishing company and I wondered who it could be for a moment before pushing the thought aside, because, to be honest, I really didn’t care.

                      Annie was standing a bit to the side but stayed close to Mikasa. She was taller that Christa but shorter than everyone else. Blond hair, blue eyes, pretty face with a slightly crooked nose. A deadpan expression permanent on her face. A real life ice-queen.

                      Berthold was the tallest person I’ve ever had the _pleasure_ to meet. Lanky stature, dark hair, kind eyes, seemingly nervous. He was clutching Reiner’s arm and I could only guess that those two were dating. Berthold’s boyfriend was almost the opposite of him. Unlike Berthold, Reiner was buff and seemed like he was a wrestler of something. No, really, he was huge. Nothing too surprising besides his muscles though. Kind-hearted smile, bleachy blond hair accompanied by a sort of dumb look on his face.

                      Everyone was chatting and eating, complimenting Eren’s food and smiling kindly at him while he beamed at them and accepted the praise. Although, when Mikasa said that she liked that he added some vinegar to the salad the brat protested saying that I made it. Mikasa seemed to have been surprised by that greatly. Everyone else fell silent and stared at me before Ymir spoke up glancing from me to Eren and back.  
                     

                     “Since when do you let anyone help you cook?” She sounded pretty confused.

                      I was surprised seeing Eren blush a little at that and then the words hit me. That means that he doesn’t let anyone help him make the food. Except me. Eren had allowed me to help him with a thing he always did alone, without anyone interfering. It made my chest swarm with warmth but I remained impassive and raised an eyebrow at the brat.

                      “W-well Levi asked me i-if he could help and I, uh… Figured that it might quicken the pace. I mean, I knew that there were going to be a lot of people and I was afraid that I wasn’t gonna’ make it in time, so I, um… Accepted the help?”

                      It would have been a normal explanation if the blush adoring Eren’s face wouldn’t have gotten deeper and deeper shade of red with each sentence and if he wouldn’t have stuttered a few times too. But I saw that most of them decided to leave it be anyway and moved on with the conversation. Except for Mikasa, Annie and me. We continued to look at the brat and he just lowered his eyes to the food and continued eating without looking up. After that nothing too interesting happened. We finished the dinner, all smaller brats went upstairs and I helped Eren with the dishes.

                      When everything was clean we retreated to the living room and settled on the sofa with a bottle of wine I had brought, some cheese, cupcakes and biscuits that we made earlier. It was peaceful and we watched some shitty movie just enjoying each other’s company. Eren was sitting close to me and I couldn’t resist putting my arm behind his back on the backrest of the sofa. He seemed to be alright with it and scooted so it would be comfortable for both of us. And it really was. I felt warm on the inside and on the outside. Then I suddenly registered that we were almost cuddling. I have never done so while sober. And even with these thought hitting me like fucking bricks, I couldn’t bring myself to give a shit. Eren smelled too nice and was way too warm to push away. It almost felt like heaven to me.

                      I didn’t even notice myself falling asleep. Was it really that comfortable that it even allowed _me_ to drift? The guy who had to drink medicine to fall asleep for at least three hours sometimes? Apparently yes.

I woke up feeling something poking my cheek. It was Eren’s finger. I huffed and turned my head to meet his eyes and glare at the brat. Why the hell was he waking me up? I was warm and comfortable and everything smelled nice and… Was I fucking lying on Eren’s chest?!

                      “The movie is over. Well I kinda watched another one on my own because you seemed really peaceful and relaxed and I didn’t want to wake you. Oh, and you look cute when you sleep, by the way.” He said a bit mockingly and laughed at my horrified expression and the quick attempt to get away from him. Though the blush which adored his face at the moment was so deep, that it was visible in the dark, told me that he wasn’t really joking.

                      I glared at him and the brat laughed light-heartedly again. I glanced at my wrist-watch then and saw that it was one in the morning and stiffened.

                      “Shit, I have to go home. I can’t believe that I spent such a long time here.” I said attempting to stand up but Eren’s arms pushed me back into laying position.

                      “I don’t mind you being here…” He murmured. “You can stay over if you want.”

                      I looked at him with a raised eyebrow for a few moments and his blush became darker. He still managed to look adorable though.

                      “Sorry brat, I have to get home. Unfortunately for me, I have a meeting with a writer tomorrow. And I don’t feel like braiding your hair and talking about boys all night anyway.”

                      “On a Sunday?!” He seemed outraged by the thought (he totally let my last comment slide).

                      “Yes.” I answered tiredly and tried standing up again and this time he allowed me to do that rising to his feet too. He led me to the door and waited patiently untill I put on my shoes. I stood up and looked him in the eye before whispering “Thanks brat, I really had a nice time today.”

                      I left before he could reply and swiftly drove myself home where I collapsed on my bed. I didn’t even take my clothes off and I didn’t shower. I smelled like Eren and I wanted to keep the scent with me for a while. It really did remind me of heaven again and I felt sleep claim me quicker than it ever has before.

 ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

                      Time flew by swifter than anyone anticipated and summer came to an end. Since that Saturday I couldn’t stop thinking about Eren’s warmth and smell. I found myself missing those things while lying in my own bed. I tossed, turned but couldn’t sleep. I had to start taking two pills at a time to drift. It felt like I was floating more than sleeping now. Moreover, by the time I had to go to work I was still a bit dazed by the after-effects of the medicine. It fucking sucked. Everyone thought that I was on drugs and I spent a good hour explaining to Hanji that I wasn’t. Damn that shitty brat and all his perfection for causing this.

                      Speaking of which, he still brought lunch for both of us most of the days. And when he couldn’t, he always came back with something for me to eat. Especially if I stayed in the office. We also continued having dinners and I spent a few more evenings eating at Eren’s house with the said brat and his bitchy sister. Although, I’m starting to think that she and I had somehow bonded a little. We made fun of each other and sent more glares in the general direction of the other more often than needed, but I found myself minding that runt’s presence less and less and I could feel that she felt the same way too. Not too much though, because she was a witch and I was an asshole. Eren had told me that the girl reminded him of me a bit and that’s probably why the brat wasn’t as put-off by my behavior as others. For that reason I somewhat appreciated Mikasa’s attitude. It made my friendship with her brother possible.

Hanji was pleased with me for making friends. She spent a lot of time in my office disturbing my work hours and bawling about ‘her baby Levi having a crush’ or something. Yeah, alright, I liked the brat, but it wasn’t a fucking crush. I’m not some stupid school-girl or a blushing virgin. But I couldn’t deny that Eren sometimes forced my chest to warm up and my stomach to make flips or some shit. However, it was just a normal reaction to his cuteness.

Today was a Sunday and I found myself in Eren’s kitchen for the third time this week. It was probably unnatural for a boss and his underling to spend so much time together but I couldn’t bring myself to care. We were friends now and I just wasn’t capable of saying no to Eren and his bright fucking Caribbean eyes. Mikasa was sitting on a counter top (I had given up on pushing her off and explaining that it was unhygienic because she didn’t give a fuck about it) and snickering at my poor attempts to decorate cookies. Eren, who stood beside me, was chuckling while frosting those fuckers like a pro. I was kind of annoyed at how good he was at decorating because I was an absolute shit at it and I couldn’t even be mad at both of them for laughing. Fucking Jaegers.

I actually felt at ease in their house. I didn’t know if it was because of the frequency of my visits here or because of Eren’s inviting and homey attitude towards me (and also Mikasa’s behavior which has gotten less venomous and more mocking every time I visited). I felt like I was viewed as some sort of old family friend by both of the siblings. And fuck didn’t it feel nice to be with Eren like that.

I found myself wanting more though. I knew we were just friends and shit but couldn't stop myself. I’ve been thinking about his lips and the curve of his body more and more this past week. It actually started when I noticed women (and some men, damn it) at the office gawking at him like there was no tomorrow as the brat was wearing a form fitting button-up and sleek black pants for a meeting with one of our better poets. Eren himself was oblivious to it of course. That shitty brat didn’t seem to understand just how _good_ he looked in all those stupidly tight pants and button-ups of his simply walking around with his nose buried in the drafts he was reading or other papers that needed to be passed around. I could only marvel at the fact that other office workers didn’t know how adorable he looked with glasses which he used for watching television. And I just knew that I’ll see him wear them today.

Mikasa found us a horror movie to watch and had shielded the windows in the living room so brilliantly that it was as dark in there as it would be in someone’s ass. It was raining outside and with Halloween being only a few weeks away she decided that it was time to start their yearly marathon of horror movies. They watched them from newest to oldest and Mikasa invited me yesterday ‘because her brother asked her’ since I refused Eren asking me to join them on Friday. It was quite a surprise seeing her name lightning up on my phone (me having her number was a sheer coincidence because Eren texted me from her phone once to tell me the time when he was getting back from her soccer match so we could meet up. I saved the girl’s number for emergencies). And I accepted the offer to come today. This doesn’t explain why I agreed to help with the cookie frosting though. They were Halloween themed spiders on a web, but mine looked like a simple brown mass with uneven white stripes on it. No spiders whatsoever.

That’s why in the end we decided that we were going to eat the cookies that were decorated by me instead of devouring the one’s frosted by Eren (those fuckers were perfection and the spiders looked fucking real, I mean the kid even added shading). We sat in the dark of the living room, some nasty horror movie turned on, glasses of milk in hands and a bowl biscuits on Eren’s lap (he was sitting in the middle, since the brat was a scaredy-cat, who would have thought…). I could feel him shudder every time someone screamed unexpectedly or if an extremely gruesome scene came up. It almost made me smile. Suddenly some character’s head was cut off out of nowhere and Eren jumped spilling the cookies and wrapped his arms around me burying his face in my neck.

                      Hugs weren’t a rare occurrence between us anymore. Eren, apparently, liked to do that a lot and I was usually on the receiving end every time we parted ways. I couldn’t complain because I absolutely adored his hugs. I always floated in his unique scent and warmth when he embraced me. Not that I would ever admit that out loud. Fuck no. I had a reputation to uphold.

 I saw Mikasa’s surprised face over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow at her while moving my hand to pat Eren’s hair. The girl shrugged and turned away to collect the biscuits back into the bowl and eating them alone. And I returned my attention to the brat in my arms who had stopped trembling, but didn’t move and instead chose to turn his head and continue watching the movie with his head on my shoulder. I didn’t mind it one bit and wrapped my arm around Eren’s waist.

                      The movie ended and Mikasa announced that she was going to the toilet. Her brother didn’t move though. He stayed silent but I felt like Eren wanted to say something. I could feel his heart beating a bit faster than normal. Looking down at him, I found myself facing those green orbs of his.

                      “Levi…” he whispered and gulped before continuing. “I-I think I like you.” Now he was blushing (really badly), but didn’t turn his gaze away from mine. “I guess I’ve liked you for a few months now a-and I just wanted to tell you that.” Eren seemed nervous and his next words came out a bit rushed. “You don’t have to tell me the same thing back, but if you don’t then maybe we could continue being friends and…” He continued rambling but I wasn’t listening anymore.

                      Wait. What did he say? He liked me, what?  I was usually sharp and quick to catch on but this shitty brat actually caught me unprepared and I just couldn’t break myself out of shock. It took me about half a minute to register everything before I bent down and pressed my lips to his, cutting him off in a middle of some word. Eren wasn’t responsive at first but the moment he caught on, his lips started to melt with mine.

 Oh, what a divine feeling it was. Eren’s lips were plump, soft, a bit wet and oh-so-warm against my own. I liked the feel of them. It lasted only a few seconds though as Eren pulled away in haste as if surprised by his own actions. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were red and he looked adorable. I tsked leaning forward, grasping his chin, and guiding his face towards mine again. He didn’t resist, the opposite actually. He responded with tilting his head to the side and deepening the kiss. Fuck he was a damn good kisser. I fisted my fingers into his hair pulling his head towards me even more like some stupid dork having a first kiss.

                      I felt Eren’s arms sneaking around my shoulders and he hugged them tightly. I could hear ragged breaths and tiny mewls he was letting out. Shit he was precious. I didn’t know what I was doing really. I only knew that I wanted to kiss this adorable brat. But why? It wasn’t like I felt any romantic feelings towards him, right? Ah fuck it. I’ll deal with my feelings latter.

 I pulled away and looked into his eyes. They seemed to glow like some fucking gems. He looked at me, a smile creeping its way onto his face. His happiness quickly became radiant and he was giggling in my arms.

                      “You have no idea how long I wanted to do that.” He said pressing his forehead to mine and I only hummed in response.

                      “Yeah ok, and I never wanted to see that.” A voice deadpanned from behind us and we quickly turned to see Mikasa standing there with sort of disgruntled expression on her face.

                      Eren just groaned burying his head into my chest. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the brat’s antics as well as at the face his sister was making right now. But my chuckle changed into laughter and something clicked within me when Eren and Mikasa started to brawl (Mikasa snickered about Eren disgustingly trying to slurp my face off and him claiming that he never made fun of her for that time when he had caught her making out with her girlfriend in the kitchen so she wasn’t allowed to do this to him, to which she bit back with words ‘I’m a hormonal teenager, what’s your excuse dickhead?!’). Nothing could stop the warm feeling that spread in my chest, as if a paradise bird was spreading its wings inside of me. It felt like I was finally breathing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thnak you for reading!! Now give me some comments and kudos! See you next time. And also about the biscuit-cookie thing, I had learnt in pre-school that it has the same meaning but one is American and another one is British so i went ahead and used both. Sorry, i just felt the need to explain this since i saw people fighting over it on Tumblr (it was pretty funny tho)


	5. Waist-deep In the Sea of Denial… Or Acceptance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I am here very early with a new chapter since I won't be able to upload the following week or so due to school workload. I didn't want to leave everyone in silence for so long hehe... Anyways, please enjoy and tell me about anything that might be wrong! (And sorry if the chapter is a bit shitty, but I am really really bad at writing dialogues and shit like that)

I claimed that it was simple attraction, but Hanji insisted on it being some heart-related stuff. Of course, it couldn’t be that. I refuse to believe that I might ‘like’ like Eren, as Hanji had put it, because, really, it was just a fling thing. I’m sure of it.

                      Though, when the brat came barging into my private office yelling ‘WHAT ARE WE?’ to my face that Monday, I felt the warm feeling spread in my chest and churning in my belly not unlike other times when I saw Eren.  Yeah, I guess I was attracted to him. Strongly attracted. And it made the feeling even more uncomfortable when I saw him smiling after we agreed that we were now dating. I swear his smile was brighter than the sun and I had to avert my eyes from the brat’s face.

                      It’s been about three weeks since then (we spent Halloween in his house giving our candies to cross-dressers – or, in my case, scaring them – since Eren didn’t want to go to the party he had had an invitation to with his friends, but didn’t feel like being alone). They were filled with light kisses, holding hands under the table in a restaurant, comfortable chats in my office, sweet words coming from Eren’s mouth and really good food that I had the chance to eat at his house. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t feel sort of nice. We weren’t rushing anywhere so we took things slow. No one had even noticed the slight change in our behavior towards each other.In reality we didn’t even act any different in the office. Yeah we kissed and held hands, but never at work. And, in all fairness, even those kisses weren’t pagssionate or rushed. They were soft, absolutely sweet and kind of addicting. Eren really proved to be a good kisser as far as it goes and I couldn’t stop my mind from wondering in the wrong direction (the one we weren’t so keen into entering yet, even though having a boyfriend who was oblivious to his own attractiveness proved that to be a bit of a challenge. No seriously,  he once came to my private office to change his somehow dirtied pants to one of his tight-ass jeans and I had to fucking suffer through it wothout a word even when I was met with the sight of the caramel smooth skin of his legs, damnit).

                      The one frustrating thing was that every sweet and nice thing in our relationship came from him. I was a sucker when it came to emotions and especially if it involved showing someone that you appreciated them being with you. So I struggled. Fatally, every fucking time I attempted to do anything romantic or some shit it came out as awkward, stupid or unnoticeable. Once at his house I tried to playfully smear some cream from the dessert he was making on his nose. It ended up in Eren’s eye somehow and I spent fifteen minutes helping him clean it. This another time I wanted to kiss his forehead for some unknown shitty reason. Unfortunately, I managed to painfully plant my lips on the bridge of his nose awkwardly (you know, the way when you do it so hard that you actually kiss people with your teeth instead of lips, so yeah, good fucking job, Levi you shitstick). It was fucking embarrassing. I didn’t even know I was still capable of feeling that way. He just laughed both times off as if it was nothing. He even managed to become even brighter and warmer in my eyes. I, on the contrary, was cold, stoic and uninviting as always. But that kid still felt the need to be near me. It actually confused me to no end so as to why he chose that he wanted to be with a person like myself. And the worst part was that these thoughts about him haunted me twenty four- seven. Eren was in my dreams at night, in my thoughts at work or home when left alone. All the fucking time.

                      Talking about it with Hanji didn’t seem to help either. It just irritated me. It was simple attraction. Right. Yes.  I am attracted to stupidly pretty brat with stunning eyes and bright smiles, warm laugh and seemingly unattainable in his age intelligence, professional cooking skills, sculpted body, and… Shit! No. I am not thinking about him. No. NO.

                      I slammed my head on the desk with a thud and silent 'fuck' coming from my mouth. When I raised it again my eyes met with Petra’s (she was in charge of children and preteen’s literature) in the doorway. She looked a bit spooked but stepped inside my office and left some drafts that she thought were worthy of publishing on the corner of my desk and left without a word. I assumed she had knocked and called out for me, but I was lost in my own thoughts and didn’t even hear her. Shit. To hell with that stupid kid.

 I was still fuming when someone knocked on my door. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone so I remained silent. The door opened anyway. I raised my head to snap at the person who dared to disturb me, but when Eren came in sight, I felt my anger evaporate. I probably should have known that it was him. That brat always came when I didn’t know that I needed him to.

                      Stepping further inside, Eren closed the door behind him. He reached me in quick strides, leaned down and hugged me before I could say anything besides 'what do you want, brat?'. His scent reached my nose, his soft hair tickled my cheek and his voice (he was muttering something tenderly) calmed me completely. I let out a deep sigh and returned the embrace while tugging him down on my lap. Eren yelped having not expected that and tightened his arms around my neck for a moment.

                      “What happened?” He asked softly, his breath on my neck almost made me shiver. “Petra looked terrified when she came back from your office and said that someone should probably come and check on you. She stated that something was really wrong. Everyone told me not to and insisted on calling Hanji but I rushed over right away anyway, so please, tell me what’s bothering you now, Levi.” he said and pulled back to look me in the eye as he was finishing the last sentence.

                      I saw concern in his eyes and it made my heart ache a little. Really, there was nothing to worry about. I was just being my own fucking stupid self.

                      “I’m fine, brat. I was just overthinking some shit which isn’t really that important.” I answered. And it really wasn’t important anymore when I had Eren in my arms.

                      Now I felt so moronic for even thinking about it. It doesn’t matter. As long as Eren was with me all bright and happy I didn’t care enough to question what my feelings were. I just wanted to see him smile and laugh. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. No, I understood suddenly, there was something more I wanted. I had a small itch inside my head. I wanted to have him. Own him. I wanted to be the one making him smile and laugh every day instead of simply witnessing it most of the time. I ached to be a part of his life. And I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to let him into my heart. Not now. Not ever. The right time could never come. I willed those thoughts away and focused on Eren again.

                      I was trying to decipher his mind and he was attempting to read mine. Yeah, I really was attracted to him. I wanted him near me. I needed him by my side with all his sunny (but also bratty) personality.

                      “Do you want to spend the weekend at my place?” I asked surprising myself and him.

                      I saw it in his eyes. And then surprise melted into debate. I knew that he didn’t want to leave Mikasa alone and that he genuinely wanted to come. My heart soared at the thought that this brat wanted to spend time with me even though I was such an asshole most of the time.

                      “Sorry Levi, but I can’t.” Eren apologized like the gentleman he was. “It’s not because of Mikasa as you might think. It’s just that this weekend is special for my family and I’ll be busy” he looked a bit sad after he said that. Maybe because he really wanted to come, but something within me screamed that it was because of the secret about his parents that he was not telling me. He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet so I just let it be.

                      “Hey, please don’t be mad.” Eren murmured after I didn’t say anything. I looked him in the eye and sighed for what seemed like the tenth time today.

                      “I’m not angry brat. What for? You did nothing wrong so I have no reason to be mad. I’m simply tired and in need of coffee or maybe sleep and definitely having too much weight put on me. Seriously, when was the last time you exercised brat? It feels as if you weight a fucking ton or something. My legs got fucking numb.”

                      “You’re an asshole.” He accused with wide eyes, but then he broke into a smile and corrected himself. “No, wait. You’re _my_ asshole.” Blushing, he leaned in and kissed me, lips so sweet and tender that they almost had my head spinning along with the words he had said.

                      “Eren that sounded fucking weird and disgusting.” I said when he pulled away and he swatted my shoulder before leaning in to kiss me again with a silent ‘shut the fuck up’ on his lips.

 I kissed Eren back, a little more rough than needed. After pulling away for the second time he pressed his forehead to mine and we stayed like that for a peaceful eternity. At least it felt like it (yes I am sappy, so fuck you).

                      Then he detached himself from me and kissed my forehead before heading out the door. I didn’t deserve that brat. He was everything I could only wish to be. I just started concentrating on my work when suddenly he came back and gave me my car keys claiming that I had dropped them in the korridor. What a bad liar. I remember putting them in the first drawer of my desk, but I thanked him nevertheless and he strode out, smiling like a little kid.  The only mystery was why he had taken my car keys. I could only hope that he didn’t try to drive it. I fucking loved my vehicle  and I kept it in top condition too. I would cripple anyone who would dare to scratch it. Eren was no exception. I wanted to rush out and check on my car but didn’t. It would seem like I’m some kind of paranoid bastard, so no thank you. I had to trust Eren.

                      Hanji came by later and dragged me out to dinner since ‘we didn’t spend enough time together since Eren came into view’ and she missed her ‘Levi baby’. I just sighed and allowed her to drag me anywhere she wanted. We ended up eating crepes and shopping. I would never admit it aloud, but there was a reason why Hanji had taken the place as my best friend. She cared deeply and probably knew something was wrong and this was her way to untie my tongue. Meaning, she took me out so she could force me to talk after getting me uncontrollably drunk. The only question I had was - when was she going to start her attack?

                      “So, why was my Levi baby smashing his head into his office table today?” Ah, so apparently now.

                      “I wasn’t.” I answered simply.

                      “Oh, why would Petra lie to me? She’s such a sweetheart.” Hanji cooed.

                      “I don’t know maybe you annoy her as much as me and she wanted revenge? It could be anything. And even if she didn't lie it doesn't make a difference. You cannot prove anything, so therefore it didn’t happen.” I stated.

                      We were halfway to my car, each carrying a bag full of stuff we didn’t really need but bought anyway. I took it upon myself to purchase some early Christmas gifts and I had already gotten Mikasa (yeah I got the fucking runt a present, big deal, she was nice to fuck around with in ' the wars of words' sometimes) new shin guards – one pair black and one red – since hers seemed a bit worn (she hid them from Eren but I had to pick her up from practice last time and couldn’t help but notice). I also got an Armani tie for Erwin. Not that he deserved it. I just felt generous.

                      “Aww, Levi” Hanji whined. “You know that you can tell mama Hanji everything!”

                      “Yes, Hanji, I know. And believe it or not, but I fucking appreciate it. Unfortunately, there is no fucking way that I will talk about anything without any alcohol in my system.”

                      “Alrighty!” She suddenly exclaimed. “That means we’re going to my place. I bought some awesome vodka yesterday! It makes you think that you’re drinking liquefied galaxy! And it tastes pretty good too! Oh you just have to try it Leviiii! Hey! I just remembered that I saw a really great show on TV yesterday. It was about a woman who is in love with the dumbest guy in the world. Well at least relationship-wise because when that girl confesses he interprets it in some completely ridiculous way!”

                      Hanji continued talking about that nonsense until we reached her apartment building. She lived on the top floor and had a pretty good view of the city. I prepared us a quick dinner and Hanji made some cocktails that actually looked like the fucking Milky Way.  What the fuck? And it tasted amazing too. I ended up drinking a bit – a lot – more than I intended to and spilled all my beans for her. I told her about every date I had with Eren, how he’s romantic and perfect and I mess up every time. I even explained to her how he told me that he liked me and I haven’t returned the words and felt like an absolute shit about it now.

                      “I’m fuckin’ confusd Hnji” I slurred a bit. Alright a fucking lot “’at kid’s pefect and I’m attracted to ‘im but I don think I should be an’ it fuckin annoys me. All dis unnecessary thinkin’ adds to my irritation too! ‘an I can’t get dat shitstick outta my head… He’s always there Haji and he makes me care and dat fuckin’ scares me…” I finished before laying my head on a pillow and closing my eyes.

I heard her sigh and some soft material fell over me. I instantly felt warmer. The only thing I missed was Eren’s scent.

                      “You have it so bad, my baby. And you don’t know how happy I am to know that. I just hope that you won’t try to run away from it.” I heard her whisper before all the lights in the room dimmed and I fell asleep without pills and with no dreams.

 ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

                      I sacrificed my weekend without Eren to thoroughly clean my house. It felt appropriate. No distractions – just cleaning. I was used to having some plans every weekend. If I didn’t have a scheduled meeting with a client then I usually found myself either at Eren’s, or Hanji came to crash in my place. Someone always disturbed me. Not now though. I turned on some old tunes (honestly, I preferred silence most of the time, but I got used to the noises while being with Eren who loved listening to music when cooking).

                      I don’t remember exactly when, but I ended up opening a bottle of imported vine and after finishing one room I would reward myself with a glass of it. By the end of the cleaning I was swinging my hips in every direction and singing along the songs that played on the stereo. Fuck I was glad that I lived alone in this house. If anyone saw my right now I would have to kill them.

                      After putting away all of my cleaning equipment (Hanji referred to it as ‘Levi’s Exquisite Toy Collection’ or simply ‘Cleanipment’ whatever the fuck that means) I went to retrieve another bottle of vine from my kitchen. I felt festive so I also took out some snacks that Eren sneaked into my car when he stole my keys yesterday (that adorable little shit) and put on one of the DVD’s I had stashed in a cupboard beneath the TV. It was some silly movie which I couldn’t really focus on because my mind kept drifting to Eren. The food he made for me tasted heavenly and I will never understand when did he have time to cook since we went out for dinner on Thursday.

                      He laughed and snickered at my poor attempt to be romantic the whole evening. I tried to get some guy to play a violin for us but ended up yelling at him. That fucker kept getting off track and stood so close to our table that he literally almost hit me in the face with his elbow when he got too much into the rhythm. Fucking asshole. Eren calmed me down to using my indoor voice again after that so, luckily, we weren’t kicked out. After that he decided that he wanted to go for a walk in the park nearby. We held hands and Eren told me a bit about his mother. Now I not only knew that she looked a lot like Eren and was a great cook, but also that she was a pretty good artist and her humor was always light hearted. It was sweet seeing the brat smile while talking about it. Then he left me sitting on a bench for a while and came back with a fucking jonquil. I don’t know where the fuck did he get it from since it was mid-November, but he awkwardly handed me the single flower and that’s how he beat me in my own game. Eren turned my failed dinner into a romantic walk in the park. With flowers, sweet conversations while holding hands. All that shit.

                      Fuck, I already missed that brat. I haven’t tried calling or texting him though. I didn’t want to disturb. We had separate lives and it was completely normal. Although, I sometimes caught myself wishing that I could wake up with him by my side in the morning. But I knew better than to ask him that for at least another year or so. He had Mikasa to take care of and she still had to finish school. I should ask Eren if he has saved up enough money for her law studies. I mean, the kid’s been working since he was sixteen, but university – or college for that matter – is fucking expensive. I could offer to help him with the payment, but he will simply refuse me. I know he will.

                      My phone vibrated on the coffee table and I jumped a little as I wasn’t expecting that. I picked it up and felt a smile creep onto my face. It was a text from Eren. Of course. Who else would text me at this hour? It was too late for people from the office, as in for normal people, and too early for Hanji.

 **From Brat:** _Hey! What r u up to? I miss u ;/_ **\- 23:34**

 **Me:** _Do you even know how to write normally? It makes it hard to believe that you actually went to college to study English language... And I am watching TV. What about you, brat?-_ **23:35**

 **From Brat:** _Aww, meanie… I was about to go to sleep. Wait dont u miss me too?;((_ **\- 23:37**

                      I chuckled that brat was so easy to play with. I was fucking glad that he texted me and actually remembered when he probably had a busy day. And of course I missed him too, but like hell was I going to tell him that.

 **Me:** _Fuck no. I’m sitting here and having the time of my life. –_ **23:38**

 **From Brat:** _Liar I know u miss me. Just admit it ;) –_ **23:38**

I sighed and allowed myself to smile since I was all alone. I almost forgot that I still had to reply to the last message.

 **Me:** _Maybe only your cute butt, but the rest of you is kind of annoying._ **– 23:40**

 **From Brat:** _Ouch! Im hurt Leviiii! Why do I even date u? –_ **23:41**

 **Me:** _Probably because of my dashingly good looks and wonderful personality. Go to sleep brat. Call me tomorrow when you have time._ **– 23:42**

 **From Brat:** _Yah def the personality. K g’night babe!_ **– 23: 42**

I didn’t bother to reply and tossed my phone away. I haven’t stopped smiling yet and I didn’t think I could. This brat had such a huge effect on me that it scared me momentarily. But then, I remembered his smile, laughter and warm embraces and all the fear vanished. I felt happy. I was so fucking lucky to have Eren in my life and I didn’t want to let him go. Unfortunately, admitting my feelings will be hard since I was broken too many times. I didn’t want him to see that side of me, but if he was going to be a part of my life that encounter was inevitable. My biggest fear was that Eren will get hurt as the others did. I don’t think that I would be able to take that. As sappy (or maybe crappy) as it sounded, my heart couldn’t handle breaking anymore.

                      Sighing I turned off the television and went to bed. I read Eren’s poems until I drifted off to sleep (with only one pill this time) and with his voice repeating itself in my head.

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

I instantly knew that this week was going to be shit when I had stepped into the office late for about an hour that Monday. The lobby as well as the public relations and the draft admission section on the second floor were in ruins: people were running around with huge stacks of papers in their hands, some sheets were one the ground getting stomped on, the only thing you could hear was yelling and the sound of phones ringing.

                      “What the fuck is happening here?” I asked some bald kid that was rushing past me.

                      “The printing mechanism has broken down, sir.” He told me hurriedly and seemingly a bit scared. “Now everyone is saving what they can from the drafts. Some of them were lost though, that would explain the calls – angry writers have been bombarding us since we have sent them a notion earlier.”                 

With that and an added quick ‘excuse me, sir’ the kid quickly left in the direction of Nile’s office (he’s our chief manager in public relations). Shit with their creations lost those motherfucking writers will demand fucking payment and that is going to end up with our publishing house becoming the one that cannot be trusted. Well fuck.

I hurried to the elevator and got to my own floor. The hysteria could be sensed here too. Everyone was here. And when I say everyone I mean every single one of my office floor workers. I could see Oluo petting a crying Petra on the head, Guther and Erd looked all tense while talking with their editing teams as well as the people form their co-workers squads and Eren was comfortingly stroking Marco’s (a kid from Petra’s editing crew with shit ton of freckles) back… Wait what? I didn’t understand the ping of jealousy that I felt when I saw my brat touching the other man. Eren wasn’t doing anything too intimate, just comforting a friend. But I could still feel it gnawing at me. This must’ve happened because of the even bigger lack of sleep than usually.

I rushed past the scene and into my office to put away my stuff and to boot my computer not even understanding my own feelings. After that I came back to the common room. Nothing had really changed, except that now Marco was now hugging my brat like he owned him or something. What the fuck? Wait ‘my brat’? What the hell Levi?!

“Alright dipshits, calm the fuck down.” I said through gritted teeth. I didn’t want to sound so harsh but couldn’t help it. I was fuming over the picture of Marco in Eren’s embrace, but we’re not allowed to show that much emotion for each other in the office and if I were to drag the freckles out of here by his hair that would mean that there is something serious going on as well as my behavior would probably be brought to consideration to decide if my psyche is healthy or not…

“We are calm.” Rico replied smugly from her place in the corner where she sat with other members of Erd and Ghuther’s teams.

“Shut the fuck up you crappy blondie.” I retorted and heard someone snicker. “Get back to work you shits. Even if the machine broke, we still have a fucking ton to read and edit so I’d say you better start on that instead of wailing.”

With that said, I went back to my private office. A+ motivational speech Levi. Smooth too. Maybe I didn’t need to be so malicious with them, but jealousy and stress got the better of me. I’ll apologize latter. Yeah probably not… No, I really won’t. I never do. Just then, the phone rang and I picked it up at once.

“Ah, good punctuality as expected, Levi!” I heard Erwin’s smug voice on the other end and it didn’t sound stressed or pissed at all with the situation going on. “I bet you’ve already heard about what has happened and I wanted to make sure that at least your office wasn’t going nuts.” he chuckled.

“No, everything is fucking peachy Captain Eyebrows.” I answered. “My team should be getting to work right about now. Anyway, care to explain what the fuck happened to the printing mechanism?”

“Well it simply got the book covers mixed with normal pages and you must surely know what might happen if normal page papers get mixed with the cover material.” Erwin laughed lightly, that asshole, his whole company is going insane and he’s there sitting in his office and having fun. Taking my silence as a sign of obscurity from my part he continued talking: “Simply said, it had nearly burst. Therefore, a few ruined or lost drafts and some book release postponements hold nothing against an explosion.”

Freaking motherfucker. A fucking explosion?! Now I understood why he was so happy, but even then, his workers were still having panic attacks on the lower floors.

“Alright, but how are you going to deal with mad writers?” I asked as if the possibility of the building burning down didn’t impress me at all.

“There’s not that many of them, but if you really want to know…Well, we’ll compensate it and make sure that this doesn’t happen again of course. Then we’ll offer some free advertising to the authors of the books that are going to be released later due to the incident. And finally, we will have to fix the mechanism which was broken of course.”

Fuck. That just screams a lot of money. Not that this company didn’t have a shit ton of them but still. Sighing I ended the call and checked my mail and saw what I already knew I’d see there. Angry letters from furious authors whose drafts were lost. What the fuck do they expect to achieve by confronting me? Shitty morons. Grumbling swears under my breath I started typing back the replies. Always the same shit: ‘sorry about that and that’, ‘you will get a compensation for lost work’, ‘you will be given a free reading without commission pay’ and all that jazz.

I was done by lunch though and was ready to eat. What I wasn’t prepared for was Hanji stepping inside with food instead of Eren. She wore a dark blue, tight dress today. That happened rarely. I would have thought more about her choice of clothes but her screeching voice cut me off of course.

“Hey short-stuff!” She cooed loudly. “Eren gave me some food to eat with you! What a nice guy he is! He even took out Marco for lunch to cheer him up since the books that were lost had been assigned to Petra’s team. He was almost crying that poor thing!”

I stayed silent and watched her unpack the food and start eating while letting out all sorts of happy noises and talking with her mouth full (gross). What I couldn’t process was the fact that Eren took another guy out for lunch. My chest flared with anger and jealousy for the second time this day. What the hell? We haven’t even been dating for a month. Eren wasn’t an object to claim either. So why was I so angry for fucks sake?! I didn’t even want him to be the cause of these emotions. I didn’t want to let him closer than he already was, did I? No, he already has sneaked his way inside through all the fucking walls I could’ve built up and now, when I was starting to really let him in, Eren runs off to comfort some shitty guy who can’t even imagine what it’s like to be really stressed. That ocean-eyed brat meant more and more to me as the days passed even though I was fucking scared that me liking him will end up with the brat in a hospital bed or dead. Fuck, I was even starting to consider telling him about Izzy, Far and mother since their anniversaries were closing in! I only hoped that he wouldn’t get scared after he understood how dangerous being with me was. And now Eren’s not here when I need him to help me relieve stress with his light chatter and smiles. How can he run away with someone else when I need him more than anyone right now? Or maybe it’s saying something? Maybe life’s giving me a chance to push him away before Eren gets hurt? Before I hurt him?

Hanji noticed me fuming and stopped eating and babbling for a few moments. We locked eyes with each other and I saw understanding in her eyes. The woman fished out her phone and started typing something while I still refused to start eating even though I was hungry. I just couldn’t do it.

“So…” Hanji started after putting her phone away. “I get that there are some issues and I’ll be gone in a minute, but don’t be too harsh on him. Anything you are thinking right now is irrational and definitely fueled by stress and anxiety. Also, if you were thinking of leaving him and your happiness, then I am going to kick your short ass. No joke there.”

I looked at her for a moment before whispering:

“And what if he ends up hurt like others Hanji? Maybe it’s the way of the universe to tell me that I shouldn’t do this with him? With anyone?” I asked louder. “Mother, Isabel and Farlan… They were karma repaying me for being a shitty son and friend, unable to take care of his loved ones, so maybe it is going to take Eren too?”

Hanji was giving me a look full of pity mixed with… Anger? What?

“Now listen to me, Levi. Those things are in the past and it was not your fault that it happened! And no it was not karma. And if you really believe in that stuff then it already took its debt by making you short for being an asshole. So no, you are not going to do this neither to yourself nor to Eren. You’re meant to be Levi, even though none of you want to see it, but you are perfect together!” Hanji talked hurriedly. “You’re not allowed to leave Eren no matter what because he’s already turned you into a better person. You make each other happy too and that is really important living in a world that lacks the real, non-wealth related, feelings.”

I stared at her and Hanji gazing at me before I decided to get up and hug her. Yes, I initiated a hug with that psycho, but I needed some warmth and she was the only one who could provide it at the moment. She didn’t even comment on it and I knew she never will. Her arms simply wrapped around me too and we stood like that for a moment.

“You know,” - I started - “karma repaid me for being an asshole with sending you and Erwin my way. But mostly you shitty-glasses. So it has nothing to do with my height.”

I felt her chest rumble when Hanji laughed. After that she squeezed me tighter before stepping away and returned to her seat and picked up the food she was eating motioning for me to do the same. This time I complied. But before I could sit down I felt a carrot hit my cheek.

“No, by sending me and Erwin your way karma repaid you for being a clean-freak. So eat up shorty. Your boyfriend is probably running here on all fours right now.” She said and left the room after quickly inhaling her food.

Though before she could get out, Eren stepped in through the door. Hair messy, cheeks red, clothes crumpled and slightly out of breath. Fuck he was cute. Heaving by the door for a moment Eren was pushed further inside by Hanji who quickly disappeared.

“Were you running?” I asked calmly putting some food into my mouth and chewing slowly while watching him taking deep breaths.

“Yes” he said and quickly added, “Hanji texted me that you were really upset with this whole thing and I thought that I shouldn’t have fucking left you alone.”

I nodded a few times then answered him after I’ve finished chewing with my heart hammering in my chest simply from the sight of Eren. I watched him to see any signs of anger for disturbing his original plan of cheering up Marco.

“I was just stressed that’s all.” I lied swiftly looking away from the brat’s gaze.

“Yeah like hell you were ‘just stressed’!” Eren yelled suddenly making me jump and turn my head in his direction again. “ I saw that something was wrong this morning and I still went to cheer up Marco when I should have stayed with you and for that I am sorry” he continued,” so please don’t be mad at me or Marco for it.”

“I’m not mad, brat.” I answered. That kid, thinking that he was the one at fault when I was just being a prick. “Just come here and sit with me.”

He did just that plopping on the sofa so close to me that I could feel his warmth seeping through my clothes in a matter seconds.  Eren even went as far as putting an arm around me and pulling my body even closer to his. I needed to distract myself or else I would start blushing.

“How was your lunch with Marco?” I asked innocently hoping that it was awful.

“Oh, it was pretty good” – shit – “we went to a small restaurant that Marco swore had really good burgers and they actually do. I missed cheese in them though. Those things were really big too. Larger than my hand. I had eaten half of it when I got Hanji’s message. I left Marco there with Jean and ran here after that.”

“With Jean? What was the little pony doing there?” I asked confused.

“Well horse-face is Marco’s boyfriend so it only made sense to invite him too. I didn’t want to though…” Eren replied a bit disgruntled.

So it hadn’t been like a date at all. Marco had a boyfriend. All my jealousy felt ridiculous right now, but instead of thinking about it I snuggled into Eren’s side. He just hugged me tighter letting out a content sigh.

“Listen, Levi…” He inquired and I grunted in response. “I was thinking about Christmas and I wanted to ask if you would come to my place for it. I mean you don’t have to if you have plans with your family n’ stuff but it would be awesome if you could spend those few days with me and Mikasa.”

I thought about it for a moment. That fucking came out of nowhere.  Not like I haven’t thought about it too though. Well I pretended to think a bit longer because I already knew my answer instantly.

“No.” I said and heard Eren’s breath hitch and heartbeat speeding up.

“That’s alright then. Where you will be going if I’m allowed to ask?” He said after some time passed and I could feel his heart calming down bit by bit.

“I will be at home.” I said and pulled away to look at his now frowning face. “And you are coming to stay there with Mikasa. You are allowed to invite Armin too.”

I swear Eren’s face is like an open book. I could clearly see hurt convert into confusion and then merge into happiness when he finally registered my words. He leaned in and captured my lips in a light kiss.

“I’ll take that as you agreeing to come.’’ I said after he had pulled away.

“Like I could ever say no to you, Levi.” Eren retorted and laughed softly.

I leaned my head in until my forehead rested on his. This brat, he fucking had my heart skipping beats and my stomach lurching. I looked up into his eyes then and instantly thought that it was a mistake, because now I wouldn’t be able to find anything as beautiful again. Up close they were even more mesmerizing. I thought I could see happy waves crashing inside of them, struggling to get through the cornea of his eye and into my body, flooding it. Then he kissed me again. This time the kiss was more passionate, but I ignored the nagging part of me which was telling me to stop. I just angled my head to the side and moved to straddle Eren’s lap. I could feel all my frustration from today melt into the kiss and I couldn’t force myself to pull away for breath. I needed Eren closer. I could feel his hands circling my back and my palms were clutching his hair so hard I was afraid to rip some of it off. I needed to regain my self-control and fast because if this goes on we’ll be naked on the floor in a matter of minutes. But Eren, of course, had to bury any thoughts I could have ever had six feet below the ground.

He fucking moaned. It was the sweetest and most arousing sound I’ve heard in my whole life. I knew that my resolution was shattered when I shamelessly grinded down on him to hear more of his voice. And hearing I did. I continued to move my hips and Eren pulled away from the kiss gasping for air and moaning again. Not muffled by the kiss his voice sounded even better and his neck looked delicious arched back so I leaned in and started nibbling at it. Eren whined, and moaned, and mewled urging me to go even further than I expected myself to.

I traced my lips along his jaw and claimed Eren’s lips again. His hands clawed at my shirt lifting it up and putting his palms on my naked back, raking his nails on it lightly. I could only grunt in response and pleasure. I didn’t even care that this was a really bad idea or that we were in my office anymore and that anyone can literally walk in on us at any moment.

But of course, that is exactly what happened. I heard the door opening but didn’t register it in my hazy mind until I heard a gasp. Eren pulled away quickly to look behind my shoulder with a horrified expression, face red as a tomato. It turned my head too and there, in all his glory stood Erwin with Petra behind him, who had a hand over her mouth. Erwin just chuckled lightly. Before stepping back into the corridor.

“Everyone has their own ways to relieve stress.” I heard him say to Petra and chuckle before closing the door.

That fucker. He really was karma repaying me for being an asshole. I turned back to Eren who was still red and looked as if he was going to pass out.

“Hey, Eren, everything’s fine. He’s not going to fire you for this, so rest assured.” I told him thinking that he might be scared of losing his job.

“Oh, fuck the job Levi! Now they know about us!” he whispered harshly.

“Who cares? Let them know, whatever. They would’ve found out one way or another so just let it be, brat.” I rolled my eyes and the looked down between us. “Too bad that they interrupted though, now it’s all dead.” I chuckled and Eren just swatted my shoulder.

“Oh shut up! Now everyone’s going to tease me! I will die out of embarrassment!”

“No they won’t. I’ll make sure they stay silent, my little brat.” I assured him and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips before standing up and straightening out my clothes.

Eren did the same and the hurried out of my office letting Erwin and a blushing Petra in. The woman looked like she saw us having sex instead of simply kissing.

“Having fun I see...” Erwin began. “Did we interrupt?”

“Fucking yes, you bastard, and we were just getting to the best part.” I answered him and heard Petra squeak so I rolled my eyes in the woman’s direction. “What the hell do you need from me, Eyebrows?”

“I just wanted to inform you that we’ll be having lunch with a big shot who might get our business back on track sooner than we expected on Thursday. That’s why I need my chief editor to revise his work. It’s a promising young man, but I can’t trust only myself with this.” Erwin answered truthfully.

“Couldn’t you have fucking called?” I demanded.

The bastard just laughed before leaving me with Petra who refused to look me in the eye while explaining that she has managed to find a few of the drafts that were thought to be lost. At least some good news has come my way. But seeing Petra’s distress I knew my calmness wouldn’t last for too long. Oluo was the biggest gasbag in the office and everyone will think that I’m nailing one of my floor workers. Not that it mattered much… Eren was a hot piece of ass and if everyone knew, maybe they would lay low and leave him alone? But probably not, because Petra really was a total sweetheart and will not tell anyone of course…

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The day was fucking cold. I had my thickest scarf around my neck and my winter coat on, but the wind seemed to seep through it anyway. I shuddered walking beside the Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows who sort of shielded me from the wind with his mountain-like stature. We were going to a nice little restaurant near the office building to meet the ‘genius’ writer that Erwin had found. The motherfucker dragged me out on foot saying that it wasn’t that bad. I knew I  should’ve taken my fucking car.

I didn’t know much about the writer we were about to meet. Only that he was young and therefore brought a friend for the meeting. A person whom he trusted wholeheartedly. Well ain’t that good for him… I was here freezing my balls off only because Erwin thought that since the author’s bringing a buddy, so should he. Fucking eyebrows. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. And it got everything to do with the fact that the most I’ve seen of Eren since Monday was the top of head when I walked into the office.

We haven’t really talked about yesterday. It was only clear that none of us really expected that to happen. I knew he was probably embarrassed and I accepted it when his only replies to my texts were short sentences telling me that he was fine and short lived goodnights.  Was he mad? Well, hell if I knew, when I haven’t heard anything new from him since then… I sighed in relief upon finally entering the restaurant and being greeted by warmth and lovely smell of food. But then I perked up. It smelt familiar and I realized that I’ve already been here a few times. With Eren. It was one of his favorite places to eat lunch at. What left me dumbfounded though was the sight that greeted me when I followed Erwin to the table where our ‘oh-so-wonderful’ of a writer sat with his friend.

First of all that author wasn’t anything spectacular. Just some small kid with blond coconut-like haircut, blue eyes and a look on his face that kinda reminded me of Erwin. So Captain Eyebrows Junior it is then. Next to him sat the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I should’ve expected Eren to be there. He seemed surprised to see me too so I guess we’re even.

“Ah hello, nice to finally meet you Mister Arlert.” I heard Erwin greet the other kid. Wait Arlert? Isn’t that Eren’s childhood friend Arman or something? “This is my head writing editor Levi Ackerman.” Eyebrows continued and I found myself nodding instinctively in the direction of the kid, but eyes never leaving the other brat’s face. ”Oh and Eren ,of course! I thought you’d be here.” I glared in his general direction but Erwin only chuckled, while sitting down.

“Oh just call me Armin. And it's nice to meet you too Mister Smith.” Armin perked up. “I’m looking forward to working with your company. Eren has told me many good things about it.” Huh, sounds like we found a second Erwin, no kidding.

Eren just nodded and avoided looking at me. Erwin was asking Armin something about his life so I scooted closer to the other brat and leaned in his direction.

“Good to see you too, brat.” I said softly and saw him jump a little and turn his head in my direction to look at my face.

“Hi, Levi.” He whispered and blushed deep crimson after looking into my eyes.

“So this is Armin, huh? I expected him to wear glasses and have a huge backpack with him.” I said and Eren chuckled lightly, finally smiling.

“He does have reading glasses and left his backpack at home because I optioned he take a messenger bag with him instead. He still wanted to bring a few books to read in case we were to wait longer.” Eren looked at the two Erwins talking and shook his head a little still smiling.

“Good to know that you didn’t let him. Anyway, don’t run away today after work. I think we need to talk, brat.” I told him and saw all color leave his face and his smile fade. “If you will try to run away I’ll just tell Mikasa that you’re being a brat and she’ll lock you up in your room until I come.” I threatened and saw his face pale even more (did he just gulp?). He knew as well as I did that that girl would do it. She took my side now too sometimes if Eren was being too childish.

Said brat nodded and turned to Erwin who asked him if he has read Armin’s work. I just listened to them talk and sometimes asked a question or two myself. Erwin looked over Armin’s drafts and gave them to me to read latter. I didn’t carry around a bag, knowing this Eren took the papers and casually tucked them away into his messenger bag. I nodded my thanks and he smiled briefly. I felt Armin’s eyes on me throughout the exchange. Seeing as he was Captain Eyebrows Junior, the kid probably had us figured everything out already. That is if Eren hasn’t told him anything.

We ate and Erwin indulged Armin and Eren into casual talk while I stayed silent and just watched. I half expected that coconut-head kid to ask me something or hint on wanting to talk to me, but he didn’t and I felt sort of thankful.  Eren would sometimes lean in and whisper this or that about the things that were happening. He also noticed that the two blonds were really similar expect for their statures (Erwin was a mountain whereas Armin looked like a big pebble at best) and it almost made me smile.

We parted ways with Armin after lunch. He went in the direction of the university he studied at and we headed back to the office. Erwin walking in the lead and me trailing behind with Eren. The brat immediately noticed my discomfort at the cold weather and moved to walk closer to me, sharing the warmth that was radiating off of him as it would of a heater. I was a bit surprised when he sneaked a hand into my pocket, but I felt so warm that it didn’t matter what he did. Even the wind didn’t seem as freezing as before though it actually was blowing full blast into me (I wanted to shield Eren at least a bit from it). I could probably walk in a blizzard with Eren by my side and still be alright with it.

Office was quiet. Everyone was already working. Eren gave me the drafts and moved to his cubicle at the back. He had the biggest one since he didn’t have a team to help him with editing. I wanted to start reading Armin’s work, but today was the day when I had to actually face the angry authors whose drafts we weren’t able to retrieve. So much for my lightened mood.

First it was some guy with bleached hair who tried to invite me for dinner. Ugh, fucking no. Then there was some older woman who started crying, another woman who yelled at me even though she should’ve yelled at Erwin, a trans-guy who laughed everything off after being assured that he’ll get compensation and lastly a man who demanded twice the payment. I sent all of them to Erwin’s office or out. It wasn’t as bad as last time when we lost some big-shot’s draft and he yelled at us for half an hour, threatening to sue our company just to take out his flash drive and leave a pdf version of his work in my computer. That fucker. I almost punched him a few times.

As the clock neared six, some people started finishing their work, packing up and others were already leaving. I waited until in my private office, watching the city lights flicker, standing by the window. The sky was dark and it seemed even darker in the contrast to the lights. Too bad that you couldn’t see the stars, I missed them. A soft knock on the door drew my attention and I turned to see Eren entering. He looked a bit nervous but smiled upon seeing me.

“Hey.” He greeted me silently. “Meetings sucked much?”

“You have no idea, brat.” I replied and motioned for him to sit on the couch to witch he complied. “So, let’s cut the chase. Why won’t you start telling me why were you avoiding me since yesterday.” I said sitting on my coffee table a little to his right, crossing my legs and arms.

“W-well it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about.” He said weekly and fidgeted under my gaze a little.

“Did I do something wrong?” I inquired. “Maybe I moved too fast and you weren’t comfortable with that?”

“N-no! That’s not it!” He stammered a little.

“Then what is it, Eren? I’m not forcing you to do anything and am perfectly fine with moving at your pace, if you were wondering. I want you to be comfortable with me, so I’ll wait as long as I have to. Just don’t ignore me when something like this happens. You should know that I wouldn’t do anything without your permission.” I said, interrupting him (I think) and inhaled a little breath upon talking so much.

“I know all of that, Levi, and I’m really thankful, but moving too fast or too slow is not the problem here.” Eren started and covered his eyes with a hand. “It’s just… I was _really_ fucking embarrassed after Mr. Smith and Petra walked in on us.” Ah, so I was partially right. ” You have no idea. I couldn’t look neither of them in the eye. The same goes for you. I know I shouldn’t feel like this towards you but I did and I hate myself for it. You’re the first guy I’ve been like this with since... Thomas.” He whispered the last word and, dropping his hand from his eyes, looked down at the ground.

“Who the hell is that?” I asked

“He was the first and only guy I ever actually dated.” Eren said silently and I saw him force down a swallow.

He looked like he was about to cry so I moved to sit next to the brat and pulled his body into mine with one hand. He allowed me to do that, leaning into my side and sighing a little. I waited for him to continue and stared stroking his hair so as to calm him down a little.

“Thomas was a good guy and I really liked him, but because of certain circumstances I had to break up with him. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to or anything. Our relationship was sort of furstrating... He never stood up for us or himself and left this job for me only.” Eren continued silently and I hummed still patting his head. “He didn’t even try to convince me otherwise when we broke up. Thomas knew why I did it, but didn’t try to fix it or help me at least.” The brat shook his head a little.

“What a little shit.” I contributed. “I would’ve thought tooth and nail for you.”

Eren chuckled and pulled away to look at my face.

“I know. That’s why I’m here right now even though I promised myself that I will never date another guy again…” He said softly, voice sad.

I wanted to question him about it so badly. I could feel the words on my tongue but held back. Or rather, I was held back by the look so unfitting for his wonderful eyes. They were completely empty of emotion and that’s when I knew how true despair and guilt looked like. So I just hugged him to me and pressed my lips to Eren’s forehead.

“I’ll wait for you, Eren. I’ll sit here patiently until you’re ready to open up to me. And just know that it makes me immensely happy that you’re breaking your promise for me. I just hope that I’m worth it.” I whispered into his hair and felt the brat’s arms tighten around me.

“Thank you.” He said softly, his breath tickling my neck. “You’re totally worth it, Levi.” I thought I felt something wet on my shirt, but ignored it in order to press Eren even tighter against me without a word. And instead of asking any more questions I indulged myself in my own thoughts.

Hanji was right. This brat in my arms was turning me into a better, happier person. Like hell was I going to let him go, even if both of us still had many secrets to share. That wasn’t how Levi Ackerman worked. And hey – if Eren was going to be by my side, maybe my life won’t be as shitty as I thought too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave comments and kudos because both of them are immensely appreciated!! Lots of love is sent your way after every chapter, darlings!


	6. Neck-deep in The Ocean of…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeelllllooooooo guys! I'm back a bit earlier just because I'm happy that everything went well at school!! Anyway, as always I thank you for your nice comments (you know who I'm talking about. Yes yes it's you) and kudos. I don't feel like repeating myself about mistakes because apparently nobody cares so whatever. So, Chirstmas is nearing our friends in this chapter and I kinda liked writing this one, because a frustrated Levi is a funy Levi. Enjoy!

I didn’t want to admit it, but I was actually panicking a little. It was absolutely unlike me to be nervous about anything, but here I was, in my private office as always, but searching for some good gift ideas online instead of working. I felt so lame. I was 28 and had more money than I needed for fucks sake... I‘ve never searched for anything online, but seeing my disstress Hanji suggested I‘d try. So here I was, sitting and scrolling for two hours already (I even skipped lunch so Eren and Four-Eyes went out together). The worst part is – I still haven‘t found anything and there was only a fucking week left until Chirstmas.

                      I already had little pressents for my higher ranked editors, Erwin (and Mike too), Hanji (and Moblit as a thanks for putting up with her shit), Mikasa. But nothing for Eren. Not. A. Single. Fucking. Thing. I freaking got Hanji three gifts (they consisted of her favorite TV series DVD’s, a whole year subscription of her favorite science magazine and a picture of Moblit just to laugh at her), two for Mikasa (the shin guards and a band T-shirt) and Erwin (the tie and a whole package of men’s eyebrow kit just to humor myself), but zero for Eren. Well ok, not zero, one, but it was a simple, old looking, leather cover notebook with his initials on it (he once mentioned that he adored things made of leather). But nothing special that would show how much I ador…Appreciated his presence.

                      Frustrated, I closed my laptop with a loud thud just as Hanji waltzed into my office. She then proceeded to spin around herself a few times humming some melody that I didn’t know. 

                      “What the fuck are you doing Four-Eyes?” I asked.

                      She stopped spinning and looked at me with a biggest shit eating grin on her face.

                      “You’re in trooouuublllee!” She sang like a retard.

                      I wanted to ask what was happening but then a very, I repeat, _very_ angry Eren stormed inside and quickly walked up to me. He spun my chair so I would face him with my whole body and slammed his hands on either side of my seat. The brat’s vivid eyes were ablaze like that green glow from the Disney movies which means no good because it usually surrounds the villains (don't fucking ask me how I know that, I just do. Shut up). Though I had a hard time deciding if I should be worried about that or admire the fiery orbs which were gazing down at me. I didn’t have time to though as Eren took a deep breath, before asking me with a sweet voice (fuck how can it be scary and sexy at the same time? What the hell?):

                      “Levi, I was just having a very nice lunch with Hanji here, when she told me something that I was rather surprised to hear.” His lips curved into a small smile before it turned into a scowl that made his face gorgeous in a scary way (I am so gone with that kid, I swear). “Why have I never heard that your birthday is on the samE FUCKING DAY AS CHIRSTMAS?!” He started yelling towards the end.

                      Oh fuck. That... Wait what? Birthday? What was the big deal about it? I never really considered my birthday as something of great signification. I mean, everyone usually just merged it with Christmas and it turned into a mixed party over the years. Hanji and Erwin would take me out for dinner and we would get drunk then crash in the house of the one who was the most sober. Next morning was always shit. It was neither Christmas nor my birthday so I never really thought about it.  Though, it looked like it meant a lot for Eren. I looked away from his seething face to Hanji.  
                      “Get out.” I barked and she fucking _skipped_ out of my office. Well whatever weird psycho woman… I turned back to Eren’s enraged beauty (I can be a bit cliché and sappy alright?). “Eren.” I started. “Calm the fuck down, brat. Take deep breaths, drink some camomile tea or something and stop looking like I just left a shit on your front lawn.”

                      He seemed to somewhat listen to me, because his breathing slowed down by a notch and he backed away slowly, walking to my sofa, plopping down on it, crossing his arms like a little kid and pouting. Cute.

                      “I’m waiting for an explanation.” He said and tapped his foot on the ground. Again: cute.

                      Sighing, I stood up and went to sit before him in one of the chairs that were meant for visitors.

                      “It never was of importance to me, Eren. People always merge my birthday with Christmas and don’t do anything separate in the end anyway, so why would I, or you for that matter, care when it was?” I explained slowly as if talking to a toddler. Oh wait, I was dealing with one.

                      “Well I do freaking care about it!” Eren said sitting up straight. “How would I know when to congratulate you for leveling up?” What? Oh Eren, you adorable dork…” And besides, I already planned on making a cake and buying something for your birthday when I realized I didn’t know when it was! And how the fuck am I supposed to find out about it when you don’t even speak of it with me? I’m lucky that Hanji told me. I mean, we were talking about Chirstmas and stuff and then… Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was when she asked me what was I getting for you and I didn’t even know when your birthday was? We've been dating for more than a month now! And now you say that it ‘wasn’t of importance’. You were born that day for fucks sake, Levi! Of course it is important you preposterous dwarf!” His rambling suddenly came to a halt when he slapped a hand over his mouth after saying the last word.

                      Eren’s eyes were wide and I saw undeniable fear in them. My own were narrowed to little slits. Huh, he had had some guts, that brat. Now he was going to fucking pay. The door opened as I was standing up and I heard Hanji yell ‘Eren run!’ before he dashed out of my office screaming that ‘this wasn’t over’ with a high pitched voice. I contemplated running after him, but just huffed and fell back onto the chair.

                      I was seriously starting to consider getting him a limited edition beating or ass-kicking for Christmas.

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This is probably the most ridiculous idea I’ve had so far. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to take Mikasa shopping. I just knew that I was at the end of my wits when I caught myself dialing her number to ask for help. I had four days remaining and I still didn’t have a present for Eren. His sister was my last source and I cursed myself for having to spend time with that girl alone. If I’m willing to do this, she better be a good help because I might just flip my shit if it were to be otherwise.

                      Eren had gone out for lunch with his friends and I went to his house to get Mikasa. She should be back from school already since it was Friday before winter vacation starts and I knew that they let the children out earlier before holidays. I stopped in front of their house and got out to run up the stairs and press the doorbell. The girl opened the door, already dressed with her brown coat and leather boots with some fur on the sides on her feet (what’s up with his family and leather all year round? Not that I was opposed to it, that material was always a good choice). She wore her signature red scarf too. I wondered how often did she wash that and shuddered. I could only hope that she would think I did it because of the cold.

                      “You’re late.” Mikasa accused.

                      “Oh, I’m sorry.” I said. “I didn’t realize it was bitch o’clock already.”

                      Mikasa pursed her lips and glared at me. Don’t have a comeback now do you? Score for Levi. She got out and locked the door before charging for my car. Her revenge for my last comment was getting snow in it. Ugh… I will have to fucking clean the puddles now… But I wasn’t as mad as I should be. The type of comeback she used just served to amuse me because it showed just how desperate the girl was.

                      The ride to the mall was silent. Neither Mikasa nor I were talkative people and it was always Eren who carried on with the conversation. Though I could swear I sensed that the girl wanted to say something. I had to stop it before she could.

                      “I met Armin a few days ago.” I say and saw as her head turned in my direction from the corner of my eye.

                      “Oh? What did you talk about?” She asked not really interested.

                      “We didn’t. I just met him and he proceeded to talk to my boss about the book he wrote.” I deadpanned.

                      “Well isn’t that a good start.” She bit back.

                      After that we fell silent again… Until Mikasa decided that some music would be nice. She searched through the stations and stopped upon finding one that was playing rap music. I didn’t mind it as much as what she did next. That bitch fucking took out a crunchy candy bar and continued to eat it spilling crumbs everywhere. I just fucking cleaned my car last weekend. Fucking shit. That girl just had to push all of my buttons didn’t she?

                      That was the only thought that stopped me from pulling over and kicking her out on the street. That, and the promise of finding something for Eren. We were still a little ways from the mall as I stopped at the red light. I heard Mikasa sigh to my right and then the music stopped.

                      “Are you aware that Eren is breaking a promise he made to himself and our parents by dating you?” She asked suddenly and my head whipped in her direction.

                      “Yes.” I answered unfased. I didn’t know about the parents’ part though.

                      “Eren was devastated after our parents died and still is. He hasn’t even dated anyone since Thomas and now he chose the biggest asshole around. I don’t want Eren to get hurt, so you have to promise me that you won’t leave him when things get too hard, Levi. Yes, my brother is hot-headed and childish, but I think that he really likes you, though he doesn’t believe that you like him back, and it would crush him if you were to be the one to hurt him again. I don’t know why, but Eren seems to care about you a lot and I really don’t want to see him the way he was before. He's too good of a person for that. Like, he could've left me for Hannes to raise but did it himself instead, even taking my custody.” Whoa, whoa, whoa – hold your Jeans (horses and Jean became the same thing in my dictionary) woman, that was a fucking unexpected emotional ride from the start and those never sat well with me. It also was probably the longest speech she has given me since we met.

I stared at her for a moment before turning back to the road as the green light went on. Eren didn’t think that I liked him? What the hell brat?! Also, breaking a promise to his parents? Me hurting him? Everything sounded fucking ridiculous but made sense in a way. And Mikasa’s about the brat liking me made a turmoil start in my chest. After calming down a bit, I reached out my hand and petted her hair. She didn’t pull away so that was a good sign I guess.

“I’m glad that Eren has someone who cares so deeply about him. But you don’t need to worry. I will protect him even from myself if I need to.” I said and turned my head to the side slightly just to see her perplexed expression.

Mikasa then proceeded to nod slightly and turn her gaze away. The air in my car felt much lighter after that and I felt myself breathing easier. I knew Mikasa’s opinion mattered to Eren immensely, so it was important for me to find an understanding with the girl. And right now, sitting in my car and driving to the mall to find a present for her brother, I felt that the girl had completely accepted me. I couldn’t describe how much I appreciated that. To really be a prat of a family again felt a bit unusual but heartbreakingly nice. Now I had not only Hanji and occasionally even Erwin, but Eren and Mikasa too. And I even felt like one of the last two was even closer to my heart than the people I’ve known for years. But I wasn’t scared of that anymore. I promised myself to be brave from now on. Hanji was absolutely right - what happened in the past doesn’t have to affect my future. I just needed to move on. And that was what I was going to do.

My thoughts were cut short as we arrived to the mall and had to get out and fight the cold wind and wet snow on the ground. It was fucking freezing. I wished Eren was here with me – that boy was a freaking heater, I’m not even kidding. Glancing to my side I saw the face of the girl walking beside me. I could see from Mikasa’s face that she didn’t appreciate the cold either, so I just moved up ahead to shield her with my wider form. Yeah she was taller, but my shoulder-width was still bigger.

We both sighed in relief upon entering the mall. There was a shit ton of people and I could fucking feel a headache coming. I always got them from being in places that were too crowded.  I followed Mikasa to the cloakroom to hang the excess clothing. Then we headed to the first clothes store we saw.

That’s how it continued for a few hours. We rummaged through different kinds of clothing and jewelry amongst other stupid things trying to find something that I could buy for Eren, but nothing seemed to fit. I saw Mikasa looking through some clothes for girls with a troubled expression on her face. I knew that she wasn’t looking for something to buy for herself, because I had gone shopping with her and Eren once already. The girl was precise when buying stuff for herself, so I concluded that she was looking for a gift for someone. And that person must be a girl. I smirked and walked up to her.

“I think that I know what you should buy for Annie.” I said and her head snapped in my direction, eyes wide in surprise. “But not here. Let’s go”

I didn’t bother to look back and strolled out of the store. I remembered where the Armani shop was located in this mall and headed straight there. I knew what I was looking for so headed straight for women’s jewelry section and pointed out a necklace for Mikasa who had obediently followed behind me. It had a silver chain and three rings on it.

“When I first saw it, I spent some time thinking what the rings could stand for.” I said. “I mean, rings unite people and are a promise, so why put fucking three on a necklace? But then I came to a conclusion that they could mean binding yourself to three virtues that are most important for you or your special person since they engrave those rings here on spot. I like to think that the first one stands for respect, then the second one – for loyalty, and the last one – for love.”

Mikasa watched me for a few moments before a small smile graced her lips. She should smile more, I thought.

“Levi, you’re a sap.” She said, but picked up the necklace to inspect it further anyway. “But it sounds pretty nice. Too bad I can’t really afford it.”

“You can.” I said. “I’ll buy it for you.” I saw that she wanted to protest so just spoke over the girl. “But I want you to give it to Annie only after you are absolutely sure that she’s the one and only, Mikasa. For now, settle with one of the cheaper bracelets.”

Then I proceeded to take the necklace and brought it to the cashier they could engrave the rings. Mikasa stood by my side as I was checking out clothes in the men’s section. She clutched a simple, though pretty, bracelet in her hands.

“Before our parents died, our family had a tradition.” She started talking out of the blue. Though the sentence brought sadness to me too – their parents really died, and I’ve never felt so remorseful for being right. I pushed it away listening to Mikasa’s next words. ” When a Jaeger boy would turn eighteen, his mother would give him a wrist watch. You know, in Europe people are viewed as legal adults in every aspect of life after turning of that age. So the wrist watch stood for responsibility they get with becoming legal and in charge of their lives. Eren never got a watch like that since our mom died before his eighteenth birthday.” Mikasa finished and I could swear that her eyes were red and glassy by the end, but she blinked it away quickly.

I simply nodded patting her shoulder gently and went to the men’s jewelry section. I looked through the watches until I found one with a dark green dial and dark brown leather strap. I thought it would suit Eren the most. But when I showed it to Mikasa, the girl just shook her head and pointed to a black, metal one with silver hands and numbers.

“This one will fit better. I think it should remind him of the person who gave the watch to him.” She suggested.

I thought about it for a moment and, deciding that it really was a good idea, just went with it. I asked the clerk to take it out and, with Mikasa’s help, selected the size. I also got word ‘responsibility’ engraved on the back of it. Yeah I was a sentimental, sap, Mikasa, stop looking at me like that. After everything was done I paid for the watch and for the necklace, and the girl bought the bracelet she had picked out (it was a simple silver – since Annie was an ice queen – bracelet with a little lock that had an Armani logo on it). Then we headed to the record store.

Mikasa suggested that I should buy Eren some old CD’s since he loved old rock bands. He already owned a few, but with his sister’s help I managed to get a few rarer ones that the brat didn’t have the chance to get himself. Eren, apparently, had an obsession with buying original records instead of downloading them on internet. Well I didn’t really care – if it made him happy, the brat can get whatever floats his boat.

I heard Mikasa’s stomach growl when leaving the record store so I made her to choose a place where she wanted to eat. She decided on pizza and now a man in his late twenties, wearing an expensive, D&G dark gray suit with a dark navy button-down underneath and classy looking black Timberlands matched to a silk tie of the same colour (not that anyone knew this much) could be found eating it with a girl more than ten years younger than him (it was painfully obvious that Mikasa was a teenager with her high waisted jeans and a grey loose sweater which might as well have been Eren’s. Oh, and let’s not forget the red scarf) at a filthy pizzeria. Hilarious. Especially if you would notice that the man is shorter than the girl by almost three inches.

While we ate I asked her a few questions about school and found out that nothing has really changed since I was a student. It certainly still sucked balls. In return Mikasa asked me about work too. I could only tell her that it annoyed the hell out of me. After that we went back to retrieve our coats and headed to the car. The wind had somewhat calmed down while we were inside so it wasn’t as cold as before. About halfway to her house, Mikasa suddenly spoke up.

“Thank you, for the necklace, Levi. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s nothing.” I uttered and I wasn’t lying. ”Just don’t forget what I told you about it alright?” I saw her nod silently from the corner of my eye.

I felt like we really reached an agreement today and only hoped that it will last. I let Mikasa out when we were a corner from her house. The girl was supposed to be out shopping with girls and not with her brother’s boyfriend. She thanked me again with a sweet smile that was so rare on her face, got out and jogged to her house. I felt my own lips twitch into a smirk of my own too. I thought that we might just get along perfectly from now on.

When I had finally returned home, I packed the presents neatly and hid them in my closet. I settled on my sofa with a bottle of wine and one of the older movies in my collection. I felt relieved. I had presents for everyone, I settled things with Eren’s sister, I even found a new family when I least expected it. I fell asleep on the couch that night without even thinking about taking pills.  

 ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

                      I was invited to spend the evening at Eren’s on Saturday morning. By Mikasa. Talk about new friendships and first-timers. Even Eren was surprised. She did it on her own free will, without him asking. I found out that Eren simply mentioned that it would be nice if I could spend the night but was probably buried under the mass of drafts and wouldn’t be able to come. So naturally, that’s exactly what I did.

                      Eren was surprised to see me at the door, but just smiled big and stepped aside. Then he proceeded to hug me to death after I took off my coat and boots.

                      “Don’t suffocate me, brat.” I managed to spit out.

                      “Ah! Sorry, sorry…” Eren said, but instead of disappearing, his grip only lightened but only a little bit. “I just missed you very much.”

                      “You fucking saw me at work on Thursday, Eren.” I sighed patting his back.

                      “It’s not the same! And it’s been more than twenty four hours. You didn’t even come back to work on Friday after you left _during_ lunch!” Whining and pouting he pulled away but his face broke into a smile upon looking into my eyes and continued talking with a sweet voice slightly tilting his head to the side. “But you’re here now, so I guess it evens it up.”

                      This brat, really. He is going to give me a heart attack one day. And at this pace, that day will come pretty soon, considering that he was mostly oblivious to how good or adorable he looked all the fucking time. I could clearly remember the time when he accidentally splashed water all over himself while washing dishes (don’t ask me – I have no idea how Eren managed to do that). He was wearing a fucking white shirt and it became see-through. That was the time I saw what exactly am I dealing with. This brat was all lean muscle (yes, the whole package consisting of pectorals, abs, obliques and the list goes fucking on) and perky nipples that were nicely brought out by the whiteness of the wet shirt contrasting against his tanned skin.  He didn’t seem to notice me staring as he hurried away to change, but not before giving me a nice view of his also nicely sculpted back as he was taking the wet shir off while walking out. What the fuck, brat? You were not supposed to be all perfect. You were supposed to be only pretty and lovable and not someone who people had wet dreams about. I could even feel myself getting aroused simply by remembering the sight. That certainly was not something I wanted to happen while being embraced by the said brat.

                      “Yeah, I’m here now.” I said a little stiffly.

                      Eren stepped away with a quick peck on tmy cheek and headed towards the kitchen, expecting me to follow. I could already hear Christmas songs playing and could only wonder what he will do when he finds that my stereo blats music through five speakers.

                      “Do you want to help me cook?” He asked shyly. “I’m making a turkey wellington. I always like to make Christmassy meals as the celebration is like, a few days away. It helps me get into the cooking spirit that will be needed to make the supper when the time comes. ” Eren continued talking and I wanted to shut him out, like I did with Hanji, but found myself unable of doing so.

                      I would catch every word he said and I really wanted to hear about his day and what he usually does before Christmas (he also told me about being happy that I allowed him to decorate my house the way he liked even though it will be his first time visiting). I liked listening to his childhood stories and ramblings about people littering or dying from their own or someone else’s hand. Eren really cared about his surroundings and as a consequence – I started paying attention to them too. For example yesterday I got into a really bad mood when someone told me about one of our workers’ daughter getting run over by a car. It wouldn’t have affected me as much before because, hell, shit happens, but then I thought that it might’ve been Mikasa in the hospital instead of that other girl and suddenly it became news that angered and saddened me. All because of that brat. I didn’t even know if he was doing me good or bad by existing in my life.

                      I watched him cook and helped with some things as well. Mikasa came down to say ‘hi’ and get some snacks while at it. Eren opposed to this of course and yelled that she will not eat the food he made if she ate too many snacks before dinner. He’s such a mom sometimes – scolding people loudly from the kitchen, wearing an apron and baking mittens, puting fucking clips in his hair –  that it even makes me smile. Though I was irritated by the fact that even with the housewife get-up he still managed to look masculine and handsome.

                      “Annoying shitty brat not appreciating my hard work in the kitchen…” I heard Eren mumble under his breath. Whoa wait… Was I growing on him too? Well, at least he’s learning some good manners then.

                      “Should I make salad?” I inquired and Eren looked at me briefly before smiling big again and nodding a few times.

                      The dinner turned out to be pretty good and surprisingly, even after all those snacks, Mikasa ate the most. I strongly believed that it had something to do with the fact that she simply adored her brother and his cooking. I could say the same for myself though I didn’t eat as much. The wellington Eren had made was almost divine and that’s coming from a man who doesn’t even like the British cuisine. The taste might’ve also got something to do with the warm atmosphere in the room. The three of us bickered with each other while eating and I got to know my new family even better as I was looking at the two people before me in some kind of new light. I haven’t felt this welcomed anywhere since I lost Farlan and Isabel. Not even with Hanji because somewhere deep inside, I would always feel like an intruder in her house. No such feelings with Eren and Mikasa.

                      “Pass the sauce, midget.” Mikasa said with a full mouth of salad. Gross.

                      “Witches who got turned to pigs don’t need sauce.” I said but still gave it to her. “No seriously, don’t do that, you might choke and it wouldn’t do Eren any good to worry like that.” I pulled out ‘the Eren’ card as I usually did because that’s the only way to make her listen to me too.

                      “Yeah, alright, I won't worry mom. Thanks for the warning,  _dad_.” The girl retorted and I wanted to give her a comeback, but my attention was swept up by a surge of coughing that erupted from Eren’s chest.

                      The brat has actually chocked. And not even on a dick (witch wouldn’t be that bad, considering that we were dating). I whisked those thoughts away quickly – no really, Levi, now is not the time to joke - and focused on the man in front of me. Eren was still coughing and I was starting to worry. Even slapping him a few times on the back didn’t help. Mikasa was yelling something besides me as I watched Eren’s face get redder and redder. It was impossibly red and, fuck, it was turning blue. Shit shit shit shit. He was not allowed to die on me.

                      I stood up and pulled him up with me, quickly standing behind Eren and wrapping my arms around his waist. I positioned the knuckle of my thumb at the place where his stomach should be and started pushing it in the manner of Heimlich maneuver. I got even more worried when three strong pushes didn’t help. Shit. Eren was going to die because he choked on his own food. FUCKING SHIT. NO. Eren isn’t allowed to die. He’s too kind for his own good. Shit! Why do people I love always have to fucking leave me?!

                      No, shit, no this is not happening. I won’t allow this. I understood I was talking to myself inside my mind and just started pushing harder on Eren’s stomach telling Mikasa to go and bring water. Once, twice I could see that his face was blue, there were tears in Mikasa’s eyes, fuck brat you have to make it for us, thrice… Suddenly there was a noise like a pipe being cleared and something flew out of Eren’s mouth and he started heaving for air. I let him go and Mikasa threw herself at her brother’s side, giving him water, helping him into a sitting position. She looked at me with teary eyes and mouthed a thank you. I stood there watching the most important person in my life recovering from a near death experience. That’s then it dawned on me.

                      He wasn’t choking anymore. Eren was going to live. And I helped him. I saved his life. The guy who couldn’t love anyone because they died if he did. Oh just wait a moment now… Did I just fucking think that I loved Eren? The fuck? I don’t do ‘love’ anymore, right? I swear this fucking kid is making me go nuts…

                      I stared at the siblings, trying to recover my normal heartbeat. I watched as Eren calmed down his sister and hugged her close looking up at me with his vibrant – now even more than ever as they were red and teary – eyes. I didn’t see he hand move but I felt his warm fingers grasp mine and yank me down so he could embrace me too. And you know what? I allowed him to do that and even circled my own arms around him squeezing the shit out of the brat. I could hear him breathing and whispering to Mikasa, I could feel Eren’s heartbeat and these things made my mind flood with relief. He was fucking alive and that’s how he’s going to stay from now on. I was too selfish to let him go like I did with others. This fucking incident made me perceive just how much the brat already meant to me. I now understood that I will always put him ahead of others, even my closest friends, but felt even more afraid of expressing my affection on a bigger that ‘like – like” (as Hanji would say) level. That is why I will protect him at all times, so when I’m sure about myself, he would stay with me instead of ending up like Far, Izzy and mother. That, I promise.

                      I didn’t realize that I was still squeezing Eren until he spoke up about being choked again. I quickly released him after that and went to ramble about how I just told Mikasa about how stupid it is to talk with your mouth full, that there is a risks of it and there the brat goes and does exactly the same fucking thing I told her to be careful about.

                      “Sorry, Levi…” He rasped (his voice was still weak after he almost fucking choked). “It’s just that… Mikasa called me... you ‘dad’ and I was a bit taken aback by it because, well, I’m her brother, so I guess that’s why I… I found it funny ‘cause you two look like frenemies or something right now.” It looked to me like it was only half of the truth. I’ll make sure to ask Eren about it.

                      “The fuck? A freaking joke made you so surprised that you even choked, brat?!” I said loudly (no, I didn’t yell, he only gets agitated when someone raises their voice at him), but then turned away running my hands through my hair and mumbling some of my mother’s best French cuss words.

                      “Eren, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean for that to happen…” I could hear Mikasa whispering behind my back.

                      “No, no, no Mika it was an accident. Those happen a lot.” (Yeah right, those sure do happen around me a lot, huh?) Eren’s voice sounded like gravel.

                      I turned around to look at both of them again. I could see guilt lacing Mikasa’s features. In order to distract her, I ordered the girl to go set up a movie together with Eren and proceeded to clean everything up. I also told her to make sure the brat drinks some more water and takes deep breaths instead of normal ones. Surprisingly she obeyed and did as was told, so when I finished tidying up the kitchen, both siblings could be found on the sofa in the living room talking softly to each other. Mikasa still looked upset though Eren smiled lightly but tiredly upon seeing me and my heart clenched painfully as I remembered what occurred just minutes ago. He motioned to sit near him as Mikasa turned the movie on. The brat fell asleep fifteen minutes into the shitty action comedy and I left after carrying his, surprisingly light, frame to his room.

                      I trusted Mikasa to take care of everything and bid her farewell after putting on my shoes. What I didn’t expect though, was the hug I received from the girl or the silent sobs that wrecked her body while she squeezed my shoulders.

                      “Hey, kid, it’s alright. He’s fine now and we will both make sure that nothing like that happens again, right?” I asked her and opted that petting her hair a bit would be good.

                      “He almost died there, Levi. Because of me. Eren’s my only family and I almost killed him…” Mikasa said, her words muffled by my shoulder.

                      “No, it was an accident and blaming yourself will do no good. I’m talking from personal experience here, so trust me. Now stop crying and woman up. You have a brat you need to take care of.” I scolded (I fucking suck at this shit).

                      She sniffed a little – eww – and stepped away. The girl nodded once, then twice and finally looked at me with puffy, red eyes.

                      “I will forever be grateful for you.” She said, her voice strong and determined and it reminded me a bit of Eren 9oh right, he had raised her). “I will trust you to help me to protect him though.”

                      I just nodded and waved a little while exciting. I thought about Eren and his sister all the way home and until I fell asleep - not without a pill though. This brat was changing my life and made me care more that I wanted to. But was actually feeling good emotions instead of the bad ones all the time really that bad? No, I don’t think so. But what I really know is that Eren makes me feel like I’m neck-deep in some ocean of affection when I look into his eyes. It’s not a bad feeling but it scares me as I do not deserve even half of it. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t long for that warmth. That’s why I need Eren in my life and that is also why he’s going to stay there until he pushes me away himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING AND I WILL SEE YOU NEXT TIME MY LOVELY READERS (I know that there's not many but that's why I love you all so much). Leave kudos, comments and smiles! Oh and (if anyone's interested) I've got a Tumblr - http://rohiblanka.tumblr.com/ . I'm not a bigshot or anything though, so don't expect too much hahaha (I'm serious. Don't expect too much)


	7. Drowned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeellloooo there people! Summer vacation is here and I couldn't be happier! I wanted to share a bit of my joy with you by uploading a new chapter and I really hope you enjoy it. I mean, Christmas is on and everyone is happy and stuff.. Also I tried writing smut but couldn't really do it in the end so don't hate me for that too much please! Anyway, ONE THOUSAND HITS HOLLY FUCK thank you so freaking much for that everyone!!! Keep reading please and leave comments as well as kudos!

I called Eren the next day to ask how he was feeling. The brat’s voice was still a little rasp but he sounded cheerful. He talked for almost five minutes about the food he was going to make for Christmas and asked if he could really use my kitchen all he wanted. It was nice of him to be so concerned about it even though he was the one to be worried about.

                      I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night since I kept thinking about Eren’s condition and what this occurrence meant. Yeah, I decided to protect the brat and keep him by my side, but how many times exactly will I be able to save him, before he actually leaves me? This relationship was already starting to hurt him physically and it got me worried. But even though I was scared, I couldn’t force myself to think of leaving Eren as a solution to this problem. I was too selfish to bear the pain if I were to lose him for whatever reason if there was something I could to to prevent it from happening. So I kept my mind at bay, hoping that everything will work out for the better (although, it probably won’t knowing my fucking luck).

                      Eren and Mikasa were to come on Tuesday seeing as Wednesday was Christmas. We would decorate my house, cook and eat dinner together on the first day of the visit and exchange presents in the morning of the next one (or wait for others to come to do that with us). Then Armin would come in the afternoon on Wednesday along with Erwin and Hanji. Eren was to make food for everything and others were to bring drinks. I had to provide dishes and a place to sit. I could do that, right? I never had such a big pack of people to gather at my place on Christmas and my birthday actually, but Eren was there so I couldn’t complain. I spent all Sunday cleaning since I had to go to work on Monday and other days I will probably be too distracted by the brat to tidy anything up, I was sure of it.

                      Putting away my cleaning equipment I decided that it was the time to do some work and get ready for Monday. It was a big day since we were having a party that night in the office so we could go out earlier on Christmas Eve. I packed the small presents I had bought for Gunther, Eld, Oluo and Petra. They were simple metal pens that I adored for they were the best for quick and fluid writing. I took out Mike and Moblit’s presents too. I had bought the bigger one of the two blonds a collection of scented candles (that guy loved that shit) and earbuds along with a pair of clasps for the smaller one. It was my way of thanks for putting up with Erwin an Hanji’s bullshit. I would leave the gifts on their tables along with a note. They knew the rules – I give gifts and that’s all there is to it, they are not to thank me or indulge me about that matter in any other way. They gto used to it and didn't have to recover from feet-shaped bruises on their arses.

                     Speaking of recovery, I asked Mikasa to keep me updated on Eren and found out that he had eaten normally today and drank a lot of water. He was getting better really quick and that was a relief I needed to fall asleep that night. I had to take pills though. But only one and a half this time. And I also managed to get good five hours of sleep which I needed for the party.

                      I decided that I’ll change for the evening in my office so I just packed my rich black shirt with silver buttons and dark blue pants that hugged my legs perfectly according to Hanji. Not that I needed her judgement in fashion, I just liked to hear people agreeing that my choice of clothing is as good as I think it is. I also threw in a dark blue west that went with the pants and my silver wrist watch. I grabbed some hair gel to push my hair back in a more elegant manner.

I got to my office floor ahead of anyone else (it was fucking 7 am and work starts at 8 or 8:30) and handed out all the presents while no one was there. I quickly delivered them to other two men also and came back just in time to see Petra getting off of the other elevator.

                      “Hello, boss.” She said with a smile. “Merry Christmas!”

                      “It’s still two days away, Petra, but thank you. And you too.” I said going past her ant into my private office.

                      I indulged myself in work way past lunch and cursed when I saw that I should go and get ready for the party. I was going to be held on Erwin’s floor. They had a big room where press conferences and bigger meetings were held, so it served us as a party hall. I quickly changed my pants and discarded my button-down but didn’t put the new one just yet. I freshened up and decided to work on my hair so as to not to dirty the clean shirt. I pushed in back with the help of gel and was in the middle of putting the lid back on the bottle when Eren walked in.

                      The brat stopped in his tracks, mouth open and eyes wide. He wore a dark green suit with a white button-down underneath. The brat looked downright gorgeous and the suit brought the best in his eyes. Staring at him all dressed up it downed on me that I was standing there shirtless. Ah, so that’s why he was staring… Oh? Well maybe I should just tease him a little more? Thinking that, I turned to face him still bare-chested.

                      “Well hello to you too, Eren. You're already dressed as I can see” I spoke lowly. “You look dashing by the way.” I added ranking my eyes slowly down his body.

                      “T-thank you…” Eren stuttered blushing furiously. “Y-you look good too, Levi.” Wait, did he just fucking gulp?

                      I smirked taking the shirt I was going to wear and slid my arms through the sleeves. Though wanting to tease Eren some more, I left it unbuttoned and moved towards him.

                      “The color of the suit brings out your eyes perfectly. They are absolutely stunning…” I ran my fingers down Eren’s face and hear his breath hitch. What was with that expression? “Ready for the party?”

                      I didn’t get an answer though as his hands slid to my bare back through the unbuttoned and the brat pulled me to him, crashing our chests together. I felt his breath on my lips before they collided with mine. It was a strong kiss, filled with lust and desire. One that I didn’t receive often from the brat. He bit my lip and sucked on it. I allowed him to do that for a while before showing my own tongue into his mouth. Eren fell back letting out a yelp and I pressed him into the door with a faint thud. Hearing him moan as our lips danced only encouraged me to press my hips to his. Eren let out a strangled moan and pushed back. I felt myself getting aroused from the sounds he was making. Fuck, what was that brat doing to me?

                      Once I thought about it, I pulled back heaving for air. I looked into his eyes for a moment allowing the brat to breathe. It seemed like he was starting to regain his mind too because he straightened out a bit and let out a small cough.

                      “Sorry… You really shouldn’t do things like that to me. It’s unfair, Levi…” He said and turned away wanting to go out of the room. “I’ll be waiting for you upstairs.” Eren left with that and another needy look at my body.

                      What? Unfair? You shitty brat do you have any idea what the hell does your body do to my mind? Apparently not. Well fuck me sideways then, because I was not going to survive to wait until he’s ready then. Especially if he will pull stunts like that on me. Not that I was complaining of course. Kissing Eren proved to be the best stress-reliever and it brought some sort of happy feeling to me too. It was just too bad that I was left craving for him more often than I would’ve liked it. I sighed buttoning up my shirt and tucking it into my pants before leaving the office to head upstairs.

                      Eren stayed true to his word and waited for me near the elevators. It seemed like everyone was there already and Erwin was getting ready to say one of his speeches before people got to drinking and eating. It was always the same shit about another good and successful year in the company. Blah, blah, blah. Thank you very much now move away and put on something less crappy than your voice Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows. Finally his speech was over and replaced by some music so I took a glass of whiskey from the table and decided to walk around. I talked to people and drank (but not too much, I mean I still had to drive myself home), but nothing could help me to distract myself from the gaze I felt following my form wherever I went.

                      I knew Eren was looking but ignored him for the biggest part. His stare was warm and heavy, the kind of that’s really fucking hard to ignore, but I managed. I even managed to hold myself back while driving the brat back to his house and while kissing him goodnight. Yeah I had a strong will and I knew he did too. But just how long will we be able to hold out?

 ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

                      It was finally Tuesday. I haven’t slept on Monday night at all so the last day of work was shit. I couldn’t get Eren and his stupidly pretty face, firm body and blazing eyes out of my head no matter what. I even went to the shower two times to cool down underneath a wave of freezing water before the situation became uncomfortable. I felt like a fucking teenager and that didn’t help my sleepless irritation. On the other hand, everyone else in the office seemed to be in high spirits.

                      I could hear someone singing Christmas carols and see people trotting around with ugly thick sweaters on. Yes, they did celebrate last night, but even hangovers couldn’t bring their spirits down it seems. I was sort of happy too since today work was only until early afternoon and I will be bringing Eren to my house. As I said I had promised that he and Mikasa will be allowed to decorate it however they wanted, so the siblings decided to bring some of their own decorations. We were also stopping by to buy a Christmas tree, for Eren didn’t even want to hear any complaints about the mess it causes. Well what-fucking-ever, if the brat wanted the tree, I was going to get him one.

                      As the owner of the house I was also forced to hang some Christmas lights outside by the same annoying kid with the help of a certain annoying psycho. I mean, when those two fuckers team up, it’s freaking impossible to bear for even five minutes: Hanji screams something incoherent on the top of her lungs and Eren stares at me with the most adorable pout and puppy eyes nodding in some insanely pretty way at everything the four-eyed freak says. Who the hell could handle that? Definitely not me since I was ready to freeze my ass an balls off hanging the shitty lights up. The only thing that comforted me was the promise of Eren preparing a warm meal like a housewife in my kitchen and maybe even greeting me at the door with a kiss on the cheek. Fuck, that sounded sappy and freaking cliché.

                      Sighing I turned off my laptop and gathered my stuff. Walking past the office I nodded at everyone who said their goodbyes and ‘merry Christmases’ to me. I could see that Eren’s cubicle was already empty. Huh, he was probably waiting downstairs. However, he did not stand by the elevator as I was expecting. To my surprise, I had found him awaiting by the car. He looked giddy and started skipping around the vehicle as he saw me approach and jumped right in after I unlocked it. I got a warm kiss on my cheek and a sunny smile upon getting in myself (cute, huh?). We drove to his house not talking too much and helped an already packed and dressed Mikasa to load their stuff into my trunk. The girl had spent the morning at home with her girlfriend because they wouldn’t be able to meet up for a few days.

                      Eren started chatting with her excitedly, his face all smiles and shit. He got even happier after we bought a Christmas tree (he deemed it to be the most perfect tree because it was rather short and had many branches) – until we stopped in front of my house. The brat stared at it for a good minute before whistling and running to the backyard to build a fucking snowman… Tch, such a kid, seriously. Mikasa was the one to assist me in getting their suitcases and a few boxes with decorations into the house. I saw her eyeing everything, but the girl stayed silent. She only thanked me when I showed her to one of the three guest-rooms. I left Eren’s things in another one and then went to make some tea for everyone.

                      My kitchen had a big glass door that led into the backyard so I could see Eren making a snow angel on the ground. He is such a big fucking dork. The brat had a big smile on his face and it actually even widened when he saw me. I could see him shouting, but the glass was thick so I heard no words, that's why I just pointed to my ear and shook my head at him. This fact seemed to frustrate Eren as he stood up and ran to the front door. I could hear it being opened along with the sounds of the brat undressing and taking off his shoes.

                      “Your house is amazing, Levi! It’s not too big and not too small, and the backyard is perfect for a bigger garden and a small greenhouse! Why don’t you have those? Don’t tell me you buy everything from the store? It’s not bad, don’t get me wrong, but my mother thought me that growing stuff yourself brings you closer to the nature and therefore makes you happier, fuller person ‘n stuff…” He started talking upon entering and hasn’t stopped until he got into the kitchen, still looking around with wide eyes.

                      My house wasn’t anything too special. It was bright as it had many big windows, which could be darkened with a remote at night. I liked chandeliers so I had hung up one (it’s not big though) in the dining/living room and another one in my study (that one was even smaller). Everything consisted of dark colours mixed with the occasional speck of blue, red or green. Though the kitchen was a light place everything was sandy and creamy there. As if I knew that a specific brat will be cooking there someday. I also had the master bathroom decorated with light colours so I could see where to clean better. I had a pretty big backyard and it only consisted of one tree I had plated there long ago. Maybe it could use some more trees and even the damn greenhouse…

                      “After we drink the tea, Mikasa is gonna start decorating and then I should begin cooking because it takes up a lot of time. You will have time to hang the lights and tidy up if our cleaning will prove to be too sloppy for your liking.” I heard Eren say upon coming back to my senses and noticed that I had already made the tea so I handed him a cup.

                      He really did think of everything. Although my heart clenched painfully after hearing his consideration of my clean-freak attitude. Goddamn, that wonderful brat.

                      “Yeah, sure, let’s do that.” I said. “I’m going to change now. You can unpack the food you brought. Explore the kitchen so you would know where everything is.” I left with that.

                      I passed Mikasa on my way upstairs and told her that the tea was ready. She only nodded and proceeded to go downstairs where she could hear her brother humming. Changing into something more comfortable I headed downstairs as well. I found Eren and his sister in the kitchen placing ingredients for cooking into the refrigerator or in the cupboards. Well, Mikasa was placing the stuff as her brother was simply sneaking around and seeing if I had every instrument and kitchen equipment he might need.

                      “He has everything a basic kitchen would have, although most of this stuff looks like it’s never been used and only cleaned…” I heard Eren say to the girl, bent over with his head in one of the lower cupboards.

                      “That’s because I actually never used it since I don’t cook much.” I answered, making Eren jump a little and in the process slam his head into one of the shelves.

                      He hissed in pain and looked at up at me with tears in his eyes after getting his head out of the cupboard. I could hear Mikasa snicker about her brother being a wuss behind me.

                      “Did you have to do that?” He asked but I just shrugged my shoulders and took a sip of my tea all the while watching the brat stand up and rub his head with a hand gently. He actually looked adorable and it made me feel slightly guilty for scaring him. Though from his overprotective sister’s reaction I could guess that this happened quite often.

                      “I will be going out to hang up the lights and, as you had already said, Mikasa will be decorating the inside of the house while Eren cooks so I’ll bring the Christmas tree in while I’m at it.” I announced after finishing the beverage and washing the cup. “Also, if you need more decorations, there is a small storage room down the hall. They’re in a red box, you wouldn’t miss it.”

                      Both of them nodded and I left without another word. I brought in the tree as promised, trying not to make a mess. Hanging the lights around proved to be easy as hell and by the time darkness fell I was finished and the house looked more Christmassy than it ever has before. I’ve never had the lights hung on it so it was a nice change (even though I had to freeze my balls off to do it). I also realized that I never had this many Christmas decorations inside of the house upon entering (Mikasa’s efforts proved to be not bad at all). Although the first thing that was out of place was the divine smell of food that lingered in the air. It smelled fucking great I my mouth instantly watered. I took the excess clothing and my shoes off before heading towards the kitchen.

                      I passed the living/dining room and saw that the Christmas tree didn’t have lots of decorations but it was so thick that it didn’t really need too many of them to look great. My stereo was blasting light festive music and I could also hear Eren singing along. I smiled at the sight that greeted me in my kitchen. The brat was prancing around with a santa hat on and with his linen apron decorating some dish and… Holly hell, there was a fucking shit-ton of food. Why the hell would he make that much? And how the hell did he even manage to do that such a short time span?

                      Eren saw me by the door and smiled warmly still singing. My heart ached at the sight and I allowed a smile slip past my usually collected façade. Then the chorus of the song started playing and the brat left all his work to come to me. Eren grabbed my hands and started swirling our bodies around the kitchen. He fucking made me dance with him. I found his laughter infectious and chuckled myself. I just couldn’t be sour and irritated around him. We danced until the song ended and then he kissed me sweetly before returning to work.

                      “Fucking brat…” I muttered under my breath. “Hey, why did you make so much food?” I asked walking to stand beside him.

                      “Well, my mom and dad came from Europe and people are mostly Catholics there. And it says in the bible that on Chirstmas Eve, aka The Birthday of Jesus, all the lovely believers have to have twelve dishes during supper on their tables to symbolize the twelve months of the year and also the twelve apostles if I remember it right. Mother never forced neither me nor Mikasa into Christianity but always kept up with the traditions herself. I do this every year just because it reminds me of those happy times. Though I changed the tradition a bit,” He said chuckling, “Catholics aren’t allowed to eat meat on Chirstmas Eve so my mom used to make only fish for supper on that day. I make only a few dishes that consist of fish and nothing else because eating similar meals always seemed irrational me.” Eren finished his explanation with a smile.

                      I hummed in understanding and asked if I could be of any help, but the brat just brushed me off saying that I was allowed to go and shower since he knew how much I longed for it. Going to my room I walked past Mikasa who was finishing decorating the stairwell. We didn’t say a word to each other but I ruffled her hair a bit when I was walking close enough. She huffed in annoyance at that but otherwise didn’t say a thing.

                      After cleaning up and putting on a black sweater with a V-neck accompanied by a pair of my fancier jeans I went back downstairs. I found that the dinner table was already set up for three. There was a white tablecloth on and a few red candles were lit. Many of the dishes were already placed on top of it and the plates as well as any other needed cutlery were laid out too. It looked pretty nice. I found the siblings in the kitchen arguing about something that had to do with the Chirstmas tree, I guessed, since I heard words like ‘thick branches’ and ‘spikes’.

                      “I know that it looks good that way, but the star is still needed, Mikasa.” Eren said sounding annoyed.

                      “But it looks better without it! I already tried putting it on and the colours just don’t match!” Mikasa was talking rather loudly.

                      “But it’s a tradition!” I thought that Eren was exasperating a bit.

                      “I could give you an old snowflake I used to put on top of the tree when I was little if you want.” I silenced Mikasa’s next sentence and they both turned to me looking a bit like two children caught fighting by a parent.

                      “What colour is it?” The girl asked and Eren sighed.

                      “Silver.” I answered and she nodded in approval. “I will go and get it now so stop bellowing for fucks sake…” I added and turned around to go down the hall into the little storage room I had.

                      I took out the snowflake and handed it to Mikasa who went back to the living room wearing a look of appreciation on her face. I followed her together with Eren. I could see why she didn’t want to put the yellow star on top of the tree. The decorations consisted of small blue lights and classy silver stars and ribbons alongside some snowflakes. Wait, those were the ones that I bought with my mother and Isabel when I was little. How the hell did Mikasa find them when I thought I had gotten rid of them? Well whatever, it looked good so I just allowed it to slip. With the snowflake on top it looked even better and all three of us stood there admiring the perfect Christmas tree.

                      “Alright, let’s go and eat now. I’m freaking starved…” I heard Mikasa say and Eren laughed turning around and heading back to the kitchen.

                      I sat at the table together with the girl and awaited the hot dish to be provided. I wasn’t surprised to see that Eren cooked fish (salmon to be more specific). I also wasn’t astonished that it tasted wonderful ( I guess I had gotten used to the amazing food the brat made). We ate and chatted occasionally and it felt like the three of us were a little family enjoying the nice evening together. I felt happiness soar inside of me like birds and butterflies (whoa shit, I don’t think I’ve been on fucking drugs but this seems like something they would make me think…). After we finished, all three of us cleared the table and cleaned the dishes. I put on a Christmas movie for us to watch and we settled on the couch to watch it. This time I was in the middle and had an arm draped around Eren’s shoulders.

                      The brat was leaning heavily on me and fell asleep soon after with his hand in Mikasa’s hair as her head was actually in my lap (the girl fell asleep even sooner than her brother and fell to the side until I spared her neck and moved her to lay her head on top of my thigh). I didn’t dare to move even after the movie ended and the credits had stopped rolling. I just simply drifted off too (yeah, I really did, no kidding)… Just to be woken up soon after. My body was being moved, I understood. Actually I was being carried. Bridal style. By someone relatively strong and smelling like leather and cherry tabaco. Why and where the fuck was Eren carrying me?! I wanted to spring out of his arms, but decided against it since it would mean that I know what happened and would be even more embarrassed tomorrow. If I will continue to play being asleep, I might pull it off, come the siblings decide not to mention anything the next morning.

                      “Just open the door to his room.” I heard Eren whisper. “The bed should be big enough for both of us.”                     

Huh? What was that again? Eren in my bedroom and my bed? Why did he decide to sleep there when he could have had the whole bed for himself in the guest-room? He had been to my room freaking once and only because I had asked him to get the dirty laundry from my bathroom (yeah the last one makes me feel all hubby-ish). And now he’s going to sleep there. On my bed. With me _in it._ Alright, Levi, what are you, fifteen? Stop with this nervous shit. I mean, this is your hellishly hot boyfriend carrying you to your bed. This is nothing fucking special. And still I felt my heart pace pick up speed and prayed for Eren to be unable of sensing it.

                      I was a bit relieved when the brat placed me softly on an equally soft material. Then I could feel him take off the layers of my clothes that might be uncomfortable to sleep in, but not a single one to expose too much of my skin (so yeah, I was left in a T-shirt and boxers…). What an honest brat. I was really lucky to have scored that, wasn’t I?

The other side of the mattress dipped an Eren threw covers over the both of us and scooted a bit closer to me. Then I felt his head drop on my chest and his arm circle my waist. The warmth of his body overwhelmed my senses. It was hard to breath. I felt kind of lightheaded actually. Cursing myself for being such a fucking schoolgirl I sighed as if sleeping and settled better so it would be comfortable for both of us and not only for thy brat. I could hear Eren do the same as he scooted even closer to my body, sharing his heat and the intoxicating smell that his body emitted.

                      I don’t know how much time passed but I finally heard the brat’s breath become even and deep. I could finally move as he was asleep at last. Pulling my arm out from underneath him gingerly I placed it around his torso to pull him even closer to me. He was wearing pants from what I could tell but no T-shirt and I thanked whoever was responsible for this. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve fucking seen a beautifully sculpted man’s body, but if you did then Eren was exactly that. I didn’t touch him though. Only stared at the parts of his body (It was just his fucking shoulders and the start of his chest) I could see like a damn pervert or a stalker. The rest of his firmness was hidden by the covers and I could only feel it pressed against my side. Though the most attractive feature was Eren’s face and not his body. It looked so calm and pretty while the brat slept. I could clearly see how old he was now, not like when he was awake – Eren’s eyes made him look younger than he was. And also, his personality was fucking childish and made me think that I was dating a freaking fifteen year old sometimes.

                      Eren wasn’t that much younger though and sleep revealed that perfectly. The older look actually made him even more attractive. But his charming looks meant nothing when he had a perfect laugh and personality. I could clearly remember the day when he actually laughed out loud while with me. It was the first week of him working on my office floor and other staff members decided to throw a welcoming party for the newest employee. Eren seemed really happy and smiled all the time, making it hard for me to avert my eyes from his face. And then, a slightly drunk Oluo bit his tongue while trying to tell him how much dedication the work they did needed. Eren laughed so hard that tears started to roll down his cheeks while watching the other man splutter with blood in his mouth as Petra tried to tend to it seemingly cocerned. Though to me, Oluo’s condition didn’t really matter, the only thing I could concentrate on was Eren’s light laugh that sounded like a waterfall of semi-deep music that you could never get bored of. I was actually fucking lucky to get to hear it on daily basis.

                      I pulled the brat closer to me, wondering what the hell had I done to deserve him (and also why did he decide to sleep in my bed – not that I’m complaining or anything). I will make sure to repay Eren for this feeling of happiness and contentment somehow. I fell asleep for the second time that evening without medicine. It seemed that I never needed them when Eren was involved… Huh… How about it?

                      I dreamt of the sea again and I could feel that it was warm since my whole body – spare the head – was submerged underneath the water. It lulled me for a while before tossing me on the shore as some shrill noise started ringing in my ears. It was a phone ringing somewhere near me. It couldn’t be mine because the ringtone seemed unfamiliar. Then I felt the warmth that was pressed to my side move and heard a silent curse. My eyes shot open and I turned my head to see Eren sitting up in the darkness to turn off the noise. He succeeded as it was silent in my bedroom again.

                      Then the brat turned around to face me and smiled when he saw that I was, in fact, awake. What a surprise.

                      “It was my alarm.” He said. “Sorry for waking you up.” Why the hell was he still smiling and looking happy even with my best glare directed his way?

                      “Why the fuck did you set an alarm at… What time is it now?” I asked suddenly remembering that I didn’t even know how late it was.

                      “It’s two minutes to midnight.” Eren said and I swear his smile was shining even in the pitch dark room. And why in the whole motherfucking world did he set an alarm for fucking midnight?! “I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday. I knew that Hanji will probably text you or call you at midnight sharp, but I wanted to congratulate you before her.” He finished silently as if reading my mind.

                      Oh. OH. My birthday was tomorrow (well today as of now), right? That adorable brat. How the hell did he always manage to be the dorkiest and the most romantic guy I’ve ever known? Also, for the record, I think I heard my phone vibrate on the night stand indicating that I had a new message but I simply ignored it (yes, fuck you, you four-eyed-psycho, Eren is going to get what he wants)

                      “So, happy birthday, Levi.” He beamed and leaned down to kiss me softly before pulling away and gazing at me with a strange look in his gem-like eyes. “I am very glad that I’ve met you.” He looked dead serious and I felt my heartbeat pick up its pace.

                      Eren then leaned down and kissed me again. This time more passionately. He even went as far as straddling my hips. I could feel his arms pulling the blanket off of me, but with his body pressed into mine I didn’t even notice the change in temperature. I felt his arms sneak under my T-shirt and shuddered. Suddenly this whole sleeping arrangement gained a lot of sense as the brat proceeded to grind his hips down on mine. I grunted at the friction and the brat moaned into my mouth since he hadn’t stopped kissing me yet. His hands lifted my shirt up to my neck and his lips left my mouth so he could trail kisses down my abdomen until he reached the, now obvious, tent in my southern region. He mouthed it through the not as thin as I had thought at first material of my boxers, the action sending pings of pleasure up my spine. Oh fuck. Goddamn fucking shit.

                      “This will be your first birthday present, Levi.” I heard Eren say huskily, fuck his voice sounded so hot at that moment, I couldn’t even imagine that he could pull something like that off. “This will be something like ‘The Birthday Head’.” He chuckled darkly and it went straight into my dick. Oh fucking hell. “I would have done it in the morning, but you see, Mikasa’s here so I wanted to wait until she’s asleep. Besides, it gave me a pretty good opportunity to indulge into my plan of being the first one to wish you a happy birthday.”

                      He slowly slid my boxers off while talking and positioned himself between my legs. Wait what the hell are you doing, brat? Eren wasn’t really fucking going to… Was he? Eren leaned down until I could feel his breath on me and raised his eyes to meet mine.

                      “Happy birthday again, Levi.” He smiled mischievously and then his mouth was on me. And oh motherfucking hell above all hells.

                      He made me moan louder than I had before and he was letting out some noises himself with his mouth still around me. The vibrations in the back of his throat sent jolts of pleasure up my spine. How the hell was he so good at this?! Eren’s mouth was warm, wet and so wonderful that I couldn’t even try to keep myself silent. And I didn’t really want to. This was the best kind of unexpected birthday gift actually (I wondered how many more times will this brat be able to surprise me like this). I came with Eren’s name on my lips and my dick between his.

      ****************************************************************************************************************************************************                The next morning found me happily humming in the kitchen, making coffee while Eren made waffles. I could see that he was smiling and I couldn’t help but do the same. I felt strange how normal this whole thing felt. I seemed like we lived together already and instead of scaring the thought excited me to no end. We had a make-out session after waking up and brushing our teeth and if I wouldn’t have stopped Eren, I would’ve probably gotten another birthday blowjob. He seemed eager to do it. The brat who blushed like a virgin at every naughtier comment. He definitely was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I mentally slapped myself for the latter thought. Really now, Levi? Did you really just think that?

                      Mikasa was still sleeping so Eren asked me to wake her up when our light breakfast was done. We had decided to unpack our presents together when Armin along with Erwin and Hanji arrive. It seemed like the least bothersome way since we still were to do it with everyone else who brought us presents. Mikasa didn’t take the waking well. She slurred in a sleepy tone and dragged her feet downstairs. Though when a smiling Eren kissed the top of her head wishing the girl ‘a very happy Chrsitmas’ while placing food in front of her, the girl’s eyes seemed to open wider and she inhaled the food and ran back to her room. But only after kissing her brother and me (gross she had some leftover syrup on her lips) on the cheek and yelling ‘merry Christmas’ to us and a ‘happy birthday, midget’ specially for me while running. Eren just laughed her off and went to wipe my cheek with a napkin. Fuck, whoever sent that brat to me was worth everything what they wished for and more if it was possible.

                      We dressed and cooked lunch together. Other people were to come around one pm and Eren wanted to cook a chicken for everyone to eat. I was allowed to make the salad again and happily obliged. Music was playing full blast and I felt happier than I had in a while (the feeling was elevating, ecstatic there are not enough words for it actually…). Eren was singing again and his hips swayed together with the waves of music. I only chuckled a few times watching him doing the sprinkler or some old disco move while dancing. Soon Miksa joined him in the singing. Together with her I set the table and brought out some food that we haven’t eaten yesterday along with snacks which were placed on the coffee table. Then, when I was sure that both of the siblings were in the kitchen I sneaked my Chirstmas presents for everyone under the tree.

                      Our guests started gathering around twelve as we expected. Well it was only Shitty Glasses together with Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows and they started annoying me from the moment they stepped inside. Seriously, Hanji screamed my ear off with her horrible mixture of the ‘Jingle Bells’ and ‘Happy Birthday’ songs. Erwin only smiled shaking his head as the woman bellowed beside him. Then that four-eyed freak proceeded to hug me to death still screeching like a dying horse. Eyebrows hugged me too. His hug was worse because that bastard actually had the decency to lift me up in the air (I swear Mikasa and Hanji took pictures that were going to be used against me at some point. Those bitches…). Then Armin came. The kid was easier to communicate with. He didn’t scream or screech, he didn’t squeeze neither Eren nor Mikasa to death while hugging (if anything, he seemed to be the one being squeezed).  Capitain Eyebrows Junior shook my hand politely and wished me a happy birthday. I couldn’t hold in the comment that it was happy until Eyebrows and Glasses came. No matter what, I will always believe that it was the universe’s way to repay me for being a fucking asshole…

All three brought some presents with them and placed the boxes and bags under the Christmas tree and soon it became too small to store everything. Armin stayed by Mikasa’s side though he talked the most when Eren was around. I got to know him a bit better too before the lunch was ready. He genuinely loved his studies and was thankful to Eren and his grandpa for supporting him financially (looks like the brat was saving money not only for Mikasa, but helping Armin as well. His three jobs at a time made sense now actually). He also told me that he used to help Eren study or calm him down so he wouldn’t start a fight sometimes. It made me glad that Eren had such a nice guy as a friend from the very start of his life.

We ate lunch and I swear my house has never been filled with that many voices and such loud chatter. I haven’t decided if I liked that yet, but the feeling of fulfillment was something I definitely appreciated. It was nice to see how nicely all of the people that I somewhat cared about got along so well. I mean, Hanji and Erwin (wll at least I could tell that Glasses did because if not for me Erwin would still be after the brat's ass, so he might feel a bit remorseful about this situation) absolutely adored Eren and seemed to like Mikasa and Armin as well (Captain Eyebrows seemed a bit too interested in the coconut-head for my liking. Go back to that fucking blond tree of yours, you bastard). The kids also seemed to get along with my, so called, friends. I was glad to see that Eren didn’t seem intimidated by Erwin since the brat always looked a bit uneasy around the blond in the office (but that’s probably because the old fucktard had asked him out more times than would be appreciated). And even though I will probably find more crumbs on the ground than ever after this, I still felt kind of happy.

Everyone marveled at Eren’s (who blushed adorably) cooking and even clapped when the brat brought out the cake he had baked for my birthday (it was a pretty big cake which Eren decorated with some white and green frosting and wrote ‘Our Little Birthday boy’ on top of it. Hanji laughed her ass of at the words and I secretly hoped she’d choke).  And if anyone would have looked at me then, they probably would’ve been able to see that pride that was surging inside of my body. Yeah, you fuckers, this brat makes the best food, has the prettiest face and laughter as well as a nice round ass as well as a sculpted body and he’s all mine. Even though the cake looked fucking delicious we were too full to eat it so decided to have it after unpacking the presents.

That’s how everyone found themselves seated around the Chirstmas tree, watching as Hanji unpacked her presents. She especially like one from from Eren. It was a wine glass that looked like a bottle from the bottom but was meant for drinking as the top of it was shaped like a simple glass. Hanji seemed to like it a lot if I could judge it by her screaming and the bone crushing hug the brat received from the psycho (I got one of those too and I was afraid that she’ll squeeze me so hard that I’ll end up shitting myself). Next was Armin, he actually teared up after looking at the album of their childhood that the pair of siblings had put together for him. Mikasa snorted at the T-shirt she got with the words ‘Keep Calm and Play Football’ on it. She seemed to like it because she immediately trotted out of the room to change after hugging Armin. The girl also seemed to appreciate the shin-guards I had gotten her (I could see that Eren was a bit disgruntled by my gifts for his little sister). Ewrin got a funny present too, though it was funny looking socks which made me and Hanji snicker (I swear it was that psycho who had given them to Eyebrows). I could see that he strained not to laugh himself.

Eren handed me a present that Hanji had pointed out for him then (he was in charge of giving everyone theirs since he sat closest to the tree). So it was my turn to unpack, huh? That four-eyed freak has gotten me a book “Sexual Fitness: The Ultimate Guide to Pump While You Hump, Tone While You Bone and Shred in the Bed“. Really, Hanji, really?

“You didn’t really have to show Eren’s family what a fucking psycho you are…” I commented and that freaky woman only laughed pointing out another gift to give me.

Other presents which I received were pretty normal: a Gucci button-down and a pair of funny socks from Hanji, a Christmassy tie and a photoshoped poster of Eren (his head was put on some man’s who was laying half naked on the bed) from Mikasa – it made Eren blush and chase his sister around the room in attempts of murder. Erwin got me a bow-tie (it was like a tradition for us to give each other ties, and similar stuff of any sort, from Armani for each other on Christmas) and a pricy collection of stress relieving balls, that fucking bushy-browed bastard… Armin brought me some good wine which made me smile at the blond coconut. And finally it was Eren’s turn. I saw how excited he was while giving me the first gift. It was a hoodie that smelled like him (it was probably his if I could judge anything by the raised eyebrow Mikasa gave him upon seeing the gift). I didn’t comment on it and proceeded to put it on, Eren’s smell surrounding me immediately, and geniuenly smiled at the brat. What a sap he was… And guess what – my sleeping attire has suddenly changed (I doubted I’ll need any pills until I had Eren’s smell too). His next gift was an expensive looking leather wallet with his picture inside (told you – a total sap). Eren explained that mine looked a little bit worn out to him and it was true. I was contemplating on buying a new one myself.

 And then there was a rather large picture of me when I was little with my mother. She was cradling me in her lap and there was the biggest shit-eating grin plastered on my face. I don’t even know where Eren had found this picture because I don’t remember having it in the first place. Seeing my mother’s smile, remembering all the nice times we had together brought stinging to my eyes which I quickly blinked away and looked at the brat. His face was twisted in worry and uncertainty. I motioned for him to come closer and he immediately obeyed (huh, reminds me a puppy with his tail stuck between his legs). Once he was close enough, I yanked Eren into me and pressed my forehead to his (I think I heard Hanji letting out a cheery yelp at that) and the brat started giggling squeezing my waist lightly.

“Thank you, Eren.” I whispered and he just nodded as I released him, repositioning himself to sit between my legs on the ground with his back turned to me.

Mikasa decided to be helpful and brought every present that was left under the tree for her brother to unpack. The brat laughed when he got a book similar to mine from Hanji and upon seeing that Armin had gotten him some sort of spicy sauce which just had to have a backstory that I haven’t heard yet to it. I could see that he was happy about all his presents and thanked everyone for about fifteen times though I saw that one was missing. When Eren was done, I nudged him a little so I could stand up since he was leaning on my legs. The brat looked up at me curiously but didn’t ask anything as I went over to the tree and crouched down to pull a gift that Mikasa had missed. I brought it over to him and sat back into my place with his back pressed into my shins.

Looking up I could see Mikasa’s eyes alight with recognition and focused on the brat again. He unpacked the box carefully and gasped upon seeing the Armani logo on it. Then he opened it and I could hear his breath hitch in his throat.

“I know it’s about five years late to give this to you but I hope you will still accept it nevertheless.” I told him softly, putting a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

He didn’t say anything for a long while and I thought that he won’t respond at all. His head hung low and I could feel that he was shaking slightly. Myabe this was too much? Maybe he didn’t like it? Fuck, what if I messed up? But then he suddenly turned around and I was dragged into a bone crushing hug. I could instantly tell then he was crying as I could feel wetness where my cheek was pressed to his. Then he pulled away and kissed every inch of my face, murmuring a silent ‘thank you’ after each kiss. It was kind of gross but I felt a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth until it slipped out and I started laughing. My arms wrapped themselves around Eren’s waist as he continued kissing my face (he was gripping the sides of my head so I wouldn't move too), also giggling now. I could hear other people in the room snicker but it didn’t matter because when Eren finally pulled away, he quickly put the shiny wrist-watch on and smiled at me with his puffy eyes full of happiness and affection. In that moment I felt as if nothing else mattered. Only him. Only this wonderful brat that filled my life with light and warmth. The guy who accepted me into his family. The one person whose life became more important and precious to me than anything else in this goddamn world.

I felt myself being drowned but it wasn’t unpleasing and my ability to breathe wasn’t restricted anymore. I just gave in and became one with the waters that were suffocating before. I gave in to the ocean that scared me to no end up until now. Fucking shit. This is what loving again felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading my dearest people, I love you all no matter where you live and who you are!!! See you next time!


	8. Broken Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! New chapter is here and the first thing I want to say, we are allowed to drink sicne we're eighteen in my country so Mikasa's not violatating the laws too much since her birthday is soon and she's seventenn at the moment. Anyways, enjoy the chapter and let me know what you're thoughts were! OH! AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS HAS MORE THAN THOUSAND HITS ALREADY. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THAT MAKES ME. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

I would’ve never in my life fucking thought that I am capable of getting smashed two days in a row. I mean, I was drunk beyond belief. It even went as far as blurring all the memories of those nights out off of my mind. That is why I hardly remember anything that happened last weekend.

                      I know I went to drink with Hanji and Erwin on one evening and we just let loose, remembering the old days when I first met the Four-eyed Psycho in the corporation and then found out that we went to the same college. We remembered all those times when we got in trouble for shit that students do when exams are over and they just want to relax (one time when I and Hanji stole every single glazed donut from an on-campus coffee shop while we were high as fuck got stuck in my memory pretty good. I remember that my dick was all sticky the next morning since I thought that my underpants were a nice place to hide donuts in. Sucks for me. I spent nearly three hours trying to wash off all the sticky chocolate glazing and the sprinkles). All three of us ended up smashing in my place since I had made a promise for the brat which I needed to keep. Which was coming over to see him since we couldn’t meet up at all this week due to the workload in the office.

When I went to Eren’s the next day, he found it funny that I could get so drunk so as to actually start dancing while singing along to some shitty pop song in a bar full of people. He knew that I never did anything like that in a crowd. Fuck, I hated crowds. Too many germs, touching and all that shit. The brat called me a light drinker and said I probably couldn’t handle any of the European drinks he had in his stash that had been sent to him by distant relatives on some occasions. His statement managed to irritate me as did his shit-eating grin which refused to fucking vanish even after many of my special glares. That is when I dared him to see which one of us was more of a lightweight.

                      Needless to say, we both ended up horribly drunk and we even allowed Mikasa to join somewhere along the way. She actually won, and I wouldn’t believe in this if she hadn’t recorded it beforehand. I didn’t even remember what we had bet on before starting that whole stupid-ass game though and neither did she. Well whatever, it doesn’t really matter anyway, because I think I might have as well won it. My prize was the sight that greeted me in the morning. I marveled at the sight of a hungover Eren.

You see, when he gets too drunk, he tends to do silly shit like trying to climb the stairs like a monkey or walking on his hands instead of feet. It was pretty funny to watch how he struggled to keep a good posture so he wouldn’t fall down or slip. He exercises a lot while at it too, which is really stupid considering he’s drunk. Therefore, when he wakes up in the morning, Eren always feels like everything is filthy so he just spends a few hours cleaning the house and then himself no matter how hungover he is, wearing only sweatpants while tiding up. Or at least so I’ve heard from Mikasa at first (by the way, she was pretty nice to me in the morning which was strange a little considering that she’s not exactly an early bird). Simply said, I got to witness all of it with my own eyes that morning.

 I just sat on the couch and watching that perfect man do the exact thing that made me believe I needed to name him ‘Fucking Mr. Perfect’. He even managed to actually look hot even with sloppy eyes and uncertain, wobbly movements. Though there was no music playing in the background when he tidied up this time. I could clearly recall how just a few weeks ago he cleaned my own house in a similar manner. I had helped him then of course, but now he refused any kind of assistance. Eren claimed that it was his purification ritual because he actually hates drinking too much or blacking out and vomiting from alcohol poisoning.

“Why the fuck did you challenge me then, you fucking brat?” I asked exasperated.

“I don’t even know… I just wanted to show you that I could take in more than you, I guess.” He tried explaining and made me snort.

“Oh, I am well aware that you can take in more than me.” I murmured.

He heard me of course and his face flamed red within seconds. Eren knew all too well what I was implying. It surprised me how any kind of sexual jokes or talk made him blush like a virgin. Even after the head he had given me on my birthday, these kinds of innuendoes managed to embarrass him to no end. That brat usually went as far as putting both of his hands over his face to cover up his red cheeks. Too bad he looked adorable like that because that gave me more than enough reasons to continue teasing him. I would constantly flirt with the brat without shame and pinch his butt occasionally or mention that I couldn’t wait for his birthday to come so I could return the favor…

Speaking of that, after Christmas we actually spent New Year’s Eve at my house too. It was only me and him though. Eren allowed Mikasa to go to some party with Annie and came to my place with a small cake and mini-sandwiches. He also made us a supper in my kitchen. It was a paella and I swear I’ve never eaten a better one. We watched a shitty festive show on the TV while cuddling on the sofa like some fucking dorks and fired some fireworks when the time came. We kissed and congratulated each other and then called to do the same to other people (though before we could pull out our phones Hanji and Mikasa were already calling).  The evening ended in a heated make-out session which could have drawn out into something more if Eren wouldn’t have refused me when I wanted to blow him or at least start the new year with a nice handjob. Both of us fell asleep on the sofa then (we woke up on the ground though).

Then we stared seriously working again. The company usually gets a shit-ton of books from nameless writers around this time and it fucking sucks. Not only you have to read their work, but also find them and ask the person to at least think of a pseudo for themselves. The only book that I actually found interesting during those few weeks was actually Armin’s. I could have sworn that I never liked fantasy and science fiction genres but that kid’s writing was good. I read it in record time and also didn’t really find any places that might need correction. That’s how precise Captain Eyebrows Junior was. He just resembled Erwin too much. That also proved to be right when Eren was happier about the news of Armin’s book being published. Yeah the blond coconut smiled and thanked everyone, but he didn’t start pouncing around and hugging every person in the room like the brat did. No, seriously, what the fucking hell, Eren?

Anyway, the book’s called “Attack on Titan”. It’s pretty traumatizing but in a good way, I think. Many characters die there, yeah, but that only makes people go on reading book just to see if the others die or survive. The thing I really liked about it was how realistic and detailed everything had been. I found myself submerged into the world of the book so deeply that my breath quickened during the more intense scenes as if I were there myself.  It thrilled me in the best way possible. Especially the Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear usage. I actually wrote down those parts to remember latter. I felt as if I was soaring through air together with the characters and giving in to the wind and the power of free-fall and pulling up after shooting out the grapple-hooks. Overpowering the gravity. That’s what was possible with that gear. And also it helped with the agility while moving in air (I mean, those guys had to kill the fucking titans before getting eaten and stuff). So it was useful and exciting device at the same time.

I found myself wishing we had something like that in real life. I mean, yeah we conquered the skies with planes and shit but actually trusting your own skill and body adaptation to fly gives you more freedom as well as responsibility. But hell, not a single thing in this life comes to us without responsibility. Even when you buy food you become responsible for it and have to prevent it from stalling and expiring. I’ve long understood that carrying some load is an everyday occurrence and there is no one who doesn’t have to do that in some sort of pathetic way at least. I mean, you’re even responsible for being clean and presentable every day.

I guessed Eren held it his responsibility to clean after sweating so much and trashing everything while drunk. Perfect. Truly fucking perfect. My eyes never left his form as he dusted all the shelves or walked around with a vacuum. Why? Well because it was fucking hard not to look at that half naked stupid glory of his. I bet I looked like I was constipated or something because I heard Mikasa snicker (that runt was reading a book, sitting on one of the armchairs). I just flipped her off and more snickering came my way. Hell, I would’ve said something to shut that girl the fuck up but she had made some pretty good coffee earlier this morning for me so I’ll let it pass this time (but fuck, how many passes has she had already by now? I’m losing my beliefs)… Instead I focused on Eren again – he was sweeping the floors now, what a quick and efficient brat.

I never got an explanation so as to why he walked shirtless after getting drunk though. Not that I really needed one. He might think that I find it uncomfortable if I ask. And like hell was I going to miss out on this. Eren finished pretty quickly though (surprisingly everything really did seem clean even passing my standards as far as I could see) and plopped down next to me burying his face into my stomach.

“Now I can live.” He sighed and his warm breath ghosted on my stomach through the thin fabric of the shirt he had lent me earlier when I went to shower.

I simply hummed and stroked his soft brown locks. His hair was a bit like a little kid’s would be. All soft and mushy. Not that I petted many children before. Actually the only one I had ever held was Petra and Oluo’s baby boy. The kid was lucky to have his mother’s looks because thankfully all the nice forces forbid him from getting any of his father’s genes. They were still pretty young and unmarried when they had him. However, they’ve always been great with kids (I mean, even despite Oluo looking like an old shit they still liked him for some reason) so they made great parents even if they were young. Now the kid was like six or seven and as smart and kind as they get at that age. I wondered how Eren was and what he looked like when he was that little.

He hasn’t told me too much about himself, only about his friends and happenings that included him is one way or another. From what I’ve gathered he was a punk and got into fights for Armin’s sake all the time. Never without a reason though. Always the hero. Always the protector. I tried to imagine what he looked like when he actually got mad, but couldn’t. Eren just smiled so much that it seemed like the only kind of face he could make was a happy one. Like a puppy. Even now he looked so content with me petting him. And…Damn is he sleeping?

I poked Eren’s cheek and he stirred a little but his eyes remained closed. The little shit fell asleep on me. I looked at Mikasa who wasn’t paying attention to us.

“Hey, I think your brother fell asleep.” I said and she turned her head in our direction.

“Yeah, he usually sleeps for a few hours after cleaning, then cooks, showers for the second time and sleeps again. That’s his normal routine when he’s hungover. ‘Purification ritual’.” Mikasa turned back to her book.

“Wait, am I not supposed to move now? What if I need to take a piss?”

“Well you better hope your kidneys don’t blow up, old man.” She joked not even sparing me a glace. That little bitch.

I tried stirring a little. Eren must’ve felt that because he sneaked an arm around my waist and pressed his warm face to my stomach. He was also murmuring something that probably had to mean that he was unhappy about being moved even a little. Well, fuck. What am I going to do sitting here while he slept? My phone and the TV remote came flying my way and I caught them both before they could land on Eren or hit my face. Mikasa then stood up and left the room. That fucking runt. I’mma kill her when I can stand up again. And after I go to the toilet too. I meant it as a joke at first, but now I could feel the need slowly creeping in. I am so fucked. I can’t move the puppy from my lap because it’s too freaking cute. No, really. Eren had his face pressed against my stomach and his hair was tousled, mouth slightly open (not to mention his half naked form).

 I waited for an hour, reading the news on my phone. Seems like some poor lady got into an accident with her daughter in our city. I thought what a shock it must be for the husband… Wait what? I thought what, exactly? Fuck no. I swear it’s the brat’s fucking fault that I’m becoming soft. Swearing, I tried to make myself more comfortable and had to move him a little to do that. Instead of waking up after being stirred or something, Eren just started squeezing me harder.

 To tell you the truth, the pressure against the lower area of my stomach did not help with the need to piss. It only worsened it. I could feel the need burning now. Fuck. Fuck, fuck. Fuck. I need to get to the toilet soon or else I’m not going to make it. That would be the most fucking embarrassing thing in this whole world. Pissing on your boyfriends couch and his face. It sounded like a sick fetish that I was definitely not into. I knew that neither was Eren.

“Wake up, you shitty brat! I don’t want to piss myself!” I murmured harshly (more like whisper-yelled or some shit).

“Only if you kiss me.” Came a muffled reply after a few seconds.

I looked down to see one of Eren’s turquoise eyes peeking up at me. Thank fuck, he was awake. But wait, what did he say about me kissing him? Fucking, stupidly cute brat. Even though I was freaking irritated and mad at the moment he’ll get his way somehow, I just knew it.

“The hell, are you the sleeping beauty or some shit? Get off or I will piss on the couch.” I growled down at him. And for the record, I wasn’t fucking lying.

Eren just laughed and sat up. But only halfway because he pulled my face towards him and united our lips in a soft kiss.

“Now you can go.” He said and smiled warmly after pulling back. I swear I would’ve punched him if he wasn’t as pretty as he was.

I sprang to my feet immediately after being released and almost ran to the toilet. I think I heard Mikasa laugh as I passed her room in quick strides. That bitch. I will murder her someday.

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                      “I want you to come and meet my family, brat.” I said casually and heard Eren choke on his food at that.

                      I immediately raised my head in concern for his well being, but this time it was just a small coughing fit. Nothing major. Thank fuck. We were eating dinner at a restaurant which Eren had previously picked out. It was one of his favorite places: warm, cozy and had pretty good pasta too. Overall not bad. Eren would never go to a place that made bad food because, as he expressed himself, his “tummy can’t handle distasteful food that has not been made with love as a special ingredient”. So yes, if you were wondering, I am dating a total dork. Adorable – yes, but a dork. He even looked pretty cute now with red eyes from coughing and whipping food that he had spit out (it was pretty gross too) with his handkerchief (he actually carried around a turquoise coloured one and had a few more at home).

                      “M-meet your f-fam-family?!” Eren stuttered horribly. I mean, whoa.

                      “Yes, brat, my family. I want you to come with me when I’ll be going for a visit this upcoming Wednesday.” I explained.

                      Eren seemed to be troubled (as in – he was thinking about something for a moment as I could see steam rising from his head). Then he looked at me again and smiled warmly while nodding like a happy kid.

                      “Sure I’ll go. I’d love to meet your family.”

                      His smile and statement warmed my heart a little. Eren seemed honest with his words too so I had no need to doubt him in any way. Fuck, he was going to cry when I tell him the truth. The brat’s too sensitive for his own good sometimes. He once cried while we watched some movie in which a very loyal and adorable dog died. Such a wimp. However, today was Saturday (Eren claimed it to be our two month anniversary so that’s why we were out for lunch and a walk afterwards in this shitty weather) and he still had plenty of time to refuse me until Wednesday. Though something within my conscience told me he won’t. Eren was too determined for his own good too, you know.

                      Seeing as it was still January, it was still cold as balls outside, but we still went for a walk in the park. I don’t know why Eren liked these slow walks so much. Although, I found myself not minding them even in if it was freezing since the brat was like a heater. All I needed to do was take his hand and walk near enough to feel his body warmth. We didn’t talk nor did we look at each other. We simply basked in each other’s presence. I suggested that Eren should invite Mikasa too (not that her being here was appreciated, but still), but he said that she had gone to Ymir’s place with some of her other friends. That girl lived nearby apparently. We actually passed her house when walking out (the restaurant and the park was not far from Eren’s place too). The brat glanced at it now while we were walking back, just to see if the lights were on or not (it was dark already since we headed home after the sun had set). I looked too, it was mostly dark except for some rooms, but I swore I saw the curtains of one of the blackened windows move just then. I brushed it off as my eyes fooling me or some other shit.

                      When entered Eren’s house I sighed contently at the warmth that greeted me. Not that I got too cold, but it was always nicer to be inside. Both of us were too lazy to do anything else so I took out a draft from a bag I had previously left there and Eren decided to look through some sort of magazine. We were reading peacefully (more like I was trying to work while Eren rolled around on the bed making some of his body parts stick out in a way that was fucking hard to ignore) but then Mikasa burst in through the door. Her hair messy and face red. She was panting a bit which was actually strange, knowing that she’s on a soccer team. Those fuckers run about 14 kilometers during one match if they play the whole time and don’t get switched out. So yeah, Mikasa panting was strange since she wasn’t staying that far from home.

                      “Are you going to have sex in our house?” She accused suddenly, pointing at us.

                      I looked at Eren’s already reddening, stunned face, then to Mikasa and back to the brat. He had his mouth open now and stared at me seemingly unable to speak.

                      “Why didn’t you tell me we were having sex, Eren?” I asked. “I would’ve at least put this draft away.”

                      Eren looked surprised for a moment but then burst out laughing like a maniac (yeah, ok his laugh was beautiful though). I looked in Mikasa’s direction and shrugged my shoulders.

                      “Oh…. What the.. the heck, Mika?” Eren asked, wiping tears from his eyes, when he calmed down a little, though still gasping for air. “Why in the world would you think that?”

                      “Well…” Mikasa began, her face reddening (wait, what was that?). “Ymir said that anniversaries of that sort, like, when you celebrate every month are easy excuses to have sex.” She explained slowly as her face was getting redder and redder. Seriously, what the fuck? Stop making me feel like you’re a normal human being, you impassive girl. I turned back to my draft then, trying to find my concentration while Eren was still.

                      “Ymir…” Eren murmured. “Why am I not surprised? Well, doesn’t matter now. We were not having sex Mikasa. No need to worry.” He assured the girl.

                      “We could though.” I murmured just loud enough, not even rising my eyes from the draft I was reading.

                      At first, there was silence, so I raised my head to observe the siblings. Both were red in the face and had incredulous looks. Then the stuttering, sputtering and yelling started. Mikasa seemed to be torn between being amused and angered by my statement whereas Eren was simply embarrassed and couldn’t get a word out normally. Such a lovely sight for my eyes.

                      “Don’t you dare touch my brother, you midget! Maybe he doesn’t want your dwarf dick!” Mikasa’s yell could be heard. Yeah, someone was about to get her ass fucking kicked through a wall. I’m not even kidding.

                      “W-wha-what a-are you s-say-saying L-L-Levii!” Eren managed to whine and stutter at the same time. Now that’s kind of adorable. “And Mikasa, don’t call him names! Levi’s not a midget nor is his wiener small or anything!” Now anger was directed at his sister and the stammering was gone.

                      Though I couldn’t help myself but laugh at his choice of words. Eren always tried to avoid swearing at any situation. Hell if I knew why.

                      “How the fuck do _you_ know that?!” Mikasa screeched at that.

                      Eren then reddened even more as he tried to think of a lie even though he was really fucking bad at being untruthful. He then turned his blushing face to me and I saw a pleading look in his eyes. Stupid shitty brat, I sighed.

                      “He walked in on me after I got out of the shower.” I said and looked at his sister. “I didn’t have a towel on. You should’ve seen his face though. And if we’re talking about that, I’m glad that you’re satisfied with what you have, Eren.” I smirked at the said brat but he just hid his face in his hands and shook his head.

                      Mikasa seemed to somewhat believe my story because she calmed down after that. I didn’t think that she bought the story though, that girl was smarter than that. I only got a nod from her before she left and Eren groaned beside me when he heard the door being closed.

                      “Why did you have to say that?” He whined.

                      “I wanted to see how both of you would react. I was not disappointed.” Chuckling, I turned back to the draft. I wanted to start reading but it was torn out of my grasp and now Eren was pressing me into the mattress of his bed. “Whoa, careful there, brat, you might hurt yourself. Or if you don’t do it yourself, I might do it for you.” I warned.

                      “You embarrassed me, now I’m going to do it for you.” He whispered. “You are going to leave my house with the biggest boner anyone has ever seen and it’s not going to go away until…Hmm… Let’s say Tuesday. I don’t want your family to think that I’m some kind of pervert… Or a snake whisperer.”

                      “Isn’t it too much to call my dick a snake?” I asked.

                      I didn’t get the answer though. I didn’t even hear one normal word for another hour. And if you were wondering, yes, I had to leave with a fucking boner. Eren wouldn’t let me finish anything myself and didn’t allow me to stay in his room until it went down (in this situation I would better stay blue-balled than risk his sister seeing me like this). Luckily, Mikasa was nowhere to be seen and I got to my car with no spectators too. I was glad that it was dark out too. Fucking hell. I couldn’t even forget what he had done when I got home, because that shitty brat kept sending me pictures. Well fuck me sideways… These three days were going to be a torture, I swear.

 

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                      As I had suspected, it was put to fucking misery. On Sunday I was bombarded with videos and pictures, even while I was in a meeting with a shitty writer. Those photos were too much for me to handle sometimes and I had to leave the room two times. Eren called me when I got home and refused to talk normally, so I only heard a huskier, sexier tone of his voice. On Monday that brat showed up at work with some black jeans (I could bet those were bought in the women section) that hugged his ass like second skin, a V-neck white t-shirt that was slightly see-through and a green sweater. He even decided to wear his TV glasses (making his already chiseled jaw look even more masculine and cute at the same time while his eyes shone as if they were fucking flashlights) which was the last straw for me… And for many others in the office apparently (or so I’ve heard from Hanji, but that psycho could be lying).

                      He kept walking around and bending down to pick something up or stood in some provocative way to make his abs visible through the thin material of the t-shirt if he was sure that I was in the same room. That brat moaned like a slut while eating lunch and sucked his fingers if they got even a bit dirty. I couldn’t even leave my office that day because I had to fucking hide behind my desk the whole time. I wasn’t capable of kicking his ass too since that required me to stand up and I didn’t want him to know that his promise was taking its tool. At least I had a private toilet. I would have had to pee in the plant that was stationed in one corner and I don’t think I could’ve handled that.

                      Tuesday morning was better so we went out for lunch. That’s when Eren’s attack started. He kept sliding his hand up and down my thigh with an innocent look on his face even after I had swatted it away a few times. He even brushed it against my crotch a few times. Fucking thanks, you shitty brat.  Eren only stopped after I had kicked his shin a few times and the food was brought. But it was too late to calm myself down now. This situation was really fucking tricky. Yeah, my coat was long and the cold air would probably kill the boner but I still had to stand up to put the cloth on. Eren was not even trying to hide a smile as he stood up to get dressed after we finished eating and paid the bill. That fucker even raised eyebrows as if asking why wasn’t I doing the same.

                      “I think I’m going to stay here for a while. I like this place.” I told him and Eren only laughed loudly, making everyone look in his direction.

                      I couldn’t blame them for staring longer than normal, because Eren was a sight to behold, but fuck people turn around already. I stood up very slowly and making sure that my lower half was hidden behind the table. Eren was now snickering with a hand over his mouth to keep the giggles inside. That stupid fucker. I really will kick his little round ass one day. Sighing contently after I managed to put my coat on without revealing my ‘issue’ I went out of the restaurant quickly. I wanted to be in the cold air and be freed from this straining torture. But of course, Eren was right behind me with his warmth. That brat is going to get me fucking killed because i couldn't get my release. No kidding.

                      So you probably understand why I was fucking ecstatic when Wednesday finally rolled around. I was tired of getting myself off in the shower and had washed two sets of bed sheets during the previous three days. All because of that fucking brat. But I didn’t really think about that today. We were leaving after lunch, because I wanted to get there before sundown. I would always spend a few hours with my family simply talking even if I was cold. And also it would take us about an hour to get to the place, so I wanted to leave as early as possible. I was going to tell Eren about my past today. I spent a lot of time thinking about it after he almost died from chocking. I decided that he should know what might come for him in the future and tell the brat that he was allowed to leave me if he wanted after I tell him everything.

                      Eren himself looked like a nervous, jumpy wreck. His hands were shaking and he seemed to be surprised by everything I said or did.

                      “They’re not going to do anything to you, Eren.” I assured him. “They can’t even do anything, actually.”

                      He nodded only half-listening to me. I could see that he wasn’t concentrating on anything else and I even had to guide him a little so he wouldn’t collide with other people while getting to my car. Eren seemed disoriented as he absentmindedly looked through the car window. Although he perked up as he probably realized where we were going more than halfway into the journey.

                      “Why are we going to the graveyard? Levi?” I didn’t answer him for a while but then sighed and glanced in his direction before turning my eyes back on the road.

                      “That’s where the meeting will be held.” I said slowly, my voice hard and stern.

                      I could practically feel Eren tense and stiffen beside me. So he really wasn’t expecting that, huh? Too bad.

                      “Oh, Levi… Why didn’t you tell me from the start?” he whispered, but I didn’t bother answering his question. I simply drove and parked when we were there.

                      Eren got out after me and took my hand after I pulled out some flowers and a bag from the trunk. I saw him look around the graveyard as we headed for the graves where my family was buried. I could feel tension in Eren’s posture but he also looked a bit hurt and sad. That was a weird mixture of emotions.

                      I stopped in front of three marbles covered with snow and tugged Eren’s hand to prevent him from going further. I moved to sweep the fucking frosted water off of the gravestones. The first one read _Isabell Magnolia 1990 – 2006,_ on the second one the name _Farlan Church 1988 – 2006_ was written and the third one had _Kuchel Ackerman 1967 – 2001_ engraved on it. I cleaned all three thoroughly and placed four white carnations on top of each of them before going to stand beside Eren again. I could see millions of questions in his eyes. Patience, brat, I’ll tell you everything.

                      “Hello mother, Farlan, Isabel.” I started after letting out a little breath. “I’m here again, like every fucking year. I spend more on the flowers for all three of you than I do on food for myself. If this goes on you’ll suck me dry out of money. That wouldn’t be too good now, would it? Anyway, I’ve been doing more than alright and I brought a special person along this time for you to meet. His name is Eren, he’s my boyfriend and I’m sorry that you can’t hug him Isabel, I know you would’ve loved this brat because he’s so much like you. You would’ve liked him too mom, Far. I know you would.” I stopped talking for a moment and turned to Eren.

                      “Hello.” He started voice shaky for some reason. “I’m Eren, it’t nice to eh... Meet all of you. I wish I could’ve met you when you were still alive though. If you belonged to Levi’s family you can’t be bad people.”

                      “Sure they couldn’t…” I mumbled. “Now that you’ve met, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to fill Eren in on everything that happened when you were still alive, if I’m allowed, rather than telling you about my year this time. He’s really important to me and I want him to know about it, so I hope you won’t get mad at me afterwards.” Then I proceeded to take out a thick old plaid out of it and covered the nearest bench with it. Then I took out a thermos with some hot tea and sat down motioning for Eren to do the same. He stayed uncharacteristically silent all the time. It was making me a bit anxious.

                      “So, if you were wondering, my mother isn’t French but she loved France and that country’s people so that woman usually talked in their language instead of English. I think my father was of that nationality though. All of my mother’s boyfriends usually were and she had more than few of those.” I began pouring some tea for both of us. Eren accepted his cup with a nod and looked at me with big eyes, encouraging me to continue. So that’s what I did. “My biological father left her when I was about four or five, I can’t really remember. I only know that I greatly respected that man and all of that reverence went down the drain after he took the fuck off. My mom didn’t have a serious relationship for a long time after that, but got married again to some guy when I was eight. He left when I was fourteen. Mother couldn’t handle that second divorce because she simply adored that guy. She was a wreck. Mother stopped cleaning, cooking and actually living. One day after coming back from school I found her sleeping on the sofa. Well that’s what I thought. But after she didn’t wake up after dinnertime I went to check on her. She wasn’t even breathing. Mother drank the whole bottle of sleeping pills and died without pain, sooner than her body could dispose of the toxins. Sleep overtook her.” My doctor always says that that’s probably the reason why I have problems with shutting my eyes for the night. He says that my mind is programmed to think of sleep as something deadly and refuses to shut down for long.

                      “Levi…” Eren started, but I interrupted whatever he wanted to say without looking at him.

“She was already dead when I came back from school but I was so ignorant and used to her sleeping everywhere because of her emotional exhaustion from life and her fashion line, which wasn’t going too well at the time, that I only took notice of her strange behavior later. I always felt like I could’ve saved her if only I would’ve checked sooner and called the ambulance.” I stopped and turned my head away in an entirely different direction while sipping my tea. Eren was silent and I was afraid to look at him.

                      “After that I was given to my mother’s brother, Kenny Ackerman. He was a drug lord or some shit, I don’t even know. I lived with him for a few years and actually got used to that man. He wasn’t that bad. Only negative sides were encouraging violence as well as Kenny’s vocabulary was largely constructed of curses and his diet was mostly alcohol. He got shot for not paying off his debts to some bigger druggie. Police never gave his body back, so at least I don’t have to bring him flowers.” I chuckled solemnly. “After that I was taken in by Isabel’s mother. She also sheltered Farlan and had always been a good friend of my mother’s. Also, Farlan and Isabel were my best friends since I was three. I lived with them for two years but got into trouble for beating the shit out of four guys who assaulted Isabel. Police department recruited me into army for a year instead of putting me to jail or something. I was released after I stayed there the intended time and enrolled into a university afterwards. I took notice of my mother’s business too.” I fell silent for a while after that and took a sip of my tea. I glanced at Eren who was looking at the gravestones. Tears were rolling down his reddened cheeks. Told you he was going to cry when I will try to tell him everything. I was absolutely right.

                      “That’s how I met Erwin’s mother and got some money to live off to.” I continued, taking his free hand into my own for warmth and comfort. “I still own a small part of that business, you know. Anyway, that’s when I met Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows too. When I told him about my studies, Erwin introduced me to his dad, the former owner of the Survey publishing company, who gave me a job – I was a part of one of the editing teams as the lowest ranked reader. My position escalated after I graduated from university though.  Erwin’s father also gave Isabel and Farlan a job in the post section on my request. They were responsible for delivering books to some of the stores in town. Everything was good for a while. I felt even better when I broke up with my boyfriend from the army after I found out he cheated on me while I was busy with starting my studies. I was happy despite that occurrence; I had a family and literature to back me up. But then Far and Izzy got into a car accident while delivering a stash of books. Both died on the spot from injuries they had sustained.” I fell silent after that, remembering their broken bodies in the morgue.

                      Izzy’s mother died in a fire (though burnt is more like it) at work – she was a chef at a local restaurant – when the girl was fifteen, so I was the only person closest to family Farlan and she had left. I could still remember the view that greeted me when I got to the scene. I hoped that they were alright on my way there, but all I could see was the car they were riding which was in a crumpled position. I mean, can you imagine smashing a soda can into a wall? That’s how the car looked then. The asphalt underneath it was black with blood. Actually, the whole car was. Book pages were flying in the wind. They were also bloodied. It looked as if Far and Izzy’s sad story has been written on them with the red liquid. It was too much for me to handle. I remember breaking down in front of the police officer who informed me that they can’t even get my family out of the car in whole pieces since their bodies were crushed. I didn’t cry, no, of course not, I cried enough when I was a kid. I simply fell to my knees and Hanji was the only one who could pick me up. More like she forced me to stand up and dragged me to her apartment.

                      “It wrecked me, Eren. Seeing the last two people from my family getting lowered into some dark hole and the cold, hard ground in winter. I wished I had died instead of them because it was my fault too. If I hadn’t asked for Isabel and Farlan’s employment they would still be alive and well here by my side.” I closed my eyes then as I felt them stinging a bit. Fuck. I wasn’t a motherfucking wimp. I got over this shit.

                      “So, now you see what happens to everyone who tries to get close to me.” I continued after Eren didn’t speak up. “If you want to leave me in order to not get hurt, I wholeheartedly support you. I just don’t want you end up injured or dead like others have, Eren…”

                      Eren surprised me then (well he does that a lot actually) by laughing. He stood up and put his hands on my shoulders still laughing, bumping our foreheads together.

                      “This is exactly why I should never leave you, Levi. You’ve lost so much… I can’t even understand how you pulled through all of _that._ It wasn’t your fault any of those times and you know it. And you shouldn’t blame yourself!” He whispered heatedly, eyes burning. “You are worth so much more than anyone else. Actually I never understood why you only have two good friends of whom one is a guy with a brain that thinks a hundred steps ahead of everyone else and a woman so agile and crazy that she just slips past any kind of trouble, but now I do. You were trying to keep everyone around you safe. We both know that you could have so many people drawn to you by your looks and the caring side of you which hides underneath this asshole-ish appearance. You’re worthy of love, adoration and pampering like no one else and I will make sure myself that you get these things.” Eren looked so determined and sure of his words that I felt my chest flood with affection and belief (sure, now I’m a fucking believer) which could also be seen in his gorgeous doe eyes.

                      He kissed me then and that’s when I registered all that he had said. Worthy of love… Does that mean that you already feel something for me, Eren?

 I kissed him back, feeling determined to prove myself worthy of those feelings in this present time instead of shrinking away from them like I was so used to doing in the past. I had changed. I wasn’t as rough as I used to be and this had to mean something, right? It’s as if Eren were the ocean and I was a shard of glass in it. The salty waters spun and hauled me around until my edges became smooth and even with an occasional and unexpected gruffness on the sides. This pretty brat hasn’t even been in my life for a year, but yet he was already changing me in so many ways so hastily that my head was spinning like a fucking carousel which got out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading, I hope you were satisfied with Levi's backstory and Eren's is up ahead. Comments and kudos are appreciated as allways and I'll see you next week!


	9. Meet and Greet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya people. New chapter's up, but I'm kind of stuggling with writing right now since I'm trying to pass my driver's license egzam. So sorry if I don't update next time... It makes me feel bad when I can't do it regurarly... Anyway, please enjoy this one and let me know what you think!

Since that time when I had opened up to Eren, we haven’t spent more than an hour apart (well we at least were in the same building). The brat seemed to have knotted himself to me by an invisible thread of some sort. He stayed over at my place or asked me to sleep over at his. Mikasa didn’t say anything about it only snickering that I spent more time in the bathroom than her (well fuck you, you bitchy runt, I have high self-hygiene requirements and I’m not going to discard them only because I’m not at home, to hell with that). Otherwise the girl seemed alright with the new arrangements. Sometimes she would use it to her advantage. For instance having a sleepover when Eren is away, asking me to teach her driving a shift-stick or simply sit in my car behind the wheel (she seemed awfully attached to my vehicle) when I would stay at their house. That’s why I had gotten her a small car for her eighteenth birthday. The girl is going to get her driver’s license this summer and since I thought about how nice it could be if she were to take Eren and I home if we were accidentally smashed or some shit and she would have a better way of getting to or back from university… I just couldn’t think of a better gift. Especially when I spend so much time at their house or simply together with the siblings. They’re my family and I want the best for both of them. Mikasa accepted the gift, but very reluctantly. She probably thought that she’ll have to do something to repay for it. Fuck no, runt, even I’m not that bad. It was also a hard decision for her because of Eren. For some reason he thought that this was way too much, but I just sent him off since it really didn’t matter. I wanted Mikasa to have a car so she will (especially since Eren didn’t own one even though he had his license to drive).

                      Eren and I continued sleeping in the same bed and both of us were surprisingly alright with it. There were no frustrations or unnecessary heat. I even started considering throwing my sleeping pills away since I didn’t need them when the brat was around. I didn’t do it in the end though (you know, ‘what ifs’ and stuff…).  We would sometimes cook and clean together on the weekends and simply cuddle on the sofa with a movie in the evenings. It was almost as if we lived together but couldn’t decide which house did we want to keep. I didn’t dare ask Eren about it though, because I knew how many important memories he had with that place. I doubted it would be easy for him to think about leaving his house. And especially since our relationship and his views had changed since that day in the graveyard with my deceased family.

                      In all truth, he seemed troubled after my story. Eren said that he wasn’t afraid of what the future might bring and all that shit, but the expression on his face disturbed me sometimes. He looked void of emotion, thoughtfulness and a bit of disorientation marring his features. Eren seemed really fucking old those times (as in that expression brought out wrinkles that made him look like some guy above forty who is worrying about moving out of his mother’s house and starting a life of his own). It didn’t suit my brat at all. I tried asking him about it, but Eren just brushed me off with a smile and a warm ‘everything’s completely fine, Levi’. Those words were making me sick already.

                      My mother used to say that she was completely fine before committing suicide and Isabel’s mom convinced me that it was surely alright for her to work in that cheap restaurant which was famous for gas leaks in the kitchen (she fucking knew that it had been on fire a few times before). Farlan said it was absolutely okay for him and Izzy to deliver that last stash even though their shift was over. So yeah, I was fucking worried about Eren right now. Well, at least his sister seemed unmoved by this. When I asked her about it she just shrugged his behavior off.

                      “Eren gets like that sometimes. He takes other people’s problems onto his own shoulders and suffers because of it, thinking that it helps everyone. Little brother goes out of his way to help even though sometimes those fuckers don’t even thank him for it. However, he continues damaging himself with these worries even without the appreciation. He says he doesn’t need it. That’s just how Eren is.” She had said then.

                      What a fucked up way of thinking. Though it sounded like something Eren would do. As I had probably said already, he cared too much about the things that surrounded him. That habit was so strong that it has even started to rub off on me. The day before, I carried some old hag’s bags to her car while shopping with Mikasa. Come on, Levi, get back on your fucking track. You don’t do shit like that. But Eren seemed really happy when his sister told him about that incident trying to tease or embarrass me (neither happened of course, fuck your lame tricks, bitch) and I was even rewarded for it before we went to sleep too.

                      I couldn’t stop worrying about it though. Thoughts of Eren leaving me haunted my mind sometimes and I couldn’t shake them off. Even an evening with Hanji and Erwin didn’t help.

                      “Oh, smile a little, you sourpuss!” Hanji screamed, making a few people in the bar turn their heads in her direction. “He’s gonna be fine! Don’t you know Eren?!” She looked so convinced and even turned her head to look at a slightly tipsy Erwin who was nodding dumbly.

                      We were sitting in our favorite booth (in the back but not too far from the little stage and not too close to the toilets because ew) at our usual bar. The drinks were good here (best whiskey, scotch, rum, wine, cocktails – you name it) and that’s what Erwin liked. It was neatly cleaned and sterile so that’s what did it for me. And they played some newest tracks and had live performances which bought Hanji over. So yes, this was our usual hangout place. And I really needed to relax a little and spend at least two hours away from Eren who was looking extremely sour today. I forced him to go out with some people from the office and went out myself.

                      “You don’t know that, four-eyes. And stop yelling for fucks sake. You’re even louder than the shitty music.” I spat back, downing my drink.

                      “Don’t be a party pooper, Levi baby! Eren says that it makes me special if I talk loudly because I’m such an extravagant person!” Haji’s voice volume didn’t cease even a bit.

                      “I don’t think that he meant ‘special’ as a good thing.” I countered and Erwin chuckled lightheartedly. How many drinks has he had already? Four? Five?

                      “Girls, girls stop fighting. You’re both pretty.” He said smiling. Okay then. Six drinks.

                      Hanji snorted, spitting out her own beverage (whatever she was drinking from that green glass) and started cackling while pointing at me with a finger (uh, rude…), spouting something about my face looking like a prune right now. And then went on rambling loudly about how my face has this natural irritated and bored look because I always scowl or furrow my eyebrows. That only set me off and I threw a peanut at her, hitting the crazy woman straight in the nose. She yelped and laughed harder, Captain Eyebrows joined in too. Then they proceeded to fucking throw peanuts at each other and occasionally at me. Fucking retards.

                      “Both of you are fucking insane and I don’t even know why I hang out with you.” I mumbled watching them in disbelief.

                      “Oh, you love us, we just know it!” Hanji managed to say. “Though it breaks my heart to know that now Eren is your favorite brunet and not me. And your favorite blond will probably become Armin soon.” She pouted and started fake crying on Erwin’s shoulder like a pansy toddler.

                      “Speaking of which,” – Erwin began – “how is that young man doing? He seemed really smart and cute like a little owl you know the really small and feathery ones. Like little balls of cuteness.” His expression became disoriented for a few seconds before he got back on track. “I tired talking to him during that Christmas get-together you threw with Eren – the food was really good by the way, could Eren cook for me too? I would’ve loved to have him in _my_ kitchen – and I think I might actually like him. I didn’t get his number though…” That ladies and gentlemen was a drunk Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows taking over. Fan-fucking-tastic.

                      “Oh fucking hell, no Erwin. No. Don’t soil the only good person Eren knows that is his age. Don’t do that.” I said looking at the blond man in front of me. “Go fuck Mike into the mattress or something but leave that blond coconut alone.”

                      “Well I think that you two would make a lovely couple, Erwin.” Hanji’s face was graced with a drunk smile, showing her teeth, glasses glistening in the dim light.

                      “Thank you, Hanji. And why not, Levi? It would do both of us some good. He writes, I publish. He’s small and I’m big. He bottoms whereas I top. And you know that I get what I want in the end anyway, so what can you do?” I knew it was the truth and just scowled at the blond man.

                      “Deport the poor kid to another country…” I muttered. “Thank fuck I tapped Eren before you could lay your large hands on him, you doofus.”

                      “OOOOOHHHH!” Hanji exploded. “Have you done it already? Scored that goal? Dipped your chip? Tapped that booty? Eren has a great one so it must’ve been wonderful! But did you use protection? I can get you some free condoms and lube if you need any. Or some toys maybe? Some plugs and handcuffs would probably do you some good, darling. There are some new ones that glow in the dark! They look really awesome ya know! Just tell mama Hanji if you need anything, I have my sources.” She winked.

                      “We haven’t done it, you fucking psycho, it was just an exaggeration. And why the hell do you have sources to that sort of thing?” I asked and she opened her mouth to answer but I stopped her before she could. “Never mind though, I just thought that I don’t fucking want to know that.” I said and turned away to check my phone which had started vibrating in my pocket indicating a new message while Hanji whined to Erwin about me being rude.

 **From Brat:** _Hey, how r u doin babe? Havin fun?_ \- **23:27**

**Me:** _Stop writing like that, you shitty brat. I feel like I’m dating a retard and I already have two imbeciles as friends so thanks, but no thanks. And I’m fine. Hanji’s a fucking nonsense incarnated and Erwin will start giggling after he will finish that sixth drink of his. So ‘fun’ is an exasperation when talking about my situation. And what about you? Homesick already?-_ **23:29**

“Aaaaaaw!” I heard Hanji screech after I sent the message. “I bet that Eren’s texting him, look at that scowl-free face, Erwin.” She cooed and then looked back at me. “Nope, the moment’s over, it’s back already…” Her face fell slightly.

                      I wanted to bite back or throw something at that fucking psycho, but my phone signaled a new message again so I just sighed and opened it.

 **From Brat:** _Lol dat sounds like them n don insult my spelling! Im pretty good too horseface is drunk af tho and marco is tryin to stop him from drinkin any mor, connies talkin bout sasha and its kinda gross because shes still in school but already 18 and im confused. Im levisick tbh not homesick but whatever_ – **23:31**

I chuckled as I read the last line. Yeah, that sounds like the adorable brat I know. My phone vibrated again just then.

**From Brat:** _met my old friends from high school. I invited them over on Thursday for supper i hope ur ok w/ dat i just havent seen em in a long time –_ **23:32**

Old friends? What kind of old friends? As far as I knew all of his high school mates moved to other cities and he just sometimes messages them on Facebook (or Skype, or phone… I don’t know how he fucking contacts them at all…) to know how they’re doing. That was really strange. And it was even stranger that Eren was concerned about me being alright with it. I mean, it’s his friends and his house, why in the world would I be not fine with it?

**Me:** _Of course I’m alright with it, you brat. Why wouldn’t I be? Do you want me to pick you up if you’re so ‘levisick’ or are you not drunk enough yet?-_ **23:32**

**From Brat:** _Maybe ill go when its midnight idk and if ur ok w/ dat of course. Thanks for getting a hint tho i srsly didn’t want to get a cab cause dey stink –_ **23:33**

**Me:** _Sure, kid. See you then. -_ **23:33**

I put myself on driving duty for this evening so I only had some water unlike eyebrows and psycho. Eren seemed pretty drunk too if I could judge anything by his writing. Nah, he always fucking typed like a retard, drunk or not. I heard Hanji snicker about me staring all ‘lovey-dovey’ at my phone. What an annoying woman. She whined loudly when I told them that we’ll be going home soon but stopped quickly (thank fuck) and decided to make the best of it while she could. Hanji downed her drink and then poor Erwin (who had already started giggling while watching people) was dragged out onto the dance floor. That Four-eyed Freak swirled him around like a yo-yo and I could see his face paling, the redness that was brought by alcohol slowly disappearing. He better puke here because if he’ll do it in my car, they’ll never find the body. I stood up instead of watching them and went over to the bar to pay for our drinks before the freaky duo come back.

                      “Well hello there.” A drunken male voice purred into my ear and a hand was placed on my shoulder as I was waiting for the bartender to hand me the bill. “You look hot, wanna have some fun, honey?”

                      You see, the problem with my height and usual clothing was that those things just screamed ‘gay’ to people for some reason. Or maybe my glare just scared women away so I was only approached by men. And only really brave or too drunk to care at that. I turned my head to see a man quite tall and muscular. His tiny eyes were glazed over from alcohol and his mouth corners were turned upwards into a toothy grin. He was attractive actually, but no one could ever top Eren in that game. So I simply snorted and whisked his hand away giving the man my best glare. It didn’t seem to work though because this time the hand was back on me, but this time he dared to place it on my butt (the man was probably drunk as fuck if he thought that that was a good idea).

                      “Come on darling, don’t be like that…” That same voice whispered into my ear.

                      “Remove your hand from my ass, you sorry fuck, or you’re about to become able to offer people a hand as an item and not as an act of assistance.” I growled at him.

                      The man started moving his hand in circular motions instead so I just simply kicked his knee with the metal tip of my shoe (Hanji has bought those for me as a joke but I actually liked them and usually wore that footwear when going out at night. They made my kicks hurt a lot fucking more and I thought of it as a fascinating discovery). The man gasped in pain and retracted his hand to grab the hurting area, of course, and while he was at it I punched his nose with my elbow. It didn’t break or bleed but it had to hurt like a bitch because I aimed for the bridge of it. I was proved right when the man fell backwards and yelled out in pain, now clutching his beak with tears in his eyes. I ignored his whines (as well as stares from other people) and paid my bill before retreating back to our booth to wait for Hanji and Erwin to come back. But not before snarling ‘I have a fucking gorgeous brat waiting for my arrival, so don’t disturb or show your ugly face to me, leech” at the man. That’s how Levi Ackerman worked. Fucking right you asshole, cower in pain and reluctance, I doubt that you will score anyone tonight with a swollen nose.

                      I was still fuming when I saw Erwin and Hanji heading my way. Oh, and the way they did it… I was still cursing to this day that I didn’t take a picture of that psycho woman dragging a very pale and sick looking Erwin who had collapsed on her shoulder. Just think about it, how large Captain Eyebrows is and then remember how four-eyes looks when she finds something she likes very much (yeah, all the salivating and grinning like mad).

 Poor Erwin looked like he was about to puke, on the other hand Hanji, sported a huge shit-eating grin on her face and seemed proud of herself even though she shouldn’t have been. I helped her to get the man-mountain to my car and forced both of them to sit in the back but only after giving Erwin a plastic bag in case he puked. Gross. I didn’t want that in my car. Actually, the blond bastard was lucky I was even allowing him to sit there when there was a probability of him soiling my leather salon with the contents of his stomach. Ordering Hanji to watch over him I hoped into the driver’s seat and started the car. I wanted to get to Eren as soon as possible since it was already past midnight and my princess has probably turned back into a simple maid and needed to get home (I only hopped that he hasn’t lost any shoes).

                      The brat was already waiting outside leaning against a wall of the building when I drove by the club he had been at. His face was flushed, hair disheveled and he looked like he danced a lot. I could smell it on him when he boarded the car. Although instead of repulsing the smell was arousing to me and accompanied by his appearance it made Eren seem sexy and irresistible. He leaned in to kiss me then and I returned the gesture putting my fingers into his hair to press the brat’s face closer to mine. I could feel alcohol on his tongue but it didn’t taste like anything bitter or unpleasant. The brat probably drank something sweet like… Like a Mojito, actually. We would’ve stayed like that longer if Hanji wouldn’t have started catcalling from the back. Eren jumped a little at that and stared wide eyed at the, now laughing, lunatic (Erwin had his head in her lap and looked like he was sleeping. Thank fuck, at least he’s not green anymore). He greeted both her and eyebrows before smiling at me and buckling up so I could start driving. I cursed that crazy woman all the way to Erwin’s house for disturbing us.

Both of those bastards seemed reluctant to leave as our tradition to stay together for the night after we drank was being neglected. I simply threatened to kick them out if they won’t go themselves so a completely awake and sober – what the actual fuck? – Erwin somehow managed to drag that psycho out before I could do it (he knew that Hanji would be missing a few handfuls of hair if I were to do that instead). Eren and I were finally alone in my car after that and I sighed in relief. The drive home was silent though as Eren didn’t talk too much and just smiled a dumb but warm smile all the while we were riding. He held my hand in his lap when I didn’t need it to switch gears and hummed along with the songs playing silently on the radio. Oh yes, he was pretty fucking drunk from whichever cocktails he drank.

He swayed a bit so I helped him up to his room and assisted the brat in undressing with no resistance. He didn’t bother to put on a t-shirt or sweats and simply plopped down on the bed and scooted to his side waiting for me to come and lay beside him. I couldn’t do that yet because I needed to freshen up and brush my teeth before the night so instead of going to bed I went to the bathroom. Eren whined like the brat he was when he saw me leaving and was already asleep when I came back. He looked cute snuggled into the covers, hugging my pillow to his chest. Hey wait, that is _my_ pillow. What am I supposed to sleep on now?

I tugged on it a few times before Eren finally released it. However he woke up because of that and his hands immediately wrapped around my form instead of the fluffy material. I gasped as air left my lungs because of the strong grip. Eren then proceeded to pull me to him until I was laying on my side with my face buried into his naked chest and brat’s long legs somewhat wrapped around mine. His alluring scent enveloped me and I would’ve inhaled it if I could. The brat sighed contently and squeezed me even harder, making it hard to breathe.

“What the fuck, brat. Are you trying to suffocate me?” I managed to rasp out.

He didn’t answer but his lips found my forehead and a sloppy kiss was left there. I sighed letting the little air I had in my lungs out in order to breath in even less since my nose was squished. What a shitty brat Eren was.

“Yeah, goodnight to you too, you goofy fucker.” I murmured but Eren didn’t react at all so I sighed again and fell asleep.

 

 **********************************************************************************************************************************************

 

The next morning I found myself being pinned down to the mattress. Eren was sleeping on top of me, legs and arms sprawled out in every direction, head on my chest with his mouth slightly open. It would’ve been cute if it weren’t for the wetness of the trail he had left on my shirt because he can’t fucking close his mouth while sleeping. Freaking gross. I pushed him off with all my might and took off the soiled cloth immediately. Fucking ew, Eren. The brat woke up too after being tossed away in a not-so-gentle manner.

“Levi?” He mumbled sleepily squinting at me. “Why are you naked? Won’t you get cold like that? Come ‘ere I’ll warm you right up.” He snuggled back into the comforter and peaked at me with one eye.

“Fuck no. You left a trail of your spit on me and now I need a fucking shower. I swear you’re like a dog sometimes…” I grumbled while searching for clean clothes in the drawer that was reserved entirely for me. I mean, Eren has his own drawer at my place too so this is completely normal and not sappy at all.

Eren only chuckled and then proceeded to roll of the bed. He came to stand behind me and draped his form on my shoulders when I straightened out with fresh clothes in my hands.

“Want me to join you?” His voice was still sleepy and I could tell that he would fucking squeal when he actually woke up and saw that we were showering together. Naked.

“Sure, brat.” I replied smiling evilly to myself and led Eren to the bathroom. Oh I was so going to enjoy his reaction.

Eren took off his only article of clothing quickly and jumped in before I could say anything. I just stood there with my attire for today still in my hands and gaped at his naked round ass. That was not what I expected at all. He didn’t even shy away when the stream of cold water hit him. He didn’t react at all actually only shivered slightly and turned to look at me with a confused expression on his face.

“Aren’t you getting in?” He asked innocently.

Oh fucking shit. I could feel it in my pants now. I’m so screwed with this kid, I fucking swear. I gulped audibly and ranked my eyes over his naked glory which was appetizingly glistening with water. My gaze ran down his broad shoulders and arms, perk chest and abs, round backside and strong muscled legs. Eren was fucking gorgeous and that innocence didn’t help one bit. Why doesn’t he fucking know what he’s doing to me? Yeah, he didn’t understand because if he fucking did, his face would be flushed unlike now. I sighed in defeat and stripped before joining him when the brat turned his back to me completely and started washing his face from sleep. I hoped that the water would still be cold and cool me off at least a little but it was already warm. Now I’m going to be the old pervert in the shower with a boner…

But when Eren turned to face me with a bottle of shampoo in his hand it didn’t seem to bother him at all. He even dared to look me all over and didn’t even cock an eyebrow at my obvious arousal. Eren simply put some shampoo in his hand and started washing my hair, then did the same to his and continued to pour some shower gel onto a loofah. I watched as he ran it over his body and then did that to mine. It actually felt good to be touched like that but what I didn’t expect was Eren getting onto his knees in front of me. Yep, a morning head in a shower was definitely something I didn’t think of receiving this morning. Maybe some pancakes for breakfast and a cup of coffee but not a blowjob. Nope.

I tried to keep silent but it was hard since Eren was disturbingly good at making me moan louder than I thought I could. I managed though and it didn’t look like Mikasa was woken up too. Oh I fucking hoped that she didn’t. As always the brat wouldn’t let me do anything for him afterwards even though I could see he was aroused too and I wondered why wouldn’t he. Apparently I said that out loud because Eren answered my question after he finished toweling his hair and body, leaving his skin slightly red (still a painfully hot sight).

“That’s just because you give me enough as it is by being with me, Levi. I don’t want to take any more from you as I feel like I owe you too much already.” Eren said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole world, eyes shiny with determination and voice laced with adoration which I didn’t really deserve.

Whoa what the hell? Owe me something? Now that is the definition of ridiculous. The brat thought that I was doing him good by being with him? Fuck no, it was the other way round, you little shit! I didn’t have an opportunity to reply since Eren left the bathroom with a promise of making something nice for breakfast. Oh, that reminds me, didn’t I owe him something for the food he makes? For the warm hugs and kisses he gives me? For all those nights when I slept soundlessly like a baby in his arms? For the affection he’s showering me with? Oh fuck yeah, I did. I never would have thought that he regarded our relationship as you-give-me-something-and-I-give-something-equally-good-back kind. I strode out of the bathroom after him with only a towel hanging on my hips since I didn’t have time to put any clothes on. I couldn’t care about that when my mind was buzzing with irritation.

“What do you mean by saying that you owe me, you lil’ shit?” I asked when I saw him in the kitchen rummaging through the contents of his fridge. Eren looked at me surprised by my outburst and raised an eyebrow when he saw my state of undress “Having a relationship ain’t ‘bout owning something or giving back exactly what you get. It’s ‘bout giving the other person your all without regrets, completely selflessly and that person receiving it because it makes his partner happy to see that. It’s ‘bout being happy together without holding anything back. Is that so hard to understand?”

I could see Eren considering my words but I didn’t let him reply because I started talking again. I was just so angered that I couldn’t hold it in.

“I don’t want you to think that I’m giving you more than you are capable of returning ‘cause that ain’t how it works, Eren. Not for us. I get enough of this kind of shit at the office where people do something for you just because they fucking ‘owe you one’ or somethin’. I don’t fucking want that. Just fucking take what I give you ‘cause it will make me the happiest to see you receiving all of it instead of gaining anything more than you had already given to me myself.” I was panting a little as I finished. My speech seemed a bit incoherent to me and I think I repeat all that shit over and over but that’s what happens when I’m angry. “We’re equal in this, Eren. It doesn’t matter who gives more or less because it all fucking merges into one in the end.”

We both stood there for a moment just staring at each other. I could see that the brat was thinking hard about it and watched as the look in his eyes became lighter and lighter. Then he nodded and came to stand in front of me.

“I understand what you mean now. And I’m sorry that I made you angry. I just thought that since you make me so happy I just shouldn’t take any more from you than you had already given to me.” He smiled sadly and then his arms were around my shoulders, enveloping me with his scent and warmth. “Thank you for telling me this.” He whispered into my ear. “Being truthful means a lot too, right?”

“Yes.” I replied curtly and returned the hug.

“Anyway, let’s make breakfast together, alright? Do blueberry pancakes sound okay to you?” He asked and I simply nodded.

“Sure, but he should probably put something more than a towel on or I might puke or something.” We heard a voice behind us and turned to see Mikasa standing there in a fluffy scarlet bath robe and slippers.

“Sure thing.” I replied before Eren could say something about ‘good morning’ being the first thing to leave a person’s lips after waking up. “Just don’t ruin any more moments with your bitchy snarls, alright?” Mikasa just stared at me for a while before actually laughing and walking over to the coffee maker to make me and herself a cup (Eren preferred tea and, honestly, I did too, but I just fucking needed coffee in the morning). She could be nice like that sometimes you know.

After breakfast Eren and I went to work after dropping Mikasa off at school. We woke up really early considering the time we went to sleep, so no one was late. It was an everyday occurrence for me and Eren to get to work together now so no one was surprised to see us step out of the elevator together. What made the eyes of my office workers drop out of their sockets was the peck that Eren gave me before hurrying off to his cubicle. To tell you the truth, I was also surprised.

“What the fuck are you staring at? Get back to work. I ain’t telling Erwin that you’re partially good employees if you don’t do your fucking jobs.” I told those who were still looking and headed straight for my private office with a blush covering my cheeks. Like. A. Fucking. Schoolgirl.

It was Thursday and the day was sunny and finally kind of warm. I had long since switched my winter coat to a lighter jacket since it was the end of February. Speaking of which, Valentine’s day was actually one hell of a cold day. I took Eren to the lake out of town for skiing as a gift. He was extremely happy about that and still smiled like a little kid on Christmas when remembering it. Ice was still thick then, but I doubted that it still was like that now. It had gotten warmer quickly this year so all the snow started to melt sooner too. Thus my not so fashionable rain boots were going to come in handy again at some point. I just knew it.

Besides the good weather this day wasn’t too special itself. Although something was stuck at the back of my mind but I couldn’t remember what. You know that feeling when something falls behind a heavy closet which can’t be moved and you can see the thing in front of you, but your hands are too short to actually reach it? That’s how I was feeling about it. So I simply worked to distract myself, ate lunch with Eren, worked a bit more and finally the time to go home came. Well actually, Eren wanted to leave a bit earlier and I complied to his wishes with no questions asked. Why would I even bother? Eren will tell me what’s the big deal with that latter.

“I need you to stop by the grocery shop.” He said as I pulled out of the parking lot.

“Are you making something fancy tonight?” I asked quirking a brow at him.

“Yeah, I want to impress them a bit.” He said. What? Impress who? Eren then looked at me and saw the confusion that was clearly splashed across my face. “Oh, so you actually forgot. I can’t really believe this. Mister ‘Perfect Mind and Body’ forgot something.” He laughed softly. “Levi, yesterday I informed you that my friends from high school were coming over for a visit today. Rings any bells?”

Oh fuck. Yeah it did ring a lot of bells now that I thought about it. Ah! Now I have reached that thing in the back of my mind. Thanks for that, brat. For getting rid of that nagging feeling and not for inviting people though.

“Do you want me to leave so you could concentrate on your friends?” I asked carefully, not wanting to make him mad.

“Fuck no, I want them to meet my perfect boyfriend!” Eren then said. “And also, I need you to be an example for Mikasa how to behave since you’re more collected than her when she sees the people who are coming…” He mumbled and looked disturbed for some reason.

Why the hell would Mikasa get mad at his friends for coming? If Eren expected her to react in a violent way, those friends must’ve done something to hurt him. Then something flashed across my mind. A short memory and it got me thinking for a moment.

“Say, Eren, what are the names of those friends of yours?” I asked as innocently as I could at the moment as I could feel slight anger building up inside of me.

The brat stayed silent for a while and I thought that I will have to speak up again when I heard him whispering:

“Mina Carolina and… And Thomas Wagner.”

I fucking knew it. That asshole. He dares talk to Eren after he had left the said kid without hesitation when his help was needed the most. I was _so_ going to kick his sorry ass…

“Now, Levi, don’t jump ahead of things alright. Thomas and I agreed to stay friends after we broke up and all’s good. Besides, Mina is sort of protective of him and I don’t want you to fight her because she’s a really good person. Actually, I don’t want you fighting any of my friends.” Eren said hurriedly. “And one angry and pushy dark haired person who wants to beat Thomas is enough. There is no need for one more.”

I knew that Mikasa would be my ally in this. Hello, Thomas fucking Wagner, you’re going down. I just needed Eren and that Mina Carolina girl to leave the room for a few minutes. Maybe they would go and check some new kitchen equipment Eren has ‘unexpectedly’ received this evening. Mikasa would hold that bastard down and I…

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re scheming something already…” Eren whined slamming a hand against his forehead.

“Of course I’m not.” I answered looking straight ahead and trying and failing not to show my amusement (I bet I sported some kind of evil little smile).

Eren just groaned and continued grumbling until we got to the store, while shopping and while driving home. If I were Mikasa, I would’ve probably shot something like ‘whoa, chill, little brother’ at him. Too bad I’m not her then. I helped the brat with making supper as he still looked irritated and I was afraid to leave him on his own. He might call Mikasa and tell the girl to stay over at Annie’s longer for some random reason. Then my plan would be ruined because I need that runt’s support in this. Though Eren probably forgot all about his sister because when the familiar ‘I’m home, little brother’ rang through the house, he jumped in the air like a scared cat. His eyes were a bit wide as he greeted his sister back.

“Sup, midget.” The girl appeared in the kitchen now and I simply waved my middle finger as a form of acknowledgement at her to which she snickered. “Sure, sure. Anyway, are we having guests over tonight? You make mom’s chicken goulash with dumplings only when someone you want to impress after a long pause is coming over.” She said to Eren and then turned to me. “I know this well because he always makes that when our distant relatives come over. It’s a safe dish ‘cause everyone likes chicken and dumplings.” Mikasa winked a little and looked back at Eren, waiting for a response.

“Well yeah… Kinda.” I noticed that he was avoiding looking at the girl.

“So…? Care to tell me who is it?” Mikasa inquired further.

“Minaandthomas.” Eren blurted out quickly under his breath. Alright, brat, now you’re done for. I could bet that he had dropped himself when he was a baby…

“Thomas?” Mikasa repeated. Of course she understood it perfectly fine, I mean, she lived with the guy her whole life (well almost, but it’s close enough).

Eren squeaked instead of answering normally and avoided looking at either of us. Oh yes, for the first time since we met, Mikasa and I were on the same side. You ain’t getting your way this time, brat. And I sure as hell am not going to pick up the shit you left after you. I wouldn’t even dare try and miss this show which was about to start in front of me. Starring: The Jaeger Siblings.

“Why would you allow that asshole to come?” Mikasa seethed and Eren spun around to face her, anger making his eyes shine.

“Well, I can’t just turn down two people from my high school days who just wanted to catch up, Mikasa! Mina and Thomas are always going to be my friends, other personal matters come later.” Eren’s voice was hard as well as his stare.

“He freaking left you, Eren. Left you when you needed support. I was too young to be your pillar and he understood that perfectly because, despite his looks, Thomas wasn’t _that_ fucking stupid.” Mikasa’s rage was calm and settled behind a mask of indifference that was her face. “I heard all of it. You suggested that you two should stay apart for awhile and he agreed without any further discussion. And what did he do after a month? Fucking left the city and changed his contact information!” I felt like I was really out of place here, but seeing Eren cower as the truth hit him was nice but at the same time torturing. I wanted him to understand what a prick Thomas was (even though I didn’t know the details of the breakup. Now that I do, that guy is getting a leg showed up his ass when I see him). “Now, why should I not kick his face with my cleat when I see him? Give me one good reason, Eren.” You tell ‘em, runt!

“Because…” Eren began, “I don’t want to see people getting hurt for me. He suffered too Mikasa and I don’t blame him for leaving me. If I were in his shoes, I would’ve probably ran away from the mess that was left of the person I loved.” His voice was a bit shaky and I really wanted to embrace him just then, but held out. We needed Eren to understand what we are dealing with here and take off his pink glasses off.

“We both know that that’s not true, little brother. You’re a fighter, not a runner…” Mikasa murmured. “I’m not going to come down for supper. I ate at Annie’s.” With that she disappeared up the stairs.

Alright, I expected this spectacle to be fun. Dead wrong. It was horrible and I don’t want to see it again. I watched the doorway for a few good seconds before turning back to Eren. His eyes were red as he went back to preparing food. I didn’t really know what to say (nor could I). Comforting the brat wouldn’t help here because he knows that I agree with his sister, but I needed him to know that I was still here. I wasn’t going to leave Eren alone without support. That’s why I silently took my position by the counter and resumed kneading the dough for the dumplings. I could see from the corner of my eye that Eren turned his head to look at me, but didn’t say a thing. I wished I could make out the expression of his face. Fatally, I couldn’t do that without turning my own head, so I was left with the unknown.

The doorbell rang at exactly seven in the evening. I watched as Eren slowly pulled off the kitchen mittens of his hands and went to answer the door without even a glance in my direction. The fact that he was so determined to do this frustrated me for some reason. Maybe he still loved Thomas? I guess it probably is hard to forget your first love when you promised yourself not to date anyone else. I waited patiently watching the doorway. I knew that the brat will bring the guests here first to meet me. Or maybe I hoped for that. My mind started conjuring up visions of Eren leading his guests to the dining room and then coming to me, but just to say that he doesn’t want those people to see me. That he’s embarrassed of me or that he thinks that this really is just a fling and wants Thomas back in his life. Wait, what? Fucking no, Levi, you fucking asshole. Eren will not do that. This is just me being soft and starting to think like a fucking suburban wife whose husband has a hot new assistant in the office. Motherfucking hell, no. Nope. I’m stopping right now.

Laughter and chatter could be heard in the hallway. I heard Eren giggling and then there was a soft baritone talking along with some girly voice which seemed like it was made for gossiping and yelling at the schoolboard. I guess I already disliked Mina Carolina too. Though I think I started feeling hostile towards her when I heard that the woman was still friends with Wagner. Wasn’t she supposed to be a better friend to Eren? I heard him saying that they had a lot of sleepovers together because he was a pro at braiding and there was no girl who could refuse his homemade sweets. Well whatever, I already decided to loath them both for leaving the brat. I mean, that is not how friendship fucking works, people.

I was still thinking about it as they entered the kitchen. I saw the woman first. Dark hair, pretty face, kind eyes – she looked like a normal young woman except for the irritating voice and fake-ass smile… And also, she was wearing a horrible cerulean sweater with cheetah fur prints and rainbow coloured leggings with black socks. Who the hell is even capable of combining two shitty things and making them look even more like crap? Apparently, Carolina was. I won’t be able to look straight at her the whole evening, to hell with manners.

After inspecting the woman, my eyes drifted to the blond guy behind her. First thing about him: fucking horrible sideburns (that motherfucker looked like a farmer who came to town to buy cow shit). His face wasn’t horrible as I hoped but it also wasn’t too handsome. Just an ordinary farmer-guy. Wagner was even wearing flannel and jeans, which was by far better than Carolina. Though the guy had a nice smile, I must admit. I could actually see why Eren might liked him. Wagner had a strong build, but nothing compared to me. I could still take him and throw the guy out the door or into the dumpster where he belongs with other trash.

“Guys, this is Levi.” Eren said and my eyes shot to him momentarily. That’s it? Just Levi? Alright, brat.

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you, Levi.” Carolina said and came forward with an outstretched hand (which I didn’t want to shake at-fucking-all. I don’t know where her hands had been or what has she touched).

“Likewise.” I said monotonously and watched as the woman retreated her arm awkwardly (I wanted to smirk but didn’t dare so as to not to make Eren mad). “Mina, I presume?”

“Yeah!” She smiled that fake smile again.

“I’m Thomas.” Wagner said and I nodded at him.

I thought I saw Eren looking up and shaking his head as if he was disappointed or something. What did you expect, brat? A royal greeting? Bowing down, kissing hands and shit? Don’t get your hopes up, seriously…

“The food is almost ready.” He said sidestepping his guests and standing beside me by the counter. “Levi, could you please lead Mina and Thomas to the dining room?”

“We know where the dining room is, Rogue.” Thomas said. And what did he just call my boyfriend? Should I be fucking mad or interested? Well shit, I was both.

“It doesn’t matter.” Eren smiled but I could see that he didn’t exactly like the nickname. I will have to ask him about it.

I complied and strode out of the kitchen expecting those two to follow me which they did. Eren and I had already set the table since we had spare time before the guests came. He decided that we’ll be eating in the dining room instead of the kitchen which was already weird. In my opinion, those two didn’t deserve such respect and hospitality. Carolina and Wagner sat down facing each other, meaning that Eren and I will have to sit beside them each. That’s going to be a bitch. I couldn’t even decide which variant I could handle better: sitting near the guy who left Eren to suffer alone or near the fashion disaster that was Carolina. Though there was a possibility that I would try choking or punching Wagner. It would be more logical for me to sit near Carolina but then Eren would have to be beside that bastard… So Wagner it is then.

I sat down beside the guy and could clearly see how the woman directed her gaze at him instantly. She seemed a bit shocked and it looked like she was trying to say something with her eyes. Whatever, I’m not moving, you fucking bastards, deal with it. Carolina must’ve been a nice girl when she was younger since she was mostly talking about unimportant things (including her pets and shit) because that stuff was good for small talk and making friends who gossip about you behind your back. The woman was the only one who tried indulging us both into conversation, though I could guess that it was and always will be Eren’s job. I could see their eyes lighting up when the brat came into the room carrying a pot with the goulash. Those two were either hungry or relieved that their savior finally graced us with his presence.

Both Carolina and Wagner looked livelier with Eren around. They commented on his cooking skills in a refined manner unlike those teens that Mikasa had invited who just moaned upon getting something into their mouths and shoveling food in record speeds (bits from their mouth flying in every direction as they screamed at each other with full mouths. Fucking gross teenagers), asking for seconds afterwards. Although I’d rather have them than these two. I can clearly feel that my presence isn’t really appreciated and, honestly, I don’t fucking care. I’m doing this for Eren so shove all the displeasure up your asses, shitheads.

They questioned him about the years he spent in university and he did the same for them, then a marathon of stories from their younger days began. I could see that Eren was happy to have his old friends back. I mean, besides them he only had Armin and the blond coconut was away most of the time. That must suck so yeah, I understood why Eren wanted to do this. Although that didn’t make me one bit happier about the whole situation. I would rather have him find new friends than go back to the ones who left him when friendship and love was one of the things he needed the most. That’s why this setting seemed a bit fishy to me. Why would they decide that it was a good time to get back in touch? And why was that blond shithead looking at Eren like a hawk would look at a pray? I knew that look since I saw it millions of times in Erwin’s eyes, though his was more masked than this guy’s.

After we finished eating goulash Eren brought out some pie that he had baked yesterday. It was the Japanese honey cake and it melted in my mouth as I put the first bite in. I could see that the brat was drinking in the praise from his two old friends and his face was glowing from the smile he sported. He would smile even brighter upon looking at me and that was the only thing that kept me in place this whole fucking time. They were talking about their lives and jobs now while I stayed silent and ate (not that it was unusual for this supper, I just didn’t have what to say to those people and nor did I want to).

“So, Eren, you said you got to be an editor,” Wagner began, “how come you managed to land a good job when you’re fresh out of university?”

“Oh, I just got really lucky…” Eren smiled sheepishly.

“No, you’re resume said that you were a bright kid and the office needed some fresh air.” I interrupted and he smiled at me this time.

“Do you work there too, Levi?” Carolina inquired.

“Levi’s kinda like my boss.” Eren said chuckling a little. Damn his smiles and laughter were the only things keeping this conversation light, I swear…

“Oh? Isn’t it weird for you two to spend so much time together then?” Oh, so they don’t know, huh?

“Well, no, since he’s my lover…” Eren said furrowing his brows, looking irritated, and my heart skipped a few beats. “I could swear that I told you guys that I had a boyfriend the other night at the club.” His eyes were shooting from Carolina to Wagner who looked a little bit dumbstruck or sick. Or both actually.

“We just thought that you were kidding, honestly…” Wagner spoke then.

“Why would I joke about this?” I could see that Eren was growing angry as his eyes started shining gorgeously (ok, Levi, stay low on the wine from now on…).

“Maybe because you swore not to date anyone else, besides Thomas?” Carolina challenged and that’s when I started getting angry too.

“What?” Yep, Eren was mad now. “I swore not to date anyone, yes, but sometimes you meet people who are just too good for you and you want to keep them near you. Don’t you two know that feeling? And why in the world do you even mean by saying ‘besides Thomas’?” He turned to face the said man. “Did you come here expecting that I still harbored some warm feelings for you? Because that would be ridiculous as hell!” What the hell? I turned to look at Wagner as well expecting him to deny it because that would just go overboard.

His face was burning and I watched as it fell second by second. He really did want to get back to Eren. Even after all he’s done this bastard thought that he could have back the best thing he willingly threw aside. I stood up hastily and turned Wagner’s chair so he would be facing me and leaned in so our faces were mere inches apart.

“You. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit.” I seethed looking him in the eye. “You fucking left Eren when he needed someone to be his rock and now, when he’s pulling through and is _finally_ having a good life, you dare to come back and _expect_ the man you used like a rag doll and tossed away to take you back into his loving arms? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me here.” I saw that Wagner’s face was paling as I continued speaking. Good. I think I also heard Eren trying protest and calm me down but Carolina was silent as a mouse. “If you think that you have any rights to barge into his life again, then you’re dead wrong. You are going to back the fuck off and disappear. And if you won’t do it willingly, I’ll fucking kick you out of this town and don’t challenge me bastard because you don’t fucking know what I can do.” I pulled back then and sat down on my chair and turned to resume eating. “From your earlier comments I understand that you know where the door is. Please, let your sorry asses out yourselves, thank you.” I said before putting a forkful of the delicious pie into my mouth.

Both Wagner and Carolina continued sitting like stunned stupid fucks. Then the woman stood up and went to get the other bastard. I could hear then shuffling in the hallway and then the door clicked shut. I heard a shuddering sigh and looked up to see Eren with tears in his eyes sitting across from me.

“I wanted to get my old friends back. Why does everything have to be so fucked up all the time, Levi? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Doesn’t he understand that it broke me when my last support was taken away?” He shook his head and lowered it into his palms.

I stood up and went to his side. Running my fingers through his hair I reached his chin and coaxed Eren to raise his head and look at me. He did just that and I saw all the pain and suffering in his bright eyes. It hurt me too. I could feel his sadness tearing at my chest and stabbing every working organ in my body. Do you know that feeling when you get stabbed to the gut with a knitting needle? I don’t either, but that was exactly how I felt at that moment. Eren’s suffering physically hurt me. I didn’t want my brat to be sad so I did what I knew best. I kissed him.

I tried breathing all my adoration for him into Eren’s lungs. I tried to take his pain into my own body, just so I wouldn’t have to see him suffering ever again. I poured everything I had into that kiss. So if you were wondering, yes, I was willing to give everything to Eren. Anything he needed, every little thing he wanted, I was going to give it to him.

Until now I was like a lamp powered by sun. I absorbed light so I could continue working, living. I didn’t realize that the sun that was sitting in front of me right now might run out of power someday. If it would stop shining completely, then it would be my end too. That’s why I had to be ready to be able to produce heat and power to it. I needed to give back everything I had taken from the sun. I had to do it even if it would mean the death of my own. I would leave Eren if I knew it was the best for him but that would be the end of my own conscious life. And I would give him everything I had if it meant that he would continue shining upon me.

I would give Eren my life if needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading. It honestly makes me so happy that I actually have readers hahaha. Comments, kudos throw everything you've got at me! - Also, at first I forgot but now remember that I wanted to show you how Levi's shoes with metal ends looked like ( http://menstyledigest.com/photos/000122.jpg ). I mean, some of them are really creepy and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea if you decided to check them out. Anyway, see you next time!


	10. Forest of Gods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fellas! How are you all doing? I'm here like every week with a new chapter! Though I'm kinda nervous because I don't really like this one (I don't even know why)... Oh! I really really love all of you, my dearest readers, for always leaving nice comments and kudos! I really do love you all!! Anyway, Eren's back story is up ahead. Enjoy!

She had one job. One fucking job and managed to ruin everything. Screw you, Four-eyed Psycho… Fucking goggles. Stupid, crazy, fucked up woman.

Since Eren’s birthday was nearing in, I decided to gather his best poems and design him a book of his own. All this just because I fucking can. I don’t need a permission to print one little poetry book if I want to. And of course, I asked Hanji to help me with the cover. We had discussed what look would be the greatest for fucking _hours_ and came up withthe idea that it would be best to make it simple. 'Simply putting his name on a book would be great enough' we agreed. But surely, that psycho had to go all out and do something outrageous.

Now I sat in my office, tapping my fingers on the table and looking at the obnoxious cover of Eren’s book. And on it… That fucking psycho has featured a picture of two guys almost fucking on the seashore! She managed to fuck up the cover and turn it one hundred and eighty degrees away from our agreement… At first I thought that this was a joke or a mistake but nope, everything is just like ‘Miss Zoe’ wanted. Well, now that fucker was going to be thrown out through my private office window (well kicked or pushed out was more like it). I just had to make sure that it looked like a suicide. Maybe I could say that she loved me but I refused her and that psycho decided that she doesn’t want to live without my love? Or maybe I could simply say that she was mentally ill… Fucking hell, those romantic detectives I’ve read that week were really getting to me… Well whatever, I will gladly go to prison if it means the end of that freak.

I was waiting for her to show up right now. That Four-eyed Psycho probably knew what was coming towards her and was late on purpose. You can run, shitty glasses, but you can’t hide. Hanji will fucking fix this mess or so help me. I was getting more and more irritated by the minute but suddenly the door burst open. I could hear commotion in the corridor and then Eren was roughly pushed inside. I covered the book with other papers in a haste after seeing him.

“The hell Hanji? You said ‘come with me for a while’ and not ‘go into Levi’s office’. I have work of my own to do!” The brat growled looking at the door as Hanji strolled in.

“Don’t be like that, my little cutie patootie. It won’t take long.” She turned to me then. “What did you want to discuss, Levi?” That bitch. I won’t be able to talk to her about it if Eren’s here. Nor will I have the right to kick her in the face without spoiling anything to the brat.

“Eren you can leave if you want to. I just needed to talk to Hanji alone.” I said calmly and said brat looked between me and Hanji before stepping towards the door.

“No, no, no, no!” Hanji screeched grabbing his arm and dragging him to one of the chairs where she plopped down and pulled Eren to sit on her lap (you should have seen his face when the psycho did that – priceless). “We can talk like this. Eren is family, right? Why hide anything?" ” Her shit-eating grin was stretching her cheeks a bit too much for my liking.

“Alright.” I sighed and then sent my best glare her way already thinking about my next words. “I know you didn’t really want anyone to know but whatever. I decided that I’m not going to report that I had caught you and Moblit fucking in your office and ruining a few of the newest covers while at it.” I said then and watched her face morph into a shocked one instead of smug (that’s right you bitch) while Eren turned scarlet red which reminded me of Mikasa's scarf. “Though it would be the right thing to do… But you are my friend and I am expecting you to fix this on your own.”

Hanji stayed silent for a while before squinting her eyes and nodding slowly. I gave her a nod of my own and sat back in my chair.

“You can be dismissed now.” I watched as she let Eren go and walked out of the office without a word which was weird knowing her.

“Ha-Hanji and Moblit? What? The office? Covers?” Eren stuttered watching the still open door before turning to me with his eyes wide.

I simply shrugged and waved the dumbfounded brat off. This was probably even better than kicking that psycho’s ass. She actually liked that assistant of hers but was afraid of making a move. That’s why she would always get extremely embarrassed and speechless when talking about Moblit. It was kind of nice to watch her finally shutting the fuck up. And now I was certain that she’ll fix the mess that was Eren’s book now. Suits her right.

I pulled out the damned thing from under the papers and looked at the obnoxious cover for a few more seconds before throwing it into the trash where all the discarded papers went. Erwin was kind of strict about his company being green and all that shit so no one complained. Recycling wasn’t so hard after all. Those shitty employees should at least know how to do that. I mean, we throw away more paper than use for making books. Anyway, I contemplated burning the ugly ass cover but then just thought ‘fuck it, not worth my while’. So yes, that’s how the lady that cleans my office (I had handpicked her myself, mind you) decided that I was a pervert. That is also how the whole building started talking about it too.

Levi reads gay smut. Sure. You should have fucking opened the book and read the first page you stupid motherfucking cleaning lady! Hanji was so going to get her ass handed to her on a silver platter. I’ll even make sure that the plate shines like her googles on a sunny day… Too bad that bitch suddenly decided that it was a good time for a vacation on the other side of the world for three days! Fan-fucking-tastic. I couldn’t murder her which would have helped me feel calmer about the whole situation. I could handle everyone’s hate, silence people’s laughter with one glare but I could never do that with Eren. It just doesn’t fucking work. But the worst part was that he simply casted a funny look (like he was mildly amused, betrayed and somewhat angry because he doesn’t understand something) my way and didn’t comment. At all.

I was dying to know what his thoughts were, but like hell would I be the one to bring that matter up. Just no. No. It was kind of embarrassing topic and even thinking that people talked about me as some gay perverted man (though it’s just because they were less afraid and more straightforward with me) instead of their superior was angering. Lack of respect and disregarding of their place irritated me. But I still managed to hold my head high and scolded every single one of them. I even fired a new guy from Eld’s team because he decided that it was a nice idea to snicker about my cleanliness. Bye shithead. See you by the dumpster.

I hoped that this will die down quickly but it probably won’t knowing that Erwin found out about it. That blond bastard hasn’t stopped making fun of me and I was pathetically only able to curse him (I couldn’t beat the shit out of that motherfucker because he’s my boss and all that shit). I was sooo slamming Hanji’s head into a wall when she gets back. Her goggles will break into millions of pieces. I won’t kill her of course. I mean, the redone version of the book was pretty nice and not embarrassing at all. A deep green leather cover with silver letters on it and some wavy pattern. I had also asked to leave the first page blank because I was going to write something for him on it (I just didn't know what yet). Anyway, it looked classy as well as beautiful and if I liked it, Eren was going to love it.

His birthday was closing in and as a result of all the ruckus of the incident with that ‘Levi the Pervert’ shit that special day came even quicker. I actually found myself surprised when I looked at the calendar on Saturday and saw that it was the 29th already. I had promised Mikasa that she could have Eren for herself the whole morning (meaning that we were staying apart tonight) but I’m coming to pick him up at 7 pm and he’s staying the night at my place. This will be the first time I’ll get to cook for him so I’m picking out my best recipes (which aren’t that many). A lasagna and strawberry shortcake just have to do right? Who doesn’t like those? Obviously people who don’t have taste buds. I haven’t really planned what we were going to do after dinner though, so I guess we’ll just go with the flow.

I cleaned my house from top to bottom on Saturday and felt kind of winded by the end of it. I found some leftover Christmas decorations in places that I least expected them to be in (how the hell did you even get up to the attic, Mikasa? Seriously, that girl took the whole ‘decorating’ shit to a whole new level). They, of course, reminded me of the fun the three of us had together. Real, genuine fun. I found myself enjoying simply talking and drinking Eren’s divine hot chocolate (which I didn’t usually drink, but it was his homemade drink so I just fucking had to) with the two siblings or reading a book with the brat's head in my lap. It was peaceful. It was nice. And I liked it. Which probably meant that I was going soft in the head because - the fuck, Levi?

I sighed looking through my cleaning equipment after I finished tidying everything, noting that I needed to buy a new bottle of carpet cleaner and more dust and window wipes because I was running low on those. Some more sponges would probably be nice too. And dish liquid too since it has almost ran out... Ah fuck it. It was eight pm and I seriously hoped that my favorite store still worked because I couldn’t rest until I had those things in my house. I decided to also stop by the grocery store to buy fresh vegetables (also strawberries) and some meat for the lasagna so I wouldn’t have to go tomorrow. Of course it took me some time to decide if I wanted the newest wipes or my usual ones and I couldn’t resolve if I wanted turkey or pork. As in ‘it took me a total of two hours to get back home’. I was just glad that I managed to get everything I needed. It would suck to go out tomorrow again.

I popped open a bottle of wine that Hanji had left at my place after Christmas and settled to read a book by the kitchen table. Yeah, maybe my bed or sofa would have been more comfortable but I felt unsteady from running around the whole fucking day and didn’t want to risk spilling any of the red liquid on my freshly changed sheets or on one of the settees I had washed this morning if suddenly a miracle would happen and I would fall asleep unexpectedly. Just no, alright? That’s why I’m sort of hunched in one of the dining chairs with my leg propped up on another. This is as comfortable as it gets. I don’t last long though – only two glasses of wine and seven short chapters after you can already find me in the bathroom lazily washing my teeth. Though besides all the sleepiness that was heavy in the air I was still somewhat nervous about tomorrow. Eren will turn 24 making the gap between us 5 years again instead of 6. And the number isn’t even grand or anything. Just 24, nothing special. But I’m nervous because I don’t know what his reaction to the book might be. Will he hate me for it? That brat isn’t really fond of sharing his poems so I had to sneak around to get as many as I could for the book. I could only hope that he will not take it as an invasion of his mind, privacy and (fuck, that will sound so freaking sappy) soul.

That slight nervousness was probably enough to keep me awake for another three hours and when sleep finally took me I stirred awake only a few hours after. Great. I was left lying in my bed, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for the sun to rise. I don’t know why but I just wanted to stay like that for a while but it felt as if something was missing. That’s when I realized that it was the absence of a certain brat that kept me awake. I could compare this feeling to the one you get when you have some big shit (like a meeting with someone important or a test) and just stay awake thinking if you remember everything you need to say or do, but miss one thing and can’t recall what it is. Well constipation might feel the same too, but whatever (I mean, wouldn’t you lay awake in bed worrying whether you’re able to take a dump already or not? Yeah, that’s some deep shit right there, Levi).

Deciding that it was enough of fucking around (with no actual fucking), I got up and headed towards my closet since I decided to go for a run. It was barely seven in the morning but that’s hella later than I’m used to getting up so I ain’t complaining. At least Hanji wasn’t there to wake me up like she always does on important (and sometimes casual) days. That psycho will probably bombard Eren with her shitty texts and calls. Poor brat. Wait no, I don’t actually feel bad for him. Shithead always stands up for four-eyes so he should taste what it feels like to have her on your head. Though I could imagine that Eren doesn’t really mind the attention from Hanji. He seems to strangely appreciate every person who makes effort to actually befriend him. It doesn’t even matter if they’re fucking annoying like four-eyes or irritating like horse-face – Eren welcomed them all. I suppose it shouldn’t be strange knowing that he doesn’t trust people easily. So yeah, if he does, then there is no going back – friends until the end. That’s why breaking Eren’s trust like Mina and Thomas had done meant no coming back the way it was. Yeah he could forgive them and start talking again, but no real friendship. I don’t even know why that made me so proud and happy (well at least happ _ier._ Or maybe it was happy- _ish_? Well what-fucking-ever _)._

I ran to the park and circled it a few times before heading home. I went straight to the shower and stretched with hot water pouring on me from every direction. Best muscle relaxation I could think of. I resumed my usual morning routine with tea instead of coffee and a bagel made by Eren. He always left something for me to eat in my place if we were to separate for a few hours. I was probably going to have to increase the time I spend in the gym if this goes on. Though those extra workout hours accompanied by Eren’s full, healthy meals would only increase my muscle mass. I didn’t want to look like some overly ripped dwarf (oh fuck, I just had to admit it, didn't I?) whose neck and biceps are as thick as his head. That would just plainly be a car crash. I’m not even joking.

I sat down to read a book after pouring myself another cup of tea. Erwin brought the first stash of it back to me that time he went to China with Mike (I never understood it those guys were simply best buddies or friends with benefits. Hell maybe both?). It was probably the best tea I ever had and I searched for a store that sells exactly the same one for a few months. Now I get it shipped to me from another city. Yeah, I’m a preposterous bastard, but damn, that tea was really good. Anyway, the story I was reading lacked action and didn’t draw me in at all. I guess I didn’t notice it yesterday through my sleepy and slightly tipsy haze. I just threw it aside and turned the TV on but of course nothing good was on. Actually I only managed to watch anything on TV besides the movies I chose myself with Eren. He loved those shitty science-fiction shows and would always drag me along to watch them. Though I usually looked at the brat instead of the screen. He would sometimes get really excited and his eyes would glow brighter than the fucking TV itself.

I wondered if he’ll be up for a movie tonight. I looked through my collection and deciding that I had some new stuff that the brat probably hasn’t seen went to start the dinner. I mean, time passes quickly and I wanted to put lasagna in the oven then go to Eren’s and come back before it’s done. Though preparing everything took less time than expected. Sighing I went upstairs to find an outfit for tonight with more time on my hands than needed. Although, the additional hour proved to be helpful since I couldn’t fucking decide what to wear. I. Me. Levi fucking Ackerman. Couldn’t do the simple matching for a dinner at my own house. Dress slacks seemed too formal when paired with a button up. But if I would put on a T-shirt then it would look distasteful. I hated wearing formal button ups and jeans together so it’s a no too. I made a dozen pairings but none of them seemed right. Then I remembered about those sort of dark brown skinny pants I had. Which would go perfectly with a simple black form-fitting T-shirt and it would look good with and without shoes. A casual back blazer on top for when I’m outside… Not bad. I decided to go with that and went back downstairs.

I had left the oven to heat up and considering the amount of time I had spent in my closet it was probably overheated (yeah, I know it's stupid). No matter. I slid the lasagna in and headed outside with my car keys in hand. I had also picked one simple yellow tulip from my own garden. The flowers had just started to bloom and that one blossom was just asking to be given to Eren. Sounds sappy and shit but the damned plant really did ask for it. I swear it was looking at me through the kitchen glass door the whole time while I was cooking. Fucking flowers, man.

When I reached Eren’s house I didn’t even ring the bell and stepped right inside. He wasn’t in the living room or in the kitchen. Though I found Mikasa in their small study.

“Studying? That’s a first.” I snorted and she raised her middle finger at me. “Where’s your brother?” I continued not even blinking.

“Powdering his face probably…” She replied finally turning her head in my direction.

“Hoh?” I raised an eyebrow (that’s it, Levi, the smartest thing you’ve ever said…).

“We literally spent half of the day trying to figure out what he should wear. He even tried some of my clothes… And even though it was kinda fun by the end it started to simply irritate me so I just told him to wear whatever.” She had this exhausted and ‘so done with this shit’ sort of look on her face (looked pretty funny actually). “I didn’t stay to sit through the torture of Eren trying to do something with his hair. He’ll never understand that it’s mission impossible…” The girl shook her head sighing.

“It’s not nice to badmouth your own brother.” I heard behind me. “Especially your older brother who can kick you out on the street.” I turned around to see a very flustered and slightly angry Eren.

He was wearing navy blue pants with a simple flannel shirt though his socks were sort of funny (they had freaking mice on them... My goodness this brat is precious). The wrist watch I gave him secured around his wrist as always when going out. It wasn’t fancy but I still thought that he looked gorgeous. He of course noticed my stare and blushed as any other time I would admire him. I could hear Mikasa snickering so I flipped her off with my hand behind my back and out of Eren’s sight. I saw that he tried to push his hair back but it some strands still fell into his eyes making his big greens look adorable on that pretty face. Sure he was manly and all that shit, but I’m still allowed to call him beautiful and pretty if I want to.

“Not bad.” I commented and smirked as Eren’s blush deepened.

“You look nice too.” He said. “I’m all set. Shall we?”

“Sure.” I agreed and headed towards the stairs.

“You be a good girl and no parties on a Sunday. You have a test tomorrow so eat breakfast and go to sleep a bit earlier, alright?” I heard him chiding Mikasa.

“Don’t I know that.” Came her dry reply. “Go and have fun with your boyfriend little brother. I’ll be fine.”

“Good luck tomorrow.” Then I heard his footsteps and Eren emerged in front of the stairs (I had already put on my shoes and waited for my princess).

He put on his pull-on sneakers and smiled nervously at me. That’s when I noticed that he had a troubled look on his face. As if he was carrying hundred messenger bags on his shoulder instead of one. I didn’t comment though. I was sure he’ll tell me when the time comes. Although, that didn’t stop me from worrying about it. Did something bad happen? Maybe he doesn’t want to go? No he seemed excited when I invited him… What the fuck was wrong? I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. He blushed adorably and smiled like a fucking idiot when I gave him the flower. He probably knew that it was from my garden probably and that is most likely why he appreciated it so much. I mean, I got a real deep fucking kiss for one flower. Though the troubled expression returned not long after and any amount of my shit related jokes couldn't help.

“Lasagna?” Eren said upon entering my house and I couldn’t help but chuckle. He had a nose like a dog when it came to food.

“Yes. It won’t be as good as anything you make but it’ll have to do. Actually, I’ll make you eat it even if it’s bad.” I answered hanging my blazer on one of the hooks by the wall.

“I’m sure it will be even better.” He retorted hugging me from behind and I could hear a smile in his voice (well, fucking finally).

I headed towards the kitchen and told him to go and sit down. The lasagna was almost done so I just went back with the wine Armin had given me on Christmas. It was a damn good one so I was saving it for a special occasion. This was significant enough for the bottle to be popped. Eren sipped the white liquid and hummed in appreciation.

“So what did you and Mikasa do today?” I asked after tasting the wine myself.

“Um.. We went to our favorite ice-cream parlor and got biggest portions that they sell there.” He smiled. “Then a walk home through the park, small party together with Armin and that's all. They also got me presents. Though Armin’s presence was enough of a gift itself. Too bad he had to leave early…” Eren smiled a little sad smile. “But you wouldn’t believe what they got me, Levi!” Now he looked and sounded excited. “Mikasa and Armin had been saving up for some time and got us tickets for a flight to Germany! And we can choose the time of the trip ourselves! Though the tickets have to be used before the end of the year… But that’s still great right?” He asked and I think I saw his tail wagging behind him as I processed what he had just said.

“Us?” I finally said and he nodded cautiously “That’s really fucking generous of them. I should tell Armin that I’ll pay him back for it…”

“Wait, so you’re okay with going with me?” Eren asked incredulously.

“Of course I fucking am, brat. I don’t need to consider this kind of thing if it means I get to spend time with you.” I said.

He blushed and opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the ding of the oven indicating that the lasagna was done. I shrugged my shoulders at him in apology and went to get it. Eren ate three pieces in total and never stopped commenting on how good it was. Well no, he stopped when I told him to stop licking my ass and he chocked a little and earned snickering from my part for that. Perverted brat. It was just an expression (right? Right). Then I brought the little cake and Eren’s eyes lit up as he saw strawberries on top of it. As I suspected he instantly knew what type of cake it was and didn’t waste any time in devouring his part (where the fuck did all that food go in his body? He ate three portions of lasagna and half of the cake. How the fuck is that even possible?). That brat even tried starting a food war as he ‘accidentally’ smeared some of the cream on the side of my face. You can’t call it an accident when you are sitting right in front of me and I clearly saw how you poked your finger into the cream and brought your hand up to clean it off on my face, you little shit. I threatened to make him wear a special strawberry shortcake flavored face mask so he didn’t try to do anything more.

It was subtle but throughout all the supper I noticed Eren’s mood going down and down even though he tried to conceal it with silly jokes. It brought my nervousness and slight fear back (yeah fear, fuck it, I was not ready for it if the kid wanted to leave me). Pushing these thoughts aside I excused myself to go and get Eren’s present.

You should have seen his face when he saw his own name written on the cover. Eren’s jaw dropped and he looked at me then back at the book. He actually looked at the item for so long that I though he wasn’t going to say anything when I noticed the small dark spots on the cover. Oh fuck he was crying. Again. Why does he have to cry every time? I really was dating a fucking toddler, I swear (even though he was cute as hell). And then he started  _sobbing_ upon seeing what I wrote for him in the place of a dedication.

“Hey don’t cry.” I said lightly ranking my fingers through his hair. “You aren’t mad that I used your poems are you? I just thought that it would be a nice start for your career as a future writer if you saw how your work looked when it’s actually put into a book.”

He didn’t say anything at that only sniffed and raised his head slowly. I saw his reddened eyes and wet cheeks, running nose (fucking ew)... And that adorable, bright as sun smile that was plastered on his face.

“Thank you.” He whispered. “I love it.” More tears spilled from his eyes and I just pulled him onto my lap and into my arms as I didn’t know what else to do. He hugged me close and sniffed into my ear (I almost shuddered because it was really freaking gross but I didn’t even think of pushing Eren off). “This means so much to me. You have no idea.” He said in-between sniffles. “My… My mom’s greatest wish was to see a book of my poems published. She would always dream how she would show it off to everyone and leave the book on our coffee table in the living room so everyone would see it when they come for a visit.” He chuckled and now his tears made sense to me.

“Mom wasn’t always my greatest supporter. She started thinking that my English studies were a good thing only after I got that diploma. Dad was never openly against it but I knew that he wanted something else for me. But even then they both backed me up on my dream.” Eren continued talking and the more he said the more interested I got. Was he going to…? “That’s only one off the reasons why their deaths were so crucial on my life. I lost my support. My pillars.” Yeah, he was. I didn’t say anything and hugged him closer as he squeezed the book to his chest. “I was never the best kid you know. Always getting into fights and bringing bad grades home from time to time. I would also sneak homeless animals into our house and, honestly, that irritated mom and dad the most.” I couldn’t help but smile at hearing that. So he was a softie from the start? “Our little family was happy and everything was all cherry blossoms and honey. Then of course I found out that I was gay. I was only fifteen then. I found it strange how I never liked girls so being attracted to other guys made sense. Well it mostly made sense because the only man I was attracted to was Thomas. He was a good friend and I liked him. I asked him out and he agreed even though neither of us knew what it really meant at first. We only caught on after kissing accidentally. Our lips met and we just couldn’t part. So we started dating. Only our friends and Mikasa knew. It went on like this for almost a year and a half.” He said and suddenly his breath got caught in his throat.

“Are you alright?” I inquired silently and he just nodded pressing his head into my shoulder, hiding his eyes from me and inhaling slowly.

“We... We decided to come out to our parents after both of us turned sixteen. First it was Thomas’ parents. They were good people and accepted us. His mother always liked me and that didn’t change. Though we hesitated to tell my parents. You see my dad was homophobic and I didn’t know where my mom stood so I was sort of scared to tell them the truth.” He paused and sighed. “Then my father found out that Thomas was gay. He yelled at him and at me and forbid our friendship. I got so mad, Levi… I saw red. I snapped at told them that we were dating and that I loved Thomas. Which wasn’t the best idea considering that everyone was out of it at that moment. My parents stayed silent for a while just looking at me. Then my father left the house without a word. Mom stayed behind and sent Thomas home. She talked to me and when I convinced her that this was what I really wanted she somewhat accepted me. I was so happy for a moment…” He shook his head a little against my shoulder and fell silent.

“What happened then?” I encouraged.

“When dad failed to come back after four hours, my mom decided to go and search for him.” Eren continued. “She took the car so it would be faster and left after reassuring me that she’ll talk with dad and try to change his views at least a little. She… She didn’t come back for a long time. I waited until the morning. I didn’t go to sleep even as Mikasa curled up beside me on the sofa. Then around four in the morning Hannes rang our doorbell. Apparently, mom and dad got into a car accident. They drove into a back of a truck as it suddenly stopped in the middle of the road for no reason. Both died instantly.” Eren let out a shuddering breath and I could clearly feel how wet my shoulder was. I squeezed him tighter, urging to continue so he did. “My mind went blank, Levi. Totally blank. I couldn’t believe it. I collapsed when the truth finally made it through to me. I cried and clung to Mikasa as she did the same to me. She was all I had left of our small family. And I was everything she had too. I fell into a depression, broke up with Thomas… It was all my fault. I was the one to blame for their deaths. All because of my lifestyle. I had to get rid of it, so I did. Mikasa became the most important thing in the world for me instead of some love interest or even studies or my own future.” Eren turned his head a little so his head would lay on my shoulder more comfortably, his hot breath tickling my neck.

“Hannes took us into his custody, but, thankfully, we didn’t have to move in with him since his house was right across form ours. Though he constantly worried because I refused to eat. I was so guilt ridden that I wanted to die. Then Mikasa confessed that her biggest dream was to become a lawyer so she could find the man who was responsible for our parents’ deaths. He was never found and sentenced. It’s forbidden to suddenly stop in a highway so it was like he murdered them instead of it being an accident. Though since he wasn’t found, he couldn’t be punished too. Mikasa’s dream gave me hope and brought back my determination to live. I promised to get her into the best university and started working. I had three part time jobs by the time I turned seventeen. After graduating from school I went to university with the money my parents had saved up for that purpose. I just thought that I should use them for their true purpose. I continued working my ass off and studied at the same time. It was my redemption - working hard no matter what.” He sighed again and raised his head to look at the ground. “That’s also why I promised not to date anyone. I could see that Mikasa disagreed with my decision but she didn’t comment and I was grateful for that. I took custody of her once I turned eighteen and managed to support us both with the money I earned and sometimes taking a little bit from my parents’ savings but most of it always went into Mikasa’s found. I still felt guilty though.” Eren fell silent then and breathed a few deep breaths before continuing his story.

“Then I met you.” He lifted his head to look me in the eye. I saw so many feelings in his eyes. His pain hurt me too, his sorrow also churned my insides, his hope lifted my own spirit, determination – made me want to do the impossible, and love, all that love, forced my heart to beat faster and my head spin. “It was as if though the guilt lifted a little bit every time we talked. Even with my promise I couldn’t bring myself to stay away from you because your presence just made so… So giddy and happy inside. Though the guilt ate me for it even stronger when I was alone because of how uplifting I felt with you around.”

My own eyes stung now but I couldn’t bring myself to talk. Overwhelmed. That’s how I felt at the moment.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of that culpability, but I will have to learn to live with it as I did before.” He said and smiled sadly. “I have to do it. I have to because I love you.”

My heart stopped. Everything stopped. I gawked at Eren and he fidgeted slightly under my gaze. _He loved me_. Eren said that he _loved_ me. Me. Of all people he chose the one who didn’t deserve such a wonderful creature like himself. Eren was so beautiful – inside and out. Starting with his bottomless eyes and ending with that childishness. He was a perfect human being. Strong and caring. Ruthless and just. Receding and determined. He loved the world. And he loved me. It was almost unbelievable. I felt happiness bubbling inside of me. Threatening to burst and consume everything.

“My mother,” I started not even thinking what was coming out of my mouth, “would always tell me that accidents were no one’s fault and people who died earlier than they should have always went to some sacred forest where gods lived. Though the gods weren’t actually real. They were simply guarding the forest. They loved life and took people’s who wanted to enter their forest troubles onto their shoulders so everyone would have a peaceful afterlife. Mother even said that those gods actually walked among us. You could recognize them by their eyes because they carried the forest in them and made everyone happy by their presence and selfless caring. And shall I ever meet one, I ought to bask in their light as long as possible. I though that she was crazy and never believed her, but now I do.” I caressed his cheek with the palm of my hand.

“Even though you carry seas and oceans in your eyes, you’re still like a those sacred entities of my mother’s stories. You bring light wherever you go and stupidly try to be everyone’s hero which isn’t always the best thing for you. But even though you’re bratty and all that shit, I’m still so incredibly, absurdly, unimaginably fucking lucky that someone like you actually loves me…” I shook my head and felt a tear slide down my cheek. The fuck? I’m done for I guess. Soft as a marshmallow. “And I feel the same way about you, kid. So it angers me to see you broken and blaming yourself for something you had no control over. It was your choice to come out of the closet but the consequences weren’t in your power to predict or change, so please don’t blame yourself, Eren. Please.” I saw his eyes widen as any tears that might have still been there disappeared.

And suddenly his face broke into the most radiant smile I’ve ever seen. I thought I would go blind for a moment there. And then he kissed me. I’ve never had such a sweet kiss before. It was like sugar overdose for me. I would’ve gladly went to that forest of gods or some shit right then and there (though that kiss wasn’t accidental at all…). My death would’ve been a happy one, but of course Eren had to totally surprise me as always (why can’t I do that for once? One fucking time is all I need. Come on!).

“Make love to me.” He whispered looking at me intently, affection and yearning swirling in the depths of the sea that is his eyes. Crashing like tidal waves into me and making my heart beat faster (or maybe stop? I couldn’t fucking tell anymore…).

I couldn’t say no to that, now, could I? Not that I even considered another option… I already said that I’ll give Eren whatever he asked of me. That will never change. Not if I can help it.

 *************************************************************************************************************************************************

Next morning found me spooned by Eren from behind. I wanted to turn around and look at him but he was just holding me too tightly. As if he was afraid that I’ll disappear or some shit. Too bad, you little shit, you’re stuck with me for life now (yeah alright, I jumped ahead of myself, but whatever, I was too happy to care). I would have loved to get out of bed though. I didn’t want him to wake up to my stinky breath and sleepy eyes. While Eren looked cute as hell after waking up, I was an absolute shit – hair askew, eyes only slits, chapped lips and even more of an irritated expression that usually. I never said I was a morning person…

I managed to wiggle my way out of his grasp somehow (and stood there for a moment just looking at Eren – really he was so adorable and handsome… alright now Levi, go take your cold bath or something…) and took a quick shower. I was too tired to shower yesterday after… _That_ happened. It was totally unexpected but the smart man I am - I always had supplies. Eren snickered a little when he saw that I was packed and actually even remembered to make fun of me for that stupid book incident but all laughter died down and was replaced by incoherent words and moans latter. I don’t remember any other time when sex was that good… There was just something about doing it with Eren that made it so marvelous. I stepped out of the shower and brushed my teeth before going back to join the brat in the bed. He was sprawled out in the whole length and was drooling on the pillow. I sighed and shook my head at the sight. Yeah, it was still gross but I couldn’t help but still find the sight appealing. I ran my fingers through his hair after sitting down beside his head and he hummed in slight satisfaction but remained asleep. I moved my hand down his neck and as much of his back as I could reach. That’s when Eren started waking up due to goose bumps that appeared on his skin. He raised his head then squinted and smiled at me (though it was more like a smirk since only one corner of his lips managed to lift). I couldn’t decide if he reminded me of a puppy or of a kitten now… Confusing brat.

“Mornin’.” He murmured sleepily and plopped back down on the pillow. Yeah, a kitten for sure.

“Good morning.” I leaned down to kiss his shoulder. “How did you sleep?” My lips travelled to the space in-between his shoulder blades.

“Mhmmm real good. ‘N you?” Came a muffled reply.

“Wonderfully.” I answered and kissed his lower back, my act sending shivers up Eren’s spine and making him turn over.

“That’s good to hear.” He smiled brightly and this time my lips found his collar bone. “Someone’s in a really good mood this morning eh?”

“You have no idea.” I muttered travelling down lower and lower until I heard Eren take in a sharp breath and a tent started forming in the place where his nether region was. Which actually brought a smirk to my face and made it fun as hell to see his face as I yanked the covers off of him. This was a great morning, really. I positioned myself between his legs and looked up at his wide eyes with a small smirk.

“Happy birthday again.” I smiled evilly before leaning my head down.

Needless to say, we were late to work. Although, I never intended to get there on time that Monday. Remembering that this was the exact day we met a year ago, we decided to repeat the other night’s events. After that we took a shower together as quickly as we could and headed to work. If there were any policemen patrolling the streets today, I would’ve gotten quite a few speeding tickets as I tried driving as fast as I could to reduce the amount of time of our late arrival. You can probably guess that the stares we got were quite extraordinary as I had never been late in my life and always yelled at everyone for doing that same thing I just did myself (no, not the sex, the lateness).  I heard whispers but it only took one glare for them to shut the fuck up. I was already getting irritated and I hadn’t even started working yet.

Eren on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice a thing. The brat was practically glowing and smiled at everyone he met successfully making them fall for him. That happiness of his even started to shoo away my irritation and I didn’t know if that was good thing or not. Yeah, I was smitten as fuck. And actually this time it was me who pulled him down for a kiss before parting. Also, he fucking kicked me in the shin saying that I’ll understand why latter. And then, upon entering my office I suddenly stopped in my tracks. It’s been a fucking year. Whole _year_ since I first met him in that same office I was standing in right now. And a little less than that since our first dinner together. And the kick – he really did promise to do that or throw a breadstick at me sometime in the future. I never would’ve imagined that the pretty thing will become my partner in the future. But hell, I was fucking ecstatic that he did.

Eren was everything I could ever wish or hope for. A real god from that sacred forest who graced me with his presence. Who made me feel warm inside again. Who actually loved me like no one has ever had. What else could I wish for? Well, the answer should be clear, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING (every week or for the first time - it doesn't matter (~cause nothing else matters~). Please let me know what you think, it's really really really important for me (and leave kudos if you liked it of course)! Anyway, I won't upload next week (sorry) because i'm going on a vacation (I'm really sorry). So see you in two weeks, darlings!


	11. Fucking First-timers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK!! Hi, hi, hi, hi, hello, hi, hi, hi. New chapter has arrived and I am so fucking sorry that I made you wait! I always get frustrated when I can't update on time... Anyway, I hope that this is alright because a shitty chapter isn't what you need after a week of absence, right? I added some characters that aren't in the manga or anime so don't be mad at me, please! I really needed someone and I already have a role planned for every freaking character in the real storyline. Other than that, there is nothing out of ordinary so, enjoy and let me know your thoughts afterwards!

Fucking hot. It was only the middle of May and it was already warm enough to start sweating like a pig from the very morning. Why the hell didn’t I require a shower to be constructed in my office’s private bathroom? I didn’t even want to imagine what the actual summer will bring if it was already torrid outside in the sun. Fucking global warming… I’m going to start kicking everyone who litter or doesn’t recycle. You think I’m kidding? Well try littering. I’ll wait for your telegram from the sun when I will kick your sorry ass there. Oh wait, you’ll fucking _burn_ (suits you right) which is still better than sitting and sweating in the office for the _whole day_.

Eren seemed to ravish in the heat. He would put on some ridiculous booty shorts (them being the only article of clothing on him) and go out to work in his garden, music blasting from an old radio and eyes glistening with joy. Planting, weeding, watering, fertilizing, you name it and he has probably done it there. The brat even started working on a slightly bigger than his garden in my back yard. He was all squeals and high pitched ‘thankyous’ when I allowed him to act on his own violation there (which sounded completely gay, honestly Eren…). I even graced him with the key to my house and got one to enter his in return (not that they locked the door if either one of them was home). So yeah now you could say that we practically lived together for real. And we had two houses. And unexpectedly – a daughter (who is a bitch… I swear I didn’t fucking raise her like that – it was all Eren’s doing).

These last few days were extremely warm and I was really glad that I didn’t have to work. Though it seems like some nice winds will blow in a rainfall in our area today. Rain was good. It meant the dropping of that fucking heat and opportunity of actually breathing in fresh air instead of the fusty one we had to inhale until now. The skies were already dark with dark grey and blue clouds and the wind had picked up. Eren sat on a bar stool in my kitchen and watched the swaying branches of the only tree in my backyard. He had taken up a few weeks off of work (and made me do the same of course) in order to finish working on the garden and became troubled when he heard the forecast because he hoped he could at least finish planting the trees until Wednesday. Flowers were already there and I already had a carcass of a greenhouse in the furthest corner of my backyard. He also made kitchen-garden not far from it and already planted potatoes, carrots, onions, salad and some other shit which I couldn’t actually remember there. And even if he was sad about the rain, Eren had to admit that it was needed after such a long time without a single drop of water. A deep sigh left his lips as he saw the first few drops hit the glass.

“I’m so bored, Leviiii…” He whined. “I can’t work outside, you already cleaned everything spotless, we already made food and I’m on vacation so there’s no way in hell I’d read drafts… There’s nothing to do.”

“Yeah, besides you.” I snorted and turned on the TV as Eren started sputtering with a red face and a shocked expression. Such a dork. Really, Eren? It’s been a year.

I had opened up all the windows to let the smell of rain and fresh air in (as well as the cool one) and now there was a light breeze ghosting through the room. Eren calmed down after a while and joined me on the settee (he was still grumbling about me being unfair and a shitty boyfriend. For the record – he definitely got the latter one from me). We watched the news as the rain got stronger and stronger. The wet smell of it reached my nose and I inhaled deeply. I really loved the scent of rain. It was refreshing. It almost felt as if even my soul was breathing it in and getting stronger, fiercer. I liked it the most when it rained at night. Then those wet and dark smells would combine and bring out the best fucking fragrance I’ve ever breathed in.

On the other hand, Eren, as I already mentioned earlier, loved sun above everything. He would prance around the house on really sunny days singing or humming and spend almost the whole day outside if it were to be a weekend (if not then he would be gleeful the whole day in the office). But when I asked Eren why did he like it so much he just simply said that sun brings out almost every beautiful thing in the nature. All the flowers, sparkly waters, rainbows… He thinks that a rainbow is something really special and therefore assumes that we’re really good together because I’m a rain person and he’s one that overly enjoys sun. In other words – we make rainbows together. That sounds gay as hell I know, but that’s Eren for you.

He was a little down that we will be leaving for Germany in a few days because the forecast showed that the week that we’ll spend away will be the warmest and sunniest (we were leaving in the middle of our two week vacation so we could spend some time home before and after the trip). Thank fuck we were escaping that. As much as I liked to see Eren happy, this sweaty weather pissed me off. Suddenly and unexpectedly (of course…) a loud crash of thunder rang through the air making my lover squeak (oh yeah, he’s so masculine, I know). He jumped on my lap and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“They didn’t say that there was going to be a thunderstorm…” I said, petting Eren’s hair absentmindedly to calm the little kid down quicker.

“No shit.” He murmured making me chuckle.

You see, Eren disliked the rain because of thunderstorms it might bring. He was scared of them though he would never admit that. Every time a thunderstorm came, he would wrap himself up in a blanket with his computer or phone with a ridiculous TV-show on. It was kind of cute but also sad to watch. Just think about it: a tall, muscular man in his early twenties curled up into a ball like a snotty kid sporting the most adorable pout on his face along with big, wide, shiny eyes. Yeah, these moments were one of the few that I lived for. Even now Eren trotted out of the room with quick steps and came back with a thick blanket wrapped around him (I never understood how doesn’t he get hot or suffocate wrapped up in those). Then he proceeded to plop down beside me and ducking his head under my armpit. A smirk pulled at my lips until it became a full pledged small smile as I watched the brat getting comfortable snuggling into my side (that was just another one of his antics that made him appear to be a kitten).

“Will you stay here?” Came a muffled question once he situated himself.

“Yeah, I will.” I said leaning down to kiss the tip of his nose that was peeping through the hole that he made for breathing (ah, so that’s how he was still alive wrapped up in it).

Eren let out a sigh of relief but tensed again after another round of thunder ran through the air. I snuck one of my arms into the blanket to stroke his neck and hair. It seemed to calm him down a little so I continued doing it.

“You never actually told me why you’re so afraid of thunderstorms.” I said.

“I’m not afraid!” Yeah, right, and I bake cookies every Sunday for the thirteen kids I agreed to foster and also bring them to my local church before going off to help pouring soup for the homeless. “It’s just that they make me feel really uncomfortable.” Ooohkay? “My mom was really afraid of thunder and would always go to the basement to hide and as I was a small kid she would always take me with her. I mean, you can’t leave a little child without care, right? I would sit with her in that dark basement and watch mom shudder until I began doing it with her. At first it was her who hugged me close for support but later on, when my imagination kicked, in I started doing the same to her. We clung to each other for support. Now every thunderstorm reminds me of that scary basement and my mom’s shaking form. That’s why I find them distressing. I can’t do anything about it.” Eren’s hand sneaked out and up to take a hold of the one of mine that was unoccupied.

I was silent then. So it was more like something that brought back unpleasant memories for him. I could relate to that in a way…

“Thanks for telling me, Eren.” I squeezed his hand a little and he nuzzled his head into my side letting out a sigh. “I’m here with you now though, don’t worry anymore, I’ll protect you.”

He stiffened a little after that and even stopped breathing (I think). Though a few moments later he let out a huge sigh and relaxed. I though he wasn’t going to say anything so I turned my attention to the TV but I still heard him whispering and those words squeezed my heart as if I were having a seizure.

“I know.”

 *************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Our plane was departing at fucking three in the morning. Naturally, we didn’t even go to sleep since it would take us about an hour to get to the airport and we also needed to be there an hour early. I couldn’t decide if Eren was nervous or excited (probably both). I mostly felt tired and looked even worse compared to the everlasting energy ball by my side. The little shit was practically buzzing, seriously, calm the fuck down. Mikasa was driving us to the airport in her car with Annie riding shotgun as a companion for the trip back. The dark haired girl had gotten her driver’s license recently and I fucking told everyone that the car will be useful once she does. I was fucking right. Suck it bitches (even though I actually wanted only Eren to suck it).

We were flying to Hamburg, second largest city in Germany because Eren’s parents were from around there. They lived in the surrounding smaller towns but met in Hamburg when they continued bumping into each other on the street and then realized they were actually neighbors (or so I’ve been told).  The brat wanted to visit his grandparent’s graves so we’ll be renting a car and driving to two different graveyards and meeting some of Eren’s German family members. I was _thrilled_ by the idea of meeting people who probably couldn’t even talk English. They probably wouldn’t be impressed by my rusty French. No, they definitely would not. Oh what-fucking-ever, Eren promised not to leave me so he could spout some bullshit in German with his folk. Or so I hoped he would do.

“Don’t act rash, don’t get drunk and for god’s sake don’t start brawls.” Mikasa chided Eren before we entered the departure gates. “Eat healthy, be careful and don’t trust anyone, even the midget.” Her eyes shot to me as she stepped forward to give her brother a hug and I flipped the girl off.  Then she walked up to me to do the same thing she did to Eren while he embraced Annie. “You be careful too. And look after him.” She murmured as I wrapped one arm around her waist to return the gesture.

“Of course I will, runt, don’t get cocky.” I replied and she stepped back just to give Eren another hug.

“Geez, Mika, enough already. I’m an adult, I’ll be fine, no need to worry.” Eren sighed as he wound his long arms around the dark haired girl. “I left you food for the whole week so just heat it up, but don’t try to cook anything yourself if Annie’s not there to help you to extinguish the fire.” He said with a smile. “Also, tend to my garden and don’t forget to do the laundry-”

“I get it, I get it. I remember everything you told me to do, little brother.” Mikasa interrupted and finally stepped back and took Annie’s hand. “Go now, have a safe trip and come back in one piece, please.”

Both of us nodded and went to stand in line of people who were also waiting to enter the terminal. We waved the two girls as we were finished and went on to find our flight gate so we could wait there. There weren’t too many people at the airport at this hour but there were plenty.

Eren and I found ourselves seats and plopped down with the bags we were bringing into the cabin. The brat immediately slid closer and laid his head in my lap. I usually dislike public shows of affection, but who could say no to a man as handsome as Eren who wanted to stay this close to you. I mean, wouldn’t you want to show off and announce to people that yes, that man is gorgeous and is, indeed, taken, so don’t even look at him. Well if you don’t then it’s your problem because I sure as hell used these opportunities to the fullest and never pushed Eren away. Let those fuckers know that that piece of hot ass is taken. In both, metaphorical and realistic sense.

“I don’t want to see them.” Eren suddenly whispered.

“Who?” What? What the hell are you talking about?

“Relatives.” He whispered again. “I don’t want to visit them. What if they blame me for dad and mom’s deaths? There were a few who did so what if they still do or if there are more like that?” I could hear panic and uncertainty in his voice.

“Why would they blame you if it wasn’t even your fault?” I asked dumbfounded. Really, what kind of family blames a teenage boy for the death of his parents?

“I know what you think, but they might see it as my fault because I triggered the accident.” I could hear fear in Eren’s voice now too.

“You didn’t ‘trigger’ anything, you little shit. It didn’t happen because you came out of your fucking closet. Accidents are coincidental, unexpected so there was no way you could have done anything to make it happen if no one foresaw it.” I insisted petting his soft hair.

Eren didn’t answer me and instead closed his doe-like eyes signaling that this conversation is over. He was so unsure about everything that had anything to do with his parents or family members (with the exception of Mikasa of course). It was worrying to watch him act like that. The brat was always so determined and confident about the things he did or what he wanted. Seeing his smile falter and a fearful, nervous frown appear on his face instead of it was alarming. Though I always tried to talk to him about it. Eren would hear me out all those times and it would seem that it helped but the topic would still nag him inside. Unfortunately, he would always refuse to talk further on the theme if he thought that it was enough already. Such a stubborn little fucker.

The boarding started not long after. We stood in line again earning more than a few stares because Eren kept lounging on my back looking like an oversized twerp who’s trying to piss off his parent. Also, that brat wouldn’t stop complaining about how sleepy he was. I saw some people watching us with amusement, a few – with disapproval (I don’t know if they disliked the fact that Eren and I were clearly in a closer than friendly relationship or the whining). When it was our time to finally board I nudged Eren to give his ticket and passport to the man who was registering everyone. He did so but with one eye closed and a pout which earned him a few smiles from the flight attendants standing nearby. Sure he was a bratty dork, but a cute one.

Eren fell asleep wrapped up in a thick blanket, which was handed to him by a stewardess, before the plane even took off. I added a bit of my own money to his gift so we could sit in the business class instead of economic. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I’m some sort of snob, but because I hate when the seats are so close to each other in there. I mean, I might end up touching people I don’t even know and who knows what might have puked or died in my seat. Business class always had more space and it was sparkly clean. No germs, no one sneezing on me from the nearby seat, no children. Just calm atmosphere and pristine germ-free environment. Eren knew about the new arrangements but agreed to change our seats only because I refused to fly otherwise. We didn’t tell about it to Armin or Mikasa though. They didn’t need to know that, obviously (that bitch might have thought that I really am a fucking snob and the mushroom would’ve probably been embarrassed and disappointed that the gift that he had been saving up for with the girl for such a long time was changed. Hence we didn’teven dare to tell them).

The flight didn’t last long. Although there was enough time for me to read a draft and for Eren to get enough sleep to function. I wanted to lean into his side and drift too but I could never fall asleep on a fucking plane. Just no.  Eren was a little startled when I told him that I didn’t nap even for a few minutes and demanded an explanation. He was afraid that I will fall down somewhere from lack of sleep or something (I couldn’t really sleep the night before since I spent the it at my house without Eren and stubbornly refused to drink pills).

“I’m used to function with little to no sleep, Eren, don’t worry.” I said after letting out a sigh. “And I never sleep on planes because I don’t trust the flight attendants and other people who are flying with us. I just can’t doze off if I’m not assured that my surroundings are safe.”

“That’s… That is kinda silly.” Eren smiled sheepishly. “But it sounds like something you would do. Let’s just agree that I’ll be driving, alright?”

I only nodded. We were to go to visit some of his father’s relatives today (yeah, we’re charging in it head-on) and it was a pretty long ride. I doubted that I’ll be able to close my eyes but who knows, maybe Eren’s presence will help because, hell, I really did need sleep if I wanted to meet his distant family members normally. Hanji says I tend to become even grumpier and angrier when I don’t get any sleep. Even now I felt irritated, but holding Eren’s hand as we went to rent a car in this whole buzzing crowd helped a little bit. Since my lover (fucking hell, that still sounds weird as hell) decided that he’ll be the one to drive, he chose the vehicle too. After seeing his choice I couldn’t help but raise a skeptical brow at him. A black, two-door Volkswagen golf GTI wouldn’t have been my first choice.

“What? It’s small and pretty simple.” He shrugged unlocking the car.

I followed him and opened the trunk to put my baggage in it and did the same with Eren’s. Riding shotgun with Eren wasn’t so bad. The only thing that irritated me was the female voice coming from the GPS (Eren installed it on his phone because, yes, it is fucking difficult to find directions in a city you’re visiting for the first time and we needed to get to Lübeck). Although the brat unexpectedly took out earplugs from his bag which was on the backseat and handed them to me with a smile. Fuck. I must’ve done something great to actually land Eren as a partner. I mean, a thing that is Large McHuge. There is no other explanation so as to why the ridiculously perfect man stayed with me. The only thing I could do was to smile back at him though. I popped the plugs in, leaned my seat back a little and placed my hand on Eren’s thigh. I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I will not be in some sort of bodily contact with him. It was a good thing that I could smell the brat’s musk in the car.

I drifted to sleep not long after we left the airport. I didn’t want to think about Jaegers and the way they’ll probably greet us. If his father was homophobic then the whole family probably was. Though Eren had mentioned one nice aunt from the Jaeger line who actually remembered both him and Mikasa during birthdays and other celebrations (she’s the one we’ll be visiting in Lübeck). Though they got much more love from his mother’s family side. But to meet those people we’ll have to drive back to Hamburg and then to Lüneburg. After how far apart Eren’s parents lived I understood why did they move away and into another country completely. Driving to two towns that were rather far away from one another during each holiday seemed like a pain in the ass. Especially with a little kid connected to your hip. Yeah, I’m talking about Eren. He finally showed me some pictures of his childhood and the brat mostly clung to his mother’s legs or dresses with at least one hand. Even though it looked adorable I couldn’t help but think of it as annoying. Seriously walking around with a little kid stuck to you the whole day (though I haven’t seen Eren’s mother – Carla – wearing and irritated expression in any of the photos)just had to be irritating at least a bit.

When I woke up (I slept quite nicely actually, considering that I was in a fucking car, thanks for asking) it was already dark and we were driving by some old fashioned buildings. They looked beautiful and somewhat graceful, historic. I pulled the plugs out of my ears and the first thing I heard was the soft music playing some German song on the radio and, surprisingly, Eren’s voice singing beside me. How did he even know the words? The speech itself was rough, jagged and deep but had some appeal to it as the words swirled together in perfect harmony even though it was possible to break your tongue while trying to talk. Also, it fit the brat perfectly. It matched his temper and the look in his eyes. Alright, Levi, you probably need to wake up now. Fast. Before you start talking. Then Eren turned to look at me and smiled squeezing my arm which was still in his lap, all the while still singing.

“Bewitching…” I whispered before I could think about it. Fuck.

“Huh?” Eren furrowed his brows and looked at me confused but I just shook my head at him. “Well alright… Um.. We’re almost there. I contemplated visiting graveyard tomorrow and then going back to Hamburg. There are a lot of things I want to see there with you.” The brat was still smiling with his eyes on the road now and I hummed in agreement.

He was maneuvering the vehicle through some narrow street now. I actually thought that he might have some trouble driving a car after a long break, but it seemed like it had nothing on Eren Jaeger – the perfect fucker who I’m dating, luckily. But of course, he’s German – it’s in his blood, right? Suddenly the car halted and I glanced around alarmed but it took a squeeze of my hand from Eren to calm me down. I then noticed that he stopped the car because we have arrived. The car was parked in front of a big old (one of the beautiful, historic ones) house. Most of the lights were on and some silhouettes could be seen moving behind the drawn curtains. Eren seemed hesitant to leave the safety of the car so I turned to him and pulled the brat into a hug and kissed his cheek.

“I’m with you, it’s going to be fine.” I said and felt him nod against my shoulder.

Both of us got out of the vehicle and took our luggage out of the trunk, walked up to the door and rang the doorbell, patiently waited and sweated nervously. Then the door opened and stood before us a relatively… Chubby lady with a huge ass smile, curly blond hair and, unexpectedly (though, really, did I not expect that?), Eren’s eyes. She squealed something in German which I couldn’t even begin to understand (alright, I got that she said ‘Eren’ and something that sounded a lot like ‘my love’, I could be wrong though…). Then she turned to me and her smile became flatter (probably because of my scowl) but then it turned polite and she outstretched a hand for me to shake.

“Hello, dear, I’m Margarita, auntie.” Brief speech and no accent whatsoever. I looked at her outstretched hand and then back at her face before nodding.

“Levi. Partner.” I said curtly watching as she lowered her hand slowly before looking at Eren again and smiling even wider.

“Well anyway, it’s a pleasure. I haven’t seen this fucking cutie since he was sixteen! Can you imagine? I’m such a horrible aunt, only sending you overpriced presents… How’s Mikasa by the way? I bet she’s as hot as the sun now. That girl was always pretty…” She blabbed and hugged the brat again and shit, I was probably going to like her immediately despite the fact that she was a woman (it always takes me a long time to trust females, but if I do then I stand by them strongly) and her apparent wish to suffocate my lover (whoop, there it is).

I just stood there and waited for her to finish strangling Eren. Which she did after a few more minutes and invited us inside. Her home was actually lovely: wooden floors, warm coloured walls, soft rugs, nice paintings. What struck me was the smell of books which was really familiar to the smell of Eren’s home. Maybe that’s what Jaeger line brings into the family – knowledge, wisdom and sometimes a rare speck of imagination. Though I later understood that there is no such person in that bloodline that has all three (alright, except for Eren but that’s just because his mother was a pure dreamer in his stories). You see, as it turns out, Margarita invited over for dinner as many Jaegers as she could to meet – or see again after such a long time – Grisha’s son. And they actually were either really nice people with smiles on their faces or total grumps who only talked about work and occasionally – politics. I was kind of surprised when all of them started blabbing in English instead of German, but was grateful. They were being considerate and I just couldn’t not appreciate it.

Besides some big hugs and squeals the reunion was painfully anticlimactic. Those people just sat to eat and bombarded the brat with questions. But that was understandable since, as I already mentioned (is it just me or am I repeating myself? Damn it, I need a drink...), they were probably either seeing him after a ten year (or more) brake or for the first time at all. I could hear some asking how’s Eren been doing. Someone questioned him about his job and payment. Then were there questions about his earlier days, parents, friends. Those were really carefully paced and considerate. That’s why I decided that Jaeger family wasn’t half bad. But then, of course, someone had to ask about me (though they ignored my presence until now and I could eat in silence. Also, it irritated me how they didn’t even mention Mikasa throughout all this conversation as if the girl didn’t exist. I made a mental not to ask Eren if they even knew about the girl or if they just were such big jerks to ignore her).

“So what business you and your partner are doing in Germany?” So yeah, one of the grumps then. “What meetings are you going to attend? Trying to make your company bigger, eh? Or maybe recruiting?”

“Business?” Eren asked, confusion written all over his face. “We’re here on a vacation.” He furrowed his brows and looked at the young man who wanted to know that.

“Why would you travel with your business partner for fun?” The man asked, brows frowning as well now.

Ahh, such a lovely moment that was. Eren and I looked at each other for a moment before we burst into laughter (the brat was drinking at the time so now his whole chest was wet). Fucking hell, business partners? Really? That’s what they thought? Margarita soon joined in (she knew, of course) but others sat there staring at us like we were some lunatics.

“B-business pffft partners?” Eren managed and cackled (okay it sounded pretty weird because it was funny and adorable at the same time) and said something in German before switching to English again. “We pft hahaha, sorry I just can’t…”

Our laugh became hysteric after a while and I actually even brushed off a tear or two. I haven’t burst like that in a while now so even my stomach started to ache.

“We’re life partners for fucks sake. How could you have missed that? We literally walked in while holding hands…” I managed sighing and clutching my aching abdomen while Eren continued to chuckle silently murmuring ‘business partners’ under his breath.

Everyone was silent for a moment before a soft ‘oh’ left the man’s, who had asked the question that caused our outburst, lips. As you can probably imagine, the dinner became quite awkward after that. No one was enthusiastic anymore and talked only out of politeness. Well, I guess Grisha’s fear of gay people really did come from the family. Only Margarita seemed unaffected by it as she still chatted happily. Fortunately, the guests left quickly after the food was gone. They shook Eren’s hand and wished him good luck in his life (they probably were seeing each other for the last time anyway) but didn’t even cast a glance in my direction. I stood off to the side with Margarita who occasionally waved at some people.

“Those shitheads…” She murmured under her breath and my head snapped in her direction. Oh, I knew I liked this one. “That kid is such a nice boy and they already don’t like him just because he prefers love sticks instead of holes… Sometimes I hate being born into this line…” The woman shook her head and looked at me with a serious look in her eyes. “I hope you’re taking good care of that boy though. Eren deserves happiness.”

“I know he does. That’s why I’m trying my best.” I countered her stare.

“Good then.” She smiled again. “He’s so much like his mother – and I knew her pretty well, it would be a shame if his life sucked.” She looked at the said man bfriefly before turning to me again. “Eren can let everyone out alone. Come, let me show you to your room.” She started walking deeper into the house and I followed her after picking up both mine and Eren’s suitcases.

We climbed up some stairs and turned a few corridors (alright, this house was fucking huge. Why does a single woman need so much place?) before we reached a simple wooden door. She motioned for me to enter so I did just that. And of course the luggage I was carrying dropped to the ground at the sight before me. That woman gave us a room with an enormous window (I think that the whole wall was actually made of glass) overlooking the river and the city. The night lights reflected from the water and there even were some boats floating in the stream calmly. It was freaking beautiful and I would’ve just stood there staring if Margarita wouldn’t have chuckled behind me.

“I take it that you like your room. I’ll tell Eren where to come. So goodnight now, see you in the morning!” She turned to leave but stopped before closing the door. “Also, the walls are completely soundproof.” She winked and closed the door quietly.

“Hoh…” Was the only sound I made and felt a blush creep up my cheeks (I brought it down with sheer willpower. I fucking hated blushing. It made me look like an angry, turned on dwarf… Fuck I said it again… I’m not that freaking short).

I went to shower then (I thanked the woman in my mind again for giving us a room with a separate bathroom) and scrubbed all the airport dirt. I’ve been itching to do so since arriving and the dinner ruined my plans of soaking in the tub for at least an hour. When I got out Eren was still missing so I laid out our clothes for tomorrow (for some reason the brat liked it when I chose what he should wear). A deep blue shirt made of light material and sandy pants for Eren (I just liked how his rump looked in those) and black, long sleeved, form fitting T-shirt for myself accompanied by the only pair of khaki pants I’ll ever own. Nodding to myself I plopped down on the bed just as the door opened. I heard quick steps and then a warm, hard body was frown on top of me. All air that was in my lungs was gone in an instant.

“I thought the line never end… There were so many people, Levi… It’s like a torture… They look at me as if I’m the biggest disappointment to the Jaeger family or something. Someone even muttered that ‘they had been hoping that I understood what I had done and tried to make amends’… I told you they were going to blame me  and it was even worse when they shake your hand with fear of catching ‘homo’ from you.” Eren sighed into my neck.

I managed to breathe in and sighed, squirming to get one of my hands out from underneath the brat so I could pet his head as the only form of comforting I could offer. Eren then raised it to look at me and smiled a little before leaning down for a kiss. I could feel that he was tired through it because he dragged his lips against mine sloppily and slowly. That’s why I pulled his face away and pushed the brat off telling him that he stinks like shit and suggested that he should take a shower. Eren just snickered of course, but complied nevertheless with a smile like always. He even stripped before stepping into the bathroom giving me quite the view. If he weren’t that tired from driving and dealing with annoying relatives we would probably make use of those soundproof walls. But Eren needed sleep and I wasn’t about to push him into anything, so maybe we could do it in the morning… I mean, Eren liked lazy sex after waking up sometimes. I wondered if maybe he wanted a massage to relieve tense muscles because we’ll have to visit the graveyard tomorrow… Fucking shit, I was so whipped.

 *************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

After the short visit to Eren’s aunt and an even shorter trip to the cementary we went back to Hamburg. We registered into the hotel and finally got to actually unpack. Then the sightseeing began. Eren dragged me everywhere he could and took billions of pictures. It lasted for three days until we had to go and visit Carla’s side of the family. It was a shorter stay than at Margarita’s. We didn’t even spend the night even though it was offered. We simply had lunch with the extremely nice people who looked nothing alike dissimilarly to Jaegers who had at least a few traits that everyone had (mostly that beautiful oceanic colour of their eyes). I also saw where Eren had gotten his best recipes from (he also asked for more while at it) as well as his warm character and the always nice smile. All in all it was a nice visit and the cemetery was also quite nice in Lüneburg. Well as nice as a place where dead people are buried can get.

The whole party of people went with us to show the couple of gay tourists around the town (note: they didn‘t even question what kind of partners we were and awed every time Eren would take my hand to drag me to see something). Well it was seriously big just as any other town in Germany but realy fascinating and elegant. Well at least now I was sure that Eren’s mother grew up in a beautiful place surrounded by loving people. Too bad the brat got cut off from that himself… No matter though, I promised to provide him with happiness so I will. And I truly believed it was possible since he was so ecstatic about meeting his mother’s relatives who proved to be just as he expected.

 I thought that he looked sad to be leaving so early but we had tickets some kind of orchestra concert which we couldn’t miss. And just so you know – it was not bad at all. I even enjoyed it. The music was smooth and they played all the famous classic songs along with some unheard compositions. Then, even though it was late, Eren dragged me out for a walk in a nearby park (nearby as in located not too far from the Hamburg State Opera). He sang quietly as we walked and drew a few curious glances from other people but ignored them all only squeezing my hand and smiling like a little kid.

“I really like it here.” He said. “My mother used to tell me how many amazing parks Hamburg has and I always wanted to visit them one day. And now, I actually got the opportunity and, you know, it makes me even happier that I’m here with you, Levi.” Eren admitted.

“I’m doing it right then.” I chuckled and pulled the brat closer. Truly, his happiness is all I can wish for. “Where are we going tomorrow? We have only one day left you know.” I turned my head to look up at him. “Our plane departs on Wednesday. You didn’t forget that, didn’t you?”

“No, that’s why we’re visiting Schaugewächshaus and then having a nice trip with a boat in Beinnenalster Lake.” He smiled softly at me.

“Shauge-what?” Eren opened his mouth to repeat the word but I didn’t allow him. “You little shit, just translate it the best you can or explain it somewhat...“ I grumbled to which he just laughed softly.

“Schaugewächshaus,” Ah fucking hell, you just had to show off... “Is a historic botanical garden. I heard it’s focused on Mediterranean  regions and that it’s seriously big but if you manage to see it all you’re left with nothing but the word ‘amazing’ on your lips.”

I only hummed and nodded. Sounds like our last day will be pretty laid back then. Even if the park was big, it can’t be worse than actually visiting fucking twelve museums in two days and then run around to visit every garden in the city while also stopping to eat some food from the German cuisine. We managed but every night both of us would just drop dead on the bed after showering. It wasn’t a romantic trip at all. This was a full pledged informational expedition throughout Hamburg. It was tiring as fuck running around all day so yeah, a huge botanical garden and a swim in the lake sounded like a… After this week the phrase ‘a stroll in the park’ associates with power hiking and not with a leisurely walk. So yeah, it probably sounded more like, well, getting food from the fridge or something like that.

We slept soundlessly that night and woke up early the next morning. That botanical garden was sort of far from our hotel so we needed to wake up earlier to get there before lunch and actually see every freaking plant until six. I looked forward to the boat ride but walking around in a greenhouse all day sounded tiring and unhygienic. That’s why we were leaving early actually, I just knew I will need to take a shower afterwards. Eren didn’t even protest when I told him that and it made me kind of… content, I guess. That brat really understood me, you see, and there had been a long time since anyone did.

The garden was really fucking huge. We walked for five hours already and still haven’t seen everything. Eren ran around like a kid, exposing his gardener side and smiling widely. His excited shouting drew stares and murmurs from other people. Though who could blame them: a tall, tan, muscled and handsome man running around the trees and flowers of all sorts, chirping some shit in English and in German and taking pictures with a camera in his one hand while dragging a short, angry guy behind him with another. It must have been quite a sight, honestly.

“It’s my first time in Germany and I can’t actually believe that it was so awesome. Aren’t trips supposed to leave a bitter aftertaste if you rush to see everything?” Eren asked me after we got into the car to drive back to the hotel.

“Not always.” I answered, well kind of, if you can count my curt words. “Though on my first trip here I kind of sat in my hotel almost the whole time because I was too lazy to go out and didn’t want to mingle in the crowds. It was still a nice vacation… Also there weren’t any fuckers who were so eager to drag me out to every shitty park.”

“Ah, a charmer as always, Levi.” Eren smiled. “Sometimes I think I really did want to date you because of your personality.”

I snorted and turned to look out the window. The silence didn’t last long as my phone started ringing. Picking it up I saw Hanji’s number flashing on the screen and groaned. Eren didn’t even ask who was calling since he probably already knew from my reaction.

“Psycho.” I answered the device.

“Leviiiiiiii!” The word was said, no, it was yelled with such vigor that I had to retract the phone from my ear. “How are you?! How’s Germany?!” The fucking psycho continued screeching like a pig that’s being butchered.

“Don’t fucking yell four-eyes, I don’t want to go death this early…” I said still keeping the damned device at bay. “And why do you have to ask the same questions every time you call? It’s fucking annoying… But everything is fine. Why did you call anyway?”

“I’m just interested how you’re doing sourpuss!” She answered, calmer this time. “Also, HELLO EREN, MY SWEET, SWEET CINNAMON BUN, YOU’RE CUTE AS HELL TODAY! THOUGH YOU ALWAYS ARE~!” I withdrew the phone even further away from me as Hanji’s voice came out so loudly that it could probably be heard outside the car too.

“Hi Hanji. Thanks. How are the things back home?” Eren chuckled lightheartedly.

“You see, Levi, that’s how nice people talk.” She snickered, her voice finally falling down to agreeable decibels. “Everything is pretty good, though the office is already missing the both of you. Also, Erwin invited Armin for dinner and I think someone got laid!” She yelled excitedly.

“What!?” Eren and I both asked in unison.

“Yeah, yeah! Erwin asked Armin to come to discuss the little mushrooms book and then they went out together! They’re size difference is so cute! I swear, they would make a cuter couple than you two if Eren wasn’t as adorable as he is…”

“Really reassuring…” I murmured and Eren giggled at the praise.

“Well it’s true! You kinda add to it with your height and all that grumpy personality contrasting with Eren’s pleasant and cheerful one! Oh… OH! I just thought of something! Eren’s like the sun while Levi is the moon and you two complete each other perfectly! The destined couple! Yin and Yan! Peanut butter and Jelly! I’m such a genius, seriously!” Hanji continued cackling and complimenting herself.

“Fucking hell, I’m asking myself this question way too often, but why am I even friends with you…” I sighed shaking my head. Though her words did sound nice…Sort of…

“Awww, that’s just because deep inside your charcoal heart you love me dearly! But anyway I gotta go now! Moblit is looking for me, something about a book cover missing a picture! See you on Wednesday lovebirds!” She hung up after that, not even allowing us to bid her goodbye.

“Well, that was a quick call.” Eren remarked. “Shorter than any other calls we had with her for sure…” That psycho has been calling us every day since we left. She would talk so much that we would fall asleep with her still on the line. “She’s a really good friend, isn’t she?” Eren smiled sweetly at me and I felt the urge to do the same but instead just turned my head away.

“Yeah, she is.” I admitted softly not expecting him to hear.

I never really thought how important that psycho and eyebrows were in my life. Their friendly smiles and clingy personalities carried me through so much shit… I couldn’t even start counting how many times Erwin drove my drunken ass home and how often the wasted one would be not only me but Hanji too. I can’t tell just how much I owe them for talking shit to distract me from other problems so I wouldn’t worry and frown. I can’t really imagine my life without those imbeciles… And I can’t actually believe that it was Eren who was the one who made me into a person who can actually admit that. He opened my eyes and I saw that I actually had a family before he and his bitchy sister came into my life. I was just too scared to admit it. I was a coward and now I’m ashamed because of it. I should probably thank shitty glasses and eyebrows for bearing with me even though I really am an asshole (there is no shame in admitting that).

I was even proud of my friends in a twisted way. That’s why I said that Hanji was a good friend. Eren, the real puppy he is, heard my mumbling of course and that shitty brat’s hand found mine as his smile formed into a smug one. And it couldn’t even be wiped off. I mean, he continued looking at me like a self-righteous bastard until we boarded the plane to fly home. As you can imagine our last evening in Hamburg ended up with us playfully bickering while watching the city lights being reflected by the dark waters of the lake, but I wouldn’t change that to any sappy, romantic shit. This was us in our real form and we were truly happy. Or maybe elevated would me more like it. So yes, leaving left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth but I will always treasure the memories of these days with over-packed schedule and nights in an unknown city that promised warmth and love.

I think that this time I slumbered during the flight together with Eren. I don’t know what happened but with my head in the brat’s lap everything felt safe. Hanji was supposed to pick us up this time since it was four in the morning and we didn’t want to wake Mikasa up. Also, that psycho woman probably never slept during the night instead, choosing day hours to slumber. Stepping out the gates though, it wasn’t Hanji’s crazy smile that greeted us, but a tired looking Erwin. I was actually surprised because psycho would never miss getting to talk my ears off or chat with Eren, especially after a week of not seeing each other face to face. Also it would be a first time she asked someone else to pick me up from the airport after a trip in her stead.

“Hey. Where’s Hanji? Wasn’t she supposed to pick us up?” Eren asked smiling tiredly and extending the huge blond a hand to shake which he took slowly and greeted the brat back with a polite upturn of his lips.

Something was wrong here. I could just feel it in my belly.

“Erwin. Where the fuck is Hanji?” I asked looking at him intently not even caring that I didn’t greet the blond man.

He turned his head to look me in the eye and placed a heavy hand on my shoulder and sighed before speaking.

“I know how you hate it when people stall so I’ll go straight to the point. Yesterday, she went to get some samples from one of our stores herself because she claimed it to be her best work so far. The streets were busy at that time of day and you know how she runs everywhere without consideration or looking around…” I felt Eren’s hand slide into my own and he squeezed it tightly.

“What happened to her?” I spoke slowly, but I probably already knew the answer.

“She got hit by a car, Levi.” Erwin sighed and everything around me became silent as if my earbuds finally gave out on Hanji’s screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING, MY DEAREAST, LOVELIEST READERS. I FUCKING LOVE ALL OF YOU (no seriously, I do). Just don't be mad at me for Hanji... I love her with my whole heart, I swear. She is that one true character who is 'my baby', 'my daughter', 'my wife', 'let me ride you' and 'this motherfucker' for me. *sighs* Anyway, tell me what you think (please, please, please, pleaseeeee) and leave kudos. That's all I could ever wish for! See you next week!


	12. Last Sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking hell, I'm SO SO SO sorry for the late update. I have no good excuse for it so i'm just gonna roll with good 'ol nothin'. Hopefully You're not mad, my dearest readers, and will enjoy this new chapter. I pretty much suck at writing angst so don't be too dissapointed if it's lame... Seriously, I can only write sad stories in my native language, though I can't cnojure up anything nice and cheerful in it... Anyway, enjoy as best as you can and tell me what you think!

I wanted to go there as soon as possible, but being more levelheaded than me at the moment, Eren and Erwin decided that we should go home, unpack, rest for a bit and then head to the hospital. I really wanted to tell them to shove that fucking rests of theirs up their asses, but didn’t. And when my lover looked at me with those puppy eyes of his I just had to agree. I don’t really recall when we got to the car or home (well to Eren’s house to be more precise). Though I remember showering and putting my clothes away in a daze and in slow motion. I know for sure that Mikasa woke up to greet us a few hours later and hugged the shit out of Eren and squeezed me harder than she needed to (or intended, I think). We also gave her the souvenirs we brought for the girl. I remember how ridiculous Erwin looked sipping coffee from a small cup in Eren’s living room too. Then, when acceptable for visiting hours came, Erwin drove both of us to see Hanji.

From then on I remember clearly how I walked in through the hospital doors, holding Erens hand in a death grip with my own. Then there was the painfully slow walk to Hanji’s ward. But what I recall the best is probably the sound of machines beeping in that room. Loud and obnoxious similarly to the psycho’s, who was lying in the bed (thank fuck she was sleeping and not in a coma or anything), voice. Hanji was pale and bruised as fuck. It seemed like her nose got broken by her glasses when she fell (fucking stupid piece of shit, I knew that I didn’t like those goggles but that psycho hated contacts…) and she had a huge bloody bruise on her chin and cheek. Erwin had described Hanji’s injuries to me before I even saw her: fractured left arm which was secured in a big cast (did they really need to make it that huge? Was it broken that badly? I mean, fractures are nasty most of the time, but is there really a need to put a cast on her whole fucking arm?); broken left leg which required metal rods to be stuck inside and pierced through her flesh, skin and the bone itself for it to heal properly; three split ribs and probably a concussion (fucking hell, will she be even more crazy now? Thank fuck she didn’t have amnesia or something… Well, according to eyebrows, she didn’t). Erwin commented that she looked a bit better now so I didn’t want to imagine how she must have appeared yesterday.

I had been sitting by Hanji’s bed for three hours already – not saying a word, waiting for the psycho to finally wake up. Eren went to get us tea and coffee in the nearby café (because hospital drinks always suck, everyone knows that). Erwin was sleeping in a chair against a wall and it looked kind of funny because the chair was sort of small and he was… Well - huge. Apparently the big blond guy spent the whole night here while trying to get all the papers for Hanji’s absence at work ready and informing all her good friends and family (that means a shit ton of people) about what happened. I was glad that he did stay with her and took care of the psycho though. It must’ve been hard to calm Hanji down but Erwin always managed to do that somehow whereas I would only rile her up. But I still wanted to be here when she wakes up. Maybe yell at her for being stupid a little and then collapse back into the chair. Though it didn’t seem like Hanji will awake soon so I had to do something to pass the time. I had a draft in my hand by I hadn’t read a word this whole time. My head was spinning with questions so as to why this would happen in the first place.

I knew Hanji could be careless but she was also observant. I’ve seen her avoid these kinds of things thousands of times. Seriously, she once got out of a fire in a restaurant unscratched and not even dirty because she smelled smoke and though that someone was smoking in the toilet and went to check, climbing out through the window later when she understood what was happening. This other time she almost got run over by some biker but that crazy woman managed to do something similar to a fucking pirouette and avoided it by mere inches. Just because she noticed the vehicle heading in her direction only when it was about twenty meters away. That psycho should’ve probably died more times than I’m able to count on spot but managed to avoid the bitter ending. Maybe someone tried to hit her on purpose? Though she doesn’t really have enemies as far as I know… Hanji is annoying but not mean and always helps everyone or at least tries to. So how come she got injured? I mean I was not long after our call and… The call.

The words I confessed. The things I admitted. Fuck. Fucking hell.

Suddenly the door opened and Eren came in carrying a few bags and three carton cups in his hands. There was a doughnut in his mouth and some chocolate along with sprinkles on his cheeks and chin. He dropped everything on the only other spear chair unceremoniously and plopped down beside it.

“Fucking people, man…” He breathed with his mouth full (gross, Eren, stop). “I had to fight a crowd to get here and stand in line for almost twenty minutes… I’m never going to any new cafes on their opening day ever.”

 I stared at him for a few moments blankly. My perfect lover. Man of everyone’s dreams who, for some yet undiscovered reason, decided that he wanted to be my partner. Suddenly my head started spinning with flashing images, making even my blood freeze. They were of Eren. In each and every one of them he was bent over in unimaginable angles, bloody and bruised as hell, eyes glassy, looking off into the distance but not looking at anything at all. No warm smile or light laughter, loving words or stares. I blinked everything away before standing up and sprinting out of the room leaving my completely confused lover behind.

“Levi?” I heard him say before the door slammed behind my back.

I needed to get out and away from here. Now. I knew I’d probably break soon and I felt the clock ticking in my head. Tik-tok. Tik-tok. Tik-tok. Tik-fucking-tock. I did this. It was all my fault _again._ Why do I keep harming people around me? My mother, uncle, Isabel and her mom, Farlan… Now Hanji too. Fortunately she didn’t die, but this is still a sign that my curse was haunting me. My past was right beside me trying to drown me with its sticky tendrils. I hated that. I hated myself. I despised this unfair world because it just didn’t want me to be happy. It made me leave the only person, who I cared about unconditionally, behind. How could I not when my past was the only thing I will ever see before me? I had to leave Eren. I loved him – I even said it out loud. It was only the matter of time until he died on me too. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t. I won’t.

Halfway down the stairs (I felt like the elevator was too slow and I was far from feeling elevated too) I remembered that Erwin was my ride here. No matter, I’ll take a cab (I’ll probably have to wipe it clean though). I hated those filthy cars but being near people I cared about was dangerous and that was unacceptable. If I was the only one getting hurt then I would probably be fine with it but not others. I wouldn’t give a fuck if it was some hoodlum whom I didn’t know but not when I could hurt someone who I love. And there aren’t even that many people like that. Just Eren, Hanji (who was already in a hospital), Erwin and if I were to be completely honest with myself – Mikasa too. That’s why I just had to get away. I had to.

While catching a cab I almost got run over by one but that didn’t really matter because the next one stopped at my call. I wiped the seat as I thought I’ll have to do, earning some strange looks from the driver. I kept cleaning the whole salon throughout the ride to my house. It wasn’t that it was particularly dirty, working simply kept my mind off of the more pressing things. The ride took longer than I thought it actually would. I used up all my wipes and the backseat smelled of ocean now. The smell immediately brought Eren’s eyes to my mind and I cursed under my breath. Upon arriving the driver took only half of the price saying that I worked for it with cleaning (what even..?). Well at least I got something good out of my shitty habit.

Unfortunately my whole house smelled of Eren somewhat. The garden he started creating was tended by Mikasa while we were gone so it looked just as her brother had left it. His things were all over the place too: a brown leather jacket hanging by the door, spare sunglasses on the coffee table, empty and washed food containers in the kitchen, pants and hoodies in the drawers he had reserved for himself, books on the nightstand beside the bed, shirts and so on in the closet, toothbrush in the bathroom… Eren was everywhere. How can I even try to forget him when he had become such a big part of my life? But I needed to. I had to. For his own good. Or maybe I keep telling that to myself because I’m afraid? Well, yeah, I was afraid, but I decided to do this to protect him. Protect everyone. Right?

I went to my study after I showered and got into more comfortable clothing. That’s the only place I knew not to contain anything of my lover’s. Eren usually worked in the living room or the bedroom if needed, but never in my study. He said that it was my sacred place and that he should not invade at least one part of my life. I didn’t give it much thought but now I understood what he meant then. I would have a sanctuary if I needed to be alone. He wanted me to have it. Eren knew how unsociable I was so he left me a private space where I could be with my own thoughts. I was thankful for that now. Though I kept thinking about Eren even here. I had to stop.

Everyone died because of me. Like hell was Eren leaving the world of the living too. Not on my watch. Just then my phone started ringing. I knew who was calling without looking. Eren had called four times already but I didn’t answer any of them. He also sent me text messages asking where have I ran off to and when will I be back. I could feel worry radiating from the phone in waves but there was nothing I could do about it. I opened my laptop thinking that working might distract me because everything I wanted to do was burry myself under blankets if my bed and drink all the wine I had. And also the vodka. Then probably whiskey. All in all – every liquor I had in my house just to forget about the shithole that is my life. Actually, that was what I did after the fifteenth time I read the same sentence.

I started off with vodka. I hoped I would get so drunk that I wouldn’t want to drink my expensive whiskey or wines anymore (though I ended up popping a few bottles of the red liquid anyway). My throat burned but I didn’t dare drink anything else with the strong, clear liquid. Vodka was always my first choice if I wanted to get really wasted. It was bitter and burned like nothing else if it was the good kind. I needed this burning right now. I didn’t want to cry but tears started spilling on their own hallway through the bottle. I wiped them off with a kitchen towel because by then I didn’t really care about cleanliness. After I finished the first bottle I didn’t know why I was worried before. The world was spinning so magically and slowly. I turned on some music and danced while singing along, remembering all those times I cleaned or cooked with my lover. I wanted to call Eren and invite him over but couldn’t find my phone. It would be so fun to have him here. That overly handsome bastard who invaded my life with bright smiles and shiny eyes… I think I passed out with Eren on my mind and woke up on the rug besides the sofa in the living room with an aching head, trashed house and guilt on my back pressing me down like a fucking rock.

You see, culpability is a strange thing for me. I almost never feel guilty about the things I do. I usually don’t regret my decisions and life choices. I mean, I selected this path and I’m going to walk it without looking back and all that shit. Though I could never not regret the fact that I didn’t check on my mother sooner or that I allowed Izzy and Far to go out with that last stack. The guilt squished me under its pressure for those things. I haven’t really figured out how could I personally have triggered Hanji’s accident but I was sure that it was me. Speaking of witch, while I was busy trying to get smashed, Eren texted me that she had woken up from her longer than needed slumber. According to him she was already talking non-stop and asking where I was more often that she realized it herself. Fuck, I wanted to be there: to see her crazy smile and swat her on the head for making me worry and for getting into an accident altogether. But I couldn’t. I should never get that close to anyone ever again. Though being as stubborn and persistent as he is, Eren didn’t really help the situation at fucking all.

He drove by as I was finishing cleaning (alright I didn’t exactly clean – just gathered the bottles and put them into the trash can) the remains of my activities last night. I saw his car pull into the driveway and quickly ran over to the door to put the key in so he wouldn’t be able to unlock it from the outside. I could hear his quicker than usual steps getting closer and closer, his attempt to put turn the key and silent swearing when he realized he couldn’t. Eren then banged the door and yelled for me.

“Levi! Levi, I know you are there! Open the fucking door! Please!” I could hear desperation and anger in his voice which melted into worry and remorse. “Why did you run away? Did something happen? Levi, please I need to know… Why are you like this? Why wouldn’t you let me in anymore? Did I do something wrong?” Eren started crying towards the end if I heard correctly and it fucking broke my freaking heart. Damn, why was it so hard to keep him away? “Levi, please, let me in. I need to see you. I need to know you’re alright… Please!”

I came to stand by the door. Staring at it I thought I might get to see Eren leaning his forehead against it and still knocking silently with one hand. I could imagine his reddened eyes and wet cheeks, downturn of his lip corners and the little cute furrow between his eyebrows… I could actually see it clearly in my mind and it got me thinking that maybe I saw him cry too many times. It wasn’t me who hurt him but it might as well have been. It hurt. It was fucking agonizing hearing Eren’s broken voice whimper through the closed door and knowing that I couldn’t do anything about it. I was on my knees before I could register what was happening, tears falling from my eyes again. My heart ached for Eren, but my brain kept my body away. I wouldn’t… I couldn’t risk it.

After what felt like an eternity, my torture of listening to the sniffling behind the door, quieted down. I heard a sigh and I could clearly see him straightening and standing up, brushing the few unruly strands that never listened to his wishes away from his face in my mind. I could imagine how he cleaned his eyes with one hand and wiped his running nose with his sleeve which was gross but he never cared about that.

“I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m not leaving it like this.” Determination. That was everything I could hear in his voice. Eren was always so strong and admirable. My heart started beating faster just from hearing those deep undertones of his stubbornness. “I’ll come back as many times as needed until you talk to me. You can’t possibly leave without a word. I won’t allow it.” Silence followed his words and I heard him let out an irritated sigh. “I’m going now. I love you.”

I think I could hear a house being taken down in a distance but maybe it was only in my head. I was hurting him and Eren still found the courage in himself to love me. I could feel how my heart bled for him as I imagined his retreating broad shoulders in my mind. I also could clearly see his face with eyebrows so close together from the frown that they look as if there was one patch of hair instead of two, plump lips pressed into a tight line and eyes… Oh the eyes, shining like two gems bearing the seas and oceans of the world, which are being tormented by a storm, in them. Yes, I could imagine all of it. It didn’t help my resolution to distance myself from him one bit though. Fucking hell Eren, you left a private room in my house for me to be alone without memories of you haunting it but didn’t spare my heart or mind from it.

I will have to learn to live again without him. Go back to my boring and unsatisfying life, living in a routine and loving it to some degree. I will have to go back to being alone and happy about it. Although, after all this time with Eren, I didn’t think that was possible. It’s actually hard to process how much he means to me. But if I had to describe it, the most accurate explanation would probably be that he is like the blood in my veins. I wouldn’t survive by letting him go and my body couldn’t take in any other group of the liquid than the one I need (which is ‘Eren group’ – not A, B, AB or 0 – if you need an explanation). He keeps my heart pumping steadily and brings all the oxygen and minerals that my body needs to get to survive into my body. So I needed him. I longed for him like I’ve never did for anyone before. But if I was going to die by letting him go so let it be. Eren’s life was more important than mine anyway.

I also had to stay away not only from him, but from Hanji and Erwin too. It won’t be too hard to distance myself from Hanji since she’s in the hospital and I am more than a pro at ignoring calls and people banging my door. Erwin is usually busy with the company so it should be rather easy too. Or at least I hoped so. That bastard can be pretty annoying if he wanted to… I’ll still try my best though. Keeping everyone safe was my top priority now that my earlier years and memories caught up with me again. Didn’t Eren say something about ‘forgetting the past and looking only forward because we need to look at our future’ before?  Therefore I can’t be with him when I my memories are my present and future instead of emotions and people that I meet every day. My past will end up hurting him too.

I contemplated going to see Hanji after I finished putting the bottles away, but decided against it. She didn’t need me close – Erwin was there and I would only bring misfortune. Most likely. So I drank again. Dreading for tomorrow to come.

 *************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

The other three days of my vacation ended far too quickly for my liking. I drank and drank without leaving the house and pretended not to hear my phone ringing or Eren shouting from behind the closed door. I also haven’t moved upstairs and stayed on the ground in the living room. What can I say, this way the alcohol was closer to me. I mean, I didn’t have to climb the stairs to get it. I felt pathetic and dirty. I probably looked the part too. As in – I haven’t showered or shaved once (and admittedly I was thankful that I at least had a toilet downstairs because it would suck so much in my condition to only have one on the second floor). Going to the bathroom required going upstairs. I couldn’t take the trip being constantly drunk. Didn’t want to risk breaking a leg and having to call an ambulance. Or maybe that’s what I should do? Nah, too much trouble, I’ll better stay here and act miserable alone.

I slept less than three hours these past three days. The reason for that being those nasty nightmares that started haunting me. I dreamt of Eren dying. Then Hanji meeting her end. Then Erwin. Then Mikasa. It was a never ending circle once I closed my eyes. That’s why I drank. Passing out form alcohol assisted me in running away from those nightmares. And it was so much easier to ignore their deathly pale faces through a fog that was brought by alcohol. I understood that I can’t continue this forever though. I mean, I still had responsibilities – a.k.a. motherfucking work.

I didn’t really need to show up at the office if I worked from home so that was a relief at least. That means that I won’t have to face Eren or Erwin (funny how both of their names start with an E, eh?) so my situation was pretty good. Though to be able to work, I needed to be sober. Now that will be a bother. Though my stash had run out and I was on my last bottle of wine by now. If I wanted more I also needed to be sober. Or I could order the stuff online. Excellent. Though not really. I would go lower than low if I wouldn’t even try sobering up to go to the store myself. I needed to face life because I was too scared of dying. Death would be a good solution to end my misery but I just couldn’t even bring myself to think about it somehow. I mean, yeah, I was down and all that fucking shit but suicidal thoughts never crossed my mind. I bet it has something to do with my mom or something…

I got up from the floor after swallowing the last bit of the brilliant wine I had been drinking and managed to reach the already full trash bin in the kitchen. Ugh, I needed to clean up, but my head was spinning too much at the moment. Later. I’ll do it later. I promise – first I’ll take a shower and then tidy up. No kidding this time, I needed to get my ass back in gear. How much can one sob over a broken heart? I mean, it’s my fault that it’s like this in the first place... Suddenly I heard a car pull up in my driveway, crushing any determination I had managed to summon. It’s probably Eren so I just plopped down on the ground fully, ready to for my everyday torture of listening to him beg with a tearful voice and yell angrily from behind the door.

What I didn’t expect was my glass kitchen door shattering and a sound of my name being called furiously ringing through my house. A storm had come inside. A storm named Mikasa. And fuck, I wasn’t ready to fight now… That runt just had to choose the worst time for this…

“Where the fuck are you midget?! We need to fucking talk! Now!” Sheesh woman, no need to yell, I’m right here on the floor where I belong with other trash. “Come out!”

I grunted something out and started rising from the floor to meet my possible visit to the hospital. Not that I wanted it, I was just prepared for it to happen.

“The fuck do ya want?” I asked with a tongue made of lead. The girl was standing with fucking shoes in my kitchen and glass was everywhere. Her face a mask of anger with furrowed eyebrows, mouth pulled into such a huge frown that it was scary and eyes which started raining lighting upon seeing me.

“You! You fucking piece of shit! Where the hell have you been all this time?” She yell-asked and looked around me for a few seconds before focusing on my face again. “Don’t tell me you were here the whole fucking time getting smashed and listening to my brother begging you to let him in. Why did you fucking run away in the first place?” She fumed stepping closer.

I didn’t answer her and instead shrugged my shoulders.

“Why do you care?” I asked sluggishly and turned my face away from Mikasa’s thundering gaze that was actually sending alarm signals to my drunken mind.

“Why do I care?!” The girl was in front of me now. “I fucking care because my brother loves you, you short dumbass! He hasn’t been eating or sleeping, our house is stuffed with pastries and sweets since he’s been baking instead of resting! And he only went to the kitchen when he was not crying or out of the house to try and talk to you! So, I’ll ask again, why are you breaking Eren?” Mikasa stepped even closer and fisted her fingers into my shirt pulling me closer to her. “He doesn’t deserve the shit you give him for loving and caring for you, you fucking dipshit! What right do you have to run away from my brother like that? What the fuck is going on in that stupid mind of yours that you had to leave Eren alone! You know how he is with loosing people! The fuck’s wrong with–“

“I LEFT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT HIM TO DIE!” I bellowed at her and even to me my words seemed pathetic and lame. “Everyone around me gets hurt. Every fucking person that I love. My fucking mother and then uncle, my friends and their mother who believed me to be her son, now Hanji. I don’t want Eren to end up like that… I just can’t let that happen…”

“That’s your reason?” She asked incredulously fury replaced with disbelief. And her arms lessened their grip a little bit. “This is the fucking reason so as to why my brother hasn’t been acting like himself for four–“

“Mikasa!” Another voice rang through my living room and I didn’t recognize it until I saw a blond hair and a bowl-cut that the guy had. “Jeez I just went to the toilet because those people were driving me crazy… Even though we are all classmates and Eren needed that distraction…” The mushroom grew more and more silent as he spoke before he stopped talking altogether, but then he somewhat snapped out of whatever trans he was in. “But that’s not the point right now! I told you not to do anything rash! This is really far from it!” Armin said (loudly, mind you) gesturing to the shards of glass on the floor. “Now, let Levi go and step away. This is a mental issue! Brute force and anger aren’t the best ways to fix problems like those. You should know about it after living with Eren all these years.”

“But that _scum_ hurt my little brother, Armin. He left and now Eren’s-“

“Mikasa, I know how Eren is! I’ve seen him, remember? But can’t you see that Levi’s even worse off?” The mushroom gestured to me taking tentative steps closer. “Listen to me, he got you to trust him, right? A total stranger chasing after your brother’s affections, older than you and with an even bigger temper and still you’ve become allies and then friends. So why would you stop trusting him after, most likely, a simple misunderstanding which ended up with both sides hurt?” I listened to Armin talk my eyes darting from him to Mikasa.

The girl sighed and released me before stepping back.

“I was just really worried about Eren, but now that you mention it…” She glanced around and then at me briefly before turning to look at the petite blond again, “His house resembles a cave that was getting robbed for some reason but the burglar decided to also kick a trash can around just to humor himself before he left and shorty does look even worse than Eren.” She the turned her head to look at me briefly before regarding Armin again. “I never asked before, but how long must you not shave and shower to resemble a jobless, drunk lunatic?”

“I just fucking love when people talk about me like I’m not here…” I sighed and plopped back down on the ground picking up a bottle which I though was empty just to check if it really was (I mean, what if there was some liquid left? There’s no way in hell I’m wasting it) just to have it kicked out of my hand.

I looked up at furious (again) Mikasa and then at worried looking Armin.

“Levi, I think we need to talk about this.” Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows Junior suggested crouching down next to me, trying very hard not to flinch from the glare I was sending in his direction (or maybe from the smell? Nah, it was the glare. Definitely the glare). “But first you need to take a shower” – alright maybe not only the glare - “and clean this place up. This is so unlike you and it’s coming from a guy who’s been to your house once.” He said and stood up just to extend me a helping hand. “We’re going to start cleaning while you shower. You have to make explain this to us and later to Eren. We know you loved each other and this said ‘break up’ doesn’t make sense. We have to fix it. And we have to do it together.”

I stared at the outstretched hand. Why should I talk to them? What will I even say? Those two shouldn’t even be here. But looking both of them in the eye I could see that were was no way I was going to get out of this. Sighing I took the hand and stood up (earning a wary eye from Mikasa. What can I say, I was still too drunk to care about germs) and after balancing myself for a few seconds, staggered in the direction of the stairs. I was glad that they didn’t follow me. At least I will save some of my dignity that was left.

“Mikasa, you’re going to clean up the glass since you broke it.” I heard Armin say and the girl groaned (she actually started whining, which was like an early Christmas present to me).

I still couldn’t believe that they actually came to my house, but it made me smile a little. Maybe this is really what I needed? To fix everything instead of mopping around like a sore loser? My feelings for Eren will probably never fade but how can I get back to him when there is a possibility of him dying? I guess I’ll have to let the smart mushroom find that out…

Showering for the first time in almost three days felt heavenly. I could feel myself sobering up from the slowly heating water. Then I started thinking what a mess I was these past four days. I started shattering since the moment Erwin said that Hanji was in the hospital and it had been just a matter of time when I would descend to the bottom. But of course, Armin and Mikasa came to drag me back up, somewhat…

I didn’t know if I was thankful or if I hated them for it. Well I’ll decide as this goes on. I actually surprised myself with agreeing to talk to them. Didn’t I vow to stay away from these people? I guess I was weaker and softer than I thought. Or rather, I became like that after Eren came into my life. It was a good change, in a way, and it contrasted with my past self in more ways than those two. I realized that I liked being a little more open and trusting. It made my life easier and happier. Who wouldn’t want to be happy?

I stepped out of the shower and headed downstairs after getting dressed thinking of what Armin and Mikasa will want to hear. I found both of them in the process of picking up the food wrappers and empty bottles. I joined them of course since my need for cleanliness had kicked in again. We worked without exchanging many words, just an occasional ‘is this okay?’ or ‘where do I put this’ from the two kids. Soon my house was as spotless as it used to be minus the broken glass door which will need to be replaced. Armin encouraged Mikasa to promise to replace it with her own money but I dismissed her before the words even left the girls mouth. I had enough money to fix the door and change every other window in my house. So, instead of dealing with finances, I made them tea and Armin sat me down in front of him and Mikasa like parents would do with their son. I didn’t know where to start (I mean, do I tell them my backstory? Do I apologize first? Maybe I should start with telling them about the ‘curse’, as I call it? Or maybe they want to hear the simple reason behind all of this?) so the room was silent for a while.

“Levi, why don’t you tell us why did you run away from the hospital that day?” Armin suggested kindly seeing my struggle. I watched him for a few moments before answering.

“What do you want me to say about it? I understood that I screwed up and scrammed before I could fuck things up even more.” I stated after taking a sip of my tea.

“Messed up?” You go mushroom, turning my explicit language into a one that could be said in front of general audiences! “What exactly did you do?”

“That is too fucking long of a story, which you do not want hear and I don’t feel like telling…” I sighed. “But shortly it would go along the lines of something like ‘everyone, who I care about and love, always end up dead so I should just isolate myself before I hurt anymore people’. By ‘everyone’ I mean my deceased mother, close friends and so on. And ‘anymore people’ refers to Eren and co..” I explained watching their expressions carefully:  Armin seemed interested and thoughtful while Mikasa sported some weird expression on her face, I just couldn’t place it. “Hanji was lucky enough to stay alive after I admitted that I actually cared about her instead of dying like others.” Looking down at the tea leaves swirling in my cup I sighed again. “I don’t want Eren to end up like my deceased family. I don’t think I would be able to take it.” Feeling rightful, I looked up to stare at each of them in the eye separately. “That’s why we need to stay apart. I can’t live with the possibility of him dying because of me and that fucking ‘curse’ that’s been haunting my everyday life. So if you care about Eren, you will leave now without coming back. And you will also convince that little shit to stay away.”

Silence enveloped the room once again as both Armin and Mikasa stared at me with matching disbelieving looks on their faces. Then the girl burst out laughing and even coconut looked a little amused.

“That is so stupid, honestly…” Mikasa gasped for air (which was strange aside from her laughter). “Do you really expect Eren to die so easily? That fucker is too determined and stubborn for that. And why would you even think that it’s your fault? I mean… Sorry.” She started laughing hysterically again (it was actually giving me the creeps).

“What Mikasa means,” Armin interjected, “Is that you should know, as well as we do, how strong Eren is. He has lost a lot too and he loves life more than anyone and nothing but old age will kill him off. Though I’m starting to think that he is stuck in his ‘little kid’ phase forever and never die.” He said smiling softly. “And why wouldn’t you let him choose if he wants to take the risk or not? I have the feeling that something like this would only glue him closer to you…” He seemed thoughtful again. “Have you ever told Eren about this? Your backstory and assumptions?” I nodded when Armin stopped talking to wait for my answer. “And what did he say? I suspect that you probably warned him about this and seeing as things went, he probably decided that it doesn’t matter. So why are you denying his wishes and acting against Eren’s will then?”

“Because I am fucking selfish, alright?” I answered irritation leaking through. “I’m doing this because it would kill me to see Eren hurt or lifeless. It would kill me not to see his smile lighting up his eyes and hear his laughter or simply knowing that he will never do those things again. It would fucking kill me not to hear him call my name and blush like the dork he is. I would die without him so I am selfishly disobeying his wishes and acting on my own accord.”

Armin was silent. So was Mikasa. Then the blond murmured a silent ‘I see’ and started thinking again while the girl looked at me with a deadpan look. She was probably waiting for her a lot smarter friend to think of what to say.

“Why can’t you be a different kind of selfish then?” Armin asked suddenly and both mine and Mikasa’s eyes darted to him. “Stay with him so you two could be happy instead of closing yourselves in a shell of some sort. I think that the better kind of selfish would be if you stayed together even though there is a possibility of getting hurt. That way you could probably protect him every day instead of wondering if he’s alright or not. You see, from what you told us earlier, I can assume that people get hurt after you realize that you care about them. So doesn’t that mean that Eren would have been hurt or dead before Christmas even rolled around?”

I stared at the blond kid thinking how much his calculating stare reminded me of Erwin when the words he had said caught up to me. That’s right. I told Eren I loved him and nothing happened. I mean, Hanji got hurt almost right after our call. But Eren didn’t. He lived on happily by my side smiling and making me cheerful as well. What if Armin is right? What if I am hurting Eren more by leaving him than by being with him? I had told him that I loved him so many times and received those same words but no catastrophe ever struck our happiness. I was the only one making too big of a deal of this by assuming shit and not waiting to talk it through with my lover first. Eren is an adult, right? He already chose what he thought was best for him, but here I am stripping him from that opportunity to make a decision for himself as if he was a kid. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shitty overthinking.

All I ever wanted in this life is just to be alone. Then I met Erwin and Hanji who stuck to me like glue over the years. I still preferred solitude over their company though. And then Eren came around. Suddenly all I wanted to do was for him to be by my side. I wanted for him to continue telling me about his life and his daily activities. Then I started wishing for his constant company and I didn’t regret finally having it. And I fucked it up. I could see that he was as happy as me, but I stripped both of us from feeling like that by being the wrong kind of selfish. Fucking hell. I needed to fix this shit before it’s too late, didn’t I? I had to make sure that neither of us have to suffer anymore. No more tears or bleeding souls.

“Do you think that he really would take me back, even if I hurt him as much as you’ve said?” I asked my eyes downcast and heard Armin chuckle.

“We’re sure he will, Levi.” Mikasa answered and even without looking at the girl, I knew she was smiling.

“One hundred and fifteen percent sure.” Armin added and my fingers curled into fists on their own accord. Yeah, I was ready for this fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And again I am triple sorry for not updating on time and I guess that now I will be doing it on Sundays instead of Tuesdays (sorry, sorry sorry!!). So, see you next time! (Don't forget to leave me comments and kudos!! (if you want to (no force there) ) ). I love you all!


	13. Overboard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking hell... I am such a shitlord, honestly... I awlays say how i hate late updates, but here I am - posting later than i should have fucking again.... I am SO sorry , seriously sorry. And I should also apologise for a shitty chapter beforehand... This just ... happened. I didn't want to get into the drama too quickly because, hell, I am worse at wrting dialogues than my dog (probably (most likely))... Anyway, I hope you will still enjoy it somewhat. Also, THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR ALL THE NICE COMMENTS AND KUDOS! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO ME! I AM THE LAMEST PERSON ALIVE AND THE THINGS YOU SAY MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I AM THE FUCKING BEST!!! SO THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

It was like that first time. Everything was fine while I was in the car. Calm and collected would have been the words to describe me. But then, I arrived and had to actually walk to the door and get inside. I stood there (like a stupid fucking wanker which was unlike the first time I visited), wondering whether I should knock or ring the doorbell, getting nervous for no reason. Maybe I should just walk in? I mean, I have the keys and I practically lived here before… So why the fuck am I hesitating now!? Well sure, I kind of fucked up. Alright I screwed everything up big time and now I need to fix it. And I was going to do it, I really was. After getting inside. Which seemed to be a bigger problem than I had thought at first. The other three cars parked by the house didn’t help my decision either.

Alright, Levi, stop being a wimp and do it. It’s not that hard. I swore under my breath and pressed the doorbell. I could hear it ring through the house but what followed it was silence and not a warm sounding ‘coming!’. I pressed my ear to the door and listened. If I concentrated real good, I could hear slow, soft footsteps heading towards the door. My heart was beating five hundred miles per hour and I could feel little drops of sweat gathering on my forehead. Fuck, now I need to go back home and shower again. That is exactly what I am going to do. Yes! I’ll come back later when I’m not gross and all sweaty. Stepping away from the door I scrambled down the few stairs that the porch had and all but ran to my car.

Once inside the vehicle I let out a huge sigh and quickly turned the keys and drove off after setting the first gear. Now that I was safely surrounded by familiar environment, I understood what I had just done. I fucking fled. Like a wuss. A fucking whimper-y dog with his tail between his legs. Mikasa was going to kill me (well, try to kill, because it’s not like she actually stands a chance). And Armin… He had even thought of a speech for me. And I freaked out and ran. Just like that. Fuck. But I couldn’t just walk there like everything was fine and ask Eren to let me in his heart again (fucking hell, now I’m even quoting motherfucking _Queen)_. Even if it’s for a few minutes. I was too fucking ashamed to look him in the eye. I fucked everything up and instead of fixing it when I had the perfect chance, I ran away. I needed to man up and suck it in. But I wasn’t sure I could do it. Though there always was something that carried me through the times of worry. I just needed that now.

Before I knew it, I turned to the direction of the hospital where I knew I will find the psycho. Hanji was always the one to bring my angry (my real) self back, instead of worrying, regretful and scared shithead. Yes, that’s exactly what I needed. Though I haven’t visited her for these past four days so this might be a little rough. Hanji gets really offended when people she considers as friends (well, real good friends) give her the silent treatment or drop-dead ignore her. I know it doesn’t really sound like Hanji, but for some reason it just ticks her off. Last (and first) time Erwin neglected her invitation for a drink, four-eyes poured water all over his work papers that she could find in the guy’s office. It was harsh, really. Even though, I partially enjoyed watching the blond bastard using a fucking hair dryer to fix the mess. Alright, I admit it, the sight was actually hilarious (though I kept my face stoic as always. Or so I think). She also kept yelling at the guy if he dared to ask anything for a whole week.

I needed exactly that. I wanted someone to scold me so I could get mad at them and then prove them wrong. I know it’s childish but isn’t everything about Eren like that? I mean, this is his habit of proving people wrong when they dismiss him. I learnt it from my lover. I don’t know if I regret it taking up his habits or not yet. I will figure it out though. I sure will. Right fucking now. Although, I stopped in my tracks before the door to Hanji’s ward. She really could be pretty intense if she wanted to. Not that I was afraid of it because I could always just take goggles on and roughen her up. Though she was already injured. And I wouldn’t be able to do anything worse than a broken leg and an arm (alright, I definitely _could_ break her other limbs, but would it really be worth my while?). I just sighed and threw the door open with a quick punch.

Hanji was in the middle of her usual yapping but stopped abruptly when the door slammed into a wall. Erwin was in the room too, with paperwork covering his tights and two chairs in front of him as well as the space on the ground around the big, blond guy. He looked up too as I entered. Both were wearing same surprised expressions. But while Erwin’s morphed into a wondering, suspecting one, Hanji’s was replaced by disbelief and anger.

“Where the hell have you been all this time?!” She screeched, trying to turn not only her head, but her whole body in my direction, straining the tubes that were still connecting her body to some kind of machines and almost knocking over a glass of water on her bedside table .

“Whoa, you’re going break even more of your bones if you do that, glasses. Just calm down or I will call the nurses to put some drugs into your system that will do that for you.” I blinked after saying that and shook my head. “No wait, you probably love those anyway.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, you short dumbass! Why weren’t you here when I woke up?! Where have you been?! Why didn’t you visit?! Why didn’t you answer my calls or texts? Where are my ‘Get Well’ pie and balloons? And why the hell is Eren looking more like a dead body than a real dead body these days?!” Hanji continued screaming and I heard Erwin sigh and shuffling papers (guess he understood that no more work will be done right now).

“Quit your yapping. I’m here now, aren’t I?” I asked walking to stand beside her bed. “You alright?” My voice was silent and it actually seemed to surprise and calm her down somewhat because tears started shimmering in her eyes.

“Yeah, you short, stupid asshole, I am fine despite feeling like I’ve been hit by a car…” She whispered and smiled at me with her special ‘smartass’ smirk. “Now sit down and tell me what happened! I don’t understand a thing because Erwin only tells me that no one can contact you and that ‘Levi’s a big boy, Hanji, he can sort it out himself’! And you know why that worries me? Because you cannot take care of yourself if it’s emotional – and it totally had something to do with feelings, I just know it! You’re completely dead without my guidance in that area!” She stopped talking for a second to take a calming breath. “But how are you here? I thought I will need to get out of here myself in a wheel chair and kick your ass with my casted foot when I understood that you weren’t coming to visit.”

“I was… Busy, so I couldn’t visit you. And I’m here because I had Armin and Mikasa drag my ass up from the floor.” I said to her.

“From the floor? Literally? It was that bad?” Hanji looked at me in disbelief while Erwin joined us on the other side of her bed. “What the hell was this whole ‘neglecting your friends’ thing about then?” I looked at eyebrows who was staring at me knowingly (as if the whole world is in his fucking pocket) briefly before turning my gaze back to her.

“It… It was about my ‘curse’…” I admitted and watched her eyes get cloudy.

“Your what, now?” Hanji asked witch a high pitched voice and Erwin simply sighed as if he was expecting this (he totally did, I can bet my shower on it). “Are you freaking kidding me? This had got to be a joke because we’ve been through this more times than I can count.”

“But you got hit by a car after I admitted that you were a good friend!” I said frustrated hoping that she won’t look too deep into my sentence.

“I didn’t die though! This is totally ridiculous! If you mean to tell me that Eren was a walking zombie because you were being paranoid then so help me god! I swear that boy didn’t deserve that! Also, you didn’t deserve that either!” She looked at me as if waiting for a response, but started talking herself. “Why do you always do this to yourself? Acting all tough and rough when you are actually squishy inside, running away from challenges if they involve commitment and relationships and hurting yourself and others in the process… That’s not healthy for you or anyone else, Levi.” She was looking at me with sad teary eyes now.

“I know it isn’t…” I murmured eyes downcast. “But I was so scared… You were all roughed up and your skin was so pale and cold that one could think you were dead when I just simply said that I cared about you! And there’s Eren – I fucking love that man more than anyone so, what, he was going to get squished into some red soup?” I suggested exasperated. “Although now I know that trying to distance myself from him was probably a big mistake…”

“Of course it was.” Erwin interjected before Hanji could say anything ridiculous. “If it were really true and Eren was meant to die, he would have been gone from the world of the living a long time ago, don’t you think so? You just panicked and made a huge bubble out of nothing.”

“You know, that is exactly what a certain mushroom told me before I came here.” I said looking at him and saw amusement sparkling in Erwin’s eyes.

“I’m glad he did.” Hanji interrupted just as Erwin was opening his mouth. “If that was what it took to put you back into your place then thank you, coconut!” She screeched. “So, why are you here and not apologizing to that sweet little angel of a boy? I really am flattered that you decided to grace me with your presence first, but I think that Eren should be more important.”

“I did try to do that.” I said avoiding each of their stares. “But I couldn’t...”

“Are you trying to say that you ran away?” Erwin asked carefully, but I didn’t answer him nor did I dare to even look up. Apparently, my silence was enough for them both to understand everything.

“What the hell?!” Hanji was already yelling. “You bailed?! This is Eren for crying out loud! How could you?!” I listened to her chiding until she started poking me with her good arm because that was the last straw.

“I’m fucking ashamed alright? What I did was awful, maybe even unforgivable and I’m afraid to look him in the eye and… And what if he forgives me and smiles warmly like nothing happened? Like I didn’t hurt him? I can’t have that when I am the one who was ruining everything, who hurt him. I wouldn’t be able live with myself if he were to forgive me that easily… I don’t deserve that kind of person by my side.” I snapped at Hanji and even slapped her hand away (for which I later apologized of course. She wasn’t the one at fault for my foul mood. Not entirely).

“If he does forgive you quickly, then that boy has a golden heart, but after all you’ve been through – you do deserve happiness. But if you will hurt him ever again then I am going to lick every single – even the smallest – thing in your house. Your clothes, cutlery and plates too.” Hanji warned. “And we both know already what kind of a person Eren is, so don’t make me keep my promise.”

“Yes, Levi, you shouldn’t make the same mistakes. Go to back to Eren’s house now.” Erwin commanded and I looked at him with my eyes narrowed.

“The fuck? No! I’m not doing that. Also, you cannot order me around, you blond bastard. You’re not some commander or anything.” I retorted (yet another childish quirk I adapted from Eren. Probably. Hopefully).

“Commander?” Hanji murmured and then clapped her good hand on her uninjured thigh. “But that sounds exactly like Erwin! That’s genius, Levi!” She started rambling about how much Captain Caterpillar Eyebrows ordered everyone around and was always seven steps ahead of everyone.

I watched her and couldn’t decide if her liveliness irritated or pleased me. That psycho was alive and kicking even though she could have died. It made me think that maybe I didn’t have a curse and everything that happened in my life was seriously just unexpected events and all that shit. Maybe my mom was really unhappy with her fucked-up life or depressed and Kenny deserved being shot for being a drug dealer. Perhaps Isabel’s mother, who had kids to take care of, shouldn’t have tried to save a building full of people from burning down and run out of it instead while her daughter and Farlan oughtn’t to make that last delivery when I told them not to. Maybe Hanji had to be more alert and careful while crossing the street. All those unfortunate things might have just accidentally happened to people who are close to me. Nothing special about it. I mean, Kenny kind of had it coming from what I can recall and I didn’t care about him too much… Perhaps I was just really dumb to thing that it was my fault? Especially when I fought so hard to convince Eren that his parents’ death wasn’t his responsibility when it literally happened after the kid came out of the closet. But aren’t I punishing myself with those same thoughts?

“Hey, short-stack,” Hanji snapped her fingers in front of my face, “If you need to use the toilet – and the look on your face indicates that you really do – there’s one right here. A nurse just cleaned it today.”

I glared at her and then at Erwin who was snickering.

“I fucking hate both of you.” I said and it only resulted in them laughing.

“We love you too, Levi.” Four-eyes said warmly (but somewhat cautiously as if talking to a wild animal or something) after snickering died down.

I looked at him then at Hanji. Love. I needed to push away the gnawing feeling of fear that was prickling inside of me. It was The Past trying to remind me about herself again, but I couldn’t let her get me this time. I will live on for tomorrow because what happened – happened and it’s not like I can change shit. I will look forward for Eren – my family, future – and for my two shitty friends who, apparently, cared about me as much as I cared about them (not that I was actually going to tell them that…). This pity and guilt party has to reach its deadline and it will end right now. I have to be strong from now on. Stronger than I’ve ever been before.

“I know.” I said and actually smiled feeling my eyes sting – fuck I had enough with this shitty cry baby attitude (I blinked it away quickly so they wouldn’t notice).

Erwin leaned over the bed to put one of his huge hands on my shoulder while Hanji got a hold of mine with a smaller and softer one of her own. We stayed like that for a moment before I huffed and shook both of them away muttering shit about them having not showered and being dirty as fuck. It made both of those imbeciles laugh of course, but I couldn’t be mad at them for that. I was actually happy and now I just needed Eren back in my life for it to be full. My lover completes me, as cheesy and cliché as it sounds. Though to get him to forgive me, I probably needed to be smooth. I mean, Eren always was and will be a hopeless romantic.

“So, how would you get a person who you hurt badly to forgive you if you actually love them, but fucked it up?” I asked casually after clearing my throat.

“Oh for that, you need a completely unexpected, romantic gesture of course!” Hanji screeched sitting up.

“This is real life and not a fucking chick-flick, you shithead!” I accused. “And lie back down or I’m calling the nurses!”

That psycho didn’t do it in the end. At least Erwin got her to sit while propped up by as many pillows as we could steal from vacant rooms and that one little storage cupboard which we found behind the register on Hanji’s ward floor. Fucking hell, I really missed her crazy yapping and Erwin’s shitty, know-it-all smile. There must be something really wrong with me.

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I didn’t know why, but the day that I had hoped would be nice and sunny, turned out to be cloudy and sort of cold. Not that I was going to spend a lot of time outside, but it still would’ve been nice if we were to have good weather. I didn’t really have time to listen to the forecast on TV as I rushed out. I had a brief meeting with some writer and then I needed to get ready and set my plan in motion. Alright, it wasn’t entirely mine. I got help from both – Captain Eyebrows and Captain Eyebrows Junior, also Hanji and – on a few occasions – Mikasa. The girl was reluctant to help, because these past few days (it was the weekend) her brother hasn’t left his room.

I was actually surprised. Eren said he’d fight for our future, but wasn’t keeping his word. It was seriously strange and unlike him. That’s why I needed to sort everything out as quickly as possible. Meaning – today. We didn’t think of anything special, just a sort of romantic act which I wouldn’t have been able to think of by myself. I never knew but Erwin and Armin were seriously into that romance shit. Some of their ideas were too sappy even for them and some would make me look like fool instead of a loving boyfriend (all of Hanji’s ideas were like that though). Psycho was just good at suggesting the words and all the attributes.

All in all it was a perfect plan. Everyone knew how Eren loved not only making food, but eating it too. So I was to sneak into his house when he was out and prepare a dinner for us both. Hanji had made a list of what had to be bought which included some candles, flowers and some classy looking vases as well as wine, pastries and even shades that would cover excess light to create a ‘romantic’ atmosphere and Mikasa made a playlist of Eren’s favorite songs that will be playing in the background. Armin suggested I should cook lasagna just like on Eren’s birthday because, apparently, my lover talked about how good it was every chance he got. Mushroom thought that it might bring nice memories to him and make it easier to talk about our issue. And Erwin – he helped me to think of what I should say. Honestly I was so confused and inexperienced with feelings and all that shit that I couldn’t think of nice words to say and all my speeches included at least fifteen ‘fucks’ and ‘shits’ with a really bad joke at the end. Miserable would be the perfect word to describe those attempts. So yeah, I lowered my head accepted help and now everything seemed perfect, cheesy and cliché, but maybe that’s exactly what we needed?

I hoped for a beautiful sunset and a dinner outside in the garden whilst the clouds ruined my plans. Especially because it didn’t look like it was going to go away until the evening. Well whatever, I’ll make do with candles and dimmed lights. I practically jumped into my black slacks almost forgetting to put on a belt and buttoned the form-fitting, burgundy shirt I had chosen for the meeting today as I was in a hurry for some reason. I couldn’t run away from the writer earlier than we finish everything so really, there was no reason for me to rush. But the adrenaline surging through my veins made me a bit uneasy. I slipped on my regular black Armani dress-shoes and rushed out the door. I had to come back though, because I forgot the paper holder that Eren had given me because I refused to get a bag of any sort. It was made from shiny black leather and smelled like Eren’s home. It belonged to his father before, so I felt sort of honored by that gift.

The drive was long because that shitty writer wanted to meet up in a restaurant on the side of the town that was comically far away from where I lived. Seriously, the douchebag could’ve at least drove to the city center or something and not decide that a stupid place that was probably ten minutes by foot away from his apartment was the best choice for a meeting. I enjoyed driving, but busy morning streets were starting to irritate me. Also, it started drizzling and it didn’t help my annoyance one bit. I still had to go to the store after the meeting to get ingredients for the food and accessories that Hanji told me to buy, then drive back to my house to shower, change and only then go to Eren’s place. All the while keeping my calm and not forgetting what I will have to say.

My patience and tolerance was also tested when the shitty writer dared to be late to a meeting about his own book. A first one at that too. I mean, I didn’t really care about the book being published because we haven’t invested in that one yet. The only one who will suffer will be that bastard because his submission fee will not be returned and he won’t get to see his creation in stores as well as not getting any money of course. Also, it was totally unrespectful for me and for the whole company. But who’s complaining? Definitely not me. Nope. I most certainly do not regret coming to this stupid-ass place, which was totally fucking not an ample hour away from my house, to wait for a shitty writer who probably overslept a freaking meeting that would probably decide how his pathetic, worthless life will turn out to be. Surely, I was not annoyed by it. Not one minuscule bit. Nuh-uh.

He showed up twenty minutes late. With a blond messy bedhead and glasses only perched on one ear accompanied by (most likely) pajama bottoms and a band T-shirt (also, are those fucking flip-flops or am I seeing things?). The guy seemed over twenty and had an impish smile. The look in his eyes as he extended a hand for me to shake was similar to Eren’s, I realized as dull pain pierced my chest. I didn’t take his filthy fingers into my own of course so he extracted the hand in some kind of awkward manner and sat down sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for being late,” He began, “I overslept due to staying up late last night to write and didn’t even have time to properly dress myself…” The guy’s eyes examined my professional outfit and he blushed with embarrassment (oh, I seriously fucking hoped that he was ashamed) at his own choice of clothing. “Anyway, I’m here now, so what did you want to discuss?”

“I wanted to talk about your book but after waiting in this filthy place for twenty minutes all I want to do is leave.” I bit back and the man in front of me visibly flinched. “I can’t do that though. It would be unprofessional of me.” Sure, the sentence before this one was highly polished… I reached for the paper case on the table and took some papers out. “Our company is interested in your book and we would like to ask for your permission to publish it.” I said and looked up to see the guys eyes light up. “You would get forty percent off of every sold copy as well as additional payments for book signings and, if the readers will like it, becoming a bestseller. Other companies don’t really pay writers for the latter things but ours does. We would just need you to sign the papers.” I slid the sheets in the man’s direction. “You will have a veto on the design of the book. You can also create it yourself if you are up for that. You would get paid for the additional work accordingly.”

That shit-stick gaped at me for at least three minutes before a smile split his face.

“This is so wonderful!” He yelled. “I never imagined that that book was any good and just sent it out as a joke, but this is very good news.” The guy seemed genuinely happy and reached into his backpack to take out a pen. “Of course I’ll sign it. This is so exciting. I will actually get to see my own work in book-stores!”

He continued to babble happily while signing the papers without even reading through them. Such a dumbass. How was he even alive? I didn’t really expect him to agree with forty percent but he seemed quite dumb so I guess that’s why it slipped through. I quickly briefed him on what will happen next and bid my goodbyes. He thanked me another five times before I left. It was actually quite annoying and I only felt calmer after climbing back into the confines my car. I didn’t know that the papers would be signed today so I now had to drive by the office today. I shouldn’t meet Eren there since I will be going to Erwin’s office and not mine. It all ought to be good. Or so I hope. Oh fuck, how badly I hope.

Upon arriving I quickly parked in my usual place and rushed to the elevator trying to stay unnoticed by everyone (jeez, I even walked with a hand over my face half of the time with my head hung low… That is low, Levi you dickwad). I reached the highest floor undisturbed and unstopped for which I was thankful. I half expected the elevator to stop to allow Eren or worse – any employee from my floor – in. Thank fuck it didn’t because that would be a major screw-up. I didn’t see Mike at his desk and Erwin’s office was actually empty. I just left the papers on his table and scrammed, but not before leaving the blond bastard a note saying ‘Is being absent from your work place how you usually work, cockslut?’. It might be a little overboard, though, honestly, I didn’t really care. It’s not like he can find a better editor and Hanji would probably whine until he took my sorry ass back in if Erwin was to fire me. Also, he always had a thing for my filthy humor. I mean – the man knows that I’m an asshole with a foul mouth. Actually, it’s even common sense to know that in this company.

As I wanted to go back to the elevator I noticed that it has already come up with someone riding it. I thought I could just brush past the person with my face hidden but the soft looking chocolate brown hair and tan skin of the person who was exiting through the doors stopped me in my tracks. Oh, son of a motherless goat, I’m screwed. I was frozen in the same place for a few seconds before I jumped and ducked behind Mike’s desk. I felt like a fucking brat hiding from an angry parent or playing hide and seek. Fucking lame-ass move, as Mikasa would say. I could hear Eren’s footsteps approaching and then passing the table. As he did so I got a glimpse of his strong profile and sort of puffy looking eyes… Wait what? He looked like he was crying. I felt needles stabbing my heart and had to close my eyes for a second, but the picture of Eren’s scrunched up eyebrows and reddened eyes never left my vision. That’s why I was thankful that he was looking down at some sheets of paper in his hands while walking so he didn’t even notice me before I hid. I got real lucky right then and there.

After the door to the file room closed behind Eren’s back (what did he even need there?) I shot right up and all but ran to the emergency exit and hurriedly walked down the stairs. I will definitely not meet anyone there and also I didn’t want to risk Eren rushing to the elevator asking me to ‘hold the door’ for him or something. That would be bad. I will better get all sweaty and disgusting than get a fucking knife stabbed into my already bleeding heart (shit, that sounded like I’m a fucking sappy poet…). Also, I didn’t want to hurt Eren any more than I already have. There were more flights of stairs than I originally thought. Not that it was a problem for me in a physical way, it simply took more time than I thought it would. And again, I could only breathe in normally after safely closing the door of my car with me in it. What a hellish day.

The trip to the store took me less than I my planned thirty minutes as I was rushing to make up for the time I lost with the stairs. Also, I knew I will be stuck home for a lot longer because I was desperate for a shower by now. So yeah, I arrived at Eren’s three hours and thirty four minutes after I had left the company, which was twenty four minutes later than I intended. I immediately set to cooking and cleaning. But not before putting an apron over my carefully ironed grey button up (I even rolled up the sleeves in a way that they wouldn’t wrinkle too much) and black jeans. I also tried gelling back my hair but I did it in a rush so it didn’t exactly look like I wanted it to, but what-fucking-ever, that was not the biggest problem I had right now.

I was surprised to find that Eren had rearranged his kitchen. Everything was in different drawers and cupboards making it hard for me to make a quick work of that lasagna. Otherwise the house seemed unchanged and even smelled the same, with a little addition of what I thought had a whiff of my cologne. But I could be wrong. I was dying from curiosity to see what Eren’s own bedroom looked like. Maybe he changed it too? I rushed there as soon as I had put the meal in the oven. His room was thankfully the same:  those thick dark-green night curtains over the two windows and soft brown pillows on the window sills that were covered with thick plushy material and made it so nice to sit there during rainy or snowy days and just look outside into the garden with a cup of tea in your hands; large bed, covered in brown blanket with even more of those smaller pillows covering his perfectly white sheets that smelled like Eren underneath with a green, old portable reading lamp, which he was so proud of for some reason, beside his pillow and two soft rugs that matched the curtains on either side of the large cot; a book shelf covering a whole wall with a small dressing slash storage room behind it (yes, he had a secret door to a closet. And yes, my jaw dropped when I first saw it) and a small table in the corner covered in paper sheets, pens, pictures, cups and books. It might sound haphazardous but the room was actually nice, calming and neatly tidied (I don’t know why, but I expected Eren to leave it messy as he always does in the mornings and I have to clean it for him) and nothing was out of place. My clothes were in the same drawer though I noticed that some shirts were missing. I just shrugged it off.

I sat on the bed and looked around again. I kind of missed this place. I always felt at ease here as if it was my own home. Although something was missing right now and I could guess that it was my lover. Damn I missed him. It hasn’t even been a week and I already felt the absence of his embraces, smiles, kisses, even voice weighing my shoulders. Sighing I stood up and brushed my hands over the upper layer to smooth out any wrinkles I might have made. While doing so, my hand came into contact with something lumpy underneath the comforter. Lifting it up to look if maybe Eren has left some ridges, I came to find my missing shirts. They were stuffed underneath the covers and his pillow. Why was he sleeping with my clothes? I made a mental note to ask him later because it was sort of weird.

I went back down to the kitchen just as I heard the oven ping, meaning that my lasagna was ready. I didn’t make anything sweet this time. I could see that Mikasa was telling the truth and the whole house was stuffed with buns, cookies, pastries and other sweets that Eren had baked. They were literally in every room. Well alright, not in the bathroom I suppose. Knowing that Eren should be back soon I put a table cloth over the wooden surface of the board and placed out plates, silverware, glasses, napkins, a vase with tulips (don’t ask me how I got those) and candles. I also made some salad and bought a loaf of whole grain bread which was already cut up and in a basket on the table. I lit up the candles after making sure that the lasagna was perfectly done. There were too many of them for my liking (there were like five solely on the table), but maybe Eren will appreciate the effort? I opened a bottle of wine and placed it on the table as well as the bowl with salad. I looked at my work before remembering that I still had to turn the music on. Rushing to my jacket to pull out the flash drive I almost tripped on the carpet. Was I really that nervous? Can’t be. But that would explain the jittering and the fact that I spent almost five minutes trying to turn the damned music on. Fuck, Levi, calm down a notch.

After the soft sounds rang through the house I stepped back to admire my work. Not that there was much to admire. The lights were dim and the candles provided some warm light, the notes coming out of the speakers mixed with the pitter patter of rain against the windows and the scents flowing from the kitchen. It was cliché as fuck and I think I kind of outdone myself and that will be my giveaway. Eren will surely understand that I wasn’t the only one who planned all of this. He knew that I was a shit at romantic stuff as well as I did. I mean that time when I made him dinner at my house was the only time when my plan of a nice surprise wasn’t ruined. And right now I half expected the candles to light something on fire. Sighing I took a step towards the oven as I heard the lock of the front door turn. It opened, then closed and a sound of soft footsteps followed.

“Mika?” I heard Erens voice with curiosity falling through as he approached the kitchen, “You’re home? I thought you were staying at Annie’s? What changed? Did you two get into a brawl abou…”

He didn’t get to finish that sentence as he stepped into the kitchen and noticed me standing there. I could see Eren’s eyes go huge and then teary as he stared at my face. Then those beautiful orbs turned away from me as if he couldn’t handle looking at the guy in front of him any longer. Instead they travelled around the room. He looked at the candles and flowers, the set-up of the table and then finally back at me. We stared at each other for a little while longer and I took my time to observe the dark circles under his pretty eyes and a frown that he was wearing. Also the poor choice of his clothes. Our company didn’t exactly have a dress code but everyone knew that they should dress professionally. So yes, Eren’s ripped jeans and worn band T-shirt didn’t really fit into that space. How did I not notice it when I saw him earlier today? Alright, I focused on his face because fuck I missed it. Missed him. How stupid I’ve been to try and distance myself from him. Eren was my happiness and I wasn’t smart enough to figure it out on my own.

As I was thinking about how much of an ignorant fool I actually am, he cleared his throat, forcing me to look into his eyes. Those breathtaking, mesmerizing, vibrant eyes that stopped my heartbeat from the very first time I got a glimpse of them and that painfully handsome face.

“I see…” He murmured and stopped talking for a moment, his voice soft and the look on his face vulnerable. “I see you went over your head, huh?” Eren sounded sad and broken as he said those words and the small pained smile that graced his lips didn’t reach his eyes and only served to stab me in the gut.

“Yeah…” I murmured back my own eyes stinging now and took a tentative step forward.

I took a step towards the love of my fucked up life and in a really messed up but, hopefully, joyous way – towards my future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the late update and this time I promise to do it on time. I PROMISE. Also, thank you so much for reading . I will eagerly wait for your comments and kudos and ... gah just throw anything you've got at me... I'm small but I'm tough haha. Oh! And Maybe you have any suggestions or wishes? Maybe Eren's POV? Or some sort of fluffy scene you'd like to read? I would be happy to do it :) Anyway, see you next time, loves! (Also, if you are interested http://rohiblanka.tumblr.com/ here's a link to my Tumblr. Nothing much is there but I feel like i need to do this for some reason... Ok i just want to get to know people through Tumblr... whatever. Stupid me. Sorry. Bye. I'm gonna go die now)


	14. Never Before And Never Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry mother *hides in the bushes*

“Eren I’m so fucking sorry for hurting you.” I said once I was at an arm’s length away from him. He didn’t move away (which was probably a good thing) nor was he looking at me (which was most likely a bad sign). “I was so stupid and selfish in a wrong way… I just acted on instinct and it told me to run. Run from everyone. Even from you, for what I am deeply sorry, because my behaviour caused you pain.” I fell silent after that and a deep sigh left my lips and the stinging of my eyes was back too (for fucks sake, I ain’t gonna’ cry… I had enough of it during those four days).

“But why did you do it in the first place?” Eren asked silently not looking up.

“I…” Another sigh. “You remember that last call from Hanji when I said that she was actually a good friend?” I watched as he nodded slowly. “She got hit after that and I thought that it was my ‘curse’ catching up to me. I thought that there was no way in hell that I would put you in that much danger so I wanted to get away from you to protect you.” Eren’s head snapped up so fast that I blinked. His glare sent chills down my spine, but I cut him off before he could say anything. “I know how fucking stupid that was now, Eren. I really do. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m apologizing. I want you back in my life because it’s not actually living without you by my side. Fuck, I understand if you’re mad that I just ignored you for almost a week without any explanation, but please, please forgive me. I want to be selfish in a different way and stay with you because maybe I can protect you for the rest of your life as I did until now.” The angry expression on his face didn’t soften but I could see something shimmering in the depths of his eyes.

“I thought we had discussed this in the cemetery.” Eren said, his voice low (so that something in his eyes was some deeper anger? What?). “I thought we agreed that it was worth staying together and that I didn’t fucking care about that said ‘curse’ which is only in your head. But here you are, apologizing for something that you promised not to do…” One perfect looking tear rolled down his cheek. I wanted to brush it away so badly, but refrained myself so as not to make him even madder.

“I know, Eren, I fucking do! But I as I said was fucking selfish like that.” I took another step closer to him hoping that he won’t take one backwards (he didn’t if you want to know). “I need you to understand that I regret that decision! And you know that I don’t feel that way about anything I do… I told you that before, remember?”

“Why should it make any difference now?” Eren let out and exasperated sigh and looked away. “And what’s up with this whole ‘apology dinner’ thing?” He continued gesturing to the table and candles and… everything. “Did you really think that you can woo me into forgiving?” Plan backfired. PLAN BACKFIRED. “Do you seriously believe that I am that fucking weak and shallow? That some candles and tasty food are going to soften my heart?”

“No…” My voice sounded fake even to my own ears but I stopped Eren before he could say anything. “I just didn’t know what to do, Eren. I fucking missed you and wanted you back. Shit I miss you even now when you’re in front of me. I wanted to see you, to be with you again… I was… Well… Desperate would be the word I’d use. I fucking asked Hanji for help! Hanji!” I watched as his jaw clenched but didn’t stop talking. “You have no fucking idea how much you mean to me. I know that I hurt you by running away like that, but I wasn’t in a happy place either!”

“So now you’re making it look like you are the one who’s been hurting the worst?!” I suddenly found myself with Eren’s hands gripping my shoulders and his face so close to mine that I could see every speck of green and blue in his eyes (and are those freckles? Has he been sunbathing or something? They were never visible before… Fuck get yourself together, Levi). “You ran away without a word and didn’t talk to me for almost a week without any explanation. You didn’t answer my texts, calls, shit – I even spent an ample amount of time banging the fucking door of your house for three days! And I still got no fucking answer! I didn’t know if it was me who did something or not! I didn’t understand what I could have done wrong! All those nights I spent thinking of the words I had said to you and if maybe you could have found them offensive! I was going insane trying to figure out where did I go wrong! Where could this whole relationship have turned in the worst direction possible! And you know what? I didn’t come up with a single explanation!” He was breathing hard and his whole body was trebling. To tell you the truth, it was kind of a scary sight – for the first time since we met, I saw the kid who once beat up another boy into unconsciousness for making fun of Armin (mushroom told us so himself during the Christmas party when Hanji kept boasting and cooing what a sweet, nice, sensitive and lovely man Eren is) . But this time I was the one who forced this reaction instead of mean bullies.

“Eren, I need you to calm down.” I said slowly.

“I need a lot of things too, Levi! And the first one is for you to fucking leave!” I watched as he backed away from me slowly as if afraid of his own movements and raise a hand to point at the hallway leading to the door.

“I’m not going to do that.” I said as calmly as I could even though something in my chest was contracting, leaving a dull pain behind.

“And why the hell not? Hm? You think that being stubborn will change the fact that you left without a word?”

“Eren, it was merely a week! No, it was only six days if you would include this one! Aren’t you overreacting a little? I didn’t leave for a year or something.” I shot back running a hand through my hair. Fuck it, either I calm him down or rile him up until all the steam leaves his system. Shit, I’ll even allow him to punch me if that will help to sort this fucked up mess out.

“I’m overreacting?! Are you fucking kidding me right now?!” Eren’s hands were in the air. “Right now I fucking wish that you would’ve left for good! Oh!” He turned to look at me like the greatest idea just popped into his head with some mad glint in his eyes. “Maybe that’s why everyone around you dies? Maybe they killed themselves just because you’re such and uncontrollable asshole who only cares about the things that he thinks are right! Exactly!” I stared at him for a few good moments before I understood what his words meant.

I wished he would’ve punched me instead of saying that. Physical pain would be nothing compared to this… This sick feeling of something hot and rough stabbing every internal organ I had. The pain was hot, scorching even, and before I knew it – my eyes were stinging. I was never the one to cry and I surely didn’t mean (or want, for that matter) for tears to start spilling, but couldn’t stop them either. I looked away from Eren and my hands curling into fists on their own accord. Damn, I hated this feeling. The creeping, all consuming sense of an upcoming break down when faced with a malicious situation that involved emotions and not… doing something. Acting under distress was probably the easiest thing. You just need to calm down and carry out the whole thing with a levelled mind. But when emotions get mixed in – I become helpless. I was never able to discard those on my own and I hated asking for help (it was usually Hanji with wine and ice-cream cooing ‘mama Hanji is here now, Levi baby, it will all be fine as it always is”). It also didn’t help that this time it hurt nine thousand times more because it was Eren who caused it. And I couldn’t even be mad at him because I definitely deserved it. Heh - here comes Karma to kick me for being a colossal dick.

I didn’t realize my shoulders were shaking until a pair of warm arms settled on them - softly this time. I knew it was him, but didn’t have the courage to look up. He was so fucking right about everything he said. I am a selfish bastard who makes people wish they were dead instead of staying with me. Pathetic. I felt fucking pathetic. The worst scum in the whole planet who managed to drive away the best fucking thing… no – a miracle that had happened to him in his whole life. Though that said eighth wonder of the world was now hugging me to his chest, uncharacteristically silent. Then I realized that Eren was shaking too. I made him cry again.

“Levi don’t cry…” He said shakily after a few minutes. “You… I didn’t mean to say that. I really didn’t. I was just angry and stupid and…” Eren sniffled and pulled me closer to him. “I don’t want to see you hurting… Just… Fuck. It was really hard, you know. I imagined my life without you in it and it only served as another dagger to the already messed up situation. And you weren’t answering me so I thought that everything was really over… I lost hope, Levi, and that was the worst thing I’ve ever done.” He stopped talking for a moment to take in a calming breath put his chin on top of my head while I tried not to get his clothes wet and miserably not succeeding. “And then you came back, giving me the most stupid explanation ever, expecting that it will be enough. I got really angry you know… But it’s not worth holding grudges if they hurt you like this.” I stilled in his arms taking a sharp intake of air. Shit. He really was going to forgive me that easily. That fucking angel of a boy, as Hanji had put it. “I don’t want to see you make that face ever again, Levi. It makes my chest ache with something I haven't felt in a really long time…” Eren continued. “And it’s not like I have a choice other than making everything as it was. I can’t be mad at you because you take up more than half of my life, but it's not like I can just forget this either.” He sighed and pulled away a little.

One of Eren’s hands came to cup my face and lift it up so he could look into my eyes. I could clearly see that his own were puffed and red as well as the tip of his nose. His tear streaked cheeks were also slightly pink. Form this close I saw just how tired he looked. Circles under his eyes so dark that it seemed like he hasn’t slept for a month, lips chapped and dry. Eren’s always perfectly shaved face had streaks of shaggy hair left on it now. Though I couldn’t help but think that even like this he looked absolutely gorgeous. The prettiest person in this whole wide world with a fucking halo covering his whole body. That’s why he was forgiving me. Because Eren is too good and strong of a person not to. And I would lie if I told you that I didn’t make me love him even more than before (if that’s possible of course. But you know what they say – you never know what you have until it’s gone. Right?).

"I love you." He murmured as more tears streaked down from his jewel-like eyes. "I do. Too fucking much. So I am going to overlook this and accept the apology." I stared at him as Eren leaned down to press his lips on the little wrinkle between my furrowed eyebrows. "Don't make me regret this, Levi. I beg of you." He looked at me with eyes so full of hope that my heart contracted painfully in my chest.

I didn't even notice as my own arms circled his waist, but the next thing I knew - Eren was begging for me not to squeeze him so damn hard. I've read before that it's our natural human instinct to try and kill the things that are too cute to handle and this was exactly it. Only that Eren wasn't just plainly cute. I could never describe him with only one word. That would definitely not suffice. He was fucking strong and determined all of the time, adorable and loving when needed, protective and offensive if it was required, smart and helping when faced with a task, hopeful, childish and too nice for his own good. I loved all of it. All of him. That's why I didn’t feel relieved because of his forgiveness. I felt unworthy. Wouldn't you feel the same? I mean, if the person always feels like he or she is trash and is presented with an opportunity way to good to be true - don't they feel like they don't deserve it? That is why I couldn't say anything at the moment. I simply stared at Eren with traitorous tears still falling down my cheeks. He rubbed off as many as he could with his hands, but that didn’t stop them from flowing.

I stood there as the worst scum of this world before a saint. And although Eren was far from being without sin - it still felt like he was perfect in every way. He started frowning slightly as my silence continued. He was waiting for a 'thank you' I assumed, but I just couldn't force it out. My mouth opened and closed a few times, though nothing came out. This was too good to be true. Eren was too good to be true.

"I just love you so fucking much..." I finally croaked out a pathetic response and smashed my face into his chest.

I could hear rumbling inside as Eren chuckled as his long arms squeezed my form. I didn’t care that he was laughing though. I was finally starting to understand the fact that everything was fine again. That we were fine again. And all of it happened because my lover is such a wonderful person. Everything was perfect right here, at this moment. Well, I was kind of ruining it by crying too much. But then Eren stared cooing nice words into my ear and swinging our bodies to the sides lightly. I know he did this in order to calm me down. That's what my mother used to do to me after a really bad nightmare hit me and what Hanji did when Far and Izzy died too. Though this time it only worsened my state of mind before calming it down.

I cried until I let out all of the pent up tears during all the years of my life since my mother's death. I didn't cry for the dead. Tears meant nothing to them. So I allowed all of that surplus water flow out for another warm body which was far from being stone cold and lifeless. I assumed that I must look like such a cry baby because it felt like I broke down too many times for this one person. I didn't particularly care about it when I was drunk, but now everything was clear as day and not foggy so I understood how much it contrasted with my usually impassive personality. I rarely showed emotion to other people and I knew that, but Eren made me into an open person. He made me into something better. Something that could stand by his side proudly. And I was going to keep my prize place there because I was forgiven. No more unnecessary pain and tears. He fucking forgave me and like hell was I going to hurt Eren again. I'll make sure that I never have to apologize like this to him ever again. I'll do anything for him. Because Eren was the only person who got that far and deep into my being (you can call it heart, soul - whatever, I just don't care, alright?). And now we were going to stay together.

As relief washed down my body I realized that Eren has moved us to sit on one of the chairs. I was sitting in his lap as his hands drew calming circles on my back. The swinging and cooing never stopped too and I finally felt like I could talk and breathe normally again. I took a few more lung-fulls of air and somewhat and somehow (with herculean effort actually) retracted myself from Eren's body. He looked quite content at the moment. The emeralds that he had for eyes were glowing faintly accompanied by a sort of a serene look on his face. Eren's shoulder's weren't tense like before. His lip corners turned up as our eyes met and he smiled at me sweetly.

"All done?" The question was said in a tender voice.

"Yeah..." I sighed and leaned in to press our foreheads together. "Thank you, Eren. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Oh, I think I do. I bet that you could actually get quite a few glasses of water if you were to squash my T-shirt right now." A light-hearted chuckle followed his words. "But it's good that you finally let everything out. I think you needed this. Both of us needed this." I only nodded at his words and ran my fingers down the sides of his face and neck.

"I love you." I whispered.

"I thought we cleared that out already?" Eren chuckled again.

"Shut up." I murmured and finally pressed our lips together.

The kiss was heartwarmingly familiar and it reminded me just how perfect the world could get when you had the right person by your side. I could tell that he was smiling and it was not long after I realized that I was too. I could feel the longing on his lips mixing with happiness and rightfulness. It was as if nothing ever happened and I simply welcomed Eren home after thinking of a surprise for him (that actually worked instead of turning into a major fuck up). I felt content with my life - something I thought I'd never achieve. And I wouldn't have done it, not alone anyway. It was Eren who showed me just how beautiful and nice simply living can be even in the darkest moments. I wondered how much my personality now would differ if I would have had him in my life from the beginning. Maybe I would be more open and out-going? Talkative even? But hell, I sure would have been happier from the very start.

Our kiss grew more heated by the minute and before we knew it - we were already gnawing at each others clothes roughly. Eren's hands were drawing sensual circles on my hips as my own pulled at his hair repeatedly. I licked his lower lip demanding entrance and smirked when I got a rather eager and accepting response. I thrust my tongue in which soon was greeted with a delicious mewl coming from Eren's cowered mouth. His wandering hands were unbuttoning my shirt and sliding up and down the front of my body stopping just for a moment so I could remove his own T-shirt. I felt as he rutted his hips against my own and groaned in response, already aroused, but didn't stop the kiss even though doubts were starting to raise in my mind. Now, I would be one hundred and seventy percent up for making-up sex, but I wasn't sure if that really was what my lover (shit, I'll never get tired of these words) wanted.

So I pushed myself away from him in one fluid movement and stood beside Eren for a moment just breathing and watching. I could see that he was rather unpleased with the sudden change, but he didn't protest, which was probably a good thing because I wouldn't be able to take his whining and would have done him in right there in the kitchen. The thought actually made me shiver because this is one of the rooms that definitely has to be sterile. Fucking seriously, I wouldn't sit at a table someone had sex on not to mention getting food anywhere near it.

"You know, I made this dinner not for looking but for eating." I said, cringing at how raw my voice sounded. "Maybe we should eat and...stuff first." Eren only nodded while clearing his throat with a hand over it and put on his T-shirt.

I went to take out the lasagna and brought it to the table. Eren smiled at me with that familiar loving smile and watched as I extracted a piece and laid it onto his plate. He sniffed it and hummed in appreciation when the food was placed in front of him. Both of us dug in without a word. If anyone watched us, it would seem that we were in a rush, but for us it was as if we were still taking too long. I don’t know why, but I was desperate to hold Eren again. Maybe it was the feeling of insecurity, fuck if I knew. But I guess it kind of felt like the deal wasn't sealed yet and both of us were in a hurry to make this whole 'getting back together when we haven't actually split-up in the first place' thing official.

"It was even better than the first time, Levi. Thank you for making it." Eren commented after he was done shoveling the meal down his throat and proceeded to gulp down the whole glass of wine in one go (well someone's in for a wild ride with alcohol).

"Do you want seconds?" I heard myself asking and cursed inwardly at how stupid and unneeded it sounded.

He shook his head as I expected him to, because, to be fair, I really didn't want him to too. Eating a second plate would take extra time which we could spend doing better things. It sounds stupid, believe me - I know, but my hands were aching and itching for contact. I could see that Eren was fidgeting in his seat too, waiting for me to finish my own placing and staring as I also drained my glass in one go. Both of us stood up in silence and collected the dirty dishes. While I washed them in the sink, Eren cleared the table and took the table cloth off before setting a basket with his homemade biscuits alongside the flowers I had bought on the surface. I didn't bother putting any of the dishes in their rightful places and instead went to help my lover to blow all the candles off. Ever so slowly the room dimmed into the darkness that smelled like smoke heavily. Though soon that scent was blocked off with another - the ever-so-familiar leather and cherry tabaco.

Eren wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug and pressed his lips to my temple making me shiver for some reason (seriously though, that was nothing unusual - Eren loved leaving small kisses all over my face, which was pretty annoying before, but not anymore it seems). I raised my head to kiss his lips barely noticing the dim glow of his eyes in the dark. I felt Eren melt into the kiss and soon he was fighting for dominance, which was nothing new. I won as usually by pressing his body closer to mine with one hand and slowly massaging his neck with the other, but this time he didn't break the kiss off to whine about this being an outrageous form of cheating. Instead Eren moaned into my mouth as I traced his tongue with my own. Fuck, I loved this man.

I have never heard anything more perfect than Eren's moans and mewls. They were either sinfully arousing or unbearably adorable. Though you have to hear him groan or growl to actually understand that you will never have anyone better than this in your bed. Those feral noises he managed to conjure up could probably carry some people over the edge by simply listening to them. Eren is always chatty but I've never realized just how vocal he was until our first time together. I always strived to get as many sounds out of him as I could each time. You could actually say that I was addicted to them by now. The idea of hearing more of those noises Eren made encouraged me to push him back until his body hit a wall and raise my knee until it reached his crotch and slowly moving it.

Eren groaned in response which was one of the most arousing sounds I could have expected him to make. It spurred me into picking my lover up with his long legs wrapped around my torso (which probably looked damn stupid because I was... Short and Eren was kind of a big guy - I'll leave the sight to your imagination...) so I could get us both to a room that had anything close to a bed. That's how we found ourselves in the living room on one of the sofas. Eren was in my lap still kissing and moaning while rutting his hips against mine. I could feel his clothed erection rubbing against my own and it was such a familiar and missed sensation that I found myself letting out small noises of appreciation alongside my lover's loud ones.

I felt the front of my shirt being unbuttoned for the second time that evening. Well, you wouldn't be able to call it 'unbuttoning' since all the buttons flew everywhere around us as Eren ripped the material apart. He soon shed his own T-shirt and both of us where now bare chested and pressing against each other as if it's the last time we will be together. Desperation - I could feel it in ever kiss Eren placed on my collar bones and chest, mouth and neck. I left my own longing touches and marks on his shoulders and beneath his jaw. The sweet taste of my lover's flesh and skin made my mind go numb with need and want, leaving me aching and futile. Every touch, whether it be feathery or leaving bruises, burned like it never has before. Eren's hands running down my sides and stomach made me shiver, his already swollen lips begged to be kissed again. I found myself unable of holding back.

I bit Eren's lower lip electing a gasp and then he was on me full force. I swear, if it were up to my lover to decide - his tongue would be buried in my throat. I was glad that I was still in charge of that. My hands slid up his thighs until they reached the zipper of his jeans. I undid it like a fucking pro and pushed Eren to the side so he would be laying on the sofa with me on top. I broke the kiss in favour of yanking his pants off alongside his underwear. Then I just had to stop at least for a few seconds. I felt fucking starving as I looked Eren up and down hungrily. He was a sight to fucking behold - a soft mess of chocolate coloured hair above two slightly glowing darkened irises that held me captive so many times with their mesmerizing depths; swollen, slightly parted lips and cheeks flushed with the most adorable pink; delicious looking soft skin of his neck and collar bones; rock-hard, perfectly sculpted chest and abs warm under my roaming hands, ending with a small trail of dark hair that led to much better things; toned legs that went on for miles just waiting to be admired. Eren was fucking breath-taking - no one, who had the opportunity to see him like this, would ever be able to deny that.

I bent down and kissed him again, not able to hold back any longer. My hand trailed down his front until I reached his member and circled my fingers around it. Eren let out the most delicious moan and thrust his hips upwards making me chuckle in response.

"A little inpatient, are we now?" I asked placing open mouthed kisses down his neck and to his chest.

"You have no idea..." Eren answered breathlessly and started laughing.

Though it was cut of short as I started stroking him all the while still kissing his chest. I took one of his nipples into my mouth and sucked on it getting another wanton moan in response. I enjoyed watching Eren turn into a messy wreck underneath my hands. He had no fear or self-consciousness in these situations which contrasted so endearingly with the way he would always blush with embarrassment if anyone did as much as refer to anything sexual every other time. I loved that about him too... If that's saying anything, because, honestly, I fucking adore everything about him. I worship every freaking nook and cranny of his perfect body and even the most annoying traits of his exquisite personality.

I moved my hand faster when Eren managed to rasp out a request for me to do it. His cries grew a little louder and I muffled them with my mouth - swallowing each and every one of them. I knew he was close so ever so slowly my hand came to a stop. Eren whined loudly and complained, asking me to resume my ministrations. I only shook my head in response and stuck out my fingers for him to suck. He seemed to follow the flow of my mind as he took them into his mouth rather eagerly. Eren's hands moved to unzip my pants and I allowed him to do so. I would have gone to get the lube but didn't really feel like leaving Eren here alone and in need. This will have to do. I also didn't have a condom on me, but that was lesser of a problem than hurting my lover.

Soon my pants and undergarments accompanied Eren's in a mess on the floor. My fingers found their way into a place where they were most desperately needed by my lover in a similar fashion - quickly and easily. I prepared him very carefully, afraid that I might hurt him as we were not using lubricant for this for the first time. Eren's pleasure and safety was more important than my needs after all. After pulling my fingers out I motioned him to sit up and pulled away a little.

"Suck." I pointed at my own dick and Eren obliged almost immediately.

I let out a groan as his warm mouth closed around me. We stayed like this for a few heartbeats before I was pulling the - again - whining Eren away and pushing him into his previous position and located myself between his legs.

"Ready?" I asked breathlessly and watched him nod eagerly.

"I was born ready." He managed to chuckle roughly and his smartass response was all the encouragement I needed.

I pushed the tip of my cock inside of Eren at the same time as the front door opened and light filled the hallway. Both of us stopped in our tracks still panting heavily as a shadow appeared by the door. I looked in the direction of it my eyes wide and felt Eren raise on his elbows so he could peer over the head-rest of the sofa.

I heard the shadow gasp and then the light blinded the both of us. I started blinking my eyes rapidly to get used to the sudden change when a rage and horror filled scream filled the room. "What the fuck do you think you're doing on our sofa, you stupid shitheads?!" Mikasa's voice rang loudly through the whole house (and maybe the neighbors were able to hear it too) as Eren and I scrambled to cover ourselves with something - pillows, discarded clothing, fucking anything. "I sit and nap on that thing! How dare you have sex on it?!" I looked at the girls face when I was finally able to make everything out. She looked horrified and mad as hell. "Also, now you even made me think of my brother having sex with another man and as a bottom no less!" Her dark eyes grew wide and face paled as she turned away from us and ran up the stairs covering her mouth.

Eren and I looked after her for a few moments before looking back at each other. Eren was a little pale from the jump scare we just got but otherwise his face and neck were still flushed (with either embarrassment or after effects of our previous activities).

"She chose the most inconvenient time to come home..." He murmured, eyes still locked with mine.

"Damn right." I nodded. "We're talking about the best cock-block in the world here." I said seriously with my face straight.

Eren nodded before both of us started laughing uncontrollably. It was so nice to hear his genuine laugh and see the precious, happy smile grace his face. My perfect lover. I reached out to hug him still laughing openly. I was just so fucking happy even though Mikasa blue-balled both of us. I could do without sex if only I had Eren laughing and smiling at me like he was doing now. This actually became the story I would always tell people who wanted to know when I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Never before have I realized that I wanted to see a ring shining on his finger, marking Eren as mine forever. I didn't know that I will want children running around our legs, whining and laughing annoyingly as we walked around the park hand in hand. I didn't realize that I wanted to grow old with him by my side. Not until I heard Eren's laughter fill the room and ring through the house as he shed tears of true happiness in my embrace after getting an attempt of having sex interrupted by his younger sister.

I also understood that I will never again want anyone like I wanted him. And like hell was I repeating the mistake of running away form this precious gem in my arms. My life will be complete only with Eren by my side and without him - there will always be a void. After this moment I realized that I will always miss a piece of me when he will not be by my side for longer than a few hours. It sounds like I'm addicted, I know, believe me - I do, but if I'm going to be hooked on something like this - the let it be. I'm fucking happy this way. Addicted to Eren. The only drug I've ever needed or will ever need.

It wasn't long before we started kissing again. Losing ourselves into each other and into true happiness. We missed Mikasa's footsteps coming back downstairs, but a frustrated sigh and a growl that left her were enough to pull us apart again.

"You guys are fucking gross..." She said and I flipped her off turning my head to look at Eren and stroke his cheek with my other hand. "I'm fucking leaving. I'll be staying at Annie's, but please, oh god please, move into your bedroom. I don't want to force you two to buy a new sofa." She declared and turned to leave.

"Buh-bye~!" Eren sang giggling and turned back to me as the door clicked shut. "Shall we resume?" He asked with one eyebrow raised, making me snort.

"Hell yeah." I answered and picked my lover up bridal style and carried him to the bedroom.

Sue me but I fucking loved this man. Maybe a bit too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya fellas, I'm on time today~! (yey) That won't last long though as I am leaving for another vacation. I won't be able to update for about two or three weeks and for that I am seriously sorry. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It might not be what you expected because it surely wasn't what I hoped for. This just sort of happened and I decided to just go with it, so sorry if you didn't like it... So, leave me your opinions (because they are valued beyond belief) along with kudos! I love all of you! And sorry for the inconvenience of me not updating again... I'm such a trashy writer... Sigh.. See you next time!


	15. About Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE! Hello my dears! I MISSED ALL OF YOU. It's been such a long time since I updated, right? Sorry about that... The most important thing is that I'm here with a new chapter for ya'll and I really hope that you will like it!! Also, thank you for all of your nice words and support! I FUCKING LOVE ALL OF YOU. Now read the chapter and tell me what you thiiiiink~

The sun that rose that morning found me and my lover sprawled on the bed with the comforter and pillows missing. My head was on Eren's bicep while I hugged him from the front. His chin was placed on top of my head and one of his legs and the remaining arm wrapped around my body almost protectively. Though the only thing that could hurt me here is dust and even then it would be emotional and not physical. The next thing I realize is that we're both still naked. Which is not too bad considering that I dragged Eren to shower the night prior and talked him into helping me change the sheets (that was the cause of the excess dust in the room, which I was going to clean today, if you wanted to know) before sleeping. So yeah, everything was sort of perfect and I didn't really want to get up. Except that I needed to piss and my stomach felt like it kind of needed food, which was acceptable after those three rounds we did last night. Or maybe four? I honestly don't know if the jerking-each-other-off in the shower counts.

I slowly rolled back and out of Eren's warm embrace and pulled on sweats that I found in my drawer but didn't bother with a T-shirt. My lover definitely doesn't mind seeing me shirtless and if Mikasa's home - she's already used to this (and also very gay). After a quick trip to the toilet and brushing my teeth in the bathroom I descended gracefully and happily down the stairs and into the kitchen. I instantly knew that Mikasa was still out because the coffee was not made yet and the girl always wakes up early to turn the machine on and just goes back to bed after pouring a cup for herself. I don't know if she goes back to sleep or not, though that doesn't really matter. So the first thing I did was pushing the button so I could happily start making pancakes with the sound of the coffee brewing. I kind of liked the soft noises coming from the machine, it was the thing that would remind me of the start of a new day. I know that sounds stupid, but I just feel like that and there's nothing I can do about it (nor do I want to. And it is also too late to even try).

I was halfway through my first cup and with an ample amount of pancakes already made when I heard a loud smash upstairs followed by a squeak and a series of quick footsteps. Eren appeared in the doorway only moments later. His hair was a fucking rats nest and he had a blanket wrapped around him in a way that looked drop-dead uncomfortable. I don't know if you can imagine this, but the material was stuck between his legs, coming out and up on the backside and over his shoulder where his hand gripped the edge of it while the other was trying to keep the blanket from revealing his junk. Eren's face was a mixture of relief, disbelief and slight anger from what I could tell. Well, the last emotion wasn't on his face exactly, but I saw it in the way he hunched his shoulders a little and jutted out a leg to the side. It was a quirk of his. He wore not only his heart on the sleeve, but also his emotions (oh fucking hell, that doesn't make sense at all). So if you knew Eren well enough - you'd be able to read every emotion he experienced. That's why I got ready to withstand and fix anything that might have triggered his anger.

Eren stared at me for a good while before a sigh left his lips and all the tension that seemed to weight him before was gone in an instant. He strutted forward until he reached me and awkwardly put his arms around my shoulders as I was not done baking and the blanket was sort of restricting his movements. We stayed like that for a moment till I flipped the pancakes and turned around to hug him back.

"What happened up there?" I asked and kissed the little hole where his collar bones met while Eren was rubbing his nose in my hair.

"I fell out of bed..." Eren admitted after a while. I could hear slight embarrassment in his voice.

"You really did, didn't you?" I asked chuckling a little.

"Yeah..." He fell silent and then started whispering words that I had to strain to hear. "I thought that maybe I had dreamt of everything that happened last night and you weren't even there to begin with." His words pierced me right through the heart. Oh how bad I must have hurt him to make this determined being to doubt his own mind.

"...That's just plain stupid, Eren." I said petting his hair.

"I know it is. It was jus a thought and it scared me for a second. I jumped up to get out of bed quicker and fell over the edge because of the stupid blanket." He explained.

"Well," I started pulling back so I could look him straight in the eye, "I'm here, you little shit, so stop worrying because if I am given the choice - I am never leaving again ."

"Good." Eren smiled before kissing the tip of my nose.

This little asshole was so adorable that I swore he'll be the death of me. Remember when I said that he likes to kiss any place on my face randomly? Yeah, the tip of my nose and my temple were his favourite places. I would always complain about it being childish, but in secret I fucking loved it. I especially adored it when those little kisses were given as a sort of 'hello' when he greeted me after work, before going to sleep or after waking up. It was something only Eren did to me and I wouldn't even dream of complaining about it. I also did the same to him in return, but my favourite places were his chin and the little dent between his collar bones. He used to laugh at me saying that I chose those places only because I'm short and can't reach any higher. I think you can imagine how I kicked his feet from underneath him and proceeded to kiss the top of his head as a sign that no, that is completely wrong and if I wanted to - I could reach anywhere I needed. After that the jokes about my height somewhat disappeared. He still talks about it sometimes, but only when I am in a good mood, leaving all the teasing to Mikasa.

We ate breakfast in silence. It was nothing unusual as Eren wasn't too keen to talk (he was much more interested in shovelling pancakes into his shot-hole) after waking up and I wasn't a chatterbox in general. After that our day proceeded as usual - Eren goes to shower, I wash the dishes and get in there myself just as he's getting out. He uses the mirror while I clean myself up and goes to find what to wear by the time I'm finished towelling. As I would get out there to pick clothes for myself, Eren would disappear into the kitchen to pack us lunch. We worked as a well oiled clock and I loved it. The routine I had before was kind of depressing and boring, but with Eren everything seemed special and fun. I was turning into a sap, but if that really was my fate then I'll welcome it with open arms because with it came the affection of my lover.

The trip to work was short compared to the ones that I was used to take alone. And even the whole day seemed brief. I remember having a shit ton of paper work, which came with the end of my vacation; eating lunch with Eren and - an even more excited than usual - Hanji; a quick meeting with - knowingly smiling - Erwin and - grinning from ear to ear - Armin about the latter ones book and a supper with - strangely content looking - Mikasa at home. Everyone seemed happy and relieved that Eren and I were back together. I mean, they looked even more at ease than either of us. Actually it was seriously strange how my lover's sister looked at us while we ate. I thought that maybe my imagination was playing tricks on me because the ever-so-stoic girl couldn't be... glowing. Right?

"I don't know what you're talking about." Mikasa said when Eren asked her why was she looking so happy (so it wasn't just me imagining things then).

"Of course you do!" Eren accused. "You've been smiling sneakily ever since you came home today..." My eyes travelled from him to the girl and even though I did notice that she was merrier than usual I didn't see a single smile on her face today.

"Maybe I'm just happy that 'mom' and 'dad' are back." She said and there definitely was a hint of a smile on her face now (what the actual hell?). "I only wish that they wouldn't have had to announce it to the neighbours by having loud sex and leaving the windows open."

Eren blushed at that and didn't comment further (though I think I heard him mumble 'it was really warm you know' under his breath) making me chuckle. My little family was back. And fuck, I was so freaking happy about it. While Eren and Mikasa bickered, I carried on with my own ministrations, it's like nothing bad ever happened. Like this past week never existed. I didn't want to admit it but it made me feel a bit uneasy. How can my lover act so carefree like this? Or Mikasa? Wasn't she still mad? I felt like I was missing something but didn't know what that was and that thought kept nagging me for the rest of the day.

Though maybe they were busy with their own things. I mean, Mikasa got accepted to Oxford and was leaving for the United Kingdom in a few weeks to look around. Eren paid for it with his own money, without my help. I was kind of proud that he finally achieved the thing that he worked so hard for. And I was proud of Mikasa because - Oxford law? That isn't something that you usually find in someone's résumé. Both of them were stuck planning and searching, buying... It was a lot of work honestly and they've started working even before we left for Germany so that does say something. It was a shame that the girl wouldn't be able to bring her car because a flight would be easier and quicker than a swim. Though she won't be able to take many things with her that way and they will need to be shipped to her later. Really, moving was a pain in the ass and I felt a little bit sorry for Mikasa. Well, at least now Eren will have a vehicle for himself and will no longer need buses, trains or taxi's. So yeah, that's a relief. And Mikasa can live doing that for a few years, right? Not that anything can be changed so... Whatever. Although it was still strange how both of them were so silent and level-headed at this time.

I kept expecting Eren or his sister to pull any kind of stunt and turn everything against me. So as you can probably imagine - my whole week turned to shit. I couldn't concentrate on Erwin's cheery call about how happy he is that I 'manned up', wasn't able to block Hanji's excited screaming over the phone and didn't listen to what Eren was telling me during lunch. Eating supper every evening with both of the siblings was even worse. I was tense and they noticed that. I knew they did, but was thankful that neither commented on it. I knew that staying silent was bad but talking about it would only remind of the not-so-heart-warming-shenanigans that happened before. I did not want that. No fucking thanks. And that is how a few weeks later, just before Mikasa had to leave for the UK I was brought to a Harry Potter (fucking again. How many times can they watch the same movies? Seriously!) movie marathon by the two siblings along with the girl's wonderful teenage buddies who did not irritate me with their never ending yapping at all.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? They were worse than four-eyes and that says something! I mean, 'pound the alarm' kind of something. They spent the whole weekend in my house (I would never admit it out loud but I really did feel bad after that incident which no one speaks of for some reason and allowed Mikasa to host this mara-fucking-thon at my place because I 'have a better TV and stereo') trashing the place and eating my food (alright they brought some food too, but it only consisted of snacks at which Eren went into a 'no-no' mode). The floor felt sticky and I was afraid to go to the bathroom on the first floor, I'm not even thinking about the kitchen which I asked Eren to handle even though I'm not sure that he actually can do it. And the living room - oh my nice, bright, spotless living room was bombarded with mattresses, blanket and pillow forts, plastered with various wrappers, plastic bottles and cans, used clothes, hair, dust, bowls and crumbs. That's why I stayed out of there too.

That weekend it seemed like the only good place for me to be in was my office and the bedroom. Eren's presence was a huge help though he spent an ample amount of time cooking and watching the movies along with the teens. He didn't seem out of place there though, which didn't really surprise me. Eren also tried his best to tidy everything up. I could hear him washing dishes and putting them into the dishwasher after that before coming to bed, vacuuming when the kids went to eat at the table, dusting at least once a day... My lover was doing perfectly in my eyes because he was trying and that is what counts. He would always bring me food upstairs - no matter how much I protested - and would order kids to keep the volume down as much as they could and, fuck, did I love him for that. I was relieved to have Eren in this asylum that my house has become during the weekend.

I never got the chance to actually talk to him throughout all that time though. I would be too drowsy to talk after he finished tiding up for the night or trying to focus on reading while he hanged out with Mikasa's friends. So yeah, I was on edge by Sunday evening. I helped that runt of a girl to drive her buds home so she wouldn't have to make two trips and stopped by the store to buy some cleaning supplies, all the while fidgeting and waiting for a text or a call from Eren asking me if I was far from home before telling me that we needed to talk. Never got one though. So I came back to my trashed house still nervous and irritated. Only to find it as clean as it was before that pack came here to destroy my chapel. The floors were shiny, there were no trash lying around... It was just.. So clean.. Eren was laying sprawled on one of the sofas' and Mikasa, who came back quicker because she was tired and didn't want to walk around the store with me, was making tea in the kitchen (I could hear the water boiling). I should have felt relief at that but all I could bring forth was confusion and anger.

"You cleaned everything." I rasped out.

Eren didn't sit up just raised his hand over the back-rest to beckon me to come closer to him. Which I did, of course. Once I was at an arms length he pulled me down all of a sudden and I fell on his chest with a thump. Managed not to hurt myself (or my lover) since Eren cradled my head so I wouldn’t hit my face on his chest and my own hands reached down on instinct lessening the impact. Still, I fucking hated unexpected turns of events.

"Why the fuck did you do that for, you shithead?" I bit out after recovering a little, glowering at his smiling, happy face.

"I just wanted to hug you and say 'welcome back', but couldn't move my legs." He answered and kissed the tip of my nose (which would have been absolutely adorable if it was not me but a puppy). "And to reply to your earlier statement - yea, I did clean everything. I don't know why you allowed this to happen to your house, but you must have had a good reason and I saw how stressful it was for you to see everything trashed and dirty... Soooo, I cleaned it for you in order to repay the debt for letting Mikasa host the party here. Also, thank you very much, Levi." Eren smiled again and pecked my lips this time.

"Yeah, thanks, midget!" I heard Mikasa's voice from the kitchen.

They thanked me. They actually thanked me and felt in debt when I was the one so deep in the shit that it was impossible to climb out. I stared at Eren in disbelief until he started fidgeting underneath me. I felt the words on the tip of my tongue, begging to be freed. I just wasn't able to take any more of this stupid tension that seemed to be bothering only me.

"Why are you even thinking of thanking me?" I asked and stopped Eren before he could answer. The words just came pouring out of my mouth. I just didn't care about the outcome anymore. "I am the one in debt. Not you. I hurt you and you act like it never happened." I pulled away to sit on the coffee table for a better view of his face, but ended up lowering my eyes to the ground and cradling my head in my hands with the elbows on the knees. "Why? Why are you doing this? It's driving me crazy! Why are you acting like I never did anything wrong?"

"Because you love me." Eren answered after a few moments of silence. His voice calm and smooth as silk. "And 'cause I love you too. Because you hurt yourself as much as me, if not more. Because you care, even when you say you don't, and 'cause I don't want to live regretting that I was mad at you when all I want to do is be happy together."

Raising my head to meet his eyes I saw nothing but sheer determination and affection there. He was telling me the truth and now I felt so stupid for being paranoid. This last few days everything Eren did made me think that maybe he will lash out at me, tell me to fuck off for the rest of his life and that he made a mistake by taking me back... But that never happened and it couldn’t have. Because we had love. And that was stronger than any anger or regret that may still be haunting our hearts.

"I see that there are lot of feels in this room," Mikasa said from the doorway. "But do you want the tea or should I leave so you could make-out?"

All she got as an answer was a pillow thrown in her way. And no, Eren and I did not make out. We drank tea together with Mikasa and watched some kind of comedy on the TV. Yeah, moments like these you understand just how perfect simple things are.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

It has been months. I was happy beyond belief, also 30 years old and still counting. My life was perfect. I was going strong with my lover, his sister and I became good friends, Hanji started dating Moblit and got off of my head somewhat, Erwin got Eren's blessing to openly court Armin and looked pretty damn happy. We also attended and unexpected wedding. Mikasa's two classmates Berthold and Reiner got married. I thought it was kinda stupid since they were really young, but who am I to talk? They were also in love and I only could wish that it would never burn out. I was surprised that I was mentioned in the invitation. When Mikasa told us that they got engaged I though that I will be going as Eren's date, but nope - the brats consider me a cool dude apparently. It felt pretty good to be old and seen as awesome in the eyes of teens. No wait, not that I think about it - it's so fucking lame. Fucking hell. I feel awful.

But anyway, I also had been holding onto this ring for about four months. I do not know what hit me but one afternoon I got this strangest urge to go rummage through my mother's things. They were stashed in my attic which needed cleaning and I just though that maybe I should throw out the unnecessary things because I am not a fucking old lady that keeps all the stuff that she gets throughout her life. That's how I came upon mother's jewellery box which was forgotten in there since I started living here. It had a lot of stuff which I will probably give to Mikasa and some to Hanji because she is also important to me (god forbid I tell that to her because I would never hear the end of it). Though one unfitting thing in there was my grandfather's ring. It looked old as all hell, made of etched bronze, well, the band itself was made of that metal, but on it was a coin (at least that's what the man in the antiques store said) of a Pegasus lined with silver. I found it pretty amazing actually. I mean, I never asked my mother about it, but I knew she had an old ring which belonged to my grandfather from her side (actually, it belonged to many men on her side but it doesn't matter).

The strange thing is - I immediately knew what I was going to do with this ring. But I didn't know when or how. Honestly, planning this romantic stuff was so fucking hard. I didn't dare ask Hanji to help me because she would just spill everything to Eren accidentally. Mikasa and Armin were away studying. Erwin is a shithead and I also wouldn't have a penny left if I would ask him to help me with the planning. That is why I was struggling. For four months. I also still haven't thought of a plan. I had thoughts of course. Like walking around the park until the dark and then doing it under the stars; setting everything up in the office (ok that one's lame, but fuck it); taking Eren out for dinner and then putting the ring in his food (yes, I actually thought of copying movies, I suck that much); taking him somewhere he always wanted to go as a surprise... Fuck, I'll never be able to figure this out. Which actually sucks since I wanted to propose before the start of the summer.

Propose. That sounds so fucking stupid in my opinion. Though that's the first thing I should do if I want Eren in my life until I die. Why does it have to be so damn hard to fucking ask the man you love to be your husband? I've know him for so long, but the thought of getting on one knee in front of Eren is frightening. Which is really fucking stupid. Fuck, I should really ask someone for help. Or at least say that I'm thinking of doing it. Alright not thinking anymore - planning, but who cares, the difference is not too big.

I ended up sitting in Hanji's living room on one of the nights when Eren went out to drink with his buddies (I will pick him up from the bar later). Psycho was talking on the phone with Moblit at the moment and making us tea (she swore that my lover taught her how to make it, because she was a complete shit at it before). It sucked that we weren't drinking, but she was still on medicine - there was no way anyone wanted her to mix them with alcohol - and I had to drive later. Alcohol would have helped me to tell her about my plans though. It really is true that liquor loosens you up and I am one of the best examples of that. But fuck, I promised Eren that I'll be there when he himself is done drinking... I was going to be a good boyfriend and sit here with a dry mouth waiting for the tea and my over excited, eccentric, psycho shit of a friend.

Speaking of which, I heard Hanji yell 'BYEE~' into the phone and throw the device on one of the kitchen counters. How come that guy still has the ability to hear I will never know. Though Moblit is an incredible man so I probably shouldn't be surprised. The psycho herself staggered into the living room carrying two steaming cups in one hand and a bowl with cookies (again, they were from Eren) in the other. I was waiting for her to fall down and mess up, but that never happened. Way not to entertain your guests, Hanji. She set the cup in front of me silently and retreated to her seat. Her eyes never left me. I knew what she wanted so I carefully raised my cup and took a tentative sip. The tea was decent. Much better than before so I only nodded at Hanji and put my cup back down. Four-eyes cheered for herself silently for a few moments before regarding me again.

"Sooo.." She drawled out. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

"Your mom." I answered and cursed inwardly. Thank you so fucking much Mikasa and all of those teens who terrorized my house for almost three days.

"You know my momma is alive and well, Levi. You also secretly love her. But hey, at least I know that you have the new-age sense of humor." Hanji cackled. "But I can still see that something's not leaving you at peace."

I looked at her for a long moment before sighing. Here goes nothing.

"I want to ask Eren to marry me." I said slowly and evenly not looking at the woman before me.

There was silence for a really long moment. I raised my eyes to look at Hanji after the thirtieth second of silence. Psycho's face was dumbstruck. Mouth agape, eyes wide she stared back at me like there's no tomorrow. And then the sounds came. I thought that she was choking at first, but I would never mix her animalistic cries of joy with any medical diseases. The noises Hanji made were way worse. I mean, she screamed like a dying whale. I didn't have time to cover my ears when her arms wrapped around my shoulders and she started hugging me for her dear life, still screaming.

"Levi, OH MY GOSH, LEVI!! I can't believe it! FINALLY! I thought that you didn't have the balls for it and I'll need to wait for Eren to do it first!! THIS IS GREAT NEWS! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!" Psycho's wet lips collided with my cheek and that's when I had enough.

Freeing my hands from her grasp I put both of them on her face and pushed the freaky woman off of me and onto the ground. She fell with a thump, still yelling. It seems that a hurting butt couldn't bring her from the high.

"You have to do it ASAP!! Seriously, you waited long enough! Everyone was expecting a wedding before winter but it never came! And I'm guessing that it's because you're so scared of commitment?" She stood up and started pacing. "But it doesn’t matter. We need to start planning the wedding! I'm gonna throw you the best celebration ever in one month! I swear! There is so much to do!! Now we just need you to propose and send out invitations! Actually, we should start on invitations now so we could send them just after you pop the question! What paper do you want? Or maybe we should wait for Eren to..

" "Shut your fucking trap, you psycho!" I just couldn't take it anymore. "I haven't even proposed and you're already on the edge about it. What if he doesn't agree?"

Hanji stopped in her tracks and looked at me above the rims of her glasses with a look that could be perfectly described as 'are you fucking kidding me?'.

"Dear, have you ever seen how that kid looks at you?" She asked still not taking her eyes off me. "If he doesn't agree then we'll know that pigs will fly the morning after that." She scoffed and plopped down next to me. "But how are you gonna do it?"

"No idea." I admitted.

"Welp, I've got one." Hanji said and turned to me with a mad glint in her eye. "We use the effect of surprise."

Around four hours later I was waiting in my car by the club where Eren should be emerging from shortly. He didn't sound drunk at all on the phone when he called me to come and pick him up, which was good because when drunk my lover was a pain in the ass. I spotted him just as he stepped outside with a few other people. I saw that Jean guy who irritated him and Connie (who was a cool guy by Eren's standards) with Mikasa's classmate Sasha wrapped around his short form. They talked for a few seconds and parted ways. Eren searched for my car with his eyes and skipped over when he finally found it. He couldn't have looked more gay even if he wanted to. My lover slid into the seat beside me and placed a kiss on my cheek smiling like a little kid. So he was only slightly tipsy then.

"Hey." He whispered cheerily.

"Hello." I said and smiled at Eren while starting the car and speeding off down the road. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," My lover nodded eagerly. "Horse-face spent the whole night trying to convince everyone that he could hook up with anyone and not only Marco, who only dates Jean because that guy's an angel. I swear, I thought my tummy was going to burst from laughing so hard as we watched his attempts at picking random people up." Eren chuckled, probably remembering it. "He got turned down by everyone, if you were interested."

"Figures." I snorted and took a turn to the left.

"Yeah... Where are we going by the way? Shouldn't you have turned right just there?" Eren asked confused.

I didn't answer so he stayed silent. Eren knew when to prod and when to leave it be. He knew me that well. I was glad that he did though before I would get mad at people for getting too close. But I this man changed everything. I took Eren's hand in mine and brought it to my lips to kiss the knuckles lightly. I heard him sigh slowly and relax into the seat more. Like this I let him know that whatever is happening, it’s nothing bad. We had a pact like that. If I didn’t want to talk, I just express myself with actions, which fit my personality much better than speaking. I also knew that Eren enjoyed this secret way of communication between us. He was such a sucker for romance. That's why this unexpected turn of events excited him - I saw it as I glanced at him briefly from the little tug of the corners of his lips and the way his eyes seemed even larger. His face was the most exciting book I've ever read. So perfect. So amazing. So painful to disappoint. So unpredictable. An uneasy feeling crept up my back for a second there so I tried not to look at him anymore throughout the journey. We drove for about twenty minutes in comfortable but tingly silence before reaching our destination.

"We're going to watch a movie at one in the morning?" I heard Eren's voice from beside me again. He sounded excited to tell you the truth. "How is it even open at this hour?"

I got out of the car instead of answering, motioning for him to do the same. We went to the cashier hand in hand and I paid for two tickets. It was an old cinema and noting the hour of the night, of course it was empty. We walked through the dimly lit, silent hallway into the only screening room but not before stopping to get Eren a small box of salty popcorn. The movie should be starting shortly. I led Eren towards the middle of the seats and both of us plopped down, waiting. I could feel my lover's uneasiness but pretended not to notice the questioning looks he was sending my way. But the movie, which had started not long after we sat down, distracted Eren for a while at least.

This was honestly so ridiculous. I couldn't believe that I was going to go through this. But I had to grow a pair. I just had to. So that's what I did.

I squeezed Eren's hand until he turned his head towards me and raised one eyebrow. I leaned over and kissed him then, before he could say anything. His plump lips were a bit salty but I didn't mind that. It was still addicting and tantalising. Eren kissed me back of course and tangled one of his arms (not the one that he had touched the popcorn with, I hope) into my hair. The kiss didn't last for long though, as I pulled back and looked at him for a few seconds. I was gathering my resolve, seeking any kind of strength in the pools of his rich gem-like eyes.

They still were the best part about my lover. So open and wide towards the world. Warm when affectionate. Changing colour like the sea under the rays of sun or under the heavy clouds of rain. Mesmerizing, incredibly deep and sparkly. Fuck, I could look at them for hours. I could write poems about them. They always served as the source of courage and determination for me. I used them this time too, instead of burning my own body to conjure up those things.

I slid out of my seat slowly and kneeled on both of my knees before him. Because for me - there was nothing more powerful in this world than this man. I saw his confusion and I could make out the way his eyes searched mine for answers. So I just gave them to him.

"Eren, by now you must know that I love you." I started and saw something spark in his eyes for a moment (it looked like recognition but I might have missed it). "There were ups and downs while heading down this path of ours, but neither of us fell on our asses and for that I am really truly happy." I cringed after using the crude word. Anxiety was doing it's own, that bitch. "You got further into my soul thank anyone else, cleaned the places that I couldn't reach and opened the windows. I am grateful above recognition for that. That is also why I know that I will never meet anyone else like you. So.. I.. I just really suck at this shit you know..." Eren laughed a little as I took a breath to get myself together. His eyes were so soft and teary that my heart ached from how much love I held in it now compared to my empty life before. "You are everything to me. And I want you in my life forever." my hand reached for the pocket of my jacket on it's own accord. "So will you... Would you be so freaking nice and finally marry me dammit?" I asked holding up the ring for Eren to see.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at me silent, with his hand covering his mouth in the cutest way possible. And then he started nodding rapidly, almost falling off of his seat in an attempt to hug me. Our lips collided harshly and I felt Eren's finger slip into the ring I was still holing. Then it hit me that he had said yes and relief washed over my body like a fucking wave. I squeezed Eren back and sighed into his neck. Oh, this felt too good. I had this fucking boulder on my shoulders for months and now it's been lifted. I was going to get married to the most perfect man in the world. I loved him with all my heart and, by some miracle, he loved me back. Happy was not enough to describe how I felt at that moment. Even ecstatic didn't fit.

"Is that a yes, Eren?" I asked, face still hidden in the crook of his neck.

"Of course it fucking is, you stupid. Silly. Cinnamon Roll. Dwarf. Of. A. Perfect. Lover." He answered, leaving a kiss on my face after each sentence or word. "This is so freaking impeccable." This time a kiss was placed on my lips and it was a lot longer than the others. "How could you even think that I won't marry you? That was a stupid idea, really..." He looked a little irritated that moment but went back to being happy in an instant and kissed me again. "Yes I will marry you! I will! I will!" He yelled and laughed at the same time after pulling back.

I couldn't help but smile, watching how elevated he was made me even happier if that's even possible.

"This is the best surprise proposal ever." Now tears were rolling down Eren's cheeks again as he pressed his forehead into my shoulder.

"I'm glad that it is." I said and my voice sounded rough even to myself.

"We're getting married." Eren whispered after a while.

"Yeah, we are." I admitted smiling into my lover's hair.

I couldn't help but wonder if we were going to stay the same after getting married. Still so in love that people though that we had met just a little while ago. Staying in the honey moon phase most of the time. Smiling at the each others quirks that we found adorable. Being able to smile happily and melt into hugs, and kisses like they're the first ones. No, I shouldn't wonder. I just know that we were going to stay like this always. The only thing that was going to change was that our lives will be completely wrapped around each other. It won't be about Eren or Levi separately. Every single excellent day will be about us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAaaaaaand thank you for reading. As you can probably see the next chapter will be the last one. I am sorry but it's true. I don't know if I will attempt to write another story, but I would consider it if you'd like me to. Anyway, tell me your thoughts on the chapter. Comments and kudos are always appreciated! See you next time!


	16. It's a Cut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM ALIVE YES. THANK YOU FOR REVIVING ME AGAIN !!!!! gosh this thing took almost a year to finish and I am really sorry for that... Yes I know that I am trash for keeping you waiting for so long... I myself would have already lost hope that the story will ever be updated.... But anyway, read away and thank you for waiting and always leaving nice comments and kudos. I love you guys.  
> P.S. sorry for the mistakes, let me know when you find any, even if it's a typo, I need to know. Thanks :)

Mother always said that all good things come to an end. It was a bit of a shock for a four year old to take that in but I did. And I was also happy that I did. It didn't hurt so much when I broke a toy or when people “left” me... It was my mother's favourite line too. She lived by it and killed herself because it became too much.

"Yeah, so, I am definitely throwing that out." Eren said tossing one of my oldest and greatest cravats (yes, I wore cravats sometimes. Mother thought they were cute, alright?) onto a pile of worthless trash.

"No, you can't," I countered. "It's one of my best! I can't live without it."

"You don't even wear it!" He turned to look at me, his gem-like eyes ablaze, ready to pounce (not sure if I would actually like him to pounce on me or not).

"I do! You've just never seen it." I lied without even blinking, keeping a straight face and looking him right in the eye.

"Levi," he sighed and rubbed his eyes like a parent who’s getting tired of trying to convince their child that there are no monsters under his bed despite anything he might think he saw or heard. "After three years, I think I've seen everything."

Stop right there. Damn… That sounded so amazing. I didn't even feel it as the thin line of my lips turned into a smile. Bubbles raised in my throat until I was chuckling and running my hands through his hair as my lover was kneeling in front of a closet. Fine, he can throw out whatever he wants. If I have Eren, who cares about my old stuff. Well, I sure don't.

Also, the reason for this whole throwing-my-shit-out thing is the fact that Eren will be _moving in_ with me. After three years of feeling like a lost dog I will finally know which house to go to after work every day. My lover decided to pass his childhood home over to Mikasa since she and Annie are getting married next month and is moving in with me. The best part is that it was him who decided that my house needed a grand clean up before he moves in. Me, the guy with a thing for cleaning, didn’t even think of it, but my lover did. Though that's mostly because Eren wants to take some furniture from his old house and place it in mine to mix modern and old-fashioned styles together, but I'm still happy that I get to clean everything from the scrub.

Speaking about Mikasa though, I'm sort of proud of her, in my own barely noticeable way of course. We only found out about the engagement when her fiancée invited Eren and I for dinner and Annie showed up with the necklace that I bought for my lover's sister few years back around her neck. I sort of knew what it meant the moment I saw the three rings hanging on the silver chain but kept silent so at least Eren would be surprised because, hell, he loved surprises of that kind. Figures, I really was right and the necklace didn’t simply represent them being together for a longer period of time. Mikasa spilled everything about their engagement before we even had time to order food which seemed to surprise Annie and even more so Eren. He cried with a smile on his face for solid five minutes before being able to form coherent sentences that mostly consisted of “my little girls are getting married”, “I’m too young to lead you to the altar”, “you’ll look so good in white and black dresses” and so on. Girls told us the date of the wedding and buzzed with love and excitement. It was heart-warmingly sickening to watch them that evening. Besides shedding a fountain of tears, Eren was extremely happy too, and I feel that he still is, but sometimes I catch him gazing into the distance with an unfocused gaze and thinking about things that are unknown to me. I cannot read his mind obviously, but I want to so bad.

You would say that the easiest thing to do would be just to fucking ask him, but in these three years I turned into a total softie towards him. I blame Eren for that too. It’s just that every day I love him more and more and I can do nothing about it. I don’t even know how that’s possible but it’s happening. But anyway, yes, I got soft. I feel like the answer might be something hurtful for Eren, so in fear that he will suffer I’m afraid to ask. Legit afraid. Like a bloody wimp. And now I’m using swears Mikasa brought back from the United Kingdom. Fantastic. They’re not even that crude, for fucks sake!

I shake my head and look towards Eren, who’s still rummaging through the deepest corners of my too-big-for-one-person closet. I have to ask him. I mean, we’ve been together for three years: that has to mean something, right? Yes. It does. However, I hesitate to let anything out of my mouth. I watch him throw some of my best old shirts that I will never wear again but still feel pain seeing them being stuffed into trash bags for another second or two before silently walking out of the room and towards the kitchen. Grabbing the cell-phone that’s been thrown on the counter in the kitchen when I got home and dialling it while walking out the glass doors and into the exquisite garden that Eren’s been nourishing throughout these years.

But seriously, you should see what he’s done with it. Eren always said that the space he has at his family house is way too small to make everything he’s ever dreamed of a reality. Thus my backyard became his dream come true. My lover built a greenhouse and made a kitchen garden by himself, together we planted trees which bear fruit and some which do not. I also helped him build a small arbour which (because of Eren’s love) in two years got almost completely covered with growing branches and vines of three kinds of different grape trees. It actually looked like an overgrown and unkempt grape trellis, but for an arbour it was perfect. Eren also found some people who make garden paths out of circular tree bark chops somehow so our garden was marred with those now. He actually worked to make those with the people who came to do their job as it was ordered. My lover claimed that it won’t be perfect without his help. Well, now it certainly did look fascinating. Bushes covered the kitchen garden and you could barely see the greenhouse because Eren built it behind the trees that were already in my backyard and somehow managed to make some kind of flowers grow on them and cover most of the free space through which the small glass building could be seen. He didn’t want it to ruin the whole fairy-tale-garden look that Eren was aiming for.

“Yo.” I said as I heard a weirdly faint ‘hello’ on the other end of the line of my phone (can I really say that if I’m on a cell-phone? It makes no sense but still works, right?).

“Ah, LEVI BABY, I didn’t notice it was you calling at first!” She said obnoxiously loudly.

“So you only scream until the person’s ears fall off if it’s me and not other random people?”

“But of course! You deserve special treatment, sourpuss!” Hanji cackled. “Now, what can I help you with this lovely morning, sweetums? How’s my cutie Eren? He hasn’t called in a while and I miss him! I’m taking him out for drinks some of these days after work… There’s so much to talk about! I mean a lot could have happened-“

“You talked to Eren for two hours on the phone a day ago and then skyped him for another three while he was cooking, what can you possibly still want to talk to him about for fucks sake, you crazy woman!” I interrupt after sighing the third time. “And he is fine as always. And I actually called to talk about something concerning Eren. I need your help.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” I actually drew the phone away from my ear before Hanji’s insufferable screaming ripped my bloo- fuck no not that word again-dy ear drum or something. “Trouble in paradise? Couldn’t get it up? Need blue pills? I can fix you up with some good ones! I swear it should hold for the whole night and maybe longer! And there’s also a special kind mixed with any kind of drugs you want starting with cocaine and ending with-…”

“Hanji, I do not fucking need any of your shitty pills!” I interrupted not even wanting to know where she’s getting those from. “Everything is fine in that area and the day when my dick won’t go up for Eren will be the day I’ll be in my coffin, hopefully dead too.” I sigh again listening to her screech something incoherent and continue after that crazy-ass lunatic calms down somewhat. “That is not what I called to talk about anyway so stick a sock in it and listen.” I waited a little longer until there was utter silence on Hanji’s end. “I think something serious is bothering Eren and I don’t know how to ask… Even worse, I don’t really think that he’ll bother telling me even if I do point it out. What do you think I should do? Speak up or no?”

I waited for psycho to answer or start screaming about how stupid I am for not understanding anything myself, but nothing came. Which was really surprising knowing Hanji.

“Psycho? Did you die while talking on the phone to me? Not cool.” I said hoping that it will coax her into talking and it did. She sighed. Freaking Hanji fucking sighed on _moi_.

“I’m afraid I cannot help you with that one, Levi.” She said in an indoor voice. Whoa ok, hold it up a nacho. “You can’t ask, because if you do you’ll hurt Eren, but if you don’ figure it out it will end up making him suffer too.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? If I can’t talk to him then you tell me what’s going on. You obviously know it!” I say, my eyebrows drawing further and further together.

“No can do. This is all on you, Levi. Otherwise it won’t count.” I hear a low note in her voice and understand that I won’t get anything out of Hanji.

“What won’t count? What am I supposed to do if I can’t talk to him?” I ask feeling the frustration starting to rise in my chest.

“You are supposed to look around you and think what Eren really wants.” Alright, now it feels like Hanji’s talking to a freaking three year old about space. “I have to go now, sweetie. Good luck!” She finishes quickly.

“Wait what? What the fuck does that mean? Hanji I swear to all what’s good I’ll rip your throat out if you don’t answer!” I try yelling, but the other end is silent and my neighbour’s kid is staring at me through an open window. “Who the fuck are you looking at?” I growl and march back into the house but not before seeing the white faced child duck down and out of sight.

Good going, Levi, letting out your frustration on innocent children. Ten out of ten for being an adult. Nevertheless, I slam the glass door as hard as I am capable of and only think about what I’ve done when I hear something creak. Shit. Glass doors and outraged slamming never go well together. I turn around slowly to see that almost the whole glass frame has cracked. What a great fucking day. Now I’ll have to replace it again… I realise I missed Eren’s hurried footsteps rushing down the stairs when he gasps and swears behind me.

“Dammit, Levi, I cleaned it this morning…” Ah, how much I love this kid… No, wait focus on the situation at hand, moron. “Seriously, how much force do you have to slam the doors with to crack them this hard?” He asks coming closer to inspect.

Eren doesn’t really exaggerate this because the cracks go all along the length of the door even reaching the otter* side which can’t even be opened or anything…

“Looks like we’ll have to replace it. Good thing it’s summer right?” My lover turns to me and smiles, always trying to see and show the better side of life. “It won’t get cold in here and the job will be done quicker.”

I stay silent just staring at the cracked glass and the say Eren’s left hand caresses it carefully. Lady like fingers, one of them with a bronze band around it…

I gasp and curse so bad that Eren startles. Running up to me to inquire if I’m alright, he forgets completely about the glass and, seemingly, everything else.

“No, I’m not okay. I’m fucking stupid.” I answer him, facepalming so hard that it echoes through the whole house. “I’m going out. Be back in a few.” I say briefly and march out of the kitchen, grabbing my car keys and leaving my lover with questions shining in his unbelievably wide, doe-like eyes.

I find myself speeding through the city. Such stupidity. With Mikasa getting married Eren remembered that we still have to do that. Yes, we’ve been engaged for a really long time, but we’ve yet to plan on a wedding. That’s what he was thinking about. And that is exactly what he wants. I mean, I never really thought about it since it feels like we got married when I gave him that engagement ring, but he must have been wondering whether I want to actually have a wedding with him or not, thus explaining his gloomy moods. Damn it I’m such a douche for not understanding it sooner. And I even asked Hanji for help. HANJI. And now I was going to do the same thing again.

I stopped outside her apartment complex, quickly leaving my car and heading up to her place. I was kind of nervous to ask four-eyes to help me with something so big and meaningful because on one hand she would do a wonderful job, but on the other – that woman will probably think of the craziest ideas and I’ll have to keep track of everything she does and have twice as much work. Which will be annoying as fuck. Also, time and energy consuming. I will probably be drained mentally and physically by the time everything ends. I always wondered how can a simple female have this effect on me. I mean, no one leaves me as exhausted as Hanji does. Though no one can get me in action as well as her also. Thus, I had no choice but to get everything going with her help of course. The crazy-ass woman would kill me if I left her out.

I didn’t even ring the bell, marching straight inside. I wasn’t expecting her to have company anyway since Moblit was away on a business trip and Erwin doesn’t really go to her place unless it’s dark outside already and he wants to get drunk. But with Armin in his life I think he’d rather stay sober and do more interesting things than getting smashed with a slightly less sociopathic version of Johnny from _The Shinning_ and occasionally also me. As expected, Hanji was _fucking thrilled_ to hear that I had figured out what Eren had wanted all along. She was also more than happy to help me set everything up in secret. I was sort of afraid that she’ll blow all my cover with her big mouth. She relieved me with that concern though.

“Oh honey, if I am ever going to blow anything with this mouth it better be a dick.” Snickering she made her way into the kitchen emerging with a bottle of wine I’ve never seen before and two glasses. “Now sit, pumpkin, we have lots and lots to discuss tonight. And some wine imported from Cuba to drink, baby!

Well, shit.

 ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Standing there and waiting was much less nerve-wracking than I thought it would be. I knew what I wanted for a long time and everything was just as I imagined and just as I expected it to be. Though I must say that waiting for him to come out did things to me. I was excited, maybe even a bit light headed, but that’s probably because I didn’t eat breakfast today. Which is understandable because there was just so much to do this morning… But now everything will end. All the hard work will end and everything that’s left will be to have a good time with my soon to be husband and dance at my own wedding. This is the last important thing I have to suffer through before settling in for a happy family life with Eren.

Plopping down next to Hanji on one of the couches I groaned watching as Jean struggled to stay still while being measured for a suit after struggling to put it on for 15 minutes. Eren’s wedding suit. Horce-face and my fiancé were almost the same height and build so Seabiscuit was a tremendous help in getting clothes tailored for my oblivious other half. I liked how the suit looked. The jacket and a simple bow-tie were sewn from the best dark burgundy fabric I could find to buy and will look stunning in contrast with Eren’s tan skin. The pants were black accompanied by dress-shoes of the same colour which matched the collars of the jacket. And to finish everything – a strikingly white dress shirt. I mean, it already looked neat on Jean, so what’s there to say about my fiancé simply rocking it?

I myself chose a simple black suit but added a burgundy bow-tie – the same as Eren’s to match him a little. I wanted him to shine on our special day. Wanted him to smile the brightest, to look the happiest, to dance the most, to laugh the loudest… To experience our wedding day to the fullest. Thus, Hanji and I planned everything to the last bit very carefully and thoroughly. The places, the food, the band, reception and all the other stuff might not be perfect, but with right people it should feel that way. And oh boy, we invited only the best people. There were only about fifty including me and Eren, but “the party will be bombing” as Hanji had put it. We were to eat freshly caught and smoke cooked salmon or grilled chicken for those who do not like fish that much, there had to be drinks to last one person a lifetime and I’m not even talking about the size of the cake, considering the number of people who will be attending. I even made sure that everything was home cooked since Eren is really sensitive about it. It’s getting harder and harder every time to take my lover out to eat since everything tastes fake to him.

“Can you make the sleeves a bit shorter?” I heard Hanji ask. “I don’t want them to reach Eren’s knuckles… And I also think that we will need to add width to the shoulders because his really are broader than this.” She was now walking around Jean in a perfectly tailored suit. “How fast can you have it done?”

“By the end of this week maybe?” Answered a small blonde woman with bobby pins in her hair who had been really patient with both psycho and me this whole time.

“Nope!” Hanji screamed popping the “p” with lips so red my eyes kind of hurt looking at them. “Can you make it by the middle of this week? It’s really urgent and we can pay for any extra hours!” Teeth shining she addressed the older woman with so much force that the poor thing could do nothing else but nod. “Alrighty! I’ll be here to pick it up on Thursday. Hope that’s enough time.” Psycho then picked up her bag and turned her head to Jean. “Levi and I are leaving now. You get out of that suit carefully or I’ll make you pay for it.” With that she stomped out, probably thinking that I’ll follow immediately like some loyal dog.

Which I actually did, but not quickly enough to give her satisfaction and miss the blond lady mumble “you better listen to that miss, boy, I don’t think she’s kidding and I also don’t think you’ll afford this”, leaving little boy-oh Jean white faced. This made me remember why Hanji stayed my friend throughout the years besides being a complete sociopath with clinginess side-effects. She was fierce. She had power burning inside and always found out how to make things work even if she had to start from the very bottom. I admired that even though it did make her eccentric, freaky and really fucking annoying.

We got into my car and drove to the other side of the city – even to the outskirts of it - just to make sure that preparations are being made for the celebration this weekend. All the needed decorations were already bought and ready to be put to use, Hanji inspected if the fireworks were exactly the ones she wanted and me, well, I simply walked around. The place psycho found was wonderful. It was a penthouse by a lake with such clear water I could see every single pebble. Forest surrounded the place and it was so peaceful, quiet and isolated that I just couldn’t help but like it. I knew Eren will fall in love with it immediately. The penthouse itself was huge, old-fashioned but stylish. It had a huge ballroom with enormous windows and many glass doors on the first floor and many bedrooms on the second one for our guests to stay overnight. Near the lake there was a steam-house which we were allowed to use and even a Jacuzzi. So as I had previously said – everything was just perfect.

Though overlooking the trees mirrored in the clear waters of the lake I couldn’t help but feel fear creep up my spine. I knew there was nothing to be afraid of but something just didn’t feel right. I knew Hanji would just brush it off as pre-wedding nervousness but I couldn’t help the uneasiness that I felt. Sighing I headed back to the house as I heard psycho yell that we needed to go and taste the cake today too and pick the dishes. Planning a wedding takes so much work and I’m not even talking about money involved…

As expected the cake was good and even though I couldn’t tell the difference between home and store baked cake I knew Eren would. That’s all that mattered. I started missing him while picking which porcelain is shinier and couldn’t stop thinking about my lover all the way back to the office where I knew I wouldn’t find him. You see, Eren had gone to a seminar for poetry editors because they have it the toughest. He didn’t want to go at first but I talked him into it because Hanji had been eating at me for a week prior to make a day to go and check everything with her. He will only be back tomorrow evening and a heavy sigh left my lips as I remembered that I will be sleeping alone in my too-big-for-one-person bed alone tonight. Hanji insisted that her and Erwin could stay over but I denied that offer. I didn’t need dumb and dumber to brighten my night. I’ll just go to bed early with a cup of tea and maybe read a book before sleep. Like a real adult. A real bored adult.

By one in the morning I was knocking on Erwin’s fancy mahogany door and dragging his ass out to make my way to Hanji’s. I could tell she’s been waiting, or at least that’s what her short, shiny, skin-tight cocktail dress told me. She made us do shots before going and insisted I leave my car here so we can take a cab. And honestly, after a third shot of lemon vodka I didn’t particularly care.

“Who’s ready to paaaaaaaarteeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy?!” She yelled walking out hand in hand with Erwin who looked psyched now too.

By the time three am rolled around we were all smashed in some karaoke bar. I don’t know how much I drank but it was enough to make me sing in front of around forty other people. Though they didn’t really seem to care about some drunken guy yelling his guts out to Rihanna or a crazy looking woman rapping as fast as only Eminem can or a huge bulky blonde crying his heart out to Adelle for that matter. We haven’t done it for so long that I forgot how fun it could be to just get wasted with your two best friends and make fool of yourselves in front of strangers knowing that you won’t remember half of the things you did the following morning. One simply needs to realize that friends like these are to be kept forever. And I think I just understood that.

“Ya know, yous two ar the bezt friendz I coulda evah had.” I ‘told’ them as we were trying to catch a cab home and immediately regretted it as two pairs of arms started squeezing me from behind and from the front.

I could hear Hanji crying about something and I could swear that Erwin was wetting the hairs on the top of my head. And I couldn’t get out of that sandwich. So for a second, I just allowed myself to stay in their warm embrace. I felt the warmth spread from their hearts as I was squeezed harder and harder in between them. And for the first time in my life I liked it, so with a force unbeknownst to even myself I turned to hug both of them back at the same time and pressed them as close to my chest (which resulted in Hanji and Erwin having to bend down) as I could.

“Hanji,” Erwin managed to rasp out, “I think we broke him.”

“No, dear, we didn’t.” I heard psycho say. “He’s just ready to have a real family.”

And sure as fuck I was.

 ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

**Eren**

I didn’t know what the heck was happening. I woke up for work as usual just to have Levi tell me that I have a free day today. I wasn’t about say no to that, like, dude, it was Friday and I wasn’t going to miss an opportunity like that. Though even more surprising was that my beloved fiancé had set up a lovely day at spa for me and Mikasa. It was really nice of him and I swore to repay him tonight. Because even though Levi is always extremely attentive I didn’t realize that he actually noticed that I was a bit out of it after coming back from the seminar.

But seriously, it was so exhausting. Everyone was older than me, mostly married and always more than happy to share the details of their lovely life as husbands and wives. I wish I’d been as enthusiastic to hear about it as they were about telling. I got tired of overjoyed couple talk. I needed this trip to the spa with my sister who was not married like me and also wasn’t the talkative type. So I obliged to Levi’s bidding.

Though as the day progressed everything was getting weirder and weirder. Mikasa told me that I were to go to some place on the outskirts of the town to have a fancy dinner with Levi and that a fancy suit was waiting for me in my closet at our family home (which was now Mikasa’s in theory). And, may I tell you, it was a perfect piece of clothing. Well, technically it was three pieces but whatever. I fell in love with it at first sight, much like with Levi. I swear his mean, silver eyes and that gloomy look on his face got me from the very start. I know, I’m weird, but Levi is insanely handsome, so I’d like to see what would you do in my place. And the more I got to know him the more amazing he seemed. He had flaws of course, everyone does, but I learned to love each and every one of them.

So now I sat in Levi’s car, dressed in the fanciest suit you could ever imagine, getting my GPS ready so I wouldn’t get lost somewhere along the way and be late for my dinner with my fiancé. Though I wished he’d upgrade to my husband… That is actually the main reason why all that happily married couple stuff got to me in a bad way. I really really fucking wanted to be called Mr. Ackerman-Jeager and I waited for such a long time for Levi to mention it. I needed to know that he wanted to make it official too, but he was silent about it and my mood got gloomier and gloomier with every wedding we went to. Maybe I should talk to him about it today? But what if he doesn’t want to actually marry me? What if he’s good like this? Oh stop it, Eren, you’re overthinking again.

Driving served as a good distraction from toxic thoughts. I drove and drove, and got tired of songs on the radio and from the loud engine and got hungry and irritated and… Ugh. That place better be worth all this effort.

And as a humongous house near a lake came into view I realized that, you know what, it was one hundred percent worth it. It was fascinating. It left me awestruck so I have no words to describe the beautiful house by the lake. I fell in love with it. But what surprised me to the core was the sight at the main door.

Levi was standing there in the crispiest black suit I have ever seen. And not only him, everyone was there. Every single person I ever cared about. And… a minister?

I swear my knees went weak and I almost fell on my face but held myself up for the love of the suit I was wearing.

Every single person was looking at me and smiling. And me, I only felt tears in my eyes.

Walking up to my beloved, I immediately registered all the emotions swirling in his eyes. There were no tears, just raw happiness. His stoic demeanor was falling away and cracking with every step I took closer to him. Levi was never too expressive and you had to study him closely to actually know what he’s feeling. But today, today his feelings were out there for everyone to see.

“What is this?” I whispered as he took both my hands in his.

“Come with me, Eren, let’s get married.” He smiled and my heart stopped even though his words weren’t those of the heart-stopping kind.

I didn’t care that everyone was looking as tears started spilling out of my eyes as my soon to be husband led me inside after the minister with all of our family members and friends following behind. I heard cheery whispers and laughter which made me nervous and giddy. The thing I’ve wished for so long was coming true and I wasn’t even involved in the planning, but as far as I had seen I was not disappointed.

Inside everything looked as good as outside. Lovely, warm rays of the setting sun illuminated a room that was so filled with flowers that their smell made my head swirl. All flowers were either pink or red and looked so perfect and smelled so perfect that I started crying even harder.

I could feel Levi’s soothing arm go up and down my back as he lead me to the altar. We waited there until everyone settled on the comfy looking chairs and the minister began the ceremony. Looking around I could see everyone’s smiling faces. Erwin, Hanji, Mikasa and Armin, Annie, Reiner and Berthold, Yimr, Connie, Sasha, Christa and Jean, Eld, Oluo, Petra, Gunther… Even some of my relatives from Germany had shown up.

I couldn’t breathe. This was happening. I was marrying the man I fought to keep in my life many times. I will call my husband the man who caused me pain and was pained by my actions as well. I was going to formally share my life with the man who owned my heart and soul but would release me the moment I asked him to because he loved me so much. I saw it in his eyes. The love I mean. I saw all the happy moments we had together too, also the sad ones, the funny ones… I saw my whole life in his eyes. My past, my present and my future. I thought I was about to faint.

“Breathe” Levi whispered so silently that I would have thought that it was just a gust of wind if I hadn’t seen his lips move.

I did as I was ordered and the lightness in my head subsided but nothing could slow down my rapidly pumping heart. I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I didn’t listen to nor hear anything he had said. I just looked at Levi through tears which wouldn’t stop spilling and only caught the part where I had to say all the vows, ‘I do’ and put the ring on my beloved’s finger. I met him in a very wet but still ideal kiss as cheers exploded beside us like fireworks. All in all it was a blurry swirl in my head.

Though I couldn’t remember ever being so happy and looking at Levi I could tell that he was just as ecstatic as me.

“Do you like it?” I heard him ask silently as we walked down the aisle hand in hand after the minister officially announced us as ‘husband and husband’ with a kind smile on her face and a wink in Levi’s direction.

“What, are you mental? I freaking love it!” I whisper yelled squeezing his fingers. “How long were you planning this?”

“For about three months with Hanji’s help.” Levi answered.

Three months. Hanji. How could she keep this from me? She has such a big mouth but not even a slightest detail about a thing huge as this had slipped out? I turned to look angrily at her but she just laughed understanding what my stare meant and sent me a kiss. Everywhere I looked people were smiling at me and I shot smiles back and forth too. Even Levi wasn’t his usual grumpy self when facing the crowd, he was showing everyone the side that only I got to see, the soft side which I take credit for bringing out.

We stopped as we entered a huge ballroom decorated with even more flowers than that “chapel” and Levi turned to look at me just in time before we had to start reception.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t make this into reality sooner, Eren… sorry for being stupid.” He said tears now shining in his eyes now too.

I adored that he could get so emotional only with people he trusted deeply. And I felt like I was the luckiest guy alive to be one of the closest people to such a kind soul as Levi.

“Don’t apologize. Better latter than never.” I laughed caressing the soft skin of his pale cheek. “I love, you, you know.” I whispered with as much emotion as I could muster.

“Always and forever.” He smiled before leaning up to kiss me.

So this was the start of our shared life. Full of perfect imperfections and always fun, but most importantly – exploding with love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Sorry if it was disappointing, really.... I thought that if you get a surprise wedding it just sorta passes you in a blur and you don't remember much. I also thought that the party and the after party weren't important so I left them out... I might write an additional one shot on their honeymoon and life after that if you'd like me to though :) Anyways, sorry for the long wait, I hope you enjoyed my story until the very end and I also hope that I didn't disappoint you too much. Always comment because your kind words keep me going!  
> I really do love you guys.  
> Sincerely,  
> GP


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